//------------------------------// // Special: Iron Will Show Paternity Test! // Story: Unpleasant Correspondence // by StormLuna //------------------------------// "Hello everypony, my name is Iron Will and as you know, we often do paternity tests but today's is special. It could very well cause a massive royal scandal and involves the most hated princess, another lousy princess, a doormat prince and an Alicorn filly." *clap, clap, clap* Cadence and Flurry go on stage and Iron Will asked, "Cadence, Iron Will wants to know, why is it that you think Shining Armor may not be the father of Princess Flurry Heart?" "Here is the thing, before I married Shining Armor I along with Twilight were cast into the caves underneath Canterlot and when we encountered one another, she gave me horn sex and ever since then, we have engaged in horn sex on a regular basis" *GASP!* "Seriously? You have been cheating on your husband with your sister-in-law?" "Well I wouldn't call it cheating since Shining knows about it but here is where the horn sex and pregnancy came into play, she admitted to using a fertility spell one time when she gave it to me and not too long after that, I became pregnant." "Princess, so were you two being assertive at the time?" "Yes we were and that is why I wanted this done. I wanted to know if he is the father or if it was Twilight's magic that conceived her." "Very well then, let's have your husband come out on stage." *Clap, clap, clap* Once Shining Armor arrived out on stage and the audience quieted down, Iron Will said, "Shining Armor, Iron Will is glad to see you here." "Thanks. I just want to know if Flurry truly is my daughter or if my younger sister did indeed use a fertility spell on my wife." "Iron Will wants to know, when it was discovered that Cadence was pregnant, how often were you being assertive with her?" "Five nights a week. It was only on Saturday and Sunday nights that we didn't." "Why not?" "We didn't because after the incident in the caves, she just had to go and spend time with Twilight every single weekend and how often she gave her horn sex." He turned to Cadence and asked, "How often was that." "I don't remember but it was quite a bit." "Very well then. Let's find out from Twilight herself." *Booooo, boooo, booooo!* Twilight arrived on stage and was greeted by boos and various insults, many directed towards her promiscuous nature when it came to Cadence. "Princess Twilight, Cadence had brought up frequent horn assertiveness while you two would meet. How often did that happen?" Twilight boasted, "Well, whenever she came to see me she was my sex slave. Whenever I wanted horn sex, I got it because she just couldn't get enough of me, I OWN her!" *Booo, skank, whore, slut, bitch!* After the audience quieted down Iron Will motioned for Twilight to continue, "With magic it is rather funny. I could continue to pump her full of what would be needed to get her pregnant for hours on end and she loved it, she begged me for it! I gave her so much that there is no way that Flurry isn't mine!" He turned back to Shining and asked, "Shining Armor, were you aware of your wife's infidelity?" "Yes, I was. After the incident in the caves, she pretty much demanded that I allow her to go to Ponyville and engage in 'sister-in-law bonding' if I didn't want her to divorce me." "Shining Armor, you need to stop being such a doormat, you need to be assertive and stand up to your wife!" Iron Will turned to Cadence and asked, "Seriously, you were so assertive that you threatened to divorce him if he didn't allow this?" Before she could reply, Twilight boasted, "Didn't you hear what he said? He was aware of it and I'll tell you one thing, Cadence told me herself on multiple occasions how much better I am then Shining Armor. She even said on a couple of occasions that she wished she had never married him and would have married ME instead!" *Boooo, booo! Skank, bitch, homewrecker, slut!* After the audience quieted down he turned to Cadence and asked, "Is this true? Did you ever say that to Twilight?" "No, I never did. This is just Twilight being a bitch, a horrid little bitch who wants to tear up my marriage and take me for herself." "Don't go lying Cadi, you know you're a doormat. You know you loved it when I fucked you, you know you loved it when I'd fuck you for hours on end and fill you with my impregnation magic." "Stop it you two. If you don't stop with the profanity, Iron Will will have to have you removed from stage and Iron Will will release the results with both of you in the back!" The studio went quiet for nearly a whole minute until Iron Will got a message in his ear piece that the results were in. "Alright everypony, the results are in." A pony brought out a piece of paper and handed it to him. Upon reading it, he began, "When it comes to Flurry Heart, Prince Shining Armor, you are NOT the father!" Shining's jaw dropped open before he buried his face in his hooves and began to cry. Iron Will approached him, smacked him and said, "If you weren't such a doormat this wouldn't have happened." He raised his voice and continued, "Don't let your wife have extramarital sex, make her your ex!" Shining nodded before getting up and rushing into the back. Iron Will sat back down, held another card up and read, "When it comes to Flurry Heart, Princess Twilight, you ARE the father." Twilight began to fly around the studio screaming, "Yes, yes, yes, yes! I did it, I did it! I have a daughter of my own!" She landed on the stage and continued, "You see Cadi, I told you she was mine!" She then turned to the audience and boasted, "You see, I fucked the little love princess enough I got my daughter!" *Boooo* *Just abdicate you little slut* *Celestia needs to strip you of your title!* *You don't deserve those wings you little whore!* Twilight continued to boast to the audience about her supremacy and how she owned Cadence until Iron Will heard something in his ear piece and a pony brought out a couple more cards. He walked up to Twilight, grabbed her and said, "Twilight, calm down. Iron Will has got word that the wrong cards were delivered to him." He held up the new cards and continued, "Iron Will has the REAL cards right here." "What? You mean to tell me that Flurry may not be mine after all?" He motioned for a member of the staff to go back and get Shining Armor for the real results to be read. Once he was brought back out, he gave Twilight a deep scowl. Once he was seated, Iron Will continued, "Shining Armor, there was a mix up in the cards." He then turned to the audience and continued, "And now for the real results." He looked down, then to Shining Armor and finished, "When it comes to Flurry Heart, Prince Shining Armor, you ARE the father!" Shining Armor began to jump up and down in joy and would be happier when Flurry was brought out to him. He embraced her, "Oh I'm so happy! I love you so much Flurry!" He then turned to Cadence and continued, "I love you too sweetie!" *Yay! Awww!* *Clap, clap, clap* Twilight however was not thrilled and yelled, "Those new cards are a lie to make me look bad! Flurry is mine and you all know that!" After a couple minutes of ranting, Twilight was finally led off the stage so the show could go on. Iron Will approached them and asked, "Shining Armor, Cadence, what are your plans now?" "Well, I do hope that Cadence and I can remain together if not for us, for Flurry." "Agreed and Shiny, I have decided I'm going to give up Twilight. She has caused so many problems and this situation finally made me realize that I never should have done this with her." "I'm happy to hear that Cadence and besides, she has the spa twins down there in Ponyville." Iron Will got a notification in his ear piece that this segment was drawing to a close. He finished, "Well Iron Will is pleased to see that this turned out alright but Shining Armor, you really need to be more assertive with your wife. Up next, a Saddle Arabian mare is discovered to have been very assertive in the bedroom with many stallions! Stay tuned to find out the identity of the father!" After their segment was over, the three were led into the back where they were greeted by Princess Celestia, "Well I'm glad that turned out alright. For a while I thought I was going to wind up having ponies all over the country calling for Twilight's head." Shining looked around and asked, "Speaking of her, where is she?" Cadence replied, "I don't know and I don't care. To be honest, I wouldn't care if I never saw her again." Celestia said, "Well whether you want to or not, you'll most likely have to since she is a princess." Cadence suggested, "Aunt Celestia, do you think that this would merit you removing those wings, stripping her of that title and removing that longevity spell? After this, I don't think she deserves to be a princess and she certainly shouldn't be allowed to make everypony around her miserable for over 3,000 years." Celestia laughed, "I'm sorry Cadence but I get too much joy out of seeing her make everypony around her miserable and besides, I want her to remain miserable for as long as possible. Cadence protested, "But she has done so much wrong! You saw what happened out there! You saw how much joy she got out of thinking Flurry was hers and you saw what a bitch she was being." Celestia began to chuckle before breaking down laughing. This brought out anger from Shining Armor, "What is it Celestia? Why are you laughing?" Celestia's laughter became harder to control, "Oh Cadence, I thought you would have known by now that I trolled you, I trolled all of you!" They both gasped, "What? You trolled us?" Celestia laughed, "Of course! I thought you would know well enough that for Twilight to actually get you pregnant, her magic would have to be better, much better!" Shining yelled, "What did you do, switch out the cards?" Celestia snickered, "Of course! I have to have fun every now and then you know." Cadence slapped Celestia and yelled, "You bitch, you dirty bitch. Do you realize that you made us all look horrible in the eyes of the nation? Do you realize what this could do to the royal family?" Celestia laughed, "Oh I'm not worried. Nopony knows I trolled you and Luna isn't involved in this at all so us natural born Alicorns are perfectly safe from public scrutiny." Cadence yelled, "I will inform the public and they'll know you were behind this." Celestia's laugh became louder, "Oh and who is going to believe a mare who screws her sister in law? Nopony, that's who!" Cadence finally realized that Celestia was likely right and decided that it would be best to drop the issue and they parted ways. Once they parted ways Celestia began to laugh again thinking about her next letter to Twilight, "Oh this is going to be hilarious, too hilarious!"