//------------------------------// // 5 - Decisions, Decisions. // Story: So, You Want to be a Princess? // by Meep the Changeling //------------------------------// Carla Arvil - 4/25/2018 Eventide Hall - Canterlot Suburbs, Equestria Carla had been brought to Eventide Hall for her training for a multitude of reasons. First, the large estate featured a full state-of-the-art Wizard’s Laboratory. Such a facility was necessary for creating time compressed Pocket Spaces and the arcane equipment needed to reach across the void between worlds. Second, the Hall was well away from anything important. Canterlot lay a full day’s train ride to the south, and it was the closest major city. The only settlement within an hour’s flight of the Hall was Baybridge. While it would be a tragedy if Carla had destroyed the Hall and surrounding countryside in a rage or panic, Equestria would hardly notice the loss of Baybridge. Third, and most important of all, Eventide Hall was Princess Celestia’s family estate. The Hall was ancient. Its oldest stones had been laid down a thousand years before Celestia’s birth. As no one in living memory other than the Princess themselves knew their exact ages, the Hall was loosely described as being around five thousand years old. On Earth, the Hall would have been built before the dawn of recorded history. It would have been among the oldest structures built by humanity one would be comfortable calling a building rather than “an earthen hut”, “a crude pyramid”, or “Stonehenge”. Such an ancient place would surely be crude and simplistic, any decoration at all consisting of crude paints, with perhaps a few small statues placed here and there to liven things up. Eventide Hall was a wonderful place of marble, gold, and lovingly crafted hardwood. Its many rooms were connected by long hallways, with plenty of round “common chambers” forming public spaces where halls intersected. The common chamber’s stretched from the ground floor up to the third floor, and their domed roofs protruded from the Hall’s roof. When seen from above, the domes formed the shape of the constellation Trichechus, with the hallways linking each “star” together. The Hall’s floors were decorated black and white marble mosaics. Each tile was a fourth of a hoof across, perfectly square, and collectively formed a geometric pattern which is it could be seen in its entirety perfectly illustrated the arcane signature of a basic light spell. The pillars supporting the hall’s vaulted ceilings were left smooth, but covered in a red marble veneer and capped with gold. Finely woven tapestries covered the perfectly smooth plaster and gold-leaf walls. Each tapestry showed a part of the Sol Invictus family’s history, or other important moments from Equestrian history. Everywhere one looked there was wealth on display in the form of fine furniture, master-crafted artwork, exotic plant life, and rich perfumes. As Shining led Carla down the halls towards the Princess’s private Chambers, Carla couldn’t help but compare the ancient Hall to the Palace of Versailles in France. They seemed to be on par with one another in almost every way, though Carla’s brief visit had been while she was on duty. It’s hard to properly judge the quality of architecture of a building you’re having to comb for an assassin. But I think this place is a little better crafted. Ponykind came about long before humankind. The history of civilization on Equus dwarfs that of civilizations on Earth. An impressive feat, on the surface… But in reality… Shining Armor looked at the mosaic floor tiles and sighed. “I miss glass lobbies and carpets.” “I’m certain you can visit the nearest bank as soon as we're done here and get your fix.” Shining snorted. “Nah. Almost all our buildings look like this. When you live a long time, it’s hard to change things.” Carla nodded slowly. “Yeah, and immortal leaders definitely wouldn't help that. How old is she again?” Shining cleared his throat. “Uh, I never said. Look, don’t bring up her age. It's pretty much pointless. She’s so old she doesn't think about age at all anymore anyways. All you need to understand is you need to be very polite because the Princesses have been here since time immemorial and carry about the same cultural importance to us as that Jesus guy does for yours.” Carla snorted. “That’s a really bizarre way to hear someone mention Jesus.” Shining bit his lip. “Uh, well, not to be rude, but when you can turn water into wine, heal wounds with a touch, and duplicate small items yourself, he doesn't come across as all that impressive. 'I’m a god because I can do things you learned in Elementary magic class!' It’s just not impressive. Except for that whole “revive the dead” thing. We’re still working on that without bringing them back as a sociopath nigh-unkillable monsters with enhanced intellects. I think we’ll see that happen before I die though.” Carla frowned. “Huh… That’s a good point. Most human religion’s messiahs and miracle workers would be scientists to you.” “We call them wizards,” Shining said in a droll voice. “No, but seriously, just remember you’re talking to someone as culturally important as Jesus who's also able to turn you into a houseplant if she gets mad at you and you’ll be fine. The fear switches off your brain’s rudeness centers!” Carla’s wings twitched, filling the hall was the rustle of feathers on leather. “Uh… Soooo, my chances of surviving telling her no are nill?” Shining stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to face Carla, looking her dead in her eyes. “Despite that, she’s nice. I know human history is filled with tyrants and your nation in particular associates autocrats with evil oppressors, but Princess Celestia isn’t like that. She’s very old, very wise, and extremely benevolent.” Carla snorted. “Not to say 'Only Republics are good', but that’s exactly what a citizen in a despotic monarchy would say of their leaders, while in their leader’s house.” Shining chuckled. “Okay, granted. But the Princess is more like Josip Broz Tito and Lee Kuan Yew than Gaius Caesar or Porfirio Diaz.” Carla nodded, taking careful mental note. “I’ll take your word on it for now. Just how much human history do you know anyhow?” Shining puffed out his chest and smiled. “More than any other agent. I like to read and got permission to take a laptop with magical link to the internet home with me.” Carla politely ignored his boasting. “How much further is it?” Shining pointed down the hallway to a pair of large gold-leafed doors decorated with a fresco of the rising sun. Carla nodded and couldn’t help but notice the doors across from them were plated in silver and featured a fresco depicting a crescent moon. “Everything in here is gold except for those doors. Why?” Shining chuckled. “That’s Princess Luna’s room. She doesn't live here. It’s just for when she visits. We tend to use color and symbols to identify personal property. Usually you’d use custom stickers, wood burning, pen and ink, or otherwise put your cutiemark on something to show others it's yours.” “But since this is a Royal estate, it’s got to be a big fancy door?” Shining nodded. “Mhm. The door is in Princess Luna’s colors so everyone knows it is reserved for her at all times. The rest of the Hall is in Princess Celestia’s colors, except for the entryway and visitor’s rooms. Those are for everyone.” Carla pursed her lips. “Is that why you painted the room I woke up in black and purple?” Shining nodded. “Yeah, I uh, I thought you would be your favorite colors.” Shining trotted up to the golden door and cleared his throat before giving Carla a short look. “Let me announce you, please. It’s part of my job.” “Alright.” Shining took a deep breath as he anticipated the many months of pending overtime which would come once Carla returned to Earth. After the moment of worry had passed, Shining knocked on the golden door three times. After a few quiet moments a warm and loving female voice called out from the other side. “You may enter.” Shining pushed the double doors open with his magic, and struck a formal and rigid pose as they swung open. Shining bowed low before stepping across the threshold and announcing, “Your Highness, I present the current Heir to the Crystal Empire, Miss Carla Avril.” Carla stood still in the hallway. Uncertain as to what she should do. Shining counted to three in his head then nodded towards the door while giving Carla a slightly anxious look through one eye. “Mister Armor, I applaud your efforts, but the poor mare has no idea how to follow our customs. Please, Carla, do come in. We have much to discuss.” Carla took a deep breath and trotted through the doors. The room beyond them was simpler than she had anticipated. The Princess’s chambers began with a medium size living room, one which you might find in a contemporary American home. If its owner disliked electronics. The floors were still marble, but were covered with plain white carpets. The furniture was far less elaborately decorated, featuring a simple craftsman design with plenty of soft cushions. The walls were painted a cheerful blue, and the pictures hung on the walls were mostly portraits of ponies from what looked to be two time periods, and landscapes of places which had been but were no more. Just before the room’s sky theme sank in, Carla’s breath was taken away by the Princess. Princess Celestia lay upon one of her couches, her wings folded elegantly at her sides. The alicorn’s ethereal turquoise, cobalt, and pink mane and tail flowed in a non-existent wind. Her pale, nearly white, warm fur shone with an inner radiance which was only matched by the mischievous yet kind glow in her eyes. Despite her alien appearance, the Princess commanded an air of dignity, grace, and respect. A feat which Carla would have been impressed by if it were not for the emotion bubbling up in her chest. I’ve seen her before! Carla’s left eye twitched. “You came to my office!” Princess Celestia’s telekinetic grip removed the pair of golden reading glasses from her nose with a graceful flourish. She set the glasses down atop a thick leather bound volume resting atop the end table nearest her head then looked into Carla’s eyes with a smile. “How very astute of you.” Carla took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m usually more eloquent. It’s just that I’m filled with what I feel is a well justified rage. You came to my office, in human form, to offer me some sort of divinity and my own personal kingdom. You’re an ancient wizard. You HAD to have understood how I would take our offer. I knew I would see your word choice as the eccentricities of a wealthy woman with a shaky grip on reality. You knew I wouldn’t take your offer literally and at face value!” Celestia nodded once. “Yes, I did. I also knew you would jump on board immediately if I had demonstrated the truth of my claims in your office. I could have quite easily. Your desk would have made a very cute piece for a dollhouse had I chosen to shrink it.” Carla snorted and rolled her eyes. “So you intended to nearly give me a heart attack as I slowly mutated into this— This— This overly fucking feminine thing you’d see at the bottom of an eight-year-old girls’ toy box?!” Celestia’s lips pulled inwards slightly. “Mmm… Mister Armor?” Shining offered the Princess a swift salute. “Yes, Ma’am?” “Please wait outside. Our guest is owed answers which must only be shared between herself and I.” Shining nodded, bowed low and quickly left the room, closing the door behind him. As the doors gently closed, Princess Celestia let out a long low sigh and abandoned the dignified posture she had been maintaining, choosing instead to slid down into a far more comfortable position. Carla’s eyebrows raised as she watched the alicorn slouch down. “Ah! That’s better,” The Princess winked at Carla. “Get comfortable. We’re behind closed doors, none of our subjects can see or hear us. We can speak as one person to another.” Carla frowned, but nodded. “I’ll play along for now. But you owe me a real explanation!” Celestia nodded. “I do. You’ll have it as soon as you sit down.” Carla looked around the room for a moment before deciding to take a seat on an ottoman a short distance from Celestia. As the pink Alicorn sat down, Celestia smiled. “Comfortable?” Carla flicked her wings in the pegasi equivalent of a shrug. “Sort of?” Celestia looked up at her ceiling, admiring the gold tiles covering it. “I suppose you’re still getting used to your new body. I am sorry to have sprung that on you without warning, even if your reaction was amusing to watch I didn’t wish to traumatize you.” Carla rolled her eyes. “Bull. You intended to. There were so many ways you could have approached this to avoid me freaking the fuck out.” Celestia bit her lip for a moment then smiled at Carla. “I know you’re upset. I personally do not swear, but if you feel the need to use profanity I won’t stop you. That being said, it would be much easier for me to take you seriously if you said ‘buck’ instead of ‘fuck’. In Equish the crass word meaning “copulate” is buck, and foals who wish to sound “cooler” but not get in trouble for swearing will say “fuck”. I know that is the proper expletive on Earth, but here it makes you seem like a child.” Carla’s ears burned. She glared at Celestia through narrowed eyes. “I don’t care! Answer my question.” Celestia sighed and looked Carla in her eyes. “Miss Arvil, had time allowed me to act by my original plan you would not have been in that situation. However, due to some intelligence another of my Agents brought me, the timetable for this particular mission had to be accelerated or the mission would have failed completely.” “What do you mean?” Celestia pointed with a hoof towards one of the portraits on her wall. “Do you see that mare?” Carla turned her head and looked at the portrait. The painting depicted a light gray mare with a bright turquoise mane and emerald green eyes. She looked eager, alert, energetic, but something about her seemed off. As if she were pretending to be something she was not. Carla pursed her lips in thought. “Shining mentioned I wasn’t your first choice. I’m guessing she was your first pick for this job.” Celestia nodded. “That’s absolutely right. Her human name was Jessica Carter, but here she was known by the name Crystallus. The agent who chose her was much less interested in humanity than Mister Armor. He found the sort of person he believed would most readily accumulate to leaving their entire world behind. That was a dire mistake… This is a long story, but an important story. May I tell it?” Carla squirmed in her seat to find a more comfortable spot. Once satisfied she nodded. “I assume it will explain why you basically transformed me into the world’s most embarrassing tattoo. Go ahead.” Celestia laughed. “I’m sorry. I genuinely do not have any control over the specifics of your pony form.“ She offered Carla an apologetic smile, leaned back in her seat and began to tell her story. “Jessica was an employee at a large retailer in your United Kingdom. She was alone. No friends nor family. She worked because she had nothing else to live for. Jessica was bitter, suicidal, and left alone by her peers. No one would have missed her, and she knew that fact. “If that had been all she was, Jessica wouldn’t have been my first choice. Before she fell to where she was, Jessica had been quite popular. Well liked. Her current circumstances were a misfortune. Her parents had died, tanking the family business and sending her into massive debt. Jessica was qualified to run one of the retail stores she was employed by. She could have been a franchise owner. She had the degree… But with her debts and now poor credit, well, stocking shelves was all she would be considered for.” Carla hummed. “You targeted someone with training in finance who wouldn’t be missed if they vanished… That still doesn't seem like ruler material if you ask me.” Celestia nodded and looked back at the portrait. “She had political ambitions too. Jessica had served in her local government for a short time before the accident. I believed a young politician with a head for business to be a fitting candidate for rule. She had no combat history, but this was twenty years ago. We had time to train her. “I approached her personally and upfront. While I used a human form to get close I made no pretense behind my offer. I informed Jessica I was a wizard, turned her stuffed ferret into an orange to prove my claim, then informed her I had a job for her if she was willing.” Celestia closed her eyes and sighed, leaning forwards in her seat. “She was willing. Too willing. She had gone from the lower rungs of wealthy to impoverished. Jessica had a hunger for power I believed would be sated once she no longer went to bed hungry each night. I was wrong. “She constantly studied magic, mastering it at an unhealthy rate. At first, I believed this was due to humankind lacking any ability to sense or use magic naturally. It seemed logical that a human exposed to magic would find it “cool” and invest serious time to master it.” Carla’s mouth pulled to one side. “I know that type… She wanted the power over others magic would give her.” Celestia smiled and pointed at Carla with a hoof. “Yes! I am glad you understand. Jessica was much younger than you as well. I hoped an older human would have more wisdom. That you would understand the benefits of working together almost always outweigh the benefits of going on one’s own. Jessica did not understand this, and believed she could run the Crystal Empire on her own without my assistance or input. “Had that been the extent of her ambitions, I would have left her to it. After all I wanted to cut her loose after a few centuries. If I wanted to rule more territory personally, well, I wouldn’t be selling the Crystal Empire. However, I learned she intended to overthrow me and rule both the Empire and Equestria.” Carla groaned and rubbed her temples with her hooves. “I could have told you that! She was a rich girl into politics who lost everything at a presumably young age. That sticks with a person. She would want total independence and absolute power. She was what, twenty-five?” “Twenty seven.” Carla nodded. “Yep. You gave her unlimited power, and she was going to use it to gain as much control over her life as possible. I get it. You had to send her back home because she wasn't working out. So when you approached me instead of giving me the kingdom as a job you presented it as something I would have to choose to buy which would seem like a burden, not a ticket to godhood. I’d have to give up something for a chance to work hard at something.” Celestia smiled and clapped her forehooves together quietly. “Yes! I am so glad you understand!” Carla glared into Celestia’s eyes. “But that doesn't explain why you decided to give me three simultaneous heart attacks! You could have waited till I signed the papers, come to my home, then showed me you were a wizard.” Celestia’s smile faded. “Ah well… There is more to Jessica’s story. I did send her back to Earth. However, after informing her that things were not working out, and she was fired, she insisted she be allowed to transform herself back into her human form. I agreed, and she complied. Or so I thought… I was unaware of this for the last ten years until six weeks ago. This is classified information, even from Shining Armor.” Carla raised an eyebrow, “But you trust me with it?” The Princess nodded slowly, her eyes showing fear for one brief moment before her confident mask returned. “Shining Armor has been out of my sight several times. This will make little sense at first but I cannot trust him to be him right now. I have watched you since I met you in person in your office and verified you were in fact a true human.” Carla’s stomach turned slightly. “Are we dealing with some sort of body snatcher type threat?” Celestia nodded once, her eyes taking on an extreme seriousness. “We are. Instead of becoming a human, Jessica corrupted her alicorn form into something… Else. I would say she is still an alicorn, but she is an insect now… The transmutation magic she used is unknown to me. I do not study Dark Magic. Jessica gained the power to physically transform into anything she chose. For the purposes of going home, she chose to be human. “Once I had sent her home and closed the portal behind her, she dismissed that human form and had access to magic on Earth. She also works in much the same fashion as an ant queen, able to spawn an entire hive of insect-like ponies which serve her will. Using these two things to her advantage, Jessica has created a rather large hive of minions and amassed power, intent upon returning to Equestria and seizing power.” Carla nodded slowly. “Okay, and I factor into this... how?” “It’s quite simple. Jessica isn’t a fool. She knew about my plans for the Crystal Empire and is now a perfect shapechanger. One she believed couldn’t be detected via magic as anything but legitimate. Indeed, it is most difficult to spot her kind once they are transformed. It took me over three years of effort to create a spell capable of—” Celestia blushed lightly and cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I almost bunny trailed. I enjoy magic too much.” Carla winced and looked around herself uneasily. “It’s okay… But I think I see where you’re going. Jessica somehow learned I was your next candidate and was going to replace me…” Celestia offered Carla a sympathetic nod. “Yes. I am told she goes by the name Chrysalis now. A fitting name for an insect queen. I do not have everything relating to Chrysalis’ plan. My spy was captured. Chrysalis knew that I knew she exists and her immediate plans. You were in grave danger. “I allowed Shining Armor to bring you the jacket you now wear because my study of captured insect-pony drones has shown me they are not affected by transmutation magic of any kind other than their own. If my detection spell failed or was fooled, the jacket would allow me to know for certain you were in fact, you.” “How would I have been captured?” “One of your coworkers would have simply hexed you into unconsciousness,” Celestia replied. “Your work had been slowly infiltrated by Chrysalis’ drones. To my spy’s knowledge, none of the people there other than yourself were human. This was all so you could be observed long term and Chrysalis could learn how to imitate you well enough to pass for you until well, until you took the Crystal throne.” Carla’s eyes narrowed. None of them? They may have been a little weird, and seemingly unaware of the concept of personal space, but I don't buy them being aliens... Except maybe my boss. “You’re joking. Or exaggerating. There's no way there were all actually bug-monsters.” Celestia shook her head. “I am not joking. I can’t prove this to you now… But if you accompany me to the Canterlot dungeon tomorrow I can show you a drone we captured. You can hear it from the horse's mouth.” Carla leaned back, pursing her lips uneasily. “Well… You have little reason to lie to me. As far as I know, my only way home is via your magic. If you wanted to force my cooperation, you could withhold it." She nodded to herself, finalizing her decision. "Okay, I’ll trust you, for now. You had to rush things along because you believed shapechanging bug monsters were going to kidnap me. It makes as much sense as being turned into the prettiest pink unicorn ever.” Carla crossed her forelegs and sighed. “I can’t… I can’t really process this. Everything happening today is so far removed from normal that— Well, fuck me, you know?” Celestia’s eyes lit up mischievously. “I do not wish to be more than friends, Carla.” Carla stared at Celestia blankly. “Really?” Celesta chuckled and adjusted her position on the couch. “When you’re as old as I am, mirth becomes one of the few reasons to keep living. But yes. Now you know why I set the spell to go off once you signed the papers. Shining Armor was on his way to get you to sign them when you did so of your own accord. You are the best candidate we have. I could not afford to lose you.” Carla closed her eyes tightly. “Fuck… Look, I—” “I know you don’t want to do this and you want to go home,” Celestia calmly picked up her book with her magic, opened it, and held it out to Carla. Carla frowned, took the book with her own magic, and glanced at a page. Her eyes widened as she watched a new line of text be written into the book by an invisible pen. Carla took the book from Celestia and read the current line. Carla’s tail stood on end for a moment. Then she facehooved, nearly dropping the book. “Oh… Right. You said you were watching me this whole time.” Celestia nodded once. “The fact you do not want the job is why you are the perfect person for the job. I fully understand you dislike this body and given your circumstances of birth your body image is very important to you. I am not a cruel mare, Carla. “Cadence” is simply a part you will play for your subjects.” Carla raised an eyebrow. “I don’t follow.” Celestia frowned. “You don’t? But you understood everything else I had to say.” “Yes, but this being a “part to play” runs contrary to everything else you’ve been telling me.” Celestia opened her mouth then nodded slowly. “Oh, yes I can see how my phrasing might cause you difficulty. I meant that there is nothing stopping you from learning how to transform back into a human of your own free will. If you wish to be a human woman in your free time, I will not stop you. “Should there come a day when humans and ponies know of one another, I will personally inform everyone in both our kingdoms of your true origins and you may rule as a human. But you do need to be a pony as far as the public is concerned for the foreseeable future. My little ponies are too used to Alicorns being in charge. And Shining told you of King Sombra’s imminent return and my intentions for you to serve as my champion in that battle. “While we are able to use our magic when in a human guise, it's far less powerful than when we are not using illusion and transmutation to appear human.” Carla groaned and stood up, moving off of the ottoman to pace back and forth in front of Celestia for several long moments. Celestia watched the pink Alicorn carefully, her eyes doing their best to determine what the mare was thinking from her body language. Carla’s wings hung stiffly at her sides. Her ears flicked up and down. Her brow furrowed. Then, at last, she spoke. “With Chrysalis and her hive after me… Is it even possible for me to go back home?” Celestia paused for a moment then nodded. “Yes, you could go home. I could easily make a new identity for you. A female one, of course.” Carla nodded, then closed her eyes tightly again. “Would it be possible for me to go back to Earth and live with Shining?” Celestia nodded hesitantly. “He would have to retire, forsake his equine form and all magic forever, and promise to never return home. Otherwise, I would not allow a pony to live permanently on the other side. Our worlds are not yet ready to freely intermingle.” Carla stopped pacing and frowned. “He would hate that.” “Yes. But he would do it for you… He thinks I do not know how much he loves you, but I do. The entire operation staff knows.” Celestia smiled for a moment. “If I left… How hard would it be for you to find someone to replace me?” Celestia’s eyes turned downwards. “It would be most difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. We would likely not have any time to allow your replacement to acclimate to being a pony and that would almost certainly lead to failure… I would have to take the Dark Lord on myself. My sister is not yet ready for magical warfare. She is still recovering her full strength from— Well, an incident between us.” Carla groaned and closed her eyes tightly. “Fuck me… If I bail on you, a whole land will get fucked over by pony-Sauron. If it’s not invaded by—” Carla paused and looked over to Celestia. “What does a bug-pony look like anyways?” Celestia's horn shone a pale gold as she conjured an image for Carla to see. The projection was only a few hooves tall and hung in the air in front of the pink Alicorn. It depicted someone much like the gray mare whose portrait hung on the wall, but where there had been fur there was now glossy chitin. Where there had been a bird’s wings there were now ragged gossamer appendages. Where there had been an uneasy feeling that the mare had been pretending to be someone else, there was now an air of malice, cunning, and a terrifying hunger. Carla’s eyes lit up like a Japanese School girl who had been handed the fluffiest kitten in all the world. “Cooooool! It's like H.R. Giger was told to draw you, and someone took that sketch to someone on DevientArt and told them “Dude, make this thing look sexy.”. They did, and then someone took that drawing to an anime artist and told them to redraw it again “but this time make it badass And sexy.” Why the flying fuck couldn’t I come out looking like that?!” Celestia looked at Carla with one eyebrow raised and one ear flat against her head. “You… You are an odd woman, Carla.” Carla snorted and waved a hoof dismissively. “I make perfect sense when you remember I grew up in a boy’s body and had male societal expectations heaped on me my whole life and have only been biologically female for a little while. Thank you, by the way.” Celestia frowned, resisting the urge to get up and offer the mare a hug. “I’m sorry… My ponies sneak technologies from your world to improve ours. I— I will find a way to start sneaking magic into yours. The fact you cannot help people like yourself until your teenage years at the soonest is… Very distressing to me.” Carla nodded. “Yeah. It sucks…. Anyways, where was I?” Carla frowned and tapped a hoof to her chin. “Oh, yeah! If I bail on you, a whole land will get fucked over by pony-Sauron. If it’s not invaded by—” Carla trailed off and frowned. “What were those black shapechanging horses in Irish folklore called?” Celesta tilted her head. “I— I’m afraid I don’t know.” “Changelings?” Carla asked with a frown. Celestia hummed. “I recall the term Changeling belonging to Irish folklore… I studied our worlds myths to see if we had ever been in contact before. Though not in too much detail. But from what I can remember… Yes! I do believe they were called changelings.” Carla hummed. “I’d like to know that too. But later. For now… One last time.” Carla cleared her throat. “If I bail on you, a whole land will get fucked over by pony-Sauron. If it’s not invaded by evil changelings first. That sort of would be something I really couldn’t live with… I don’t think I could ever be okay with preventing Shining from having his magic either… Nor could I leave him behind. I may still be building my feelings for him, but he definitely loves me a lot.” Celestia smiled, half with joy, half with relief. “Then you will accept the title of the Crystal Princess?” Carla frowned and shook her head. “No. I’m froufrou looking enough. I don’t need a girly title. Princess Cadence will do just fine. No extra bullshit.” Celestia snorted, her cheeks flushing pink. Carla raised an eyebrow. “What?” Celestia bit her lip and looked up at the ceilings. “Bullshit is the Zebrican word for dildo.” Carla blinked, moaned, and held her head in her hooves. “Really?” Celestia nodded. “I am afraid so, yes.” Carla sighed and plopped down onto the floor, facing Celestia. “Well, that’s fucked all chances of this being serious, hasn’t it?” Celestia cleared her throat, attempting to put a serious face on once more. For a moment, her dignified expression returned, just as Carla had seen it as she walked in. Then it shattered as Celestia broke out in a giggle fit. “Hehehe! Almost every one of your humans curse words translates into something silly here! I can’t— We need to help you learn to swear properly as a pony! Hehehe!” Carla took a deep breath and held it to prevent herself from snapping then waited for Celestia to finish laughing. The pale mare continued to giggle for a long moment then at last cleared her throat and smiled. “A good laugh is most welcome after speaking of dire things… Would you do me the honor of formally accepting your title?” Carla nodded. “Sure. I, Carla Arvil, hereby accept the title of Princess Cadence and will do my best to rule the Crystal Empire as a fair and just ruler… In exchange for Shining Armor’s immortality.” Celestia’s ears perked up. “I beg your pardon?” “Alicorns are eternally young, right?” Carla asked. Celestia nodded. “We are.” “He’s a normal unicorn. He’ll age and die. I won’t. That’s not fair.” Celestia smiled softly. “Very well… I shall extend his life to equal your own. IF he wishes for such a thing.” “Then we’re agreed,” Carla nodded to seal the deal. “I’ll kill that Dark Lord for you, and we’ll see what we can do about your shapeshifter problem too. If she really was able to replace everyone at work over time she’ll be smart enough to have a backup plan to get the throne. We need to work out what that is… You’re lucky I’m ex-CIA. You mentioned having a prisoner?” Celestia nodded. “I do. We can interrogate him tomorrow. We will need to go to Canterlot for part two of your transformation anyways.” Carla’s eyes widened with horror. “P— Part two?” Celestia smirked. “No more physical changes. I have a unique tool at my disposal which will allow us to give you a cover identity. But that tool is immobile and located in Canterlot.” Carla cocked her head. “Cover identity? You don’t have one worked out in advance? How do we explain where I came from? Am I your sister’s long-lost daughter?” Celestia snorted. “That would be much more difficult to explain than you think. We would need to explain to the public how my sister had sex while on the moon.” Carla blinked. “What?” “I will be placing upon you a powerful enchantment which will cause a small number of ponies to believe you’ve always been here, as well as giving you the knowledge of who those ponies are and what memories you would share together. To them you will become a real part of their lives. You, myself, and Shining, if he is truly Shining, will be the only ones to know the truth.” Carla’s eyes widened. “You can just edit memories?!” “No. Not directly. All I can do is tell ponies they remember someone from somewhere and their own minds create the story. Though the spell does make that story consistent and logical between all parties involved, it is the group who writes your “roll” for you. Do not worry, I would not employ this method if it were not necessary. The nobility must believe you are and have always been related to me and therefore a princess as well. Otherwise, they might revolt since I handed a major piece of territory out to a total stranger.” Carla’s lips twisted into an o shape. “Ooooh… Yeah. Okay. A lesser evil to prevent a civil war is fine by me.” “I’m glad you agree,” Celestia said as she stood up from her couch and trotted over to the door. “Recall how I said transformation magic will not affect… What did you call them? Changelings?” Carla nodded. Celestia smiled. “I like that name… Let’s use it to refer to the species she created. At any rate, Changelings are not affected by foreign transformation magic. We need to confirm Shining is himself. Would you like to see how he looks as a mare?” Carla’s eyes narrowed for a moment as she began to object, then her lips pulled upwards into a smirk. “Is “she” as cute as “she” sounds?” Celestia nodded. “At least.” Carla sighed and stood up. “Okay, let’s do this… I’ll get ready to grab “Shining” if this doesn't work.” Princess Celestia turned and walked over to the door, opening it slowly with an elegant arcane tug. Shining Armor had been standing with his back to the door, facing outwards in a pose suggesting he had been standing guard. As the door creaked open he eeped and turned around, his hoof raising in a Salute. “Yes, Your Majesty?” Celestia nodded towards one of her couches. “Would you come inside a moment?” Shining nodded and trotted through the open doors. Celestia closed them behind him and followed Shining to the couch, where the stallion chose to stand next to the seat rather than take it. “What do you need, my Princess?” Celestia looked up at Carla and smiled. “I was hoping you would be willing to tell me how you and Carla met. She has been talking about you, and I am interested in the full story.” Shining’s eyes widened as his cheeks burned bright pink. “I uh, well— Yes! I can do that. I first saw Carla when she was out of her girl clothes on the—” Celestia’s horn flared brightly, casting bright gold light over the living room. The light pooled as it washed over Shining, sinking into him and subtly reshaping his features. When the light cleared the handsome stallion had been transformed into a soft, curvy, fairly plump mare. Shining eeped, “her” ears drooping back in a mixture of worry and embarrassment. Carla blinked twice. “Why is he chubby as a girl but toned as a guy?” Celestia shrugged. “Ask him. I had to transform him the first time so his gemstone could remember this shape for later. He insisted on being as cute as possible when he made up this form.” “I— Um…” Shining stammered, “her” voice more adorable in person than it had been in the Pocket Space. “May I please opt out of recording more lines for tutorials?” Carla smirked. Nice attempt at a dodge, but I am remembering that explanation... Princess Celestia paused for a moment, tapping her chin with her hoof. “No. Your female voice is too beautiful to not use on occasion. I may ask you to record several audio books for me in the future. But we have important business to attend to at the moment. You may change back. I was merely verifying your identity.” Shining closed his eyes tightly, activated his enchanted gemstone and reverted to his normal form with a loud pop. He cleared his throat and looked over to Carla, his cheeks still bright red. “I— I um…” Carla rolled her eyes. “Apparently, there’s a shapechanger problem, and that’s how you spot them.” Shining blinked. “By turning ponies into mares?” Celestia’s eyes sparkled. “Well, that is one way… More to the point they are immune to all forms of transformation magic save their own. I have been developing a more stealthy means of testing ponies, but it’s not yet completely ready. We can’t go randomly transforming everyone to verify they are not Changelings.” Shining raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard of that species… At least, not here. I presume they have something to do with Carla’s transformation being performed ahead of schedule?” Celestia nodded. “They do indeed. It’s a serious threat. I’ll fill you in completely later. For now, I simply needed to know you were not a Changeling.” Shining raised an eyebrow again. “I really think I’d have heard about any shapechangers that could perfectly impersonate someone.” Carla shrugged. “Well, I didn’t know there were magical ponies that could impersonate humans until a while ago. They’re a new species for your world, apparently. Celestia and I named them just now. But that’s not the point. The point is they are after me, so I can’t go home.” Shining’s eyes lit up for a moment before narrowing dangerously. “Let them come. I’d like to see them try to get to you. They’ll have to go through me first!” Celestia smiled happily. “You two are cute together… Humm, that gives me an idea. We’ll discuss it later. For now, Shining, Carla, I need to bring the two of you up to speed with my plans for integrating Carla into Equestrian society as Princess Cadence.” Shining tilted his head. “Why am I a factor in the official side of things, Ma’am?” Celestia inclined her head. “Do you want to leave Carla behind and return to your duties on Earth?” Shining shook his head. “No, ma’am! I— I didn’t think about how my job would— But no! If it’s an option I would rather remain with her.” “It is most certainly an option. I require Carla have someone she can trust and someone I can trust, to help her integrate into society. The simplest way to do that… Well, Shining, please kneel.” Shining frowned, but knelt down as ordered. Celestia stepped over to Shining and gently tapped his shoulder with her horn. “I dub thee Sir Armor, Knight of Equestria.” Shining sputtered. “I— But— I’m not qualified for—” Celestia rolled her eyes and gently put a hoof over Shining’s mouth. “As your Princess, I can knight you any time I like. The qualifications are for people who are not me to be allowed to knight you. Now then, Sir Armor, as a Knight of Equestria, you qualify for the position of Captain of the Guard. I, Princess Celestia, hereby appoint you, Sir Shining Armor, as the Captain of the Crystal Guard, personal escort of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.” Carla blinked. “Uh, I thought we were going to call me “Cadence”.” “Cadence is your given name,” Celestia said. “The official name is different, and has been chosen to fit the Crystal Empire’s naming conventions.” Carla nodded. “Ah. I understand.” Shining blinked, a realization hitting him like a bolt from the blue. He squirmed in place, doing his best to not hop excitedly for hoof to hoof. Carla looked at her new boyfriend and raised an eyebrow. “Sorry, but I don’t know where the bathrooms are. Or… how to use them… Now that I think about it. Pony toilets are probably not the same as—” “They are different yeah,” Shining said with an overly happy nod. Carla’s ears fall back. Please let him be excited about something other than me using an alien toilet! Shining beamed Carla a smile. “I’m technically a noble now! You’ll be a princess tomorrow. We wouldn’t have been able to get married before. Now we can! You know, if and when you would like too.” Carla hummed and tapped a hoof to her chin. “Not to dash our enthusiasm, Shining, but I’d like to date for a few months or even a year before we decide to do anything like that.” Shining nodded once, his cheerful demeanor remaining intact. “I completely understand! Don’t worry I—” Princess Celestia cleared her throat. “How do you feel about getting married in three weeks?” Carla’s ears lay flat. “Excuse me?” “Well, I’ve been thinking… I found a Changeling here. In Equestria. Chrysalis has a way to get here I do not control. She will come looking for you. If we wait for her to strike, she will pick the field and may very well replace you without anyone knowing. But if we pick the field…” Carla frowned thoughtfully then nodded. “I like it. A wedding would make a good target. She would know where I would be for certain on one day and time, and could work out where I would be for days ahead of time.” Celestia nodded firmly. “Exactly. You two could quietly divorce afterwards to date properly, if you wanted. Or who knows? Maybe after a few weeks you’ll be ready for a life together. Either way, it’s a way to draw her into the open for certain.” Shining winced slightly. “It may be a bit clear we’re baiting her in though. I mean, Carla and I marrying after just three weeks of her existing?” “I’ll be using the Cover Identity Device for her, Shining,” Celestia said as she sat down on her favorite couch again. “But it would be good if you two were seen on some highly public dates in the next few weeks. Can you handle that assignment, Sir Armor?” Shining nodded eagerly. “Yes! Uh, I mean, Yes, Ma’am!” Carla nodded twice. “Yes. I think we can do that.” Celestia sighed in relief. “Thank goodness! I was worried you might feel too awkward dating a pony to be willing to do that so soon. Now then, we have more details to discuss. Please take a seat. Shining, we need to start teaching Princess Cadence the details of Equestrian culture. We will start with formal greetings. For these exercises, treat me as being of equal social rank…”