//------------------------------// // 15 Plots and Schemes // Story: Twilight's 1000th Birthday Blowout // by Cyndaquil //------------------------------// It came in close, too close. The creature sniffed at Rainbow Dash and Roseluck, its nose practically touching them. They would feel her breath, like wind changing directions, back and forth. Just as they began to wonder if this pony intended to eat them, she pulled backward and let loose another mighty roar. It was that same deep booming sound which if Rainbow Dash tried to identify she might never figure out was the sound a lion makes, only played backward on a scratchy vinyl record. “What do you want from us!” Pleaded Roseluck. The pony grinned a cheshire grin. The spirals in her eyes seemed to twirl. She leaned in a little too close, as though showing off her manic expression. Finally she spoke. “I hoid that youse two is try’n to put the kibosh on a wedding.” Rainbow Dash and Roseluck looked at one another, then back to the mysterious pony. “Could you maybe repeat that?” Screwball groaned and rolled her rolling eyes. She knew what the problem was. Her accent always came out when she was excited. “I heard that you two are trying to stop the wedding of Fluttershy and Discord.” Roseluck thought for a moment. “Oh I get it, you’re one of the park challenges.” Once she decided this must be part of the game Roselucks fear melted away. The game they had been playing was fairly simple in concept; solve riddles or face challenges to rescue princess Fluttershy from the Jabberwocky. Rainbow Dash had been breezing through the riddles, and surely she didn’t want to fight a pony, at least not while in the body of a breezie. “Okay,” said Roseluck, “let’s hear it.” “Hear what?” “Let’s hear your riddle silly.” Screwball crossed her arms and flashed Roseluck an incredulous stare. “Look doll-face, do youse want to stop the wedding or don’t cha?” Roseluck had to think about that one. She didn’t want to look stumped in front of Rainbow, nor did she want to say the wrong thing. To her this riddle just seemed like a straight-forward question, the kind you’d barely think about before answering ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Surely there was a trick. If she said the wrong word, what logical trap would she fall into. “Hey, If you don’t mind me asking,” Rainbow Dash spoke up, “what’s the source of your accent.” “Oh that! It’s a funny story actually. First youse need to understand that I was homeschooled. When I was a lil filly, Twilight was always trying ta get me to use proper grammar. She would say things like ‘ain’t is not a proper contraction,’ or ‘don’t call me doll-face.’ It got so annoying. One day she was doing a lesson on the history of words, and how language evolves over time, and that gave me an idea. I poofed up this fake book called ‘Modern Grammar And Turns of Phrase’, and slipped it into her home library. Next time she corrected me, I pulled out this fake book and corrected her right back.” “And she actually fell for it?” “For a while I had her talking the same way I do.” Roseluck wanted to say that it was a mean trick. She would have said so if she felt she could be heard over Rainbow Dash, the pranksters, laughter. “That’s nothing! You see, my dad didn’t want to be outdone in the pranks department, so somehow he got the book published and distributed all over ponyville, ten years before we ever moved out of the realm of chaos. He even got Twilight to write a glowing foreward for the book. And at that point in history, everypony would jump on anything that’s princess Twilight approved. When I got to ponyville, they were using it as a school text book.” Rainbow Dash held her gut. It was too much, she couldn’t laugh any more. “No way! You have to be making that last part up.” “That’s why I can’t shake the accent. Half the ponies I know talk just like I do.” Rainbow dash was on the ground, letting forth a huge belly laugh. Roseluck told her, it wasn’t that funny, yet the laugh carried on. Screwball took off her hat, and reached into it, trying to find where she had left that changeling magic warding artifact fragment. “Are you related to Twilight?” Roseluck asked. “She helped raise me, but I don’t even know who my mom is.” Screwball was now tapping the sides of her beanie to get the magic artifact fragment out. “Oh, I see.” Hearing this made Roseluck feel a little sad. “Although you do kinda look like her.” “Yeah, I thought of that. Going by purple coats and manes, I could be a descendent of Diamond Tiara, Starlight Glimmer, Fizzlepop Berrytwist, Daisy, Spike the dragon, and the list goes on.” When she couldn’t find the fragment, she tipped the beanie over and shook it. A pebble, which would be a stone from a breezies perspective fell loose. The pebble hit the ground with a thud, Roseluck just narrowly avoided being walloped by the falling object. Suddenly Screwball shrank. Wings appeared as though they had always been there, and simply gained a proper proportion to the size of her body. Her eyes grew and her eyelashes teased outward. “Look here dolls,” she spoke in a much higher pitched voice, “Aunty Screwy’s got a present for ya.” The two circled around the pebble. “What’s that?” “This here is a genuine bonafide fragment of a changeling magic warding artifact. If you touch it then you’re immune to magic. That means you can fight the Jabberwocky man-o-a-pony-o. He won’t be able to use any of his tricky spells against you.” “You’re saying I can beat Discord… I mean the Jabberwocky with this thing.” “Yes siree!” “Even if he can’t cast spells on us, couldn’t he just poof up weapons to use against us.” “I didn’t say it was a sure thing. Actually your best bet is to get Discord himself to touch the stone. Then his magic is gone. Break it into two or three fragments, and it’ll still work. One of you can attack while the other sneaks up to him and glues it to his hide.” “So, you’ll give this to us if we solve your riddle.” Screwball rolled her rolling eyes again. “Yes, I’ll give it to you if you solve my riddle.” Her voice turned sarcastic. The bouquets upon the tables were flawless. At least they seemed perfect in Fluttershy’s eye. Daisy was still making small adjustments; fluffing the pedals and rearranging the order when one side had more roses then the other. It was exactly how she pictured her wedding day. During her past expeditions to view the breezies in their habitat, she had seen two weddings. While most pony couples aspire to afford the extravagant Canterlot style of wedding, preferably without the changeling invasion, this was her dream. It was amazing, and couldn’t have been a mere coincidence, for there was only one creature whom she had ever told about this particular fantasy. It was funny to her that Discord would remember this, and not what her face looked like. Daisy hummed to the flowers, as she took a step back to see how a particular bouquet looked from a distance. Walking backwards, she stopped with her hind just a step away from Fluttershy. Slightly jittery from the excitement, Daisy swished her tail back and forth, the hair brushing against Fluttershy’s nose. “Achoo!” Daisy practically leapt in surprise. “Oh Miss Fluttershy! I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there.” Fluttershy assured her it was all right. She looked to Fluttershy, with some apprehension. “Have you seen my friend Lily.” “Yes, I have.” Fluttershy fluffed up her mane in a gesture meant to show it off. “Lily braided flowers into my hair.” The other pony took a moment to admire Fluttershy’s mane. Daisy had never known Lily to be good at braiding hair before, though her friend had been surprising her all day. She would be especially surprised if she knew that Lily was tied up in their hotel room while Screwball impersonated her. “So Lily didn’t come back here after she finished? I hope she’s not lost.” “Uh… Miss Fluttershy,” Daisy was shy all of a sudden. She knew a mare on her wedding day had much on her mind and didn’t want to be a bother. “What about my other friend? Have you heard anything about Roseluck.” “I suppose she’s still with Rainbow Dash. They’ll have to get here soon, if they want to win this game.” Now that Daisy thought about it, she and Lily played the game and never bothered to fight the Jabberwocky at the end. Of course they cheated by using the tunnel marked Staff Only. “Miss Fluttershy. If you don’t mind me asking? Are you hoping someone will rescue you.” “Can you keep a secret Daisy.” “Okay.” “I don’t want to be rescued at all.” “So hows about it? Take this here magic pebble, and you got yourself a good chance of winning the game. Youse want to rescue poor princess Flutter-doll from the big bad Jabberwocky, don’t you?” “Hey! Are youse listening to me?” At that moment Rainbow Dash seemed lost in thought. Only she was privy to what those thoughts were. Daisy never was good at keeping secrets, and now thanks to their unique relationship, Rainbow Dash could reflect back on Daisy’s memories just as she could her own. “I don’t want to stop the wedding. What sorta prize is that. It’ll be more fun to let it go forward. Right now I just want to get their on time. So Thanks Screwy, but you can keep your pebble. Come along Roseluck,” she called as Rainbow Dash passed Screwball and Dashed into the sunset. Roseluck started to follow, then turned to Screwball. “I think she’s just acting cool because she didn’t get your riddle either.” The two ponies both rushed off into the sunset, as Screwball asked herself, “What just happened?” “No-No-No!” Luna cursed. The controls to her starship locked out, just as she was about to strike a fatal blow against her opponent. “What’s going on? I still have life points!” Suddenly Twilights face appeared on the screen. “Hey Luna, your late for the wedding!” “I had a shot. The white cruiser is just sitting there.” “That’s because the pilot of the white cruiser left the ship and is already on her way. Don’t worry, I paused the game so you can pick up right where you left off.” Upon poofing herself back to the breezie village, Screwball went straight for the reception hall and ordered herself a frozen smoothie. She sat at the counter and sucked on the straw until brain freeze hit. Then she rubbed her temples and decided what to do next. “Maybe I can make something up during that whole ‘If anypony has any reason why these two should not be wed’ part.” “Now why would you want to break up this wedding?” Not used to other people listening when she talked to herself she looked to the side. Sitting next to her was a white coated alicorn / breezie with a golden tiara. “Hey ain’t you what’s her name; Princess Cosma; no, that ain’t it, Princess Astra, Princess Galaxina.” “It’s Celestia.” “Right, right, of course.” She took another gulp of her smoothy. “Twilight used to talk about you a lot.” “Pardon me, haven’t you met me yet, because I met you briefly, just before I was brought to this time.” Screwy twirled her eyes for a moment. “Nope!” She answered. “Hope that doesn’t mean I’m gonna get caught up in all this timey wimey stuff.” “All right. So why don’t you want Discord and Fluttershy to marry.” Screwball didn’t answer. She just gulped more heavily on her smoothie. “Do you hate Fluttershy.” “Who can hate that broad; she’s so dang nice. I wanted Rainbow Dash to be the wedding smasher so she and pops wouldn’t hate me.” “Then why?” She slammed the bottom of her mug against the table. “It’s so dad can marry Twilight, and she’ll be my real mom.” Screwball waited for the other pony to ridicule her, to tell her she was being childish. “Twilight loves you as much as any mother would. Isn’t that enough?” “No! I want us to be together on all the holidays, even when she gets the dates wrong, and I want a little brother, and…” “Then maybe you should try playing more of a long game.” “Say-what-now? You mean like nine innings.” “Screwball, what do you think is the main reason that Twilight and Discord have never even considered getting together.” “Is it dad’s snaggletooth?” “No.” “Is it mom’s weird sock fetish.” “Her what! I mean no, it’s not that either.” “Well, what is it?” “Discord has unresolved feelings for Fluttershy, who is Twilight’s close friend.” “Oh.” “So what you need is to let Discord resolve those feelings.” “Right, — how do I do that?” “Let them get married. Be supportive. Help them, become part of a happy family.” “Oh I get it.” She took another sip of her smoothie, then turned back to Celestia. “I don’t get it.” “How old are you?” “My dear Princess, it is considered improper to ask a mare her age.” She spoke in fancy Canterlot speech. “I’m sorry.” Celestia took a sip of her own drink, an iced tea. “I have lived for a few millennia, though I skipped about 400 years time traveling.” “I’m four hundred and twelve.” “Remember Fluttershy is a mortal, she will get old.” “Eh… Sucks for her.” “So here’s what you do, be the perfect daughter for a few decades, but still maintain a close relationship with Twilight. Once Discord gets some closure on this thousand years of yearning you can go back to scheming how to get Discord and Twilight together.” “Just a few decades, you say.” “Yes, it’ll take five or six, and the best part is your father will be happy for most of that time.” She took another sip, and considered it. “That could work. Wait no! I’ll never pull it off. Even I know my schemes are all whims and childish impulses.” “It’s good that your honest with yourself young one. Still you mustn’t be afraid of rising to new challenges. I’ll devise a way for us to stay in contact, and give you all the support you need.” “Stay in contact, Do you mean like mom’s old friendship letters.” “Oh, that’s clever! If Twilight becomes suspicious, just tell her we’re exchanging friendship letters. She’ll understand the need to keep them private.” “You’d do that for me?” “Of course I would. I’ve always felt a strong need to help young mares reach their full potential.” “Hey that’s awesome, momma Twily was right about you toots. You’re okay.” “Right back at’cha doll-face.” Celestia used the modern lingo without any sign of missing a beat. “Why don’t you get started right now? You can introduce yourself to Fluttershy, in your true form. Welcome her to the family, and ask if there is any way you can help with the wedding.” “Great idea!” Screwy quickly gulped down the last of her drink. She braced herself for one more brain freeze, then thanked the princess and galloped off. The galloping was odd because she was still a breezie. That worked out quite well, thought Celestia. She needed powerful allies, and this was a surprisingly good start with the half draconequus. After a four hundred year absence, ponies might not allow her to just get back on her throne and rule Equestria again. It would be so much easier if Twilight had succeeded her as she originally intended. She would have to learn more about this elected council, perhaps she could work with them, though Celestia already had her doubts. Anyhow, those were problems for another day. Screwballs antics had dominated the narrative a little too long, and the next bit should finely focus on the upcoming nuptials. Meanwhile, back in the breezie Forrest, two brothers wrapped the abandoned changeling artifact fragment in cloth, being careful not to touch it. “This will come in quite handy, don’t you agree.” “Indubitably my dear brother, it is quite a fortunate find. Yes, I knew that spying on the princesses friends would pay off at some point.”