//------------------------------//
// Chapter 118: Purpose 
// Story: XCOM: Ranger 
// by Wanderer D 
//------------------------------//


Ranger


Chapter 118: Purpose


By Wanderer D






Twilight sighed, placing all of her recently organized notes in a neat stack on her desk. After the mess she had been the previous month, it had taken a couple of long, but rewarding, days to go over all her scribbles and notes and put them back into a semblance of logic.

Now, she had three stacks, depending on priority. She had made a copy of her personally-created thesaurus, as well as her current essays for Tygan to keep or reference if needed. She turned back to her equipment, packing several pads and notes among other devices into her backpack.

She had just picked up a pair of panties and was blinking at them with conflicting emotions—should she even take them with her? Did she really need a change of underwear when she wasn't going to be human anymore?—when a knock on the door made her look up from her packing.

Luna smiled placidly at her. "I hear you're heading home for an indeterminate period of time."

Twilight nodded, sighing and folding her underwear and clothes, before putting them carefully back in their drawer. "Yeah. I'm not even sure I'll be able to come back."

Luna nodded. "Would you like to talk about it? We have some time. The Skyranger is still on its way and we have yet to head over to Canterlot High."

There was a hint of sadness when she said the name of the place, and Twilight was reminded that Luna had been a teacher there. Vice Principal, actually,' she reminded herself. She bit her lip. Going back there, even if she stayed in the ship, couldn't be easy.

Luna smiled. "There you go again," she said, "worrying about others first. I'll be okay, Twilight, I've had twenty years to come to grips with what happened… and, while I'm still saddened when I remember it in its glory days, my life has continued. You, on the other hand, are facing a crisis, and if I can lend you an ear, I'd be more than happy to."

Twilight took a deep breath and motioned for Luna to take the seat next to her desk, while she sat on her bed. Luna stepped fully into the room, closing the door behind her and sitting down. "I heard you were willing to stay here rather than go back home."
Twilight nodded, turning to look at her things and resting her hand on the deactivated Gremliniscious. "When I came into the Bridge, Sunset and the others were in the middle of a mission… what we saw…" She shuddered, closing her eyes in disgust at the memory. "It just made me think that it was wrong to head to Equestria while the situation is so desperate here."

"Don't you want to go back at all?" Luna asked.

"Of course!" Twilight looked up, eyes wide. "Yes! Not only do they need me now, but that's my home. My parents, my brother, my friends, my teacher, my assistant… they are all there!" She fidgeted, looking out the window at the lab outside. "But I have friends here too. Friends that… have a higher chance of not being alive next time. I haven't had a real chance to talk to Sunset… I was too scared to really talk to her while she was in the hospital and apologize for how I acted."

"Do you think Sunset resents this?"

"You didn't see her face when I welcomed her back," Twilight said, "it was like the sun was shining. Her eyes lit up and she smiled despite being hurt so badly. It's like I had just made her entire week with something so stupid. I felt so guilty…"

"And now you're afraid that if you go you won't have the chance to tell her how you feel? What about the diary?"

"I've… left her some instructions on how to clear pages… I can also bring another one if I can come back, but… there's so much to say and go over with her… I don't even know what she wants from me."

Luna nodded. "If you go and you can't come back, what will you do?"

Twilight's eyes watered a little. "I don't know. This place has grown on me so much… it's small, not that my library is huge but, well…" She trailed off, looking at her desk and the stacks on it. "I'm part of something so important here… I have a sense of purpose and obligations and duties. When I became a Princess, I was just… a princess of friendship. What does that even mean?"

Luna remained quiet, but nodded, indicating that she was listening.

"Celestia raises the sun. Luna… other Luna, raises the moon. Cadance is the princess of the Crystal Empire. I'm—I live in a library and I solve friendship problems in a small town. Occasionally save the world. But outside of those occasions… I don't do anything of relevance."

Twilight motioned outside. "Steve Cordero, out there… is trying to figure out how to produce our own plasma grenades. Sasha Borislov on the other side of the lab is working on figuring out how the hell do Specters materialize and then become a cloud of nanites. Back home, Rarity is figuring out what color matches magenta best. Applejack is trying to somehow kick faster so she can harvest all the apples in the field in one day…" Twilight took a deep breath, looking down at her lap, with slight surprise—she hadn't noticed that both her hands were balled into fists—before she slowly allowed her hands to relax.

"Over here, I'm with my peers… other scientists that are trying to learn new things, but not just for the sake of knowledge, but with a purpose." Her hands went up to cover her face. "Back home Rarity and Applejack might not be doing something so important, or something that might change the future of all ponykind, but they have purpose. Rarity wants to grow in the fashion business, and Applejack handles a farm. Me? I make friends."

"Saving the world on occasion doesn't sound pointless or purposeless," Luna pointed out.

"It isn't, but in between incidents, I don't have much to do." Twilight sighed. "Or at least, nothing that goes anywhere. Solving friendship problems is nice, and I love helping other ponies. But being a princess without true responsibilities?" She bit her lip and looked away. "The concept terrifies me. And that's what would happen if I stayed there.

"Here, I'm needed," she continued, "not only do I help with the science, and I'm part of a team… I can fight. I can explore new fields in ways I can't in Equestria. What can I do, Luna? How do I deal with this?"

Luna stood up and sat down next to Twilight. "I'm afraid that's not something I, or anyone—or anypony—could tell you. We all find purpose one way or another, and it entirely depends on your expectations as to what that title represents and demands."

She motioned at the Avenger as a whole. "Over here, you're not in charge. You are an important part of a greater purpose. It is natural to be scared of finding yourself no longer part of something so clear… but that is where you come in and you decide what to do. Even though your help is needed here… is this really the best place for you? That's not something that Chrysalis, the Princesses, or your friends can decide for you."

Twilight nodded, not sure if she felt reassured or even more worried. After a moment of companionable silence, she finally admitted what was bothering her the most, her voice soft, almost a whisper,  "I also don't think... that-that outside Equestria's occasional end-of-the-world moments… I don't feel that they need me that much. Not like here.

"How can I go back and stay after what I saw yesterday? All those people… all the destruction and indoctrination…"

Luna nodded. "I understand, but you also have a purpose in going back, right? Didn't Chrysalis task you with securing an alliance?"

Twilight nodded. "Yeah… but I don't need to be there for that." She grimaced, tapping her fingers on her knee. "What if there's a mission and they need me? What if they need to send a scientist on a covert mission?"

Luna shrugged. "These are the decisions we all have to live with. Chrysalis could arguably not allow you to return home. She could hold on to you and the Element of Magic in the hope of using you both to destroy the elders. Sure, you could try and fight… but… even assuming that Sunset would be on your side… do you think you could escape this place?

"There are many reasons, both personal and tactical for which Chrysalis is sending you back. She likes you. She respects you. She trusts you. She's lost friends before… she sees that you have much promise here or there… she knows that an alliance with an actual, magical kingdom could be incredibly beneficial… she plays the long game. She won't betray her morals…"

Luna leaned back, placing both hands on the bed to keep her balance. "It is very likely, and this is my guess… that she also doesn't want you to experience what she has gone through… to be in a position to save your world, but lose that chance… and waking up one day to face your failure or die trying."

"But her case was different! She had no choice!"

"What do you call being stuck in a spaceship in a different dimension, thousands of miles away from the only known way to maybe get you home?" Luna countered. "It might be true that you're a guest instead of a prisoner, but you have very much not had a real choice in the matter. Now you do, and she's urging you to think first of your own home, your own world and friends. Because, the bottom line is… with or without you, XCOM will fight tooth and nail… and we have the weapons and science to do it… while for Equestria, you alone are the last real hope to fix things."

"They could always convince Discord to meddle with things again."

Luna nodded. "Sure." She stood up and stretched before moving to the door. "But where would that leave you?"

She opened the door, then called over her shoulder. "I should go. Besides, you have a guest."

Twilight looked up to see Alejandra allowing Luna past with a nod. The sniper and fellow-classmate's smile was a bit unsure. "So, scuttlebutt says you're leaving?"

"That was fast…" Twilight said.

The smile fled Alejandra's face and she closed the door behind her before twirling in place. "Why?! Why are you leaving?" she almost snarled, startling Twilight. "We… we were the last! We went through so much together… any time we got together for a drink, any time that we went to practice together and reminisced on our dead friends… and you're going away!?"

"Well I—"

"What the hell, Twilight?!" Alejandra snapped. She paced around in the small space, hands closing into fists and opening. Eyes fixed on the floor, and threatening to break into tears.

"You're… you're…" She stopped, kneeling in front of Twilight, and taking her hands in her own. "Why? You're my pillar here, Twilight… my cornerstone of sanity. My best friend. Every day, the highlight is spending time with you, having a beer or just sitting together… you're the last thing I love in this world. I'll happily die fighting to create a better world for all of us… but you going… it's just…"

She leaned forward, pressing her forehead against the cupped hands. "It's just too much. I'm sorry. Tell me what I did wrong? Why are you going away?"

Twilight slid her hands free, and put one on Alejandra's shoulder, while she slowly petted the other woman's hair with the other. The Latino sniper wasn't crying, or sobbing, but she sounded defeated, and Twilight cursed herself silently. She had been so focused on the big things, that she had forgotten about her friends here.

Alejandra was a good, close friend… she'd never thought she'd be the other woman's best friend, from what it sounded like. Jane and Rainbow Dash and even Laetitia had become closer to her as well.

"I'm sorry," Twilight said at last, looking down at the morose woman. "I don't want to leave XCOM… I just have to go home… my friends and family are in danger. My whole world might be in danger unless I get back and help them. But even then… I don't want to just leave if there's a chance I won't be back here to help… I sometimes wonder if my world really needs a friendship princess or they just need a local XCOM chapter to take care of the random world-shattering event."

She didn't notice the sudden, slight tension of Alejandra's body.

Twilight sighed. "That's what I was talking to Luna before you arrived… I'm conflicted by the necessities of both worlds. Over here I feel I can give more. That I can help with the science and fighting and maybe even figure out ways to save more people… over there… I'm just the Princess of PR." She chuckled at her own joke. "But, even then… if I don't go, my friends over there might be in danger. I know the other princesses are gone and no-one can find them." She took a deep breath and shook her head. Alejandra carefully pulled away, and looked up at her with an inscrutable expression, and Twilight felt suddenly like she needed to defend herself.

"Don't get me wrong! I fully planned to tell the commander that maybe I was needed here more but... when I brought it up with Chrysalis, she turned it into a mission…" She sighed and rubbed her arm, feeling still a bit unsure. "I guess she has a point, I do owe it to my world to go back and save it… my friends have argued that this is not even my war. But how can anyone just ignore the pain here and do nothing? The atrocities ADVENT commits on a daily basis a—"

She stopped when Alejandra gently placed the tips of her fingers on her mouth to quiet her down. She looked up with wide eyes at the sniper, who was giving her an odd look before taking her hand and pulling her away from her lips. "Sorry… I know I ramble…"

"No, no." Alejandra shook her head. "That's actually endearing. No, the thing I want to clarify is something else… well, two things, really."

Twilight blinked.

"First," Alejandra said, "You're a real princess?"

"Um… yes, relatively recently, just before I came here I—" She stopped talking when Alejandra crouched so she was facing Twilight eye to eye, a bit too close for comfort, even if it wasn't terribly unpleasant. "Um?"

"And two," Alejandra continued, "You're not only a princess… but an alien princess?"

It was then that Twilight remembered one terrible, horrible, thing.

They had never actually told anyone outside a very select circle, who she and Sunset really were.

"Oh." Twilight gulped, suddenly aware that in her seated position she was at a disadvantage for hand to hand combat, and even more importantly, Alejandra was armed.

Alejandra smiled.

Twilight smiled in return, eyebrow slightly twitchy, wondering just how she'd be able to stop Alejandra from raising the alarm. A punch to the neck? But she was her friend!

"So, tell me princess… do you already have a bodyguard? Or is the position open?"

"Huh-wha!?"


o.0.o End Chapter 118 o.0.o