//------------------------------// // Chapter Twelve, Courtroom Chimera: Objection statements. // Story: Airship Mauled // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -Kuril- “Does the little bat want the fruit… does she? Who’s a good little girl?” You’d think I care more that the thestral tried to actively assassinate my kitten or that she was glaring at me. Nope she just took the offered peach into her mouth with a voracious bite. “Wow, you’re a hungry one aren’t you?” It was sad that the thestral couldn’t talk, but she liked her fruit and I was making sure to not give her a way to escape. I reached up and rubbed at one of her damaged, but still fluffy ears. She gave off a squeak of defiance and then calmed down immediately once I started petting her shaved head. She even leaned into it. “I wonder how Jade’s trial is going.” Don’t worry so much about it Fizzle, we’re the ones with an assassin thoroughly tied to a chair here and she was sort of cute. In her own given volatile way. If we could keep the thestral here long enough, then maybe we could get her to grow her hair out. I don’t mind the shaved look she had going on, but she looked kind of sad with a tail and mane shorn so short. I ran my fingers gently over her other ear. She growled, but didn’t snap at me as I was already putting another fruit up to her mouth. Why couldn’t this thestral talk? What was wrong with her? I knew she was an assassin, but why? What had happened to you? Ponies should be sweet, innocent and full of love, Fizzle was because we helped her find the ability to be adorable again. That and Fizzle absolutely loves my crazy kitten. I wanted to make you happy too. -Celestia- I banged the gavel. “That’s quite enough Mr. Set, do you wish to be held in contempt of court?” There was only so much I could take and he was really beginning to push things. “Bloody Maries esquire or Mara esquire, Maria esquire and Marie esquire are rightfully attorneys and recognized by the court. They have shown their full documentation and it has been legally notarized.” “I have to accept that then, I guess.” He was a fine prosecutor, but Pace was pursuing the wrong thing for the last ten minutes. For all intents and purposes, Maries were Jade’s lawyers and he couldn’t have them thrown out on the principle of what they were. “Moving on, if you will cease holding up the trial Mr. Set, I would like to get to our opening statements.” I slammed the gavel again. “Please, let’s get this trial started.” “Of course your highness and honor.” Pace Set, took a few documents and looked at them, he stood up and started to move around the floor while looking thoughtful. “I am here today to prove that without a single doubt that Jaded La Perm is guilty of these crimes I will now list off. She is accused of such... disturbing the peace, using fireworks illegally, fighting with lethal intent, forming an illegal parade, provoking the royal guard to assault, mind controlling the royal guard with magic, resisting arrest, destroying a cabbage stand alongside other various other forms of collateral damage to various places in Canterlot, taking party to the theft of an airship used frequently by nobles called The Gilded Buttress and being party to a larger conspiracy to commit grand theft. Those are the crimes I will be bringing against Jaded La Perm, now how does the defendant plead?” Only most of that was true, I would be awaiting on the one who owned The Gilded Buttress to move into Jade’s trap. We’d have to work our way to the theft of said airship and the conspiracy to commit grand theft. I hoped that Jade and Maries knew what they were doing, they seemed quite prepared for the trial or looked like they did. I decided that now was a time to bring up that the defendant wanted the ‘Circle of the Concise’ spell to be used as Pace Set sat down. Maries stood up and prepared to take to the floor. “In effort to find the truth of these matters, Jaded La Perm has agreed to take the use of the ‘Circle of the Concise’ spell in this trial.” It seemed like I would be seeing exactly why Jade had nothing to hide soon enough, but I still had to give Maries her opening statement and Pace Set looked exceptionally smug today. Mostly Pace thinks Jade has doomed herself by taking a circle that will reveal the truth of her words, but hearing about the liar’s paradox… I’m not quite so sure that the ‘Circle of the Concise’ was made to deal with someone clever like Jade. The prosecutor had to make all the things stick and if Jade and Maries can talk their way around them... hmm… this would be quite an interesting case. “The defendant’s attorney will now give their opening statements.” “While I cannot deny that some of my client’s actions are a bit… juvenile. I believe her to be not guilty on most of those charges and will prove as such to those of the court.” Saying the word ‘Juvenile’ was Maria’s way of pointing out that Jade was still a minor, which thankfully means that she can’t get the worst of anything the court systems could do to her even if Maries fails. The goat head continued on. “Furthermore, we would like to withhold stating what things she is not guilty to, as we will handle the accusations as they are brought up one at a time. I will show that no one can doubt that my client is absolutely innocent of any true wrong doing.” “Are you sure that you wish to withhold statements of which accusations you think she’s not guilty to?” I had to ask this of Maries, it would make Jade look pretty bad in the eyes of the courtroom if they fail to successfully defend their client’s actions. “As her lawyer we will try to make sure that all the statements she’s accused of being guilty to are completely dropped by the end of this trial.” Watching as the front two head's smile in a predatory manner while Jade conversed with the snake head about something in whispers, I knew Jade was telling Maries about how she was going to get everyone in the courtroom on her side. An evil smile crossed the snakes face before she dropped it when their body went to sit down. Jade’s lawyer was one third snake, many a pony have stated that lawyers were snakes. This was now partially literal. “Then let the trial of Jaded La Perm vs. Canterlot commence.” I banged my gavel, then lit my horn to set up the ‘Circle of the Concise’ around the witnesses stand. “For my first witness, I wish call to the stand Jaded La Perm herself!” Apparently Pace Set was really going to try and do this quickly. -Jade- I sat down at the stand with my hands in my lap and a smile on my face, was my tail wagging? Who cares if it was? This would be absolutely fun. “Jaded La Perm, you are sitting in a circle that requires you to tell the truth correct?” Mr. Set was testing the waters of the spell. “Mmm… I want to say… Yes. I am in fact trusting that Celestia, your princess and current judge, knows how to cast this spell.” The circle turned green and I smiled, I liked the color green and if it was honesty that made it turn green, then so be it. “Tell a lie to be assured the fact that the circle is working as intended.” Oh I had a good one for you prosecutor, what will you do when I say this? “I’m absolutely guilty of all those crimes and didn’t have a very good reason for doing any of the things I’m being accused of!” The circle turned straight red and glowed so powerfully that I had to cover my eyes. I looked to the prosecutor. “Is it working correctly?” “I would like to test it personally, return to the defendants table Ms. La Perm.” Pace Set’s eyes were twitching just a bit given how powerful my lie was. I returned to my seat and he sat down in the circle. “I will permit Maries to ask me a question.” “Are you a racist pony Mr. Set?” Ouch, Maries, especially after I just proved that I lied about being totally guilty of my crimes. “No.” The circle turned red underneath Pace Set who looked down at it wide eyed. “What I mean to say is that no, I am not acting specifically racist towards you and I will keep myself under proper control. I will be able to perform my duties adequately, I lost my father to an elevator related incident I do not wish to speak of that involves a monster. It would horrify some ponies if I told them about it. I’m not racist towards either of you specifically, but I am racist towards something else that may have colored my views of you and with good reason.” Quite a few ponies in the jury were conversing with one another about all this, because the circle had turned straight bright green. Pace Set sighed and looked at the floor sadly from the stand. “It is working correctly your honor, however, I will still try to see to it that the defendant is seen as guilty for at least one crime.” He got up and moved back to the prosecutors table. “I request that Ms. La Perm take the stand again.” I stood up and made my way to sit down while smiling at the prosecutor wanly, he had no idea what he was in for when it came to me. “State your full name, occupation if you have one and place of birth for the court.” You know Pace Set, these dull proceedings better brighten up soon or else I’d have to brighten them up personally. You really don’t want me to make a circus of this Mr. Set. “I am Jaded La Perm. I prefer to go by Jade and I was born in the town of Port Palicoast in Abyssia, a sleepy fishing town. Before you ask, I have a dual citizenship for Equestria and Abyssia, not that it comes up very much. Immigration is an open policy around here.” The circle turned green beneath me as I leaned forward placed my elbows on the stand before me. “As for a jobs, I don’t have any.” The circle glowed red. “What I meant to say, is that I don’t have any paying or working jobs.” The circle turned green and I rolled my eyes. “Do you ever get the feeling that this circle doesn’t understand the difference between job classes in Ogres and Oubliettes and real life jobs?” The circle didn’t respond and stayed gray. “I object to any continuation of this line of questioning as Ogres and Oubliettes has nothing to do with this case currently.” Okay Maries certainly jumped on that quickly enough, hopefully Pace wouldn’t ask the right question about that. “Moving on then… why did you provoke the royal guards into attacking you?” Oh that was a tough one to circumvent Pace, but I had an idea. Mr. Set’s wording could use a little work. “I didn’t provoke the royal guards into assaulting me.” The circle turned green much to the disbelief of the jury who started getting angry and rowdy. I provoked a royal guard, the not plural Shining Armor specifically, and he’s the one that I made Bavarian Fire Drill the rest of the royal guards into attacking me when he doesn’t currently have the authority to lead said guards. “How in the world is that statement true, you were clearly seen attacking the royal guards?!” Wow, you are a sad and angry prosecutor. If you stopped to think about it, you would ask why I specifically provoked Shining Armor out of all the other guards around. “They physically attacked me first, the royal guards caused all the collateral damage and I didn’t destroy a single bit of property while they were giving chase to me. I ran because they started firing spells at me and I had yet to actually do anything to them.” Technically true, which is why the circle turned green for me. I hadn’t done anything to them as a group. Again, Shining Armor was not the entire group and I only implied I would tell Cadence what he thought of her O and O playing. “I ask, shouldn’t they be held accountable for the damages they caused while chasing me?” “My client is correct, most of the damages were caused by unicorn spell fire. Including, but not limited to the destruction of an entire cabbage filled booth worth hundreds of bits.” Thank you for the timely backup Maria. “So in essence… she can’t be charged or held accountable with the destruction of property as she never destroyed anyone’s property personally while being chased.” “I believe that the charges will be dropped in concerns of collateral damage, unless you have reason to pursue that line of questioning any further?” Celestia asked as she looked towards the thoroughly dazed Pace, he couldn’t stick me with those charges at all. “We will be talking to the royal guards who were too enthusiastic about their jobs and their inability to control their magic at a later date. We find the defendant not guilty to the charge of collateral damage caused while she was being chased. We will be going through all the personnel on duty that night to see if they are culpable for their actions.” The gavel swung and I was one accusation lighter on my list. The mind control accusation was quite iffy, but I already knew the fireworks and parade were a done deal. It just had to be brought up. “Why were you attacked and chased down by the royal guard?” Oh finally, the prosecution actually asked a good question. “Well… I, falsely, claimed I was up to no good because the plaintiff Shining Armor was suspicious about me becoming friends with Princess Mi Amore Cadenza or Cadence for short. I decided to confirm that suspicion as a joke and said something that provoked his personal reaction.” The circle glowed green, I thought provoking Shining Armor like I did was rather funny and the joke was definitely on him. “Just to make things quick and before you ask your next question… he assaulted me when I declared to tell Cadence what he truly thought of her Ogres and Oubliettes playing skills. He dragged his friends into attacking me and then a good number of the other royal guards began chasing me on his words.” Again the circle was green, none of what I said was objectively a lie. “I would like to call Shining Armor to the stand to hear his testimony.” Goat head Maria was figuratively on fire today, also quite on point with what I wanted her to do. “I object your honor, Shining Armor is not the one on trial here!” Pace Set was a bit vehement in the way he said that. “Overruled, it is relevant to the case at hoof. Jaded La Perm you may take your seat, Shining Armor get up on the stand for questioning.” Thank you Celestia, you’re a great lawful good friend.