Gable watched curiously as Spike calmed himself. Rising to his feet Spike glanced down at Clump and asked. ”Hey, you okay? Aurora did say you could take that out when she left.”
”Pretty Mare put fork here, I want it here a bit longer.”
Spike shrugged. ”I’m going to use your chair then.”
”No problem, this floor is cozy.”
Pulling up to the table he addressed Garble. ”Alright, this will be a lot easier if you ask questions and I answer them, fair?”
”Okay Pipsqueak, let's start with you running things here, how’d I get that wrong?”
"It is true, Garble, that I do perform a ton of services around here. But only at the behest of others. I am, in fact Twilight's assistant, I have very little power of my own.”
”Huh. What about the dorky purple Unicorn? Certainly, she’s part of your clutch, right?”
Blanching Spike explained, ”Twilight hatched me and raised me, so kinda my mom/big sister. So that is a big old hell no.”
Gable blanched back, looking faintly green. ”Sorry dude didn't know. What about that purple haired Drama Queen? You follow her around, she has to be letting you get some, considering how hard you work for her.”
Spike grimaced, ”Yeah, been friend zoned there so hard my blue balls have frostbite, I’m her dearest friend or her little brother. Hell, I’ve helped her get dates and cleaned up the mess afterward. Guess again.”
Garble considered his next question, ”What about the one in the cowboy hat? She always seems pretty affectionate towards you.” Garble winked to the smaller dragon. ”Gotta be something there, right?”
Spike chuckled, ”Same answer as the second, except I was actually adopted by her and her family so yeah, little brother friendzoned again as usual."
"What about the quiet, pink and yellow one, it's always the quiet ones right?"
"Discord the Lord of Chaos and Her have simultaneously called Dibs on each other, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME, friendzoning one another."
Garble's eyes turned to pinpricks, "Yeah, under no circumstance would you want to get involved in that."
"Garble let me kinda cut this a little short, after all the last two answers are the same. Rainbow and Pinkie want each other, with Pinkie waiting for Rainbow to make a move. Both Mares also have two stallions they want, but are holding back till the tension between them is resolved. Neither one minds sharing the other. The six mares I hang out with have friendzoned me so hard, they actually interfere with anymare I might be interested in, to, and I quote, 'Try And Look After Their Little Brother.' I appreciate it, but, damn, no female will approach because their always asking for my help or mares get scared off by them being over protective."
"Spike, that is awful, at least tell me you get in some manuel relief time."
Spike started Laughing again. "Everytime I do, one of them walks in on me. It never fails. Doesn't matter where I am, or what I'm doing."
"Huh, you must be one frustrated little dude, hell you're even eye level with all that pussy. With your dragon senses I imagine heat season drives you nuts."
"How'd you think I became friends with Aurora? She takes me hunting with her, the brutal violence and killing take the edge off. Then I can return and be a hell of a lot more sane."
"How about we widden the female circle a bit. Your Mom's student or that Blue mare that talks in the third person."
"Starlight and Trixie? Starlight moons for her first love Sunburst, and Trixie has been banging Pharynx almost since he's been reformed, when she isn't banging Starlight!!!!!"
"Really? How about, Ember? You and her seemed to have a thing, Dragon Consort to the Queen isn't bad!"
"Yeah, no, somepony, or I should say Someling already fills that position."
"No way, He's your.."
"Best Bro. Yep, I accidental set up Ember and Thorax. The two of them think that no one knows, but Thorax is a screamer. I hear them whenever they both visit."
"DUDE! Not Cool! Well you have that giant crystal castle, that must be nice."
"That I don't own. Can't Eat, and have to clean, constantly."
"Well what about Smolder? She's your age. Congrats on the wings by the way, they look nice."
"Taken by Gaius, her griffon friend. Those two have been an Item almost since they met. Thanks by the way."
Garble, leaned back in his chair. Looking at the smaller male dragon, he couldn't help but feel sympathetic. This little dude was surrounded constantly by some gorgeous females, AND COULD DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!
"Well are there any members of the female variety that do cast looks your way? You have that adorable/cuddly thing going for you. You could play that up."
"How would I even know with how MY FRIENDS encircle me."
"Dragon Senses, Bro."
"Say to the what, know?"
Garble squinted his eyes at the runt, then asked, "How do you not know this?"
Frustrated Spike snarked back to Garble, "Gee, Garble, maybe I should rely on my amazing amount of knowledge of dragons, or my upbringing among dragons. Oh, Yeah. I can't because I WAS RAISED BY PONIES!"
Dawning realization struck the scarlet dragon, "As one guy to another, I feel I have to pass on this bit of knowledge. Us dragons can smell when a female is interested."
"How does that work?"
Garble shook his head, "How would I know? I'm not a NERD! All I know is that it works." Garble smiled again, "When the mares around here go into heat what do they smell like? All Male Dragons smell it differently. For me it's Rubies encrusted with salted caramel."
Spike snorted, "Dark Chocolate coated Emeralds, with caramel glaze and sprinkled with powdered sugar."
Garble and the three other dragons paused to drool as what Spike described lodged in their memory.
Wiping the drool from his mouth, Garble continued. "Well, you can tell when a mare is interested in you when that smell gets stronger when you're around her. It's best to confirm two other times before making your move, you might be picking up her interest in another that happens to be near you. During Heat Season this is even worse, why do you think I'm not in the Dragon Lands. I had no interest in getting snagged, or, even worse, finding no one interested. Especially since when you had me hug every dragon on the way back to my lair, some of the MALE dragons showed interest. Which, don't get me wrong, is flattering, just also frustrating because I have no interests that way and therefore it's a waste of everydragons time, resources and energy."
Spike thought, had there been any mares that fit that criteria. Maybe, particularly..... "Oh, crap!"
Garble smiled. "Figured out some prospects, huh?"
"Yeah, just not sure about it."
"Not sure about what?" A female voice said behind him.
Spike spun and saw three young mares looking up at him. The CMC, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. Spike's nostrils dilated madly as he sought to deny his realization. Garble chuckled as he confirmed Spikes hypothesis. All Three young mares where hot for Spike.
"HA! You are an Alpha! I knew it!" Garble exclaimed.
"Spike, I thought you hated Garble." Sweetie inquired.
Spike stammered out a reply, "I do, but Aurora just claimed him, so I was giving him the warning."
Scootaloo snorted. "Heh, thought I recognized the carnage."
Apple Bloom smiled up at Spike, "Hey Spike, we're running errands, we could use the help."
Shaking his head, he looked at all three young mares. Mares his own age. Mares none of their sisters would mind him pursuing. Mares that recently dropped their Special Someponies because the boys couldn't keep up. Breathing deep of the smell again, Spike made his choice.
"Sure, Be glad to help." Turning back to Garble he winked. "See you around Garble, at least if Aurora doesn't decide to make you a permanent part of herself. And Thanks, for what it's worth this talk has been helpful."
Garble snorted, "Don't go getting mushy on me Pipsqueak, I absolutely hate you."
Spike smiled. "Aww, I absolutely hate you too!" Walking off with the CMC, he chuckled. Things might be finally looking up.
Garble smiled, then frowning he glanced at the floor. Rising, he stepped over to Clump, grabbing the fork, he yanked, dislodging it, allowing Clump's Dragon Healing to kick in.
"Clump, Aurora is MINE, stop being creepy about her."
"Sorry, boss."
Garble sat down, going back to his meal, he decided that, perhaps, not all ponies where bad.