-A week later, Canterlot Dungeon, Maries-
“So how is Fizzle doing without me Maries?” Jade was quite worried, as she is our prospective mate we should answer her swiftly.
“She is not sleeping well without you to warm her bed.” It was sad for us to watch, but Fizzle was really quite upset without her snuggles. The matriarch is at least supplementing things by snuggling her often. “We believe she is fine otherwise and misses you.”
“Remind me to make it up to her after we’re done here. Though I should probably wean her off getting too clingy.” Do not worry Jade, we will assuredly remind you. “So, are you ready to turn the world on its head?”
“We are most certainly ready, we will let Maria do the talking unless one of us has something to say. We will be putting our best paw forward with our more herbivorous head.” Mara spoke for us, then Marie spoke up next. “I will be remembering any small details of the trial and will remind Maria or Mara if they miss anything.”
“I don’t think we’ll have any trouble Jade.” As the speaker for our group, I, Maria, would have to worry about what I say. I’m the cautious one so that won’t be a problem. “We have all the knowledge we need to handle this case.”
-Breakfast and two hours later, Courtroom, Jade-
“Quick question Celestia, do you have a spell that makes someone tell the truth?” I sat down in the defendant’s seat, my lawyer would be coming in soon and boy would that cause some interesting reactions.
I noticed a problem with the jury almost immediately when I looked around, there were plenty of royal guards out of armor in the crowd. I could already see them as being a bit biased here.
“Yes, the ‘Circle of the Concise’ spell. It creates a grey circle, anyone that sits in the circle has to tell the truth as the circle turns green when you do. It turns red when you lie.” That sounded useful for the court justice system, it sounded quite prominently useful to me. “Do you wish to use such option?”
“Yes, but what does it do when a liar paradox or a logic bomb occurs?” That was the part that could rub my fur the wrong way and I wanted to hear what Celestia had to say about it.
“What’s a liar paradox or a logic bomb?” Celestia titled her head as if she doesn’t understand the question I was asking.
“I’ll explain it by making a statement that will sound odd, my example is this.” I wanted to give her at least one that she could understand. “Everything I say is a lie.”
“If that were true then wouldn’t you be telling the truth about saying everything is a….” Celestia’s eyes crossed once it occurred to her how what I just said actually works.
If everything I say is a lie then how can ever tell the truth about lying all the time?
“How about an easier one.” She nodded to me and I cleared my throat. “This statement is false.”
“I think I get the idea Jade. Just for the sake of clarity, do you have any more?” Oh the princess was interested in it now, I’ll give her a more interesting one.
“Well it’s a bit rough, but… a crocodile steals a foal and promises its return to the parents if they can correctly guess exactly what the crocodile will do.” My guess is, it will take a few seconds for Celestia to comprehend how this one is paradoxical. “How does it respond if you guess that the foal will not be returned?”
“If the crocodile keeps the foal then that would be verifying the answer, but giving the foal back would cause the answer to become false and thus it can’t return the foal. The crocodile would be stuck and incapable of doing anything.” Thinking on it for a while, Celestia groaned while rubbing her head with her hooves shifting her glorious long flowing mane a bit. “I’d wait for the crocodile to give the foal back, then I would make a run for it before it can say that the answer became false by giving back the child. Though the paradox still exists, at least the foal will be alright and it’s cutting the middle mare out of the equation.”
“That or cutting the Minotaur lands most famous knot. If it actually happened in the real world, then that would probably be the most prudent course of action. Provided that the crocodile has some honor… this is a creature that kidnapped a foal after all.” Both I and Celestia shuddered at the other implication. “Sorry for the mental image.”
“It’s okay, I did ask. Knowing what I do now, I have no idea how the ‘Circle of the Concise’ spell would work in that situation.” Well that’s an interesting tidbit, I also gave Celestia a headache. Go me! “I will give you a fair and just trial, have no doubt in my words. Even if the jury is suspiciously made of those who are biased against you.”
“Can’t I have most of the jury thrown out on the issues of ‘challenge for cause’?” I asked looking at all the ponies in the crowd.
“You could, but then you wouldn’t get the real equestrian trial that you wanted, we’d have to throw most of the jury out in that case. In any event, if they show bias because of what you are, then I will do my best to support you and remind my little ponies that they’d be in contempt of court. I unfortunately will have to remain neutral to you once we get started.” A thought occurred to me after Celestia said those words, I smiled brightly at her. “Did you think of something?”
“Let’s keep the jury just as they are… they’ll be siding with me by the end of this.” I happily stated. “I’ll just have to run it by my lawyer though.”
“Yes, your lawyer, I believe their entrance will cause quite the commotion.” Celestia nodded and turned to trot up to the judge’s podium and sat down. In came the plaintiff and the prosecutor.
Shining Armor and some guy named Pace Set, a unicorn with a short grey mane and burgundy fur. As far as prosecutors go, he wasn’t intimidating even if he was currently trying to be as he sent an icy stare my way. I just gave this Pace Set guy a lazy wave.
“Your honor and royal highness, where is the defendants attorney?” Like you actually care Mr. Set.
“I believe they will be here in a short amount of time.” The words Celestia spoke led to some confusion among the plaintiff Shining and the Prosecutor Pace. She turned to the royal guard in the courtroom. “Bailiff could you look outside and see if they are here?”
“She has more than one lawyer willing to work with her?” Asking this, Shining Armor glanced at me askance.
“No, it’s just the one, but they are certainly unique.” Here Celestia smiled impishly, that smile grew even worse when the bailiff quickly stumbled back into the courtroom looking pale and made his way up to her.
I’m guessing that the bailiff met my lawyer. Oh Maries, please tell me they’re going to cause a ruckus. Something that I can smile and laugh about later.
-Celestia-
The bailiff looks so pale, it’s like he’s never seen a friendly chimera before. Then again I’ve only ever seen the one friendly chimera and she’s quite intelligent. It goes to show that the mostly carnivorous monsters can be our friends too… under the right circumstances.
“Celestia… we have a problem, there’s a chimera out there and I think it might have eaten the defendants attorney.” This poor little pony, he was trying to warn me about something I already knew. I was trying to keep a straight face and it would be a while before the real trial started, it would be fun to nail the noble who owned The Gilded Buttress when he came in to file his formal complaint.
“Don’t worry bailiff I will handle things, when it comes into the room.” I assured him calmly, the Bloody Maries would be handling themselves quite well.
“Wouldn’t it be better to go out there and deal with it princess?” The shaking guard said.
“No, in this case I think it’s best to see for yourself why I want them to come in here.” Again I remained calm and Jade looked as equally calm, but she was smirking and looking towards the door.
I’ll have to deal with the panic of this won’t I? Still it wasn’t a bad idea for a prank, all things considered. I knew nobody would be hurt and the attorney would be on their best behaviors after this one small thing.
-Jade-
The doors to the courtroom burst open and then Mara roared.
All the ponies, immediately faced with the threat of a chimera, suddenly started running about and slamming into each other and screaming like chickens with their heads cut off.
Mara just smiled and Maries walked silently to the defendants table and took her seat next to me. Maria put the briefcase down and they opened it with their paws to start getting their documents organized.
Celestia did nothing aside from smile, Shining was staring at her as if she were a lunatic for doing absolutely nothing to stop the monster from taking a seat next to me. Shining had put a barrier around himself and it didn’t seem like he wanted to drop it anytime soon.
The ponies eventually calmed down and out of curiosity they all looked towards the chimera calmly organizing the stuff on our table. Maries were whispering small details to themselves out loud, they didn’t need to do that as they had a connected mental network. The reason they did this is to calm down all the ponies, by acting as if their presence was completely normal.
Nothing like a little refuge in audacity to get the blood flowing, I’m so glad I made Shining Armor start that Bavarian Fire Drill when giving chase to me.
“Egad, are you serious!” Pace was the first to realize the truth of why I had a chimera sitting next to me. “Is that the cat’s attorney!”
“Yes.” Celestia solemnly intoned.
“Your honor, I object to having that beast here in the courtroom!” While Pace was saying this, Shining eventually dropped the barrier and gave me a befuddled look.
I simply waved jauntily to Shining Armor and leaned against Marie’s side. Bizarrely enough, the ponies actually went back to their seats while giving my attorney plenty of wary glances.
“You honor, we object to having an asshole here in the courtroom!” Maria riposted before turning to a mule sitting among the jury. “No offense meant to the mule in the jury of course.”
“None taken beautiful.” The grey buck toothed donkey stated happily while winking.
“We’re already trying to see someone.” Responded Maria blandly.
“Both objections are noted and overruled.” Though Celestia did smile in Maries’s direction a bit.
“That beast can’t possibly be an attorney!” That’s not what the attorney badge she’s wearing on her sash says to me Pace. “I wish to test the veracity of her being an attorney before we begin!”
“You may state what part of her credentials you wish to test Mr. Pace, we will then start the trial of Jaded La Perm vs. Canterlot.” Oh this should be good, given Celestia already knew it was quite legal.
Despite Maries never having taken a case, by equestrian law itself she was a fully capable of being here and has passed her bar exam. One did not expect a hyper smart chimera, they were that smart when they all focused on doing one thing together with teamwork.
“First, I want to point out that this beast is not even an equestrian citizen.” Well aren’t you a boring stallion, but you’d be wrong by the definition of what an equestrian citizen entails.
I had dual citizenship with Equestria and Abyssia, he’d probably try to say I’m not a citizen either. Good luck with that. The jury seemed to agree with Pace a bit, given they didn’t understand how being like Maries could be an attorney in their lands.
“We have a question for you Mr. Set, is all the soil between Appleoosa and Canterlot considered to be within equestria’s territory?” Oh Maria looked to be having a lot of fun with this as she and Mara calmly stared at him.
“Yes, it is.” Now Mr. Set was curious as to where Maries was going with this, but I already knew he’d be upset. He was a tad racist, but that was understandable given the history of the chimeras wasn’t anything close to being sunshine and rainbows. “Why do you ask beast?”
“Then we are an equestrian citizen, by your very own words Mr. Set. The very fact that chimera’s have been settled here since the three pony tribes came and started claiming land. Which includes the territory my clans live in and concerning the fact that we have not disputed this land taking and you have not disturbed our living arrangements. Chimera, by living wherever they do within pony claimed territories, own and have rights to said land as equestrian citizens.” We were going by their own laws here, so really I was thinking this was a cute move pulled by Maries. “All the ponies who were killed on our land as equestrian citizens were trespassing, but know this… we’ve never killed a pony ourselves and we will be willing to sit in the ‘Circle of the Concise’ to prove that matter. My father and mother were both born within equestrian territory by your laws, as such I can claim citizenship for every chimera clan right here and now.”
“What…” Aw, it’s so cute that Pace Set was so flabbergasted that he couldn’t respond.
“They are correct, by our laws they have prior claim and nobody has disputed it for years after they didn’t dispute our claiming of the surrounding lands including the territories they live in. They are intelligent enough to argue the point. So therefore, I declare that the territories belonging to my citizens, the chimeras, are in fact theirs.” With that Celestia banged the gavel. “However, I don’t recommend intruding upon their lands, they are within their rights to govern themselves in a violent manner. We, as ponies, do not offer chimeras any goods and services, they do not need to pay us any taxes. I do not wish to start a war with beings that have many varying dangerous abilities.”
“You can’t be serious!” Pace quickly clammed up when Celestia sent him a glare, he sighed. “Fine, it is within our own laws that this happened. I can accept that. Is the chimera at least licensed to act as an attorney and can I get a record of her…”
I was chuckling as we already had the prosecutor on the back hoof and we haven’t even begun to fight.
“Excuse us, but use a plural when in reference to us please, we are always more than one.” Stated Maria.
“As I was saying, I wish to check the records of ‘their’ bar exam and license to be here as an attorney.” He was quite upset when he saw the prepared and notarized documentation.