It has now been about two months (or is it moons?) since I arrived in Equestria, and it was getting more and more difficult to keep my temper in check. Like a rising tide, they dominated my thoughts night after night. I wish my mom was here, she was good at interpreting things like this. Memories from the past crashed into my thoughts like when mom left my dad after finding out he had been cheating. The arguments that had ensued caused me nightmares when I thought that it was my fault that he and mom separated, however misguided that had been. She helped me get through those times, and my eyes betrayed my feelings, as a lone tear dribbled down my cheek.
On the other hand, I was starting to fly, not just hover or glide, but no better than fillies or colts almost half my age. I was happy when I was gliding, but now, flying, there wasn’t any real joy when I have kids basically out-flying me all over the place, which wasn’t helping my confidence. In a way, I might as well be back home, as everything I was going through back there was very similar. It didn’t make me want to work harder at it at all.
On my daily visit to Sugarcube Corner, cupcakes were the choice of the day to drown my woes in. When I stepped up to pay for it, I gave a forced smile to Pinkie, hoofed over the bits, and was going to head out when she called out to me. I half turned around to look at her.
“Maverick, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, why do you ask?”
“Well, my Pinkie sense told me somepony was feeling sad, and the only pony around is you.”
“There’s nothing wrong as far as I’m concerned, Pinkie. My only regret is not talking to you more often, once a day is not enough,” that was the honest truth, at least.
“You know I’m always available to talk if you need, Mav. Just say the wordie and we can talkie. Or if we were walking it would be a talkie walkie! Or would that be a walkie talkie?”
That one almost made me giggle, “Thanks, Pinkie. I’ll keep you in mind. See you around,” I gave a more genuine smile to Pinkie as she still gave me a concerned look at my departure.
Mindlessly, I made my way over to Fluttershy’s place. Here and there, I’d spot Squirrely following me, and I honestly didn’t mind. We had developed a rapport with each other, to the point where while he wasn’t my pet, we could be considered inseparable. I never considered a squirrel as a companion until now. I was more of a dog person myself, but as time had gone on, Squirrely was as loyal a pet as anything. It was when I approached Fluttershy’s that I decided that he was the pet for me.
“Hey, Fluttershy!”
“Oh, hello Maverick. What can I do for you, today wasn’t supposed to be a training day, was it?”
“Oh, no, it isn’t. I’m just interested in Squirrely. He’s been pretty much with me every day for the last moon or so and we like each other.” When I said that, Squirrely glided down from somewhere and landed on my back. I extended my wing, where he ran up it and to my face where we nuzzled. Fluttershy had that ‘awww!’ look on her face and I loved it.
“You two look great together. Let me get you a starter bag with some food, medical supplies, and caregiving guide for him. I’ll be right back.” She rushed off into her house.
“Hey, while she’s busy getting that, you don’t look like a Squirrely. You look more like a…a ‘Steve’. Would you mind it if I changed your name?” He shook his head at me. “Well, then. Steve it is!”
Fluttershy returned with the bag of supplies, where I updated her on his name change. She was excited that we were getting along so well. When we first met, we really didn’t like each other, but as time went on, we understood our roles better and became best buds. Little did I know that that would be really tested in the next few days. Nonetheless, the moment he officially became my pet was the next greatest moment here, the first discovering that I was a pegasus.
I headed back to the castle to get Steve acclimated to his new home, temporary as it may be. After I put away the supplies Fluttershy gave me, I found Twilight to introduce him, and hoped that she would let me keep him, since our relationship has been up and down, and I wouldn’t blame her if she said no.
“Hi, Twilight. Um, I hope you don’t mind, but I have a pet. Meet Steve,” I said with trepidation.
Steve poked his head out from my mane and waved, “Hi, Steve! It’s nice to meet you. Maverick, I need your help in the throne room retrieving a crystal from the chandelier.”
I followed her to the throne room, “I’d be glad to, but don’t take this the wrong way, but why don’t you get it, you can fly too.”
“I have my reasons.”
“Way to be clear, Jason.” I muttered at the explanation that Twilight gave. She gave me a confused look to which I only responded, “Nevermind.”
I wondered if this was a veiled test or something. Maybe she was going to try to get me to open up to her, when I was still not quite ready, nightmares notwithstanding. Normally my reaction would be to brush this off, but knowing Twilight, she’d keep trying, so it was in my best interest to get this over with as quickly as possible. I flew up to nab the crystal she pointed out and brought it down.
“Ok, what now?”
“Look into it.”
My eyes stared deeply into the crystal, which showed the memory of them stopping Nightmare Moon and restoring Princess Luna. “This is…incredible.”
“It’s also what friendship can do. If I hadn’t trusted my friends during that, we would have never stopped Nightmare Moon. I want to earn that same level of trust with you. I mean, learning about a world without magic, yet knows about us?”
With that comment, my fears about her really being my friend were realized. I was just another being to her, one out of place in Equestria and to be learned about. After she departed, I left the crystal on the table. It would have been just the thing for her to use against me, to learn about the being that came from another universe to be poked and prodded.
It was another night of restlessness, which ended with me waking up screaming and sweating. A noise to my right attracted my attention, where Steve was sitting. He had a concerned look on his face.
I felt bad for the little guy. First night with a new owner and he practically got scared out of his skin in the morning. I couldn’t know if Steve thought it was his fault or not, so I had to say something, “Steve, this isn’t your fault. I’m trying to work through this.”
With Steve on my head, I wanted to clear my mind so I took a walk around town. I went around the outskirts to stay as far away from other ponies as I could. Absorbed in my concerns, I almost bowled over a little filly that happened to be walking the same path. I reared up and spread my wings to help me back off of the white unicorn that I recognized as Sweetie Belle. I mumbled a sorry to her and just walked off. I didn’t even bother to look back at her expression upon seeing me again, though if I were to do so, I would’ve seen some...curiosity. My near miss with Sweetie Belle only served to emphasize my depression, because of what had happened the first day I appeared in Equestria. I could only imagine that she didn’t like me…after all, I took a dress she was entrusted with and practically destroyed it.
My aimless wandering found me at Ponyville Park. I found a bench to sit on and observe the fillies and colts play with one another, which made me wish I was that young again. If time could be reversed...I squeezed my eyes shut, my loneliness and despair fueling a dark vision. The thought that kept appearing over and over again…’Would things be better if I were never born?’ Steve smacked me on the head a few times in a vain attempt to capture my attention, but I ignored him. He sighed (or at least what could pass as one), then jumped off my head. This captured my attention to where I opened my eyes to see him chittering to Fluttershy. At one point, she raised her hoof to her mouth to say, “Oh…my.”
She approached me, “Maverick, Maverick! Are you alright? You look troubled.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I sighed, “I love the feeling of the sun on my fur.”
She moved closer in order to speak softly, “I know about your nightmares, and that you have been lying about your feelings to everypony.”
Wait, what? The only way she could have known that was…and I turned to look at Steve, who only grinned at me. “Somebody needs to mind his own business…” I muttered to him.
“Maverick, I’m your friend, and I’m worried about you. You don’t need to face this alone.”
Something snapped in me, and I yelled, “Look, if I wanted somepony to needle me about things, I’d let Twilight do it! I’m sure she’d have an unending stream of questions to pepper me with!”
A moment of silence came around us, as some of the other ponies that heard my outburst just stopped and stared at me. Guilt came over me like a tidal wave, my ears drooped, and I stammered out an apology.
With a hurt look, Fluttershy managed to squeak out, “Maverick. Just remember if you ever need to talk, you can always come to me.”
Fluttershy walked away, but before she could get far, Steve jumped to my head and hit me with an acorn while pointing to Fluttershy, an angry look on his face. “Ok, ok, buddy. I get the message.” I rubbed my head where Steve hit me and called out to her, “Fluttershy!”
She turned around as I approached her. “I’ve…reconsidered. Could you meet me at the castle after dinner?” She smiled and nodded when Steve chittered something to her. I remained at the park for a couple of hours, just watching the ponies that came and went. As the day grew late, I noticed the clouds being brought in, which reminded me that an overnight shower was scheduled, and I really don’t like the rain.
The scheduled shower drove me home, where I found Spike in the kitchen, getting some dinner ready. I appreciated some distraction before tonight with Fluttershy.
“Hey, Spike. How was your day?”
“Mav, it was...fine,” the look on his face said it all. My experience with relationships told me all that I needed to know.
“What’s wrong? You sound like something bad happened.”
“It’s trouble with somepony I really like.”
“Well, why don’t you just ask her out?”
“I don’t know about that. Girls are just so…confusing.”
“I can’t deny that, they were just as confusing where I came from, but all you can do is to ask her and let things go from there, one step at a time. I’m sure, no matter how it ends, she’ll still be a good friend. As a matter of fact, I would never have met my former fiancée if I never spoke up. I wish I had said more than I did…”
The forlorn look on my face must have been evident to him, “Something happened to her, right Mav?”
I took a deep breath, “I'd...rather not talk about it.”
“I’m sorry,” he placed a claw on my shoulder.
I looked down at the table, feelings for her that I had long thought forgotten were starting to come up again, “I guess some scars don’t ever heal. When will dinner be ready?”
“In about 30 minutes.”
I thanked him before heading to my room. With every step, I got more angry with myself about how I handled Sarah. In my mind, everything that had happened was my fault, regardless of what the police said. What was more important right now to me, however, were these nightmares that plagued me night after night. Two moons of this had its’ impact on my attitude, and unfortunately, Twilight happened to find me as I was just a few doors away from my sanctuary, preventing me from calming myself down before Fluttershy could get here. Steve, meanwhile, jumped off of me as she approached.
“Maverick, I was just looking for you. We need to talk. I noticed you left the crystal on the table.”
“Can it wait, Twilight? I’d rather be alone right now,” the exasperation in my voice was apparent. I cringed as even she picked up on it.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you over the past couple of moons, but it needs to stop or you need to talk about it. Of everything that you told me, there’s still something you’re keeping locked away, and it’s not healthy.”
“Look, I’m still not ready to talk to you about it.”
“Why? You can trust us to keep it secret if you want. We’re your friends.”
“Really? Or is this just something you want to know because I’m just another interesting science project? The pony that appeared from nowhere?”
Steve took this moment to jump off my head and run off, much to my surprise.
“No, it’s not that at all! We’re your friends and we are worried about you. Please...tell us what is wrong and let us help you. You don't have to face this alone.”
My frustration with everything started to let loose, “Look, Twi, I don’t need to answer anything you or any other pony has to ask me! Why are you hounding me like this?”
“I don’t mean to hound, but you still need to talk about this. Nopony is mad at you about your race through town, but if that’s what’s still bugging you…”
“Just stop it, Twi,” I interrupted, “You don’t know everything about me, so stop trying to make me think that you do! Nopony can ever understand what I went through, so quit being a smartass and leave methe hell alone!”
I left her sitting there with her ears turned down and ran up to my room to look for Steve. After I examined my room, it was apparent that I even drove my last friend away. I grabbed my saddlebags, found some rope, and glided out of my window to the sound of thunder in the distance. I didn’t need anypony stopping me on the way with ropes wrapped around my barrel and saddlebags.
“Time to end this. I was right from the beginning, everypony would be better off if I wasn’t around at all,” I muttered to nopony in particular.
It wasn’t long before my destination was in sight, the location where I first appeared in Equestria, a nice, quiet spot to think. Darkness entered my mind like the storm clouds over town, and plagued my thoughts as I approached the pond.