Essay Eight: The Practical Application of Impractical Situations
With a word, the cigarette burst apart, incinerating the paper and letting fly the contents; the fine strands of shredded mana leaf, now arrow-rigid and needle sharp. A cloud of small, brilliant needles showered the oncoming beast and stuck themselves in really rather rude places along its carapace and all the fleshy bits. Which, of course, only served to anger the creature, as it rampaged forward.
Until Treble gave the second command. “Dáð!” he yelped, almost in panic. Almost. He dove rather ungracefully out of the way of his opponent as the needles surged with energy and gave the beast what appeared to be a miniature seizure. It skidded onto one side and slid forward with a great deal of momentum, almost clipping Treble as it slid past and into -or rather, through- a rock behind it. Making a valiant effort to stand up, the beast howled in rage as its limbs decided ‘no, today was not the day to do that, and I’d really rather have a nap right here thank you’. Trying a few more times to right itself, it found that whatever that surge had been had done some unfortunate things to its motor functions, as the creature stumbled over itself time and time again.
Sugarcoat stared at the fallen creature from a generous distance. “What did you do?”
Climbing to his feet (with no help from the girls, he noticed), he explained, “Basically short-circuited it. It’s like the tremors you get after a bad electric shock. Not exactly what happened, but he’ll be stumbling over himself for a little while. Which is why we should probably start moving now rather than later, before-”
As if to demonstrate, the ground shook slightly, dust and leaves shuddering and falling to the ground from wherever they lay. The next impact shook the pebbles at their feet, and the next made them stumble slightly. The sound of footsteps could be heard on the trail of the smaller creature twitching on the ground before them. “Before whatever the hell that is, you mean?” Sunny asked, panicked.
“Yes. Very much yes. I suggest we leave in case they’re related,” DT suggested.
“I second the notion,” Sugar added immediately. So off they went.
The open plains offered little in the way of hiding spaces, in contrast to the ruins some distance away. On the other hand, they’d all considered on some level the possibility that, should they use the crumbling walls and dilapidated towers as a hiding spot, that they might not be the only things sneaking about among the stonework. A thought quickly overridden by the oncoming footfalls, as Treble hissed, “This way!” and led them into the broken maze of ancient stone.
They scrambled over walls and decayed wood as the ruins became more and more dense, the half-standing stones giving way to more intact structures with proper doors and windows. The doors themselves were on their way to being well-rotted, and the wooden frames had long since given up hope, but some of the walls and even towers had held on long enough to be considered in fair condition. Nobody volunteered going inside, however. There was something… off about the stones. How they sat on top of each other. The angles didn’t make sense, and continued to do so after long visual inspection. The doors, what little of them were left, met their frames in disturbing, subtle ways, and the windows didn’t appear to lead to anything. Anything they wanted to see, anyways.
The farther they went into the maze, the more… wrong things became. The walls became more organic, giving the appearance of having grown in place rather than being built, and the structures more visually abusive. Treble had taken to looking either at the ground or sky as he moved, and encouraged the girls to do the same. Looking around them gave them headaches, and more than once they’d gotten the distinct impression that they would have seen someone in the ruins with them, someone or something, if they’d just turned their heads a little bit faster.
“Really starting to miss the hospital,” Sunny shuddered, staring defiantly at the ground as she stepped over a crumbled portion of wall. She kicked over a rock as she did so, and lots of tiny somethings crawled out, moving in unnatural patterns and disappearing into the grass.
“The real one or the fake one?” Treble chided, carefully staring at a passing cloud as he vehemently ignored a doorway to his left that he wasn’t sure was there a moment ago, and was very sure wouldn’t be there after he walked through it.
“Yes.”
Sugarcoat shook with nerves. “I hate it here. Nothing makes sense. I’d rather be stuck in a labyrinth of right angles than whatever this mess is. I feel like I’m being watched. Out of the back of my own head.”
“Treble mused on that for the exact amount of time it took him to decide he didn’t want to anymore. “That’s a wonderful image, thanks for that. Now if we could just get through the stonework-”
“What?” Sunny demanded. “IF we get through these ruins, what next?! More plains? More giant creatures to run from? More floors? I’m running out of give, here, Treble, and Sugar’s not doing so hot either. If you have anything resembling a plan, now would be the time to tell us!”
“Well forgive me if I don’t! I’m not exactly the intrepid adventurer or knowledgeable guide, here. I’m flying by the seat of my pants just as much as you are!” he growled, turning on his heel.
Sugar glowered at him. “I thought you knew what you were doing,” she snapped.
“Really? Really?! What part of any of this looks like I know where the hell we are or what to do about it?! Everything up to now has just been guesswork, thank you very much, and some blind luck! In fact, I’m pretty sure the only reason we’re still alive is because we’re useful to… someone, somewhere. So if the two of you geniuses want to start doing some of the mental heavy lifting, I’m all ears!” he spat back.
“Then what was that bunk about psychonauts and fractal patterns, then? It’s not like we have any experience here! I thought you guys had a handle on this shit!” Sunny accused.
“Well I’m sorry you got stuck with the stupid one, then!” Treble shouted, spinning around and pushing through a large swath of brush.
The girls traded uneasy glances, chasing after him. The brush, a heavy thing of unhealthy colors, too many leaves on a branch, and a really bad smell, fought them back slightly as they forced their way through, and they came out the other side to find Treble skulking forward, away from the ruins and into a dense wood. His hunched shoulders and lowered head suggested they might have hit a nerve.
Even after they caught up to him, no one said anything for a while. Besides a few snippets like “Watch your step” and the like, it was quiet as the ruins slowly faded into a forest of pale purple trees with violently indigo leaves. The bark was unnaturally smooth and solid, much like the stones, and the leaves looked a little too rigid, and sharp. It wasn’t until they reached a clearing with no definable paths that Sugarcoat spoke up.
“You, uh, want to explain that little outburst back there?” she said, not unkindly. Although, given her typical demeanor, it wasn’t exactly kind, either.
“Not especially.”
Sunny elbowed her friend and stepped forward. “I think she means that, if you, you know, want to talk, we’re here. I mean, you’re kind of stuck with us.”
Treble had busied himself with inspecting a tree, taking his pocket knife out of his pocket and digging slightly at the bark. It did little more than scratch the blade, and the leaves weren’t much better. He gave the trunk a few kicks for good measure, and sighed. “Look, of all the people you could have gotten stuck with in here, you probably got the shortest end of the stick. I don’t know this stuff like they do. I mean, Rubble’s not much better, but between the fighting and the ghost hitchhiking in his head he could at least offer some kind of protection. Yes, even with a cane. Kid’s crazy. Dusty’s almost worse. I mean, there’s fighting, and then there’s whatever Dusty does. And he has a good head for spellwork. The only thing I’ve got is this,” he shook the cigarette case, “And even then I have to read and re-read the instructions whenever I make a new pack. Can’t keep a thought in my head. To be honest, your best bet would have been to walk in here with Spooky at your back. You’d probably be out already. Sometimes I don’t think that guy realizes how crazy some of the stuff he does is. I try to make myself useful, you know. Putting on all the confidence I can scrape up and leading people into the great unknown so that they don’t have to argue about who goes first. It’s a lot easier to do the job with someone loud and stupid standing between you and the thing with the teeth.”
The girls were thoughtful for a moment. Then Sunny stepped forward and patted Treble on the shoulder. “Well, if it’s any consolation, we’re all still alive.”
“I know,” Treble said weakly. “I just wish I didn’t have to do this alone.”
“At least you’re here, doing something,” Sugar pointed out. “Lord knows what the other guys are up to.”
-------------------------------------------
“You’re sure it’s this elevator?”Rubble demanded, glaring at Spooks. He shifted his wait off his cane slightly and leaned against the wall. “How reliable is that stick, anyway?”
Spooky rolled his eyes, not turning around. “It’s called a divination rod, and it’s how I found your ass when you were buried in that gremlin cave last summer.”
Dusty threw his crippled friend a knowing smirk, and Rubble had the decency to look slightly abashed. “Ok, fine. So what, they took the elevator and it fell into another dimension or something?”
“Or something,” Spooks grunted. “Dusty, give me a hand with this door.”
Double D stretched his arms and cracked his knuckles in one smooth motion, then dug his fingers into the space between the doors. The two boys pulled, straining against the heavy metal, until it gave an inch, then a few more, then finally crashed open all at once.
Zap chose this moment to reappear behind them, taking the corner at speed. “Ok, I got a bunch of people out, and you’re lucky this isn’t an intensive care ward or something. They’re all on the other side of the building now.”
“Really?” Spooks asked, somewhat impressed. “That was rather fast.”
“Well, when the paintings start screaming at you, you tend to reach the nearest exit at speed,” Indigo explained. “Near as I can tell this is the only ward with freaky shit going on. And can someone please do something about these flowers? They’re freaking me out,” she added, nodding her head in the direction of a potted plant that had since grown teeth, or something like teeth, and was currently chewing on the pot it grew in.
“Well, whatever is causing shit here to turn Cronenberg on us is probably a lot worse wherever our friends are,” Rubble grunted, tugging on Indigo’s sleeve and leading her away from the gnawing plant, which seemed close to realizing there were better things to chew on nearby than ceramics. “So the sooner we find the other end of this elevator ride, the better.”
“No joke,” Indigo groaned. “I mean, the only thing standing between my friends and a whole world of nasty not-niceness is Treble. I mean, what’s he gonna do, talk at the monsters till they go away?”
Dusty shrugged. “Hey, he’s done it before. He even had a vampire nest drop us off in the desert because they didn’t want to listen to him explain the word ‘quantum’ again.”
“Not that he was even remotely close,” Spooks groaned, waving the divining rod halfway into the elevator shaft. He pulled back once he got a good look at the cables, and realized they looked less like giant woven bands of metal and more like veins. “God, why is it always fleshy? Gross.” He heaved a sigh and tucked the rod somewhere into his pocket. “At least we’re in a hospital. Even he wouldn’t take those damn cigarettes with him here.”
“...actually...” Rubble said uneasily.
Spooks rounded on him and gave him the mother of all disapproving stares. “Tell me you’re joking.”
“Well, after the dance and the Inkwell House he said he felt distinctly unprepared. So he maybe might have started carrying around a spare pack wherever he goes,” Rubble explained, in what would have been a sheepish tone on anyone else. Rubble didn’t do sheepish.
Spooks rolled his eyes and threw his hands up. “What part of It’s going to burn out your neural pathways from the inside out doesn’t he understand?!”