//------------------------------// // Chapter Five // Story: Spawn of Secundus // by TheOnlySaneDraconequus //------------------------------// Chapter Five One afternoon in early March, Thorax was walking through the Hive gardens, admiring the new growth that was starting to show. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Secundus. Secundus was stretched out in a lazy coil on the ground, rolling around and twitching happily, purring deeply. Thorax stalked over. “Did you get into the catnip again?!” he shouted. Secundus pointed at the sky. “SSsssuunnn…” he purred. Thorax chuckled. “Happy Spring to you too. I’m sorry we didn’t do the ‘Winter Wrap-up’ song, but the seasons pretty much happen by themselves way out here.” Secundus chuckled. “It’s fine. I’m sorry that I’ve been a misery these past few months.” Thorax smiled. “It’s not your fault, it just happens. Chemistry, right? I’m pretty used to your Winter funks by now. Trust me, you’ve gotten better between last year and this year. Shall I leave you two alone together?” Thorax teased. Secundus smiled, and leaned back. “If you wouldn’t mind. It’s been months.” Thorax nodded, and left his husband basking in the sun. As he headed into the Hive to catch up on paperwork, he noticed Albert stretched out on a rock, snoozing peacefully. Like father, like son, Thorax thought with a laugh. Later that day, Secundus was helping some of the eighteen-year-old (nine in Changeling years) nymphs practice their shapeshifting. He was walking around the chamber, mostly observing, wearing a pair of genuine x-ray specs. He commented, “OK, Phalange, that’s pretty good, but you want to change your internal anatomy to match as well.” Phalange shifted from a lime-green pony filly back to a lime-green Changeling colt, an annoyed look on his face. “I hate being a pony,” he complained. “I feel like I’m inside out!” Secundus nodded. “I know, I’ve heard that from all the adult Changelings as well. It’s just important that your alternate shapes be complete and convincing. A really good shape-shifter can pass a pony blood test with flying colors. Not so easy when your natural blood is blue.” “Why do we even need to practice shape-shifting?!” another colt asked a bit angrily. “We don’t even have Scouts anymore! We don’t need to hide ourselves anymore, ponies accept us for who we are!” Secundus smiled. “Yes, for which I’m very grateful. However, shapeshifting is an important aspect of Changeling nature and biology, so it’s important to keep it up, and to practice it. Besides, it’s fun!” he pronounced, turning into a large blue and gold Changeling stallion with black eyes and small dark blue antlers similar to Thorax’s. “Now normally I can’t sense emotions, but when I’m in this shape, physically I am a Changeling, so I can. That’s how shapeshifting should work, you become the thing you’re pretending to be.” “But you’re a Draconequus,” pointed out a young female. Secundus nodded. “Yes, which means my magic is fundamentally different from a Changeling’s, but the principle still applies. Now, keep practicing, and I’ll check on your progress,” Secundus said as he shifted back into his preferred form. After a few minutes, Secundus started feeling nauseous. He clutched his stomach, and his cheeks bulged. “Uh, you OK there your Highness?” asked Phalange. “Don’t call me ‘your Highness,’” Secundus croaked. “I’m fine, just give me a second.” His mouth opened further. “WAH-CHOO!” Black and white flames shot out of his mouth, along with a scroll, which he caught. “I’ve never sneezed correspondence before,” he said with a sniff. Secundus glanced at the scroll. “It’s a letter from Twilight.” He looked at the assembled nymphs. “Class dismissed, try not to be too happy about it. Same time next week!” The nymphs cheered and scattered. Secundus read the mercifully short letter. “Secundus, I don’t know if you’re in Equestria, on business, or just out exploring for kicks, but could you con and see me today? I have some important news for you. Your friend/mentor/unfortunate occasional victim, Twilight Sparkle. P.S. I’m standing in front of a huge pit of spikes, so don’t try the whole turning-up-behind-me thing.” Secundus grinned evilly. He popped out to the gardens and flagged Thorax down. “Twilight wants to talk to me, I shouldn’t be too long.” “Bring me back one of those amazing apple fritters!” Thorax begged/commanded. Secundus saluted. “As you wish!” Twilight was waiting patiently in the basement of the castle when she felt a rush of air above and behind her. She looked and saw Secundus standing about three feet in the air, smirking slightly. Twilight facehoofed. “I actually forgot that gravity is optional for you,” she groaned . “Mm-hmm,” Secundus said, looking beneath him. True to Twilight’s word, there really was a huge pit of spikes directly below him. “You weren’t kidding,” Secundus commented. His nostrils twitched slightly at the smell hitting them, his eyes growing wide with horror as he worked out what those reddish-brown stains were. “Uh, Twilight?” Secundus asked slowly and carefully, “Why does the Castle of Friendship have a huge, bloody pit of spikes in the basement? Has Sombra relapsed?!” Secundus was starting to panic. “Have you gone to the Dark Side?! Snap out of it Twilight, the power isn’t worth it! Oh, gods, what if I have to fight you, I don’t want to-” Twilight cut off Secundus’s panic attack with an evil grin. “Got you!” she said in a sing-song. Twilight’s horn glowed, and the illusion snapped out of existence. Secundus’s jaw nearly hit the floor. “That was illusion magic?!” Twilight nodded. “Wow. That was seriously impressive. Do you have any idea how hard it is to fool a Draconequus’s sense of smell?!” Twilight nodded. “Isn’t it how you identify each other, since none of you really have a fixed shape?” Secundus nodded. “Apparently, I smell like ink, paper, marengo, and a dash of insanity. Our sense of smell is also how we recognize things like magic, and the specific type of magic it is. The fact that you could make me smell something that isn’t there is way impressive. Why a huge pit of spikes?” Deep, warm laughter that still sounded slightly sinister filled the room. Sombra stepped out of the shadows. Secundus had to give him credit, he was at least trying really hard to not accidentally appear evil these days. “Sorry,” Sombra said, not looking sorry at all, “That was my idea as a memento to your setting of every single trap I built into the Crystal Palace.” Secundus chuckled at that memory. Sombra shrugged. “Twilight just said she wanted to get you back for some of your practical jokes.” Sombra then looked Secundus dead in the eye and said, “You don’t have to worry about me ever relapsing. I promised I wouldn’t ever go there again. Besides, you’re not the only one I promised,” Sombra said, walking over and giving Twilight a nuzzle. Twilight beamed. “I’ve been licensed to kick his flank if he so much as looks at dark magic again.” She levitated over a card. Secundus put on a pair of reading glasses and squinted at the familiar frilly hornwriting. He read the first few words aloud. “”I, Celestia, hereby authorize Twilight Sparkle to-‘ Good grief. She really did give you a license. Say what you want about Celestia, she has a sense of humor. It’s not as obvious or as warped as mine or Discord’s but it is there. “ Secundus saw the mush eyes Sombra and Twilight were giving each other. He said, “You know, for you vaporizing him the first time you met, and him foalnapping you the second time, you two worked out pretty well as a couple. “ “I didn’t vaporize him!” Twilight shouted. Secundus smirked. “Are you really going to blame Spike for it?” “It did hurt,” Sombra said, trying to stay polite. “A LOT.” I was stuck in a tower!” Twilight snapped. I didn’t … augh! Never mind!” Secundus remembered the way Sombra had looked on the show when it had happened and winced. He then thought about the Changelings being blown back to the Badlands right before then. More to himself than to anypony else, he said, “You kind of have to admire a species that figured out a way to weaponize love. Sorry for bringing that up,” Secundus said. “I just meant that I’m happy for you two. What did you need to talk about? I was giving lessons. I teach shapeshifting to the younger Changelings. Apparently, I’m the best shapeshifter in the Hive, since I can be anything, physical or not, regardless of physics.” “Good for you!” Twilight said with a beam. “I’m glad you putting your talents to use to teach younger generations. Actually, teaching is what I wanted to talk to you about. I’m pleased to tell you that Albert will be able to start attending the local high school, starting this summer! There isn’t exactly a high school in Ponyville, the students here combine with the school from Trotsby. It’s close enough that most of the students walk it.” “That explains why you never saw any teen-agers on the sh-” Secundus cleared his throat. “Would it be possible to meet with Albert’s teachers? There’s some stuff I want them to know about him in advance so that it isn’t as much of a shock.” “Teacher, not teachers,” Twilight said. “It’s a small school. One of the joys of living in a small town like Ponyville. That’s a really good idea, I’ll make an appointment with her for you.” “Thank you,” Secundus replied. Sombra cleared his throat. He looked uncomfortable and he wouldn’t meet Secundus’s eyes. “S-Secundus?” he asked in a small voice. For being a full-grown stallion and former evil tyrant, he looked like a scared and lost colt. It reminded Secundus of when he’d seen Sombra as a foal. “Can you see the future?” Sombra asked hesitantly. Secundus sighed. “Well, there’s a duality between the past and the future, and even between the present and the future, so yes, if I want, I can see the future. I just prefer not to. Do you have any idea how much trouble I could get into for just looking at the future, let alone telling you about it?” Sombra gave Secundus a desperate, pleading look. Secundus grit his teeth. “Fine, it’s not like I haven’t been dragged before the Council before. What do you want to know?” “Just if we’ll be alright, that’s all. Say … ten years from now?” Secundus groaned, and nodded. He sat down with his knees against his stomach and wrapped his tails around his legs. He put his palms on the ground, leaned back, closed his eyes, and concentrated. Out of habit, he decided to do the exact words thing, and chose to see Twilight and Sombra ten years from that exact day. Twilight came down the stairs into the kitchen, where Prince Sombra was making breakfast. Some days, he still joked about it being a demotion, but he was honestly very grateful. When Twilight got to him, he extended a wing, and hugged her with it before giving her a kiss. Sombra’s wings were massive, and the inky black of a crow’s wings. Unlike his wife, he religiously groomed them every morning. His mane had grown out, even longer that it had been when he was a corrupted shadow. Distant lights shone in it, they could have been stars and nebulae or something else entirely. Sombra also sported a lengthy swirling goatee that put Secundus and Discord to shame, the same distant lights shone in it. His fangs had grown out so that they stuck out over his lower lip. He looked very serious and stern, until you saw the mischievous glint in his eye. Sombra Ebon, Prince of [REDACTED] had ascended to Alicornhood due to his amazing work that [REDACTED] and had forever changed [REDACTED]. Ponies were still grateful to him. “Morning, gorgeous,” Sombra said with a smile. Twilight rolled her eyes. Sombra set out three plates. “Harmony?” he called, “Are you coming?” There was a rapid fluttering sound, and Harmony Dusk flew into the room. She was a dark grey, with a black mane and tail that had lilac and pink stripes. Her eyes were a bright green. She wasn’t the greatest flyer yet, but she was getting better, and was much better at controlling her magic. As the family ate, Sombra noticed that Harmony was picking some of her vegetables out. He smirked, and his horn lit up. Shadows surrounded him, and in a perfect impression of his corrupted self, Sombra playfully growled, “If you don’t eat them … the Shadow King will have to eatyou!” “EEEK!” Harmony squealed in playful fear. She spread her wings and flew off. “Oh, no, you don’t!” Sombra chuckled. He flew after his daughter, still able to revel in his relatively new ability to fly. The two of them played chase, laughing all the while. Just as Sombra was about to catch Harmony, … Secundus snapped out of it. “Curses, I was just getting to the good part,” he grumbled. He threw his paws up. “I could have done without the redactions, but, that was probably Tempus just being kind. He hates it when anyone else knows the future.” Secundus finally noticed the look Twilight and Sombra were giving him. “WHAT?” he asked nervously. “You, uh, wouldn’t stop laughing,” Twilight said carefully. “I was worried you were going to break out into a song,” Sombra said. He may have been a reformed villain, but he still had standards to maintain. Besides, rock concerts in the shower didn’t count. Secundus grinned. “I try to avoid that.” He shrugged. “This is Equestria, so it’s happened one or ten times. Sorry if I worried you, but I just…” he snickered. “That was very fun to watch.” I am socallinghim ‘Dadbra’if that future happens, Secundus thought evilly. I will call her ‘Momlight.’ Hmm. What’s their ship name again? Twibra? I guess my ship name would be Secax. Or Thorundus. Neither of those sound very good. I hate to think who the fandom would have shipped me with had I been a cannon character on the show. Secundus then pulled out of his head, and remembered he was talking to somepony else. “Well?” asked Sombra insistently. Secundus thought about what he could legally get away with, since there had been some obvious interference from someDraconequus with an interest in preserving the timeline. “Well, I work for the Spirit of Time, and I’m good friends with a pony who’s well-versed in Temporal Theory, so they’d tell me to tell you that just because you see a future doesn’t mean that it’s the future. But, if what I just saw comes to pass…” he grinned warmly. “I think you’ll be just fine.” “You mean that’s it?!” Sombra shouted. Secundus nodded. “Yes, like I said, I can get into trouble for telling you any more than that.” He then remembered something he’d premembered. “Your birthday is the 24th of May, right?” Sombra nodded. “OK, I’m really, really early, but…” Secundus held his paws about two feet apart, and something appeared between them. “Happy Birthday!” Sombra took the object with interest. It was a circle of silvery metal a little larger than his head, without any obvious ornamentation. “You’re giving him a crown?!” Twilight exclaimed. Secundus shrugged. “Consider it an investment for the future.” He then thought of something. “Hey, Twilight, if you’re terrified of snakes how do you handle being around Albert so well?” Twilight smiled. “Oh, that’s easy! Albert just looks a bit like a snake, he isn’t actually a snake.” Secundus folded his arms. “Well, I look like a crummy O.C. that’s a poorly-disguised rip-off of Discord.” “Exactly!” Twilight said with a smile. “You aren’t that at all. “ “I really, really hope not,” Secundus sighed. He stood up and stretched. “Well, thanks kids, it’s been a blast, I look forward to your scroll telling me when I can meet with Albert’s teacher. I’ve got a thing to do before I go home, but goodbye for now.” Secundus snapped his fingers, and hopped over to Sweet Apple Acres. “Heyya, Sec!” called Applejack. “What can Ay do fer ya?” “It’s probably the wrong season, but do you have any of those amazing apple fritters?” Applejack nodded. “Yer just in time! How many would ya like?” Secundus counted under his breath for a second. “Four-hundred-eighty-six, please.” Applejack’s ear and eye twitched. “Say what now?” Secundus gave a nervous grin. “I’m King of the Changelings, and I’d need to bring back enough for everyling.” “Whoa, Nelly.” Applejack said. As Secundus sat in the Hive munching on an amazing fritter, he realized something. He’d been allowed to see the future without winding up in some sort of divine bug zapper, the only thing that had happened was anything truly important had been carefully edited out. Maybe he could try again? He decided that he didn’t need to be omniscient, he just wanted to make sure his family would be all right this time. He closed his eyes and concentrated. Something was wrong with what he was seeing. He then tried to look at the present and the past as well and ran into the same issue. He opened his eyes. “That can’t possibly be right,” he muttered. Hmm. I need a Doctor. In the Ponyville Clock Tower Secundus was standing on a frozen gear. The clock wasn’t running, it was being repaired. A light brown leg popped out of a mess of gears nearby. “Can you pass me the squiggly-whatsit?” asked a voice. Secundus passed him the squiggly-whatsit. The leg disappeared, and there were some thumping and banging sounds. The leg reappeared. “Screwdriver?” the voice asked. Secundus passed over a short, thin metal rod with a light on the end. The leg took it, and there was a high-pitched whirring noise. Doctor Whooves’s head popped out, he was covered in oil and grime. “There! That ought to do it!” he said happily. The clock started up again. The Doctor glanced at the reverse of the hands and noticed that it was about to chime the hour. He glanced up at the enormous bell right over his head. “Oh, BLA-” Secundus snapped his fingers, and the two of them were standing on the street a few blocks away. The Doctor noticed that all of the oil, dust, and grime that had been covering him was gone, and his tie was freshly pressed. “Thank you,” he said. Secundus shrugged. “Didn’t cost me anything.” The Doctor then panicked. “Where’s my toolkit?!” Secundus held it up. The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief. “Sorry, it’s just that some of the tools in there are irreplaceable. Now, I can believe that you of all the beings I know would find clockwork genuinely interesting, but I get the feeling this isn’t a social call?” Secundus shook his head. The Doctor chuckled, “In that case, you’d better step into my office.” The two of them walked over to the Whooves’ cottage, and into the backyard. In the yard was a tall blue box with windows, a door, a light on the top, and a sign that read, “Pony Public Call Box.” Hanging from the knob was a sign that read, “Out of Order.” “What’s with the sign?” asked Secundus. “Hmm? Oh, believe it or not, some colts tried to nick her.” “Yeesh. That must have been an interesting conversation with their parents.” The Doctor chuckled and clicked his hooves. The door swung open. Secundus broke down and asked something he’d wondered for years. “Why do the door swing in when the sign says, ‘Pull to enter?’” The Doctor simply shrugged and walked into the TARDIS. Secundus hung around outside the door for a second. He then made a fist and knocked a quick pattern of four beats on the door. The Doctor whirled around, a snarl on his muzzle, pawing the ground angrily with his hoof. He blinked when he saw it was just Secundus. He relaxed. “Sorry,” said Secundus with a nervous look. “I’ve just always wanted to do that to a TARDIS, and I have poor impulse control.” The Doctor chuckled. Thank Heavens, it was just Secundus being Secundus, there was no way he could know about… The Doctor blinked. On the other hoof, this was Secundus who seemed to know things about most ponies they didn’t know about themselves. It must be a Draconequus thing, there couldn’t be any other explanation. Secundus looked at the door, and said, “May I enter?” The Doctor nodded. “I said you could, yes.” Secundus shrugged. “I wasn’t asking you, Sexy doesn’t like me very much. I can’t blame her, I’m … a bit eldritch at best. Oh, good, I can.” Dr. Whooves raised an eyebrow. “You speak TARDIS?” “Well, I’m not exactly fluent, since she has to really dumb things down for me, but I can pick up her basic meaning.” Secundus walked into the TARDIS and looked around with interest. “You’ve redecorated. I like it.” Dr. Whooves chuckled. “So, what did you want to talk about?” “Oh, well, I can view the future if I want to, and before you lecture me, I know all the reasons that’s a bad idea. Just out of curiosity, I tried seeing a future related to me, but something was wrong with it.” “Wrong, how? What did you see?” Secundus thought for a minute. He then picked the Doctor up and brought him to his head level. “Really, really sorry about this,” he said with an apologetic grin. He headbutted the Doctor. He set the Doctor on the floor, tried to clear the stars from his eyes, and groaned, “OwowOW! I am NEVER doing that again!!” The Doctor rubbed his forehead and winced. He analyzed what Secundus had shown him. “I don’t see what the problem is, it’s a pretty standard future. Actually, it’s kind of nice. What’s wrong with it?” “It’s not what’s in it, it’s what’s not in it. What’s not in the timeline at all if you go looking for it. That worried me.” The Doctor shrugged. “I’ve always believed that worrying just means you suffer twice. My advice is to just let the future handle itself.” Secundus nodded. He then asked, “Just out of curiosity, where’s Gallopfrey? I’ve never seen it in my travels.” “It’s just gone,” the Doctor said with a pained look. He waved a hoof under Secundus’s nose. “I know you can time travel, so don’t go looking for it! It’s for the best.” “Relax, I don’t time travel unless it’s a universe-ending emergency, I don’t do it for fun. I know what could happen if I mess with time. Thank you for the advice.” As Secundus was preparing to leave, the Doctor said, “In your travels, have you ever met a Gallopfreyan called the Master?” Secundus shook his head. “I haven’t had that displeasure yet, but if I ever do, I’m asking for his autograph.” The Doctor’s mouth dropped open. “WHY?!” “I like watching him dance,” Secundus said with a grin that made the Doctor want to hide behind the couch. “Besides, I kind of have to admire somepony who can leave behind that impressive a smoking crater. Anyways, he was your stallion crush when you both went to the Academy, right?” The Doctor blushed and nodded. “Thanks Doc. Catch you later.” He disappeared back to parts unknown. That evening, Secundus was heading down to the lower levels of the Hive, looking for Albert. He smelled him in a cavern in the lowest level. He walked in. “Hey, Albert, Thorax said you were in here, and I was wondering if – AAAIIIIEEEEEEEUUUGGHH!” He screamed. Secundus dashed out into the hall and thumped a paw against his chest in a vain attempt to get his right heartrate to slow down. OK, don’t panic. You’ve faced worse. You’ve stared down a charging Ystlptiq for crying out loud! You can handle a couple … hundred … sp – he couldn’t bring himself to even think the word. He nervously walked back into the cavern, and nearly fainted. “Hi, Dad.” Albert wondered why his dad was radiating terror in visible waves. Secundus wished he could press against the wall, but it was occupied. His fur was puffed up in an attempt to make himself look bigger, and his tails were thrashing nervously. “What’s wrong?” Albert asked. Secundus wasn’t looking at him and was talking to himself in an attempt to stay sane. “I love snakes. I think rats are adorable. Monster clowns just make me laugh. I’ve met with horrors from beyond spacetime and had tea and scones with them. SO WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SPIDERS?!!!” he screamed. The entire cavern was filled with what must have been every spider in the Badlands, crawling all over the floor, walls, and ceiling, and even Albert. “What’s the matter?” Albert asked. “I HATE spiders,” Secundus said through clenched teeth. “Why?” “Because me dad’s house was full of them, and he thought it was funny to feed me to them, alright?!” Secundus hissed, clicking in the back of his throat. “One time I had an allergic reaction so bad I wound up in the hospital for two days, so forgive me if I haven’t liked them since then. They remind me of him.” “Oh,” was all Albert said to that. “Do you want me to get rid of them?” “Where did they all come from?!” Albert shrugged. “I found one and wanted to see some more. A few minutes later they all showed up.” “Great, I’ve got a son who grants wishes with one of the things I hate most.” Secundus held out a meter and ran it above Albert’s head. It didn’t even tick. “Well, you still don’t have any magic, so gods know how you even did this.” “Sorry,” Albert said. Secundus sighed. “I’m not mad at you at all, I actually think it’s pretty cool that you can summon spiders somehow. I just wish it didn’t have to be spiders is the thing. I just need a way to deal with this.” His ear flicked at something only he could hear. “Would it be alright if I did something a bit unusual? I need to get over my fear, and it would help. It’ll be kind of fun to watch, too.” Albert nodded, looking forward to whatever was coming. Secundus closed his eyes for a minute. When he opened them, his irises were a glowing yellow. Albert was worried by something he felt, he couldn’t read his dad’s emotions any more, it was like he wasn’t there. Secundus started to beat time with his right paw, his left lion’s paw taping out a beat on the floor. Music started to fill the cavern, Secundus counting under his breath. His left paw began to twist and turn like he was playing with a marionette, and the spiders all began to dance. Secundus began to loosen up, and even enjoy himself, getting into the rhythm of the song and dance. The spiders were very impressive dancers, and Secundus was singing a bit. “And you’ll be in my spider dance, spider dance…” It was a pretty good song. Albert thought the banjo solos were a bit strange, but his dad had strange taste in everything. *The spiders all clapped along to the beat.* Albert blinked when he realized he wasn’t imagining it. The white was draining out of his dad’s mane and beard, leaving them black. It made him look few years younger. Secundus was acting like a slightly different Draconequus, but was clearly enjoying himself, so Albert didn’t worry. When the song was done, Secundus bowed, and all the spiders curtsied. Secundus then shook himself, his coloring returning to normal. Secundus then snapped his fingers, and the room was now full of flies and insects for the spiders to eat. “Why’d you do that?” Albert asked. “When you use or borrow an animal like that, you have to pay it back to them, or you’re just being cruel. A witch named Weatherwax taught me that. The books are in the science fiction section of the human library, under PRAT. It’s my favorite series, and if you don’t like it, I will cast you out into the treacherously predictable Equestrian weather to fend for yourself,” Secundus said with a grin, clearly not meaning it at all. Albert laughed. “Well, that was honestly kind of fun,” Secundus said. “So, can I keep them?” asked Albert. Secundus winced. He then said, “Alright. But you’re feeding them. And cleaning out their cages and litterboxes. And taking them for walks. And-” “Daaad!” groaned Albert. Secundus chuckled. “Yes, you can keep them. By the way, a spider’s favorite food is spider, so you might want to find a way to keep them apart. Come on, my snaky son, let’s go get dinner.” A few days later, Secundus coughed up a scroll from Twilight telling him the time and place to meet with Albert’s teacher. Thorax trotted downstairs to meet him. He looked all around but couldn’t see him anywhere. A throat was cleared. “Over here,” said a small voice. A pony trotted out of the shadows. He was a bit short for a stallion, and his coat was a dark blue with splotches of sunny yellow like somepony had thrown paint on him. He had a long spiky mane that was black on one half and white on the other. His tail was stripes of black and white. His right eye was sky blue, and his left eye was a deep yellow. His short horn was a light grey, and his cutie mark was a yin and yang symbol. He was wearing a collar and black tie. “How do I look?” he asked nervously. Thorax sighed. “That’s still a bit blatantly obvious, Sec.” Secundus sighed and looked down at his hooves. “Yeah, I know.” “Why are you trying to go like that? Are you ashamed or something?” Secundus’s mouth dropped open. “No, of course not! This isn’t for me, it’s for her. I … know how ponies react when a Draconequus they don’t know suddenly appears. I thought this might make a better first impression. That’s all.” Thorax sighed. “I can understand that, but you should really go as yourself, that’s the best way to do it.” Secundus nodded. He yelped when a lilac aura surrounded him, and Thorax squished him into a hug/snuggle. “You are too cute when you’re smaller than me!” Thorax squealed. Secundus huffed in irritation. “Please. If I was my real size, I’d crack the planet in half.” Thorax chuckled. He then realized that Secundus hadn’t been joking. “Really?” he asked in surprise. Secundus nodded. “That fluffy noodle you’re married to is technically just my favorite mask. It’s … complicated. I’m glad you still think I’m cute, though. I’ve got to go.” His horn lit up, and he was gone. Secundus appeared in front of the Trotsby High School main door. He was back in his Draconequus form and was still wearing the tie. Since this was Equestria, he wasn’t wearing anything else. He walked in and found the room he was looking for. He knocked on the door. A dark pink mare with a grey mane looked up from her desk. “You’re Secundus, Albert’s father?” Secundus nodded. “One of them, yes.” He noticed the slight way she flinched. “Are you Mrs. Flintheart?” “Yes, it’s a pleasure to meet you, won’t you sit down?” Even in a chair, Secundus was still too tall. “What did you want to talk to me about?” Secundus thought about where to begin. “Well, Albert is very … unique. I just thought I should tell you a bit about him. Maybe I should start with his appearance, or … actually, the first thing I should start with is the fact that he has some sensory issues that make life a bit hard for him.” Mrs. Flintheart plastered on a smile. “Oh. He does?” she said. Secundus stalked through a portal home. It didn’t technically have a door, but he still slammed it, the sound echoing in the Hive. Thorax looked up from the cookies he was baking. Uh, oh. He thought. Aloud he said, “That’s your ‘I am this close to wiping all so-called intelligent life off the face of Equestria’ slouch.” He held his hooves a few millimeters apart. Secundus faced his husband in surprise. “I know whatever I’m feeling is written all over me in ten-foot neon letters, but I have a slouch for that?!” Thorax nodded. “Mmm-hmm. What happened?” Secundus took off his tie and sighed. “Well, I met with Albert’s teacher today, as you know.” “And-?” prompted Thorax. “I’m pretty sure she’s an orc in a pony skin-suit.” Secundus groaned. Thorax snickered. “And you didn’t take a Ring of Revealing?” he teased. Secundus snickered at the memories that brought up. Discord and Spike had invited the two of them to a Guy’s Night campaign of Ogres and Oubliettes, since Thorax enjoyed it when he lived in the Crystal Empire, and Secundus had never played. Even Shining Armor had shown up to play. Secundus picked up the rules really quickly. Since it was his first time playing, before the second campaign, Spike had innocently asked if Secundus might like a turn as the Dungeon Master. Nopony had walked out of that dungeon alive. Secundus’s cackling maniacally the entire time hadn’t helped matters. He hadn’t been invited back yet, but Thorax kept assuring him that the rest of the group was considering it. Secundus then sighed. “Well, it’s my fault. I’m the one who thought he should go to a pony school to learn social interaction a bit better than I can teach him at home. Do you think it will be OK?” Thorax nodded. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, he’s our son. He can handle just about anything. Now refresh my memory. Do I put the butter in before or after I bake these?” Secundus facepawed. Thorax had asked him to teach him how to cook, since he was interested in it, but since he’d never needed to eat pony food, he was dismal at it. Secundus loved his husband dearly, but some of those meals probably should have killed him. “Be right there!” he called, tying an apron around himself. As they baked, Secundus said, “Oh. I put a portal between Ponyville and the Hive into place for Albert. The doors are isomorphic, so they’ll only open for him. He can decide where he wants the doors to be, and what they’ll look like later.” “Um, wouldn’t you have to know where they are and what they look like before you put them in?” asked Thorax. “What and do things the rational way?” grinned Secundus. Thorax rolled his eyes. The day after the meeting, Secundus, Thorax, and Albert were all curled up reading, when Secundus’s ear twitched of its own accord. He sniffed a few times. “What’s up?” asked Thorax “Shh…” There was a distant rumble. Secundus pumped his fist. “EEyes! Summer thunderstorm! Albert, do you want to see what a thunderstorm looks like up close?” Albert grinned. Thorax turned a little pale. “I’m not sure that’s safe,” he said. Secundus shrugged. “I’ll take an umbrella,” he said, holding one up. “That’s not what I-” Secundus and Albert disappeared. “Meant,” finished Thorax with a sigh. He gave his wings a few buzzes to warm them up and flew out of the Hive and into the sky in search of his family. He spotted them right in the heart of the storm. Lightning was crashing around them, and thunder was roaring. Both Albert and Secundus had headphones on, and Secundus was shouting to be heard over the storm. “Now what causes lightning is all of the turbulence in the air causes the molecules in the air to vibrate and rub together. If they spark the right way, they generate lightning. The thunder is caused by the heat and force of the lightning ripping the air currents around it apart.” Thorax flopped onto the cloud next to Albert, panting a bit. “Can your science lectures be slightly less life-threatening from now on?” he got out. “Some of us are mortal.” “I’m mortal,” said Albert. “Well, half-mortal, anyway.” “Sorry,” said Secundus, “I’ve just always loved thunderstorms. WHOOOO!” he cheered as a bolt of lightning zipped by. “Hey, want to dance?” he asked his family. “You want to dance in this?” Thorax asked in shock. Secundus nodded. “You have to dance in a storm, otherwise, what’s the point? Hmm. How can I dance with two of you?” He then snapped his fingers and split into two copies of himself. The copy on the right looked like Secundus always looked, but the copy on the left was slightly different. Its eyes were a glowing yellow, and its beard and mane were jet black, which made it look a bit younger than Secundus. It turned to the normal -looking Secundus, and in a horrible impression of Gollum, said, “What shall wese dance to?” The normal-looking Secundus thought about it. “A song to end the world to,” he said with a smile. The other Secundus grinned and held out a paw. He shot a bolt of rainbow-colored lightning into the clouds surrounding them. The lightning started to look a bit more like strobe lights. A song that the world had in fact ended to (Sort of) began to play. The normal looking Secundus took Albert’s hoof, and began to dance with him, while the oddly colored one grabbed Thorax and began to dance with him. Thorax noticed that he couldn’t read this Secundus’s emotions. At all. It was like he wasn’t there. He glanced at the Secundus dancing with Albert and could read him just fine. He noticed something else about the two of them. Secundus was without question and by his own admission, the worst dancer in the Hive. He was possibly the worst dancer in all Equestria, Twilight had greatly improved since Sombra had started teaching her dance. The Secundus dancing with Albert was simply having a fun time being goofy and dancing horribly. The Secundus dancing with Thorax was dancing very well, with ease. He was staring at Thorax with an almost predatory smirk. Thorax got the distinct impression he was being hunted. When the song was over, both versions of Secundus bowed to their partner. The normal colored one then grabbed the other by the scruff of his neck, and said, “Right, come on, you.” The other Secundus looked very disappointed before they merged back together. Secundus looked at his family and smiled. “Well, thank you both for that. That’s probably enough crazy for one night. Let’s go home and put your papa to bed, OK Albert?” Albert nodded. Early the morning after the strange dance, Secundus looked at Albert and said, “Right. Slither hither, kid. You need a manecut.” “Do I have to?” Albert groaned. Secundus nodded. “’Fraid so. How about I make it up to you after words?” Albert groaned and accepted his fate. A Pegasus stallion was busy sweeping the floor of his shop when the bell over the door rang. He looked up to see a familiar face heading towards him. “Hey! Albie! How’s my favorite hybrid today?” “Heyya, Zeph!” Albert greeted back. Zephyr noticed Albert’s dad behind him. “Hiya!” “Hello, Zephyr,” said Secundus. “My poor unfortunate son is in need of your services this morning. Try to go easy on him.” Zephyr Breeze puffed out his chest. “I am the best manedresser in town! Don’t worry, I got this! Why don’t you hop in my chair, Albie?” Albert awkwardly got into the chair. “So, what’ll it be kid?” “The usual,” groaned Albert. “Sure thing!” Zephyr got to work, making small talk to pass the time. When he was close to being done, he examined Secundus critically. “You know, I’d be happy to-” Secundus cut him off. “Zephyr, we’ve been over this. My mane doesn’t grow unless I let it, I’m trying to grow it out, and I like the shampoo I have.” Zephyr shrugged. “Alright. Suit yourself. There we go! Stylin’!” Albert looked in the mirror, and honestly liked what he saw. “Thank you, Zephyr!” said Secundus. He set out the payment plus a good-sized tip. “Say hi to that crazy brother-in-law of mine!” Zephyr said as he waved them out the door. Secundus then said, “All right. At this rate, I’m spoiling you rather badly, but I’ve got a surprise for you.” He snapped his fingers, and they were in Ponyville, in front of Carousel Boutique. “Ta-da!” “What are we doing here? I’m not a filly.” “Just trust me.” The two of them walked/slithered into the shop. Rarity looked up from her paperwork. “Oh! Hello, darlings! To what do I owe the surprise?” “Albert starts school in a few months. I just thought that he might like a first day of school outfit. It was always one of my favorite things about a new school year. Speaking as a veteran of the public-school system, I know you need all the help you can get.” Rarity laughed. “I’d be delighted! I don’t often get to design for colts, let alone one as unique as Albert! Let’s see, I think I have some catalogues.” She levitated over a stack of magazines, which Albert began to flip through. “See anything you like?” Albert shrugged. “I don’t really know, I’ve never worn clothes before. I just want something that’s comfortable. These all seem a little high-end to me, I’m not exactly royalty.” Rarity had to forcibly pick her mouth off the floor. She gave a weak chuckle. “Um, technically, you are, dear. Your fathers are both kings.” Secundus shrugged. “I just married into it, Thorax does most of the actual reigning. Besides, I look stupid in a crown, and I never got the bloody wave down for parades. Most Changelings aren’t big on ceremony anyways, they like to just get to the point and have fun.” Rarity vaguely wondered if she had some smelling salts. She then said, “Well, what are your favorite colors? That might be a good place to start.” Albert shrugged. “Royal blue and orange.” Rarity’s ear twitched. She glanced at Albert’s tail colors and pictured that particular combination. Alright Rarity! You can do this! Even if you can never show your face in public again… Aloud, she said, “Actually, I might have a way to make that work. You’d just like something casual, it sounds like?” Albert nodded. “Alrighty dear, I’ll get back to you both when I think I have something.” She showed the two of them to the door with a gracious smile. When she was sure she was out of Secundus’ spectacularly good hearing range, she collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor. “WHHHYYYY?” she cried. Two days later, Secundus got a letter. In crayon it read, “You are cordially, blah blah blah, to the Castle of Chaos, Ponyville for the most amazing Fluttershy’s baby shower. Oh, and bring your husband, if you really must. D.” Secundus chuckled. He knew Discord was just being playfully grouchy. He hoped he was, anyway, he knew what a cranky Draconequus was capable of. He quickly asked one of the older Changelings to mind Albert for a few hours, grabbed Thorax, and headed to the Ponyville/Everfree boarder. He knocked on the door to Fluttershy’s cottage. “Intrude!” called a voice. “Discord!” snapped Fluttershy. She opened the door. “Sorry about that, he’s a bit … protective at the moment.” “Trust me, I understand that,” Secundus grinned. “The girls are all inside,” Fluttershy said. “Thank you,” said Secundus, wiping his hoof and paw on the mat. “Why were we even invited? This is a female bonding thing, and I don’t like to change genders. Neither does Thorax.” Fluttershy giggled. “Discord said he needed some moral support.” “Alrighty then.” Secundus hadn’t walked more than two steps into the cottage when he was tackled by something. “Thank gods you’re here!” Discord shouted. “I’m going out of my mind! How did you handle this?!” “I was the one who was pregnant, and Thorax didn’t find out until after the fact. So, Fluttershy’s…?” Discord nodded. “Yes. We found out this morning.” Thorax grabbed Fluttershy into a hug. “Congratulations!” he said with a broad smile. “Now I won’t have to be the only one dealing with this kind of crazy! I’m very happy for you both.” Discord grabbed Secundus. “Would you all excuse us? Guy business.” He snapped his fingers, and he and Secundus were standing in front of Discord’s house in his Realm, Chaosville. “Ah, the old Bachelor Pad! Sometimes I miss this place.” A Yzzthp flew overhead, and affectionately tried to take the top of Secundus’s skull off with its claws. Secundus shooed it away. “I can imagine. I miss my Realm sometimes too. It’s honestly pretty cool. I guess one day I might be moving back there, if …” he didn’t finish the sentence. “What did you want to talk to me about? Why only me and not Thorax as well? He’s male. Usually.” “Have you ever seen him around a baby?” Discord asked in an annoyed tone. Secundus nodded. “Yes, two broods have hatched while I’ve lived here.” He thought about it. “You might have a point there,” he groaned. Discord chuckled. “I just wanted some advice, that’s all.” “You’re quintillions of times my age, but, OK. Count your blessings that you don’t need sleep, because odds are that your mortal partner will make you take most of the late-night feedings. You’re allowed to treat your kids to things, but don’t give them the world just because you literally can. Make sure you know what’s going on, they won’t always talk about the things that are bothering them, less so as they get older.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m having trouble with that last one, but at least he talks to Thorax. Anything else?” Discord looked Secundus straight in the eye, and in a tone you would use to comment on the weather asked, “What are you going to do when Thorax dies?” Secundus froze. “I-I, uh, well, that is to say, I-” Discord folded his arms. “It must have crossed your mind at some point.” Secundus sighed and nodded. “I’ve thought about it, but I don’t really know exactly what I’d do until it actually happened. I know myself well enough to know that I’d most likely want to break whatever did it and would cut myself off from others for a long time. It would break my hearts and cripple me, but at the end of the day, I have responsibilities to the Hive and the Multiverse, and would have to find a way to carry on somehow. Who knows, maybe at some point afterwards, I might fall in love again. Hasn’t that happened to some of us who have fallen in love with mortals?” Discord nodded.Secundus sighed. “Then I guess I’d just have to keep living, since I can’t actually die. I wouldn’t ever forget Thorax, but maybe I could be happy again. Does Fluttershy have some terminal illness I’m not aware of?” Discord’s face paled. “No, no, no! Of course not! What made you think that?” “Just wondering why you had asked such a cheery question. Got any others?” Discord grinned. “I don’t suppose you two would foalsit once in a while?” “Not on your life,” Secundus replied with a grin. Discord shrugged. “Can’t blame me for asking.” He snapped his fingers, and the two of them were back in Fluttershy’s cottage, which was really named the Castle of Chaos 2.0. In Discord’s head, anyway. Fluttershy looked up from her tea. “Oh, hello! Nice to have you back. Did you two have a good talk?” Discord nodded. “Yes, it was very helpful. What have you girls been up to while we were away?” Thorax let the slight against his gender pass. Twilight smiled. “Well, actually, we were talking about some of our favorite memories of Discord.” “Ooh! We just got to when we first met him, and he made us all our evil opposites!” Pinkie said in a chipper tone. Discord sighed happily. “Ah … good times.” Secundus chuckled. “Huh, since I’m the Spirit of Duality, I guess turning ponies into their opposites would be my schtick now. Not that I would actually do it!” he added hurriedly, catching everypony’s expression. He then snickered. “Except maybe to Blueblood.” Rarity smirked. “In that specific case, you would have my express permission.” Pinkie laughed. “Ooh! Hey! I’m just wondering, if Discord did that to you, what would your evil side be like?” Secundus froze. A few snowflakes drifted down around him and landed on the carpet. He then said, “Well … I …” Discord came to his rescue. “I’m sure that’s just Secundus’s business. Why don’t we talk about another amazing story about me?” “Aww, c’mon!” Pinkie said unhappily. “We’ve all gone through it, except for Thorax ‘cause he doesn’t have an evil bone in his body. Well, he doesn’t have bones, he’s got an exoskeleton, but you know what I mean! Just answer the question!” Thorax winced at all of the emotions Secundus was experiencing. He carefully said, “Pinkie, we’re here for Fluttershy, why don’t we move on?” “I bet you’d totally conquer Equestria!” Pinkie said cheerfully. Secundus clenched his fists. “How about just a little hint?” Secundus’s irises flashed yellow for a second. The fur on the back of his neck stood up, and he started to growl and click in the back of his throat. Before anypony could say anything, he lowly hissed, “Trust me, you do not want to meet my evil side, but if you really want to know, he and I get along swimmingly. Please stop provoking me!” A small flurry was now swirling around Secundus and everypony shivered. Secundus looked ready to explode. “I’m sorry, I just thought it might be fun to learn more about-” Pinkie started to say. “OH, GO HUG A SHOGGOTH!!” Secundus yelled. He disappeared in a flash of dark light. Discord sighed. He said, “He’s right, you shouldn’t have kept going like that. If everypony will excuse me, I have to go stop him from burning down a small town or something.” “He wouldn’t do that!” Thorax said. “It’s not Secundus I’m worried about,” Discord snapped. He too disappeared. It didn’t take Discord long to track Secundus down, he just had to follow the snow. Secundus had abandoned his physical form and was a whirling storm of thought energy that was screaming at itself in two different voices. Imagine someone blasting Toccata and Fugue in one ear, and Highway to Hell in the other, and you’d be close. When it became apparent that he wasn’t going to calm down on his own, Discord cleared his throat. Part of the storm whirled around and glared at him. Go away! It hissed. Discord sighed. It was too early for this. He let his mask slip slightly. Part of his face disappeared into shadow. In the shadow, eyes glowed, and lots of teeth shone. In a calm, quiet, reasonable tone, Discord replied, You are more powerful than me, I admit, but I’m older than you, I’m scarier than you, and I’m not here to hurt him, so you don’t have to do your job. Relax. The storm calmed down and flowed back into a corporeal shape. Secundus looked the way he had when he was human, it was the first shape he’d thought of. He sighed. “Thank you,” he said aloud. Discord glued his form back together. He sighed. “You really need to get that under control. Feeling better?” Secundus nodded. Discord chuckled. “Normally, I’m in favor of discord, it’s why I picked the name, but I’m in favor of external discord. No one should have to sound like that in their own head. I will go back to my wife if you will go back to your husband. Deal?” Secundus nodded. Discord chuckled. “You … might want to change first.” Secundus looked down, facepalmed, and changed back into his preferred Draconequus form. The two of them went back to the party. Secundus was attending Fluttershy’s funeral. She was one of the last Element Bearers to die, aside from Twilight. Discord was heartbroken and Secundus didn’t know how to comfort him. Discord never looked at him the same way again. Secundus was kneeling over Thorax’s broken corpse. There was nothing he could do, he hadn’t been there to save him, why hadn’t he been there?!! He’d just been gone for a stupid reason, and now Thorax was dead. And it was all. His. Fault! Secundus and Albert were standing on a moon in the depths of space, having a heated argument. “Why did you lie to me?!” Albert roared, the angriest Secundus had ever seen him. “It was all a damn lie! Why couldn’t you have saved Papa?! I HATE YOU!!” Albert disappeared. Secundus never saw him again. Twilight, Luna, Celestia, Cadence, Sombra, and Harmony were clustered together, the last living ponies of Equestria. They had lived forever, but even they couldn’t outlast entropy. Secundus could do nothing he had to stand by and watch his friends die. Again, and again, and again. His hearts had broken more times than he could count. As they burned, Encore told Secundus, “This is what happens when you fall in love with mortals.” Secundus turned and fled. Secundus was in chains before the Council, his crimes laid out before him. He had only tried to help others, but it had backfired spectacularly, and cost the gods a universe. Tempus gravely looked at Secundus, and said, “You know what happens now.” “No! Please! PLEASE!” Secundus begged. The Draconequui came together, and Secundus turned to stone. They cast his statue out into the stars, to drift alone, unseeing, unfeeling, forever. As Secundus listened to the screaming in his head, a voice whispered, “Just thought you’d like a little preview of what’s to come…” “GAAAAHHH!” Secundus screamed, sitting bolt upright in bed. Thorax’s horn lit up. “Are you OK?” Secundus put a paw to his chest, breathing shakily. “F-fine. I just had a horrible nightmare. I forgot how bad they can be. Go back to sleep, I’m sorry I woke you.” Thorax nodded drowsily and went back to sleep. Secundus turned onto his side and faced the wall. His fur stood on end when he saw he was casting two shadows. One was his normal noodley self, the other was of a creature that had never set foot on Equestria. Secundus didn’t want to wake Thorax again, so he didn’t speak out loud, but he didn’t have to. He knew he’d be heard anyway. I know you’re upset, but that was downright sadistic. Since when have you been cruel? The shadow shrugged, yellow circles appearing where its eyes should have been. It replied to the question by loudly singing in Secundus’s mind: Stop telephoning me eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. It then put a finger to its lips and slithered back where it belonged. Secundus sighed, turned onto his back, and stared at the ceiling. Well, so much for getting any sleep this week, he thought.