23 February 2013
Report by Breaking News: Head reporter for The Ponyville Express
Twilight Sparkle has been a princess for just a week and already the assassination attempts have begun. Yesterday, several ponies reported a small, scrawny figure in a cloak leave a small box outside of the Golden Oaks Library before rushing off into the Everfree Forest. Four hours after the figure left and the box had yet to detonate, Officer Silver Shield of the Ponyville PD approached the library and noticed that the timer on what was discovered to be a bomb had expired.
Right now officials are unsure as to who could have planted the bomb as the newly crowned princess has many enemies not just here in Ponyville, but all over Equestria. We contacted the Ponyville PD over the matter and they let us know that whoever built this bomb, did not wire it right and that is why it failed to detonate.
We had also contacted Princess Celestia over the matter and she gave an amused chuckle, "If anypony can find the perpetrator of this alleged crime, send him or her to Canterlot so they can be taught how to properly build bombs."
We attempted to contact Princess Twilight over the matter but she had yet to return home from the spa prior to press time. Her assistant however did give us a comment, "What a shame it hadn't gone off, I would have been free from her enslavement."
When asked if he would launch an investigation on who left the bomb, Officer Silver Shield commented, "No, there are simply too many ponies who hate Twilight and besides, I have a trip to the donut shop in Canterlot scheduled anyway."
While we are unsure as to what the opinion of everypony in town is, we here at The Ponyville Express are deeply disappointed that the bomb failed to detonate and free us from that wretch Celestia cursed upon us.