Crystal's Hopes

by Crystal Wishes

I Still Wish On The Stars

Today was going to be the hardest day of her life.

For the next hour, Crystal would sit through poetry readings with other military spouses in one of the Canterlot Library's private study rooms. She would play her part to the letter: look somber, remain composed, and try not to smile.

In her heart, however, she was rejoicing. She wanted to dance with excitement and sing of love.

It was an older poem from before the Common Era, when times were more turbulent than modern ponies knew. In Crystal's Academy days, it had seemed like a sonnet of depth and beauty, something majestuous and distant; she had dreamed of having a love like it.

Now, every heart in that room understood how Lady Marey Worth felt—and none of them found it majestic or beautiful.

It was cold and lonely.

Toffee's voice began to tremble as he continued, and Crystal lowered her gaze out of guilt. She couldn't stop the excitement threatening to bubble over, and she hated herself a little bit for it.

Crystal kept one ear focused on the rest of the poem and the start of the next so that she could stomp at the end and murmur words of empty appreciation—Oh, what a perfect poem, what a wonderful reading.

The other ear listened to every gentle tick of the clock on the wall. Each passing second brought her closer to the end of the day that she was longing for.

Tick...

Tock...

Tick...

A new sound broke the routine and drew her attention over to the door as it squeaked open and unicorn stuck her head inside.

"Mom?" Crystal mouthed softly, glancing around and politely excusing herself from the group to trot over. "What brings you here?"

Upper Crust's expression was difficult to decipher, somewhere between resignation and—nervous?

Crystal blanched. Her mother didn't get nervous. "Is everything all right?"

"I suppose it depends on how you define 'all right,' but I believe the answer is yes." Upper Crust nodded her head to gesture for Crystal to follow and stepped out of the room. "I would like to talk."

With a glance back at her support group, Crystal offered an apologetic smile and left, shutting the door behind her. She looked up to see Upper Crust shifting from one hoof to the other. "What do you want to talk about?"

Upper Crust breathed in and lifted her gaze, as if unable to look Crystal in the eyes. "I have done a lot of thinking since the Gala."

Realization ran down Crystal's spine like a hair-raising chill. It had been just long enough since their fight about the wishing stone that she had almost forgotten that she was mad. "I see."

"When you married Silent Knight, it didn't cross my mind to consciously forgo the heritage gift." Upper Crust sighed. "I hadn't received one myself, after all. Not from my mother, and certainly not from Diadem."

Crystal furrowed her brow, but nodded slowly.

"But to be honest, if I had thought about passing one on to you, I would have still not done it." She raised a hoof to draw a lazy circle in the air. "It's an archaic tradition, for one. It's useless. A knickknack that you'll have to find some place for in your home and feel obligated to display. Let's not mention my feelings at the time for your choice of husband."

Before Crystal could ramp herself up into an argument, Upper Crust's magic levitated a small, glittering half-sphere into view. Purple magic swirled within and shimmered with—wishes.

Upper Crust still didn't meet her gaze as she floated the stone over. "Please accept this belated gift as two things: my apology for its delay, and my sincerest wishes for only the very best for you and your husband. Today, more than any day, I wish for his safe return."

"Mom," Crystal managed to say around the lump of emotion in her throat. "You didn't—"

"I most certainly did. And please, before you begin, don't thank me for being a mother. It's dreadfully embarrassing when you do that." A playful upturn of her lips added a softness to her voice as she continued, "Now, I'm also here to let you know that your business partner is looking for you."

Crystal blinked back the tears while her magic cradled the wishing stone like the precious treasure it was. "Wallflower?"

Upper Crust quirked one brow. "No, dear. Your other business. Pure Leaf Press, I believe?"

"Oh!" Crystal gave a quick wipe of her eyes and nodded. "Yes, of course. I'll go talk to him right away. Is he at the Foundation?"

"He's waiting for you at Verbatim, the bookshop just around the corner so you wouldn't have to go far. He didn't want me to interrupt your support group meeting, but I believe what he has to say is of enough importance that you should go sooner rather than later."

Crystal smothered a small giggle. "He's so considerate." She stepped forward and wrapped her forelegs around Upper Crust's neck, whispering, "And so are you. Thanks, Mom."

Leaning into but not returning the embrace, Upper Crust huffed. "I told you not to thank me." She inclined her head just enough to nuzzle her hair. "Happy anniversary, my darling."

In reply, Crystal just placed a quick kiss on her mother's cheek before trotting through the large, circular foyer of the library and out the main double doors. Sunlight greeted her with a warm embrace, eager to accept the happiness within her.

The day was finally moving forward. One step closer to crawling into bed and seeing her husband after a long, long year.

Verbatim was only a short trot away, and as soon as she stepped hoof inside, Sunset Coffee's bright-eyed grin was right in her face.

"She's here!"

Crystal's gaze flickered past him to see five ponies, two of which she recognized right away: Lovely Prose and Rose Quartz, authors of critical acclaim and prestige.

The five ponies looked up from what they were doing and offered nods and smiles while Sunset exclaimed, "Oh, Crystal, isn't this great?"

Crystal swallowed and glanced between Sunset and the group she presumed were all famous authors. "I'm afraid you skipped over the proper introductions."

"Right! Yes, yes. Always one step ahead of myself." Sunset cleared his throat and gave a sweeping gesture with one leg. "Crystal, meet the lineup of new and renewed authors that will be publishing under Pure Leaf Press!"

She blinked a few times.

She looked at him, then at the smiling faces.

And she blinked a few more times.

"Perhaps we should start over," Lovely Prose said in a voice that matched her name perfectly. "Hello, dear. Your partner reached out to us with opportunities to publish under new pseudonyms through your company."

Crystal's brow furrowed. "But—"

"Or to get published for the first time!" a young stallion chimed, his smile so bright it was almost blinding. "You may not remember me, Mrs. Wishes, but I'm Bold Counsel. I run the Canterlot branch of the C.W. Step Fan Club."

Crystal relaxed into a small smile. "I do remember you. I didn't realize you were a writer."

Bold Counsel's feathers ruffled with excitement. "I started out writing fanfiction of, well, your stories. I didn't think I would ever make it to, you know, the big league. But Sunset says my original works have potential!"

"And they do!" Sunset slung a foreleg around Crystal's neck and pressed their cheeks together. "Pure Leaf Press is going to make dreams come true. Whether you're a saddle-rippin' romance writer who wants to try a new genre—"

"Present," Lovely Prose said with a soft laugh.

"—or an author with a long-running series whose publisher won't let them write anything else—"

Rose Quartz raised a hoof. "Unfortunate, but true."

"—or just fresh to the scene and struggling to get that first chance—"

Bold Counsel and the other two ponies beamed excitedly.

"—we are the publisher of opportunity." Sunset snickered and pulled back to turn his grin back on Crystal. "And we'll have our and their debut here, all in one big meet-and-greet event. I've already got the press releases all ready to go once you approve them!"

Crystal's gaze traveled over their faces with feigned scrutiny. Just as the silence started to grow tense, she sighed. "There's just one problem."

"Problem?" Sunset's ears fell. "What problem?"

"I honestly don't know how we can be called partners when you're doing all the hard work." She giggled behind a hoof. "Can't you leave something for me to do?"

Sunset sputtered into a laugh and dismissed her question with a quick wave. "You are something enough! With all the great press around 'Crystal Wishes' from the Foundation, and the popularity of 'C.W. Step' in the romance genre, both of your names have opened a lot of doors."

"To be honest, I would have taken any chance to get published," Bold Counsel admitted with a sheepish grin, "but the fact that you're involved makes this, well—like Mr. Coffee said, a dream come true!"

"See?" Sunset bumped his hoof to her shoulder. "So you just keep being you. Oh, and, well, the bits help, too." He winked. "That part's also really helpful."

Crystal hummed, looking between all their faces again, and smiled. "Well, then, what are we waiting for? We have a debut event to plan."

The group broke out into varying degrees of celebration that Sunset quickly calmed down so they could get to business. It turned out there was still a lot to put together: flyers needed to be printed and distributed, bookshop-friendly snacks determined and ordered, and so much more that it took nearly the whole day.

Of course, Crystal couldn't be more grateful for the fact that time got away from her. When she noticed the sun slipping toward the horizon, her heart started to pound against her ribs.

It was almost night.

It was almost time.

All that remained was to endure—enjoy dinner and go to bed. It was all too tempting to just skip everything and hide under the covers, but that seemed like cheating.

No, this was not something to take for granted. This was a special treat she would savor and enjoy when the time was right.

"I'm home!" she called as she opened the door to the condo, smiling as the smell of roasted vegetables and garlic.

Wallflower leaned around the wall that separated the kitchen from the living room. "Welcome home. How was your day?" Her eyes softened. "How are you?"

Crystal set her things by the door and did her very best to walk instead of prance. "I'm fine, Mom. Thank you for making dinner."

"It's my pleasure. Do you want me to stay, or—?"

"Please." It would help pass the time to have company, after all.

With a nod, Wallflower returned her attention to the oven. "Dinner will be ready in just a moment. Sit down, sit down."

Crystal took a seat at the dining table that hadn't seen much use since Winterspear moved in with Iridescence. Two plates were already set, and it briefly annoyed her that the back of her mind knew the silverware wasn't properly placed.

"The day was eventful, in quite a good way." Crystal idly drew her hoof along the edge of the chair's back. "Pure Leaf Press is coming along very well." A giggle bubbled up. "Sunset warned me that the business model may fail, but 'it'll be fun while it lasts', he says."

"Oh?" Wallflower glanced up. "What business model is that?"

Crystal smiled. "Anypony can publish through us. No demands, no restrictions."

Chuckling, Wallflower opened the oven door and pulled the pan out. Green, yellow, and purple vegetables were distributed between their plates.

"That does seem like a risk," Wallflower said as she sat down. "And you're not worried?"

Crystal shook her head and swallowed a mouthful of lemon-garlic zucchini. "No. If it fails, then it wasn't meant to be."

The corners of Wallflower's eyes crinkled as she smiled. "I wish you the best of luck."

They ate in companionable quiet, intermittent conversation disrupting the flow. Wallflower was onto a new hobby: scrapbooking. Nothing seemed to occupy her for very long, but she enjoyed the journey of discovery.

Briefly, Crystal wondered if she needed a hobby. Something to wind down with between the Foundation, Pure Leaf Press, and writing. But when would she have the time?

"Do you need me to stay overnight?" Wallflower asked, her voice gentle and uncertain. She wiped her hooves dry after washing the last dish. "I don't mind."

Crystal smiled and shook her head. "I'll be fine, Mom. But thank you. Honestly, I'm just ready for bed." More than words could describe.

"All right." Wallflower reached out to stroke Crystal's cheek. "Don't be afraid to go see Winterspear, any time of the night. I know she won't mind."

"I promise I will if I need to." Crystal nuzzled the hoof. "Fly home safe, okay?"

Wallflower nodded. She lingered a moment longer, concern in her eyes, but she finally relented and turned to walk out the front door.

The moment the door closed, Crystal broke out into a run. She clipped her hip against the doorframe as she barely rounded the corner, but the pain didn't register. With a single bound, she landed on the bed, bounced, and cocooned herself in the covers.

This was it. This was the moment she had been waiting all day for.

Falling asleep, however, wasn’t going to be easy. Her mind was too busy, racing with so many thoughts. Where would she be when she entered the dream? Where would he be?

She flopped onto her other side, kicking one hindleg out from under the blanket. A whole year had passed since she saw him last. Would he have more scars?

With a jolt, she sat upright. Oh! What would she look like to him? If she put on makeup and did her mane, would that transfer to her dream self?

Her horn lit up in the darkness to grab items from her vanity in rapid succession and apply them just as quickly: foundation, eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. She brushed her mane, giggling all the while, before settling back down—carefully, of course, so as not to muss herself up.

Silence throbbed in her ears as she lay there, desperately and unsuccessfully willing herself to sleep. Now she was starting to fret that she was taking too long and poor Silent was lost in a dream, waiting for her to appear. What if he woke himself up because he thought she wasn’t coming?

“Sleep, you fool,” she muttered to herself and shifted to stretch out her limbs so that none of herself was touching.

With all her might, she shoved out any further thoughts and worries. Her mind continued to buzz, but she did her best to not listen to it. Sleep would come if she just kept quiet and still.

Sleep would come.

Sleep...

She was standing in the middle of Canterlot, surrounded by ponies. What was she doing, again? Confused, she looked around to see they were all focused on the sky, so that was where she diverted her attention.

An airship—the Harmony—moved across the backdrop of blue sky, red flames swallowing it whole as it sailed toward the ground in rapid descent.

Screams filled the air and Crystal turned to run. She was running through a field, golden wheat tickling her sides as she urged her legs to move faster. The sound of wings chased her, pounding as hard as her heart, beating like an angry drum.

She was navigating the streets of a city she didn’t recognize. The buildings towered over her, daunting structures of glass and metal that glinted in the sun.

Her hooves stopped touching the ground and she was climbing stairs made of clouds, higher and higher until she was the towering one, but she didn’t look down. She kept her gaze fixed on the black sky above, starless and void of light, the sun fading away below her.

A chill wind blew across her coat, and a pair of blood red eyes glowered at her from a scant whisper away.

“Got you,” a voice of smoke and death hissed against the back of her neck, and she fell into darkness.

She was on the floor, panting, sweating, trembling. Awake.

Alone.

"No, no, no," she murmured, bringing her hooves to her face and blocking out the sight of her empty bedroom. "No, no, no!"

Just one night. That was all Crystal wanted, just one night out of the dreadful, lonely, long year to see her husband. It wasn’t that much to ask!

An angry, bitter voice in the back of her mind reminded her that there was a whole kingdom of ponies with loved ones overseas that didn’t get a single night–and might never again. Who was Crystal to think she was above them, that she deserved more than them?

She was just one pony. One small, insignificant pony who wanted too much.

Her whole body shook as she wept, sobbing so hard no sound could make it past the hard lump in her throat. The room was dark, and for a while, she silently begged for this to be another part of a dream from which she would wake.

When her tears ran dry, she knew better.

There was a pervasive emptiness that hollowed her out, carved into her lungs and heart and soul, and took away all the hope that had built up over the course of the day. She stared at the far wall, void of feeling and thought, until she realized this was it.

This was the moment she thought would never come.

Moving slowly but purposefully, Crystal stalked across the bedroom and over to the closet. Her belongings were still divided between Canterlot and the Crystal Empire, but everything important was here with her.

Her magic wound its way through the pile until, at the very back, she found the box.

Its lid opened with a mournful creak, and the glow of her magic illuminated its contents: a bottle of wine and two sealed letters.

"Hello," she murmured into the stillness before levitating the bottle from its resting place of dark velvet.

It was an expensive brand, made of only the finest grapes from the fertile soil of Prance. She remembered picking it out together before their wedding. Something coiled low in her chest, a mix of bitterness and loneliness.

"Oh, this one comes from a very prestigious vineyard," the memory of her voice chirped, young and naive.

She drew her hoof across the label, just as her former self had, and faltered through a smile as she remembered Silent's response.

"Isn't the goal to not need to open the box?" He had cocked an eyebrow. "It doesn't make sense to buy something expensive if we'll never drink it."

Sweet little, unaware Crystal had tutted playfully. "Yes, yes, but this isn't the sort of thing to cheap out on. In the dreadful event one of us needs it, they should, at the least, have something nice to drink."

It had been a joke.

Now—as her magic eased the cork out with care to keep the annoyingly cheerful pop! quiet—it was necessity.

The first bite of crisp acidity caused her nose to scrunch, but she held it on her tongue and sucked in air through clenched teeth. Notes of velvety rose and rich oak filled her mouth before she swallowed.

She paused, staring at the bottle.

And then abandoned all sense of proper wine decorum to chug another two mouthfuls.

Time melted somewhere between drinking and the resurfacing of tears, but she kept her focus on the next sip. When she took that, she thought about the next.

As warmth started to spread throughout her chest, her gaze flickered over to where the two letters lay, undisturbed, untouched since that faded memory of a perfect day.

A letter written by Silent's hoof for when times got tough. She sniffed, rubbed at her cheeks, and began to levitate the envelope she knew as his.

Each movement of paper unfolding sent her heart racing until her gaze fell upon the ink that seemed too fresh, as though she were peeking at something forbidden.

She snorted and, unbidden, a smile pulled at her lips. It didn't feel all that long ago that he was a bright-eyed royal guard, standing against the wall in Princess Luna's quarters while she stole shy glances at him.

Her heart clenched.

"Then why did you leave?" she asked aloud, her vision going blurry. "We could have—"

She cut herself off, wiped her eyes, and pressed forth.

The muscles around her mouth twitched as she grappled with realization.

He knew. He’d known he was going to leave her, and yet he’d proposed to her anyway.

How could he do that to her? To them? Didn’t he love her?

What about ponies who were her, specifically—her? She clenched her jaw and tried not to crumple up the letter and throw it across the room.

There was a reason he wrote this, she reminded herself. A reason that wasn't meant to hurt her.

Her anger started to melt away as a smile forced its way onto her trembling lips. Curse him and that good, noble heart she fell in love with.

Two years ago, Silent had written this letter knowing full well what he had done. He had killed a gryphon in the name of vengeance and must have known that the consequences weren't far behind.

Her chest roiling with pain, anger, and loneliness, Crystal forgave him with a soft press of her lips to his name.

Because twice over, he had tried to let her walk away. She was the one who wouldn't give up on them then. She wouldn't be the one to give up on them now.

That was, after all, what her own letter said. She could still remember the way her quill danced lightheartedly but earnestly across the page.

A part of her wanted to send it to him, but she shook her head, the world spinning slightly from the motion. If she did that, then he would know that she opened the box—that she felt their marriage was in trouble.

It wasn't, but she was. She had been a fool to take the extraordinary gift from Princess Luna for granted. Greed had overtaken her, and now she realized how weak she truly was.

Slowly, she lowered the letter and lifted the nearly empty bottle. The first rays of a fresh sunrise filtered in though the window, catching the dark green glass and illuminating the remaining wine within.

As she tilted her head back for a final long, slow drink, fresh tears started to fall down her cheeks.

Today was going to be the hardest day of her life.