General Lee lay hidden just beyond the tree line as Jack lay prone on a hill facing Ponyville; binoculars in hoof. A sinister crooked smile on his face as he watched the mares down below. He was more than a little amused with the way things had gone the last few days and he intended to continue the trend.
After Jack tore Ponyville's market a new one in the blazing orange car, Twilight and her friends were forced to go back to their jobs simply because none of them had worked at all the past three days.
This gave Jack the opportunity to realize his greatest disadvantage: his complete lack of allies.
Unfortunately, Jack hated everyone.
Stallions were absolute dumbasses who lacked the balls to even talk to someone as bad-mouthed and bold as him, and mares couldn’t last a full minute without flirting or trying to seduce him. He had yet to inquire about other species, but he had high hopes for Spike, Twilight’s diminutive dragon assistant, if he could only get him greedy enough to grow some balls of his own.
Jack’s solution? If he can’t have friends, no one can.
In a series of sabotages, cleverly placed and cruel pranks, and planted evidence that pointed the blame to another, Jack systematically and efficiently split up possibly the most important friendship in Equestria just to spite them.
And Jesus Christ it was easy.
He giggled maniacally as Rainbow Dash once again zoomed into town, right past Applejack’s apple stand. He clicked the small remote in hoof and right on cue, the front leg of the apple stand popped off like it had been hit.
Jack rolled about laughing as Applejack squawked in surprise and dove after her spilled merchandise. Unfortunately for her, it was already ruined by the hoof-traffic.
She glared up at the rapidly vanishing rainbow contrail and screamed in frustration.
Jack finally sat up and smiled with satisfaction. With this last bit of sabotage, his plan had gone perfectly. It had almost been too easy for him to break up the supposed “strongest friendship in Equestria.”
Jack bounced up to his usual stance and strutted back to General Lee, confident he would have very little problems with the Mane Six in the future.
============================
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!
A red glare surfaced from grey fur, black mane, and thick blanket in disbelief.
No way in hell.
It had been several weeks since Jack had utterly destroyed the Mane Six’s friendship, and he had kept his contact with Ponyville to the minimum the entire time; only stepping hoof inside the town to refuse to pay taxes to a God he didn’t worship, and to store up on food.
With the ease he had split them up, he was not expecting any of them back anytime soon, but nevertheless-
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!
Someone was outside, knocking on his door, despite the minefield and moat blocking the way.
Jack growled darkly and snagged his knife from its resting place imbedded in the bedframe. He stalked toward the front door and put his hoof on the first of many locks before shouting through the door.
“The fock is it!?”
A very annoyingly familiar high-pitched voice answered back.
“HiJackIneedyourhelpbecausewhileyouweregoneTwilightfixedupourfriendshipandIwashavingfunwithRainbowDashandthenherfriendwhoisagriffinandisalsonamedGildacameoutofNOWHEREandthensheturnedouttobeabigmeaniepantsandIwantRainbowDashtospendtimewithmeagaininsteadofabigmeaniewhoscaresstallionsandstealsfood!”
Jack sighed and ran his hoof down his face. Unlike most of his problems, he had discovered that Pinkie was stab-proof (not for lack of trying), and would only lose her ability to defy logic and harm when her goal was met.
So with a long growl, Jack slowly unlocked each of the fifteen or so door locks and cracked open the door to see a teary-eyed Pinkie Pie looking up at him like a begging puppy with a quivering lip.
It almost made him care.
Almost.
He begrudgingly opened the door and glared menacingly for a moment before clicking his tongue in disgust. Pinkie whimpered hopefully.
“Jack?”
With a grunt, he shoved her aside and stalked toward General Lee. He slid inside with practiced ease and revved the engine with a small grin that quickly increased to a toothy smile when he looked back to Pinkie Pie.
She was looking at the ground crying, likely thinking she had lost one of her best friends.
Jack quickly decided to let her sit like that for awhile, relishing in her despair, but he eventually had to break the wonderful moment. He had things to do after all; horrible, terrible, delightfully fun things.
“Ya comin’ or what, dipshit?”
Pinkie gasped and looked up to see an obviously smug Jack. Her mane poofed back up and she bounced to her hooves to run over to the car.
“Why didn’t you say so earlier silly!”
A lazy red eye settled on her.
“I delight in yer misery. I’m not the type to go killin’ ponies, but I fockin’ hate you and yer friends. Now get in.”
Pinkie blinked in surprise but jumped into the passenger seat anyway. Jack slammed the gas and let the tires scream for a moment before taking off.
Pinkie was amazed at the foreign interior of General Lee, but soon kept her hooves tucked close to her barrel after Jack stabbed at her hoof for prodding the stereo. It was further reinforced by the monotone words uttered by the smolderingly volatile stallion.
“Touch this beaut, and I won’t miss next time.”
Pinkie nodded rapidly and kept quiet... for about two seconds.
“Why are you helping me, Jack? I mean, if you hate me so much.”
Jack cast a glance at her before looking back to the road.
“Ye wouldn’t get yer fat arse off my porch until I helped ye. Also, I don’t hate ye pink whorse.”
Pinkie looked back to him in surprise.
“I know yer just trying to help yer friends and all. Spread yer magic friendship shite... No, Pink whorse, ye want ta know what I think of you?”
Jack looked over with a surprisingly soft expression.
Pinkie blushed. Could it be?
“Yer a horny little bitch who I loathe with every fiber of my being.”
No, no it couldn’t.
Jack’s face contorted into a wicked grin as he spun the wheel violently and screeched around the sharp turn into Ponyville square.
Ponies scattered as the horrifyingly fast vehicle tore around the area a few times, doing donuts and smashing a few stands, before suddenly skidding to a stop to eject it’s cargo.
Pinkie yelped as she was suddenly thrown out of her seat and into the fountain as Jack laughed maniacally; one hoof still still extended where he had shoved her out.
A certain orange cow-pony peeked her head over her miraculously unharmed apple stand.
At the same time, Twilight rounded the corner into the square along with Rarity; summoned by the familiar roar of half-a-ton of angry metal and the screams of terrified bystanders.
Finally, a cyan Pegasus and her significantly more-feathered friend flew low to see what had happened.
Fluttershy was not present as she was still rather traumatized by the visiting griffin.
Jack climbed onto the roof of his car to better take in the sight of a drenched and dazed Pinkie sitting in the fountain.
“Heh... heh heh... heHEHAHAHEEHEE!!!”
Twilight looked on, flustered by the conflicting feelings of love and anger, as Jack descended into maniacal, insane giggling in a display of just how much of a plothole he could be.
Pinkie righted herself and shook her hoof at Jack in pretend anger before submitting to the blush that threatened to overtake her senses.
The griffin glanced about at the smitten ponies and decided to poke some fun.
“Oooh~ Hey Dash! I didn’t know you were into the dominant type. Is he on top?”
Rainbow Dash promptly dropped like a rock, face beet red and wings too stiff to flap. The rest of the mares squawked in surprise and blushed before turning to glare at the offending Griffin.
Except Pinkie, who promptly had an explosive nosebleed.
The female griffin preened a bit, rather proud of herself.
Jack took note of the wrecked market, upset mares, and the amused expression the griffin wore. He grinned a shark-tooth smile to her and gave a little bow before climbing back in the car.
Gilda laughed and glided down as the car roared and took off the way it had come. She watched until the oddity was out of sight before elbowing Dashie.
“So, that the stallion you were telling me about? The badflank hottie who lives in the Everfree?”
Rainbow Dash blushed and nodded.
“Yeah, that’s Jack alright...”
============================
Later that day, Jack was once again going about his daily business.
"FOCK THE HELL OFF YA TWATS!"
Jack yelled obscenities for a few more minutes into the mirror before nodding happily. Offending exercises done, he walked on hind legs through the heavily booby-trapped hallway of his house, automatically avoiding each trigger and trip wire without effort.
With a good kick, his back door flew open and he strolled into his fenced-in backyard, rubbing his fore-hooves together evilly. The ground was littered with empty jars, and a still sat off to one side. A huge hole and a large mound of dirt beside it sat squarely in the middle of the dirt yard, the bottom of the pit vanishing into the dark and a steel mining elevator was fixed to its edge. Finally, General Lee's garage, and Jack's Workshop.
After a quick stop at the still, he strolled into the garage, lovingly patting the car as he passed it. He finally took a seat at the metal worktable, slugging back half the jar in one gulp, and began looking over his projects.
He wasn't quite sure how he knew how to make some of these things, but through a lot of trial and error (mostly error), he had managed to build a working car in a world that only barely had trains. And that was only the tip of the iceberg in Jack's mind.
He shoved aside some of the half-realized blueprints and laid out his plans for yet another very stylized addition to his arsenal. He gnawed on the well-chewed handle of a convenient screwdriver as he drew out the measurements and began writing a unique shopping list for the materials he needed.
A few hours later he leaned away from the worktable and stretched his legs, the plans complete for now. He yawned wide for a moment, only to halt as a faint hum reached his ears. He flipped his forehoof and grimaced as he took in the glowing red glyph on the back. He spat out the screwdriver with enough force to embed it into the floor.
"Focking trespassers. If it's another Timberwolf I swear I'm gonna burn that godforsaken forest down!"
He jumped to his hindhooves and snagged his serrated knife as he stalked out of the garage, the perfect picture of territorial rage. He glared about but didn't see anyone at first. His ear flicked as he heard a familiar voice and a banging at his door.
"Yo! Jack! You home?"
Jack relaxed his grip on the knife and barked back at the Griffin.
"Backyard! What do ya want?"
Gilda soon strolled around the corner, a bag on her back and a frustrated look on her face. Her face didn't change as she walked over to him.
"Dash kicked me out, can I crash here for awhile? I don't have a place to stay and you're about the only pony I can think of that would take in a griffin."
Jack took in her tense, tired stance, and the spark of anger still glowing in her eye- all the signs of a recent fight- and smirked as he crossed his forelegs over his chest.
"How much grief did'ya cause 'er?"
Gilda cocked her head.
"What did ya' do to make her banish ye?"
Gilda scowled as she remembered the utter betrayal she felt.
"Just a few bucking pranks. A few bucking pranks and suddenly I'm public enemy number one! And on top of that, Dash sides with the plothole losers she's known for like a month before her best friend! I've known her for years Jack!"
She clawed at the ground in frustration, digging deep into the earth. She looked up as Jack cleared his throat. Her nostrils burned as she got a whiff of the jar he held in front of her. With a grim smile and a mumbled "Thanks," she grabbed it and gulped it down. She coughed and beat at her chest as the burning liquid practically roasted her throat.
Jack grabbed the jar and walked calmly back to the still, speaking with an unusual degree of compassion for the Griffin.
"You can stay, because you'll always find three things true about ponies, Gilda. They're always racist 'n sexist first. No matter how good of "friends" you are, they always side with their own kind. Two, their relationships are shallow as fuck. It took me like a day to break 'em up. And Three-"
He met her gaze as he slugged another jarful of the heavy alcohol.
"I am the only exception to the rule. Reason being, the only friendship I will ever make are with those who hate ponykind as much as I do."
Gilda stared in wonder at this mysterious, strange stallion who had accepted her in an instant, just on the basis that she had been wronged by ponies, despite the overwhelming cruelty he sent everyone else's way.
"Why do you hate your own species?"
Those red eyes seemed to glow a little brighter for a moment as a smug smile descended onto his face.
"That's a story for another day. You can have the couch for now. I'll get another bed or something eventually."
With that, Jack spun on one hoof and walked over to the back door. He kicked it open and hit the deck as a sawblade nearly took his head off. He stood back up after a moment and glanced at Gilda.
"I should probably turn these off huh?"
Gilda sat there with a half amused, half impressed smile on her beak as Jack pulled a few hidden levers in the doorframe and dodged back outside as every trap in the house discharged or shut down. A few arrows and large burst of fire flew out a window, and Jack smiled as a flaming tire rolled through the open door.
"Should be good."
Gilda joined him at the door as she looked into the actually luxurious home with no sign of traps.
"You're insane, but at the same time awesome."
Jack began walking down the hallway on polished wood timbers with a pleased smile, Gilda following close behind.
"The word you're looking for-"
His eyes lit up with a red glow and an evil grin split his face.
"-is a complete and utter badass."