//------------------------------// // Special: Damn Straight I'm the Best! // Story: Unpleasant Correspondence // by StormLuna //------------------------------// To An Inferior Monarch, For a long time I never imagined that I would have my own castle but now I do and you know what, it is fucking awesome! I have looked over this thing from top to bottom and I must say I am impressed. My bedroom is huge, it came with a huge sleep number bed and I know for a fact that if she was to ever even sit on it, Fluttershy would gladly not only let me initiate her, but she would move in with me and become a true friend and not a mere close acquaintance, but a true friend and maybe even my marefriend. Now for another great part, the dungeon. It is sweet, very sweet! Not only do I have a dozen dingy cells that wouldn't meet the criminal rights' codes but there are so many torture devices down there! I'm thinking of trying them out sometime soon. Now it is just a matter of who to torture, maybe I could go and abduct some undesirables, Applejack's idiot cousin comes to mind, and torture them to my heart's content! Now would I kill him, no I wouldn't. Would I kill inferior species such as griffons, fuck yeah I would! Now Spike is especially happy because now he has his own bedroom and a large bed of his own. This is sweet because now I can bring the spa twins home with me and we can have all sorts of fun. Who knows, I may be able to get them to move in with me on a permanent basis, having them with me every night would make me a much, much happier mare and may cause me to not bitch so much. Now one thing that kind of disappoints me is the throne room. There is a throne for me and Spike but also one for my acquaintances too. Seriously, I have to let them come into what is my sanctuary from this miserable hell hole? What are we going to do in there, talk and try to figure out how we can work on maybe being distant friends or are we going to talk about how we can round up undesirables for me to torture? Although I do want to point this out. Unlike your lowly sunbutt, I have MY OWN castle! I don't have to share mine like you do yours with your sister. Now if this doesn't prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am by far the best princess in Equestria then I don't know what would. To make matters even better, while it may be located in a hellhole, at least I have plenty of open space around mine, open space that I don't have to share with snobby assholes like you do. Damn it must suck to be you! Equestria's Supreme, Absolute Best Monarch, (Far Better than You) Princess Twilight Sparkle P.S. When it comes to handling dissidents and law breakers, just let me handle them now. I know I have the appropriate means to torture them and set them straight. Besides, it would be so much fun to see them begging me for mercy and of course I would never give it to them! To Equestria's Most Arrogant Monarch, So you think that you are suddenly so much better than my sister and I since you have that fancy ass castle, that nice bed, all that open space and that state of the art dungeon? Think again Twibitch. Yes I have to share my palace with Luna and there isn't any open space around it but it is STILL in the capitol city of Canterlot, it is not in some dilapidated dump full of mindless hicks. You can sit there and think you are the best but remember this Twily, I raise the sun, my sister raises the moon and Cadence makes for a good bootie-call but what do you do? You do nothing, absolutely nothing! All you have ever done is cause me undue stress with your bitching and now all of a sudden you are going to make my life a nightmare with your arrogance. Now remember Twilight, no hiding in your castle or abducting the spa twins and holing up with them in there alone. You do have to actually associate with those close acquaintances of yours and who knows, a time may come when some weird magical thing may force you to spend time with them whether you want to or not....which I would find very funny if it did. Still Better than You, Princess Celestia P.S. Give it up Twilight. You are never going to initiate Fluttershy unless you force her and I can tell by the way you are acting that since you want her as a marefriend, you won't force it. However, if you ever want anything with her, let her come around on her own because she ain't going to want to hook up with a damn stalker.