Chapter Seventeen: Darkness Does It Better
✧❖☬❖✧
So apparently not sleeping for five hundred years really takes it out of a guy, because once Mark and I had spent a century or so hunting for more things so the Hælhounds could have a meal and I could get a tasty treat in the form of the heart of whatever creature we’d killed, we returned to Dissida’s cave and holed up long enough for me to catch some unavoidable shut-eye. When I say unavoidable, I mean that I’d actually had to prop myself up on Mark for our journey back home because I was so exhausted, and there were a few times where I blacked out and woke up walking, which should have been scary, but really wasn’t for the simple fact that Dissida was now my Patron- Should I say Matron? I’m gonna go with Matron. Now that Dissida was my Matron as well as effectively being my slave, she had to protect me in her realm, and even if she didn’t, over the hundred years Mark and I spent together, I forgot Common and learned Vulpha, the language of Hellbeasts. Not Hæl. Hell. Mark was sure to correct me when I finally got a decent understanding of the language via going shit-through-your-cock-n-bollocks, piss-through-your-tongue insane.
Speaking of going insane, a-fucking-pparantly you just do when you cap the three hundred year mark. Mark (Wishing I’d named him something different now. Ah, hindsight) was happy to tell me that he’d lost count of how many times he’d tried to reinvent the wheel with a down-feather and parchment, which is an old Avalesch saying that basically means to do something so impossible that it’s stupidity and redundancy makes you look like a babe sucking on a cactus with no problems. In other words, you’re either some kind of Retardare or you’re too young to know that you’re being an idiot. I was slated to lose my shit two more times before I got out of The Grey, but I didn’t really remember going insane, though I was assured by my pack-mates that I’d gone off the deep end and had started killing Hellbears by myself before any of them could get a bite in.
The thing about that is that I was using Magic most of the time when I was off eating delicious hearts and not remembering the specific flavour of each kill. I’ve since learned how to form a bow and arrows with Wind Magic, but it’s not exactly the fastest process because I only get to use it every couple of years. There was a lot that had went down in the time between my subduction slash seduction (Or vice versa) of Dissida, but little of it was of much importance. I met a lot of cool Hellbeasts, though, so that was pretty interesting. There were all sorts of the creatures that didn’t visit me in my four hundred years of wandering because they assumed that I was going to run from them anyway, but most of them were just tasty. There were wildcats that tasted like different berries, giant badgers that were kinda spicy, reptiles of all kinds that had the same pecan pie type of flavour, and there were many more tasty things that needed me to eat them.
Let’s see… There wasn’t much that went on after I had my little hundred year hunting adventure with Mark and the pack, so I guess I’ll just carry on with when I woke up to the forest being a slightly darker shade of grey rather than the lighter shades that prevailed during most of my time there. I yawned and stretched as I woke up, and when I actually got myself together for the day ahead, Mark stopped me from leaving Dissida’s cave and told me to go visit her for some reason or the other. I don’t know why he didn’t just tell me when I woke up, but I didn’t really care at the time and mostly just begroaned the effort it would take to crawl into the antechamber.
One long, boring crawl later, I came face to face with a visibly less hideous Dissida. Her face was considerably less disfigured and her skin looked less rough and dry. I couldn’t say that she was exactly attractive, but she didn’t look as bad as she did when I first met her. “Heya, Dissy.” I said in Vulpha.
“Hello, Master. I see that your sleep saw you well.” Dissida said formally.
I shrugged. “It was what it was. I don't feel particularly well rested or anything.”
“A shame to be sure. Speaking of shames, did you notice that the forest has finally darkened?”
“Yes, actually. I was wondering what the cause was.”
“Night is upon us and you’re in here because the Hellbeasts all go a little crazy at night. Mark will guard the entrance to this cave, but you’re pretty much stuck here unless you want to fight everything.”
“... Could you train me how to fight something on two legs?” I asked.
Dissida touched a hand to her bare chest and smiled. “Me? Teach? Why I never thought I’d have a willing student again!” Her patronizing nature carried over extremely well, but I found it more amusing than irritating at that point in my life. Little made me upset other than losing a good kill.
“I’m fairly certain that the Goddess of War and Chaos can fight her arse off, so yeah. Let’s do this thing, Dissy.” I said casually.
I’m rather sure that there were a lot of consecutive weeks where I wished that I hadn’t said that.
✯☾Ω☽✯
I kept an eye on Garrison and marveled at how fast he’d died in comparison to me before realizing that I’d died a lot sooner than he did and that he’d lucked out twice as often as I’d had to. The guy was in a shittier position than I was, and things only seemed to be getting hairier and hairier for him, but for the time being, he was polishing well and was looking… Well, kinda good for what he’d been going through. He’d literally gone to his people’s version of Hell and he’d conquered it in a way somewhat similar to what I’d have done. I know I would have thrown that left fielder in there as far as wooing Dissida went, but I couldn’t help but be proud of the guy for pulling through where I think I might have fallen flat. I couldn’t imagine fighting Nashoba’s cousins time and time again, but there Garrison was.
I took my eyes off of Garrison and cast my attention toward Ladesa and Applejack who were racing down a line of trees to see who could clear their side faster. Since Ladesa had her Voima back, she was plenty strong enough to match Applejack. However, the farmer knew what the fuck she was doing, and Magic doesn’t account for everything, as overpowered as it is. Once they cleared their line, they were done for the day and Ladesa did a quick scan of their surroundings before skulking up behind Applejack to wrap her up in a big hug.
“Hey! Why are you so fond a’ sneakin’ up behind me?” Applejack asked amusedly, holding onto Ladesa’s arms.
“Oh, I dunno. Maybe you’re just too ugly to look at from the front?” Ladesa teased.
“Oh, is that right?”
“It might be~” The Demi-Goddess sang in turn.
Applejack whipped around and caught Ladesa before she could get away, taking her down with few problems. They both laughed and rolled in the autumn leaves merrily without a care in the world for a little while, both of them wrestling for the position on top. It was a cute, heartwarming sight to see, especially when Applejack won and gave Ladesa a kiss that was to stay between them until Applejack officially came out. Everyone already suspected that Ladesa and Applejack were more than friends, but Ladesa was adamant about only being attracted to men and Applejack was slippery when it came to doubts about her sexuality. The time would come for both of them to get it out in the open, but for the time being, they liked to keep their romance in the trees and their love on the down low.
When they parted lips, Applejack let Ladesa up and asked, “Hey, Desa?”
“Yeah, AJ?”
“Whaddaya wanna do now? We oughta be done for the day and I think the girls wanna get together tonight.”
Ladesa made a face. “I’m in, but I dunno if I’m gonna be able to stop myself from wringin’ Rarity’s neck if she keeps buggin’ me about my hair.”
“Ah, jus’ put her in a headlock. Does the trick every time.” Applejack said casually.
“I know, but Twilight always throws a fit when you shut Rarity up, and then you have to hear both of them for hours.” Desa groaned.
Applejack chuckled. “It’ll be fine, Sugar Pie. I’ll talk to Rares and you can raise a fuss about Jay gettin’ invited to a girl’s get-together again.”
Ladesa huffed. “It just don’t make sense ta have a man around when it’s just supposed to be us gals! I know Fluttershy likes havin’ ‘im around, but Jay don’t belong at sleepover.”
“I dunno, I kinda like Jay comin’ ta the sleepovers. He keeps Pinkie from gettin’ too far out there and Rainbow obviously likes jokin’ around with him. I just wish Twilight would hurry up and ask him out.”
“I’m with ya on that one. The girl needs ta nut up and get her big girl knickers on. I mean, didn’t Fluttershy already give her the okay?”
Applejack nodded. “She sure did, and I talked to Jay the other day about it and he says that he ain’t goin’ turn her down if she does ask. The only thing we’re waitin’ on is Twilight.”
“Why not just have Jay ask her out?”
“I’m pretty sure that Jay’s only really interested in Fluttershy. The way that man dotes on his Mare is adorable!”
“I know, right? Makes me wish we could go public.” Ladesa sighed.
Applejack grimaced. “I just dunno how my family would take it, Raspberry.”
“And it still kinda feels… I dunno… Weird, I guess, to just have everyone know that I like women.” Ladesa said, rubbing her arm.
“We’ll get through it, Sugar Pie. I know we will.” The cowgirl said reassuringly.
The thief gave her a warm smile. “You always know the right thing to say, AJ.”
“You always know the right way ta look. Mind if I sneak a kiss from ya?”
“Of course not, silly Pony.” Ladesa giggled, giving Applejack her kiss.
‘Sugar… Overload… Can’t… Breathe!’ I whispered to Applejack.
‘Oh shush, you. You’re the one who told me to ask her for somethin’ discreet.’ Applejack thought back.
I chuckled to myself while Ladesa suggested that they go and get some drinks for the night they had ahead of them. After they grabbed some comfortable clothes for later on in the night, the plan was to meet up at Twilight’s with Fluttershy, then head over to Rarity’s for the actual slumber party thing itself since Rarity was going to be the host for this one. Sweetie Belle was heading over to Sweet Apple Acres to hang out with Scootaloo and Apple Bloom while the girls commandeered the house slash boutique. After they gathered everything and everyone they needed, they headed over to Rarity’s, and much to Ladesa’s pleasure, Jay had chosen to work late instead of accept Fluttershy’s invitation to join the girls for a night of bawdy lady-jokes and a lack of weed.
Ladesa herself parted from Applejack, who’d elected to strike up a conversation with Pinkie and Twilight while she went into the kitchen to talk to Rainbow, Rarity, and Fluttershy for a few moments. She walked in as Rainbow was telling a joke about a woman who caught mice with her lady parts and considered walking out until she saw the shocked and horrified look on Rarity’s face as Rainbow told her joke. I’d repeat it, but it really was some inane shit that you had to have a vagina to find amusing, and though I might be able to have one, I’ve never stuffed cheese in my love tunnel… The peanut-butter was Twilight’s idea.
“Okay then.” Ladesa said when Rainbow finished with her joke.
Rainbow was snickering up until then. “Oh, come on! That was funny!”
“That was horrifying.” Rarity said quietly.
“Wh-What Rarity said.” Fluttershy squeaked.
Dash rolled her eyes. “Wimps. Why don’t you give it a go, Desa?”
“Maybe later. We brought drinks if you girls are ready to start climbing all over each other for the last shot of tequila.” Ladesa said amusedly.
“Ooo!” Rainbow exclaimed. “Did you really get tequila?”
“Please no.” Rarity moaned.
“What? It won’t be like last time, I swear!” Dash lied, crossing her fingers in her pockets.
Fluttershy gave her a suspicious look. “That’s what you said last time we got tequila…”
Ladesa chuckled. “Maybe that’s why Applejack was so hung up on getting a bottle. You never know, she might just wanna see Dash fly around town naked again.”
Rainbow blushed and grinned. “Hey, with how fast I fly, it’s not like anypony has time to see anything.”
“You really need to stop drinking and flying, Darling. Isn’t that how you broke your wing, after all?” Rarity asked.
Dash gave her a look. “That was beer, not tequila. Different drinks, different drunk.”
“That’s just silly.” Rarity huffed.
“Gal’s got a point. Beer makes me queer and apparently whisky makes me frisky.” Ladesa mused.
Fluttershy covered her chest and blushed at the memory of Ladesa molesting her. “Y-You didn’t get more whisky, d-did you?”
“No, but Applejack was sure to buy a couple bottles of wine for you, Rarity, and Twilight.”
Ladesa assured her.
“Th-That’s good…” Fluttershy said, breathing a sigh of relief.
“I still don’t understand why a supposedly heterosexual woman would perform such lewd acts to another, but as my father used to say: A Mare’s mind is a magical maze.” Rarity said haughtily.
“I ain’t gay.” Ladesa said flatly.
“Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” Rainbow beamed.
“Don’t you swing both ways? Are you sure you’re not just gettin’ your hopes up?” Desa teased.
Dash grinned right back at her. “I wouldn’t say no to a roll in the hay, but if you’re not gay, then you’re not gay. Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna stop looking at your flank.”
Ladesa turned for Rainbow and checked herself out as well. “It is a nice arse, isn’t it?”
“I do despise how effortless you seem to acquire such a perfect figure.” Rarity sighed. “You don’t have to worry about back aches and you’ve got what every red-blooded Stallion wants!”
Rainbow Dash huffed. “Please, Rares. With hips like yours and a rack that’ll give a guy a heart attack, I don’t think you’d have too much trouble catchin’ an eye.”
Ladesa pointed at Fluttershy. “If we’re talking hot, then we gotta look at Fluttershy. The girl’s like an hourglass, and you know Jay has to love the bits he gets to hold onto.”
“Eep! B-But what about Rainbow? I-I want a slim physique like hers!” Fluttershy blurted, cornered into saying something about her multicolored friend to compete the metaphorical daisy-chain, though she was being honest about it.
“Tch. If I had a choice, I’d have Rarity’s flank and Applejack’s tits.” Rainbow said humorously.
“Weren’t you just complimenting Ladesa on her behind?” Rarity asked amusedly.
“She’s got a handful, but you’ve got a little more than that to work with.” Dash replied with a grin.
Rarity blushed faintly, her cheeks growing ever so slightly rosy. “You say that as if I have a big behind.”
Fluttershy looked at Rarity’s asset and the presiding Demi-Goddess noticed. “What do you think, Flutters? Does Rarity have an arse like a seat cushion?”
Fluttershy turned bright red along with Rarity. “Why I never! My posterior is certainly not that big!” Rarity said, flustering.
Rainbow used the distraction to palm the seamstress’ rear. “I dunno, it’s pretty soft.”
Rarity jolted hard and gave Rainbow a good whack for being a pervert. “Rainbow Dash, will you ever learn to keep your hands to yourself!?”
Rainbow blew her a kiss and Rarity huffed. “Aww, C’mon Rares! You know I’d dropkick a foal for somma’ what you’re blessed with. It’s not fair for you to keep it all to yourself you know.”
Rarity sighed. “I suppose you’re right, Rainbow.”
“Really?” Rainbow asked hopefully.
“Have you lost your last marble, you Ninny?” Rarity deadpanned.
Ladesa and Fluttershy giggled at the heartbroken look on their friend’s face. “Aww, come on! You can’t lead a gal on like that! It’s just cruel! The bean has never been bluer!”
“You’re already blue, you vulgar sex-machine!”
Rainbow beamed. “Rainbow Dash: Sex Machine Supreme!”
Rarity groaned and the rest of the girls had a laugh at her expense. Rainbow was skilled at annoying Rarity and Twilight for the benefit of the other girls, but everyone knew that it was just for fun at the end of the day. Rainbow still got chewed out for being such an immature dummy-head, but Rarity let her off easy since she’d brought salt cubes to the party. Each of the girls gathered round to get the party started in earnest once the sidebar conversations petered out and throats started to get dry. They all got a drink of their choice and six out of the seven chose to drop a cube or two of salt into their drinks for the start of a wild night. Ladesa didn’t know what salt did to Ponies in high enough quantities and I was eager to watch her as she found out.
It all began innocently enough as the glasses around their circle went empty with a round of giggles that popped up for no reason, starting with Fluttershy and ending with Rarity joining the rest (Save for Ladesa) in laughing at nothing. The lone Human was plenty confused about what was going on since there was just giggling and the odd word coming out of their mouths, but it’s not like she was terribly worried about it at the moment. For the time being, she could be content to get to their level just by drinking more, but when the girls started doing the cubes raw, things started picking up a little bit.
Twilight was the first to kick her socks off, followed by Rarity and Fluttershy since they were the only ones besides Ladesa that wore them. Applejack started drawing closer and closer to Ladesa by the minute until they were actually touching, despite Ladesa moving away from her a time or two. Twilight giggled as Ladesa drank more to drown out her anxiety and Rarity giggled at Twilight because she thought Twilight’s giggle was adorable. By the time Ladesa was drunk enough to not care where Applejack was, they’d already kissed once or twice in front of everyone and nobody gave a damn. Rainbow was making a minor move on Pinkie by constantly touching her and stroking her ears when she’d let her and when Ladesa had a brief moment of Clarity, she watched as Fluttershy and Rarity stripped their tops off simultaneously, stunned at the heft of the breasts in front of her up until Applejack slid a hand up the inside of her thigh.
The situation was rapidly getting out of hand and Ladesa excused herself to ‘Go tinkle’ to get away from the madness for a little bit, which meant that she missed Applejack and Rarity doing lines of powdered salt off of Twilight’s tummy, and she missed the conversation that the two incredibly fucked up Mares had about her and the possibilities in the night. They spoke through their giggles, but they were both fucked up enough to get what the other person was saying. When Ladesa came out of the restroom, she found everyone else at the party either topless or half naked, which was a little moistening as well as disturbing. The only ones she found attractive were Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight, but it didn’t help that Fluttershy was stacked and that Rainbow’s arousal was plain on her panties.
I reeled myself into Heaven Central for a second to laugh at the situation that Ladesa’s punk-arse found herself in because I didn’t really like her. I was hoping that she’d get molested and that would be the end of it, but I had my concerns about whether the girls were in their right minds at the moment. I would have checked, but Ladesa kinda-sorta betrayed someone who’d only tried to help her on top of stabbing someone who thought of her as a sister in the back. Well, literally in the front, but I know what I mean, so fuck you. She was kind of a cunt in my books, and I didn’t doubt that Garrison was going to wham her in the clam if he ever saw her again.
I chuckled to myself a little more when Twilight came in, knocking on my open door. “Is now a good time?”
I gave her a warm smile. “For you, anytime’s a good time. What can I do for you, Cherry?”
“I just wanted some of your attention for once.” My Twilight teased. “A girl could get jealous with how much time you spend digging into other people’s business.”
I gave her a look. “Please, like you didn’t micromanage the Hell out of your own universe. It’s not like I’m telling the ants how to march.”
Twilight colored and showed off her nick-namesake by throwing a handful at me. “They weren’t using the most optimal paths! It was just a waste of energy in the environment!”
“You were incorrigible.” I said flatly.
“You, of all people, cannot be serious when saying that.” Twilight deadpanned.
“I was twenty. You were twenty million.” I countered.
“Shut up if you ever want to meditate on my lap again, Mister.” She pointed a judicious, damning finger at me.
I pouted and crossed my arms. “That is just not fair.”
“Life seldom is, Amour. Now why don’t we go and stroll the plaza?”
“Sounds good to me.” I said, shifting through space to appear by her side. “Shall we?” I offered her my hand.
Twilight took it with a smile and we started a date, but this isn’t about me and Twilight. No, in the time that I’d taken my eye off of Ladesa, she’d been encouraged to drink four more shots by Rarity and Applejack and made a trip to the bathroom to take another leak. When she came back, Applejack was completely topless and Rarity was playing Patty-Cake with Twilight; both of them in their underwear and nothing else. The odd scene made her consider turning on her heel and sleeping in the bathtub upstairs, but then Rainbow Dash seized her ass and Ladesa jumped about a foot in the air, if you’ll let me exaggerate a little. When she landed, Rainbow just gave her a wink and a compliment before skipping off to go mess with Fluttershy, who was the only one still wearing any manner of bottoms, though her skirt was riding high and her mammaries were hanging free.
“What the fuck is goin’ on?” Ladesa murmured to herself after Rainbow bounced away.
Applejack stumbled up to her with a big smile. “Heya, Desa~”
“Heya, AJ. Is there a reason everyone’s strippin’ an’ gettin’ all goofy, or am I just real drunk?”
Applejack planted a passionate kiss on her lips and didn’t bother to hold back with the tongue until Ladesa pushed her away. “Aww, come on, Sugar Pie. Why ya gotta be like that?”
“Applejack, for the love of Granny, put your trousers back on!” Ladesa said, having glanced down.
Applejack took Ladesa’s hand and pressed it against her warm, sodden knickers. “Are ya sure ya don’t want a little salt~? It’s fu~un.” Applejack crooned.
Ladesa snatched her hand away and backed up from Applejack. “Look, I’m real uncomfortable right now, so I think I might just head back to the farm, okay?”
Her girlfriend gave her the most potent puppy-dog eyes she had. “Aww… Ya don’t wanna stay with me, Desa?”
“Not when you’re practically shovin’ my fingers in yourself in front a’ our friends!” Ladesa whispered harshly. “Whenever ya learn some control, I wanna talk.”
Applejack watched on in frustration as Ladesa walked out the door until she felt some very welcome hands slide across her shoulder-blades. The contact made her forget all about Ladesa for the time being and she went back to enjoying her buzz with the ones who liked salt too much for their own good. Meanwhile, Ladesa fuzzily made her way through town with a hand on her knife and her mind half-addled with the liquor from the hours prior. She didn’t want to be caught alone and drunk on the streets at night, so she hastened on her way back home and got back without incident because she’s actually just paranoid. Most Ponyvilles in the multiverse are a little too peaceful for anyone to be as worried as she was, but it’s not like it really mattered. Ladesa arrived too late to catch anyone awake, but it’s not like she really wanted to anyway. She went to Applejack’s room, grabbed one of her shirts from her laundry hamper, and settled in for a quiet night of decent sleep.
I snapped my attention back to Twilight and carried on the conversation we’d been having like my entire being was there in that one place. As it was, Twilight and I were actually taking multiple walks and talked about multiple things as we took said walk, and I even got her on top of a triceratops for the first time in like, eighty billion years, so that was super dope. I still couldn’t get her on a Quetzalcoatl for the life of me, but it was still super fun to take Twilight to the Jurassic Park that actually succeeded rather than one of the many that had fallen. The Zombie Dinosaur park was easily the worst out of all of them, however. Have you ever smelled a rotting Megalodon while trying to go for a leisurely walk on the beach? Trust me, durian smells like cherry blossoms in comparison to that rank bullshit.
However, as we walked through the forest moon of Endor, and I do mean through, Twilight asked, “So Max. Why are you suddenly so… Lax, I suppose would be a good for it. What’s made you so lax lately?”
I shrugged. “I’ve learned that I need to let things happen as they will. I’m still crafting new Fates as Fate, but the extra work isn’t too bad.”
“You’re on the brink of shattering your consciousness.” My ever observant wife said.
“Weeell…”
“I already know the signs, Max. Sh’ Ara told me to look out for them in you before he gave up Maximus Omnium.”
I sighed. “I’m on a deadline anyway, Twilight. I-”
“I’ll step in as Fate.” She offered.
“Denied.”
“I wasn’t asking.”
“I wasn’t exactly bluffing.” I replied sharply.
“Don’t take that tone with me, Maximus. I’m still your wife.” Twilight said, warning me of her scorn
I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly. “Twilight. If you become Fate, then there are repercussions and pitfalls that are-”
“You need to rest. You’ve been at this a lot longer than I have, and if I take over as Fate, then I can just wait for another heir since I’m better at finding them than you by miles.” Twilight huffed. “You’ve made universe-altering sacrifices for me in the past, and I need you to let me do you this one favour, Amour. I might have to live on without you for awhile longer, but I know that I’ll be with you in the end.” She gave me a kind smile, one that I remembered from early in my days as God. The roughest days of my life.
I looked at Twilight and shook my head. “I can’t let you do that, Twilight.”
“Well then eγώ απαίτηση μοίρα.” Twilight snapped.
“... Fuck off.” I grunted saltfully.
She smirked. “I’ll be right back to be sworn in. Just let me unfreeze my universe.”
I flipped her off as she shifted out to go do what she said she’d do and took some time to be extra salty with a side of sodium. Granted, Twilight was doing me a helluva favour, but I didn't want her to become like every other Fate in the past had and go bitter and more than a little jaded about the Fates she has to hand out to people. Or she might flip the script entirely and ruin things for Universe One, but it’s not like it’d be my problem if everything worked out.
Meh. Sometimes the salt just needs a little digestion.
₪ღ✮ღ₪
“So she’s super fucked up right now?” I asked.
Shade Rose sighed in my mind. ‘You would think that they would all learn from their last night of salt driven quote unquote ‘fun’. They generally agreed to never talk about any of the things they said or did again, and yet they decided to do more.’
“Kinda sounds like getting drunk.” I commented idly, carefully engraving the Protection Talisman I was making for Fluttershy.
‘They are also doing that.’
“Damn. Makes it seem like we ain’t doin’ shit.”
‘You are working, and I am familiarizing myself with you. Thus far I have decided that you will make a good husband.’
“Ay, thanks. That actually means a lot.” I said sincerely. “Is there a reason you’re suddenly getting all sweet on me?”
‘I do like you, Jameson. However, your lack of interest in beginning our own Coven bothers me still. You told me that you were taking it into consideration.’ Shade replied a little less than pleasantly.
“I still am, bein’ straight with you. I don’t like the sound of starting a Coven, Shade. It’ll draw attention to us if we don’t do it right.”
‘I lived for ten thousand years before being brought to an end, and my Coven lived on with me. They may still live on to this day, t’were my final Grand Magicka have struck. Of that, I do not know.’
“Wait, your final do what now?” I asked, splitting my focus between what was in my hands and the conversation in my head.
‘Yes, my Grand Magicka. Most ancient beings have at least one or two of them in their toolkit. Celestia’s Sunfyre Blaze is one example of one such devastating spell.’
“Terrifying to know that you had that kinda power. I’m assuming that we’re talking about army-wiping spells, right?” I asked, a little more sketched out by the idea of having a Coven.
‘City sweeping spells, to be more accurate. A town once strung and tortured ten of my Fledglings for showing their fangs to the wrong merchant, so I cast one of my lesser Grand Magickas, Bloody Rayne.’
“Which does? Besides create a sticky, nasty precipitory mess?”
‘Why do you know large words and speak like a fool?’
“Don’t hate, appreciate. What does Bloon Ran do?”
I could practically hear her roll her eyes. ‘Blood Rayne creates a poisonous miasma that causing the joints and muscles to stiffen and lock up entirely. Essentially, the iron in the blood is so concentrated and so fine that it rusts in the air as it falls, and when the rust is inhaled, it causes a disease of some sort that kills its victims slowly.’
“Bad. Ass.”
‘Badass indeed. Tell me, do you have any powerful Magicks?’
“I’m an Artificer for a reason, Dollface. I can’t really cast conventional spells without killing myself to death.” I said plainly. It’s not like it ever really bothered me that I couldn’t throw black lightning or teleport across the planet. Never bothered me a lick. Not a fuckin’ bit.
‘Ah, there was a saying for those who found themselves in a predicament not unlike yours in my time. One would tell you that you were born with the world’s deepest teaspoon.’ Shade said a little too cheerfully.
“I’ll take you down, woman. You, me, bed, and struggle-snuggles.”
‘You will never ‘snuggle’ me, Jameson. I am not a child.’
“Fluttershy isn’t a child and she loves snugglin’.” I replied.
‘Fluttershy is part simpleton, part genius.’ Shade deadpanned.
“Troof.” I admitted. “Still, it’s the genius in her that doesn’t need sex to have a healthy relationship.”
‘Whatever you say, Jameson. Whatever you say.’
“Damn straight, whatever I say. You know what you say? It’s not what I say, so it’s not as awesome.” I chuckled.
‘No wonder Fluttershy and yourself work so well together. You’re a pair of oddballs.’
“No, we’re goofballs. Get it right, ho.”
‘I am an ancient Vampire. Not a garden utensil.’
“Neigh!”
She did the horsey noise where they blow air through their lips and I had myself a giggle or two at that. ‘Do you think something is funny?’
“Nope. Not a thing. Not at all.” I barely managed.
‘As you would kindly put it: Fuck off.’
“Love you Shade~” I teased, finally getting my full attention on the talisman. A few strokes later and I was ready to drill a hole in it so that I could make a necklace out of it for Flutters, but after that, I was free and clear to do what I wanted for the night.
I decided to go take a walk out in the Mulekick Woods just because I liked it out there. It was nice, few enough of the Donkeys that lived out there minded if you walked through their property, and the trails were all scenic and nice to walk down. Plus, it was a moonless night, so I could finally take my sunglasses off and just look at the world as I should be seeing it instead of having my vision filtered by super sanity. It kinda sucked that I only had so much Sight with my glasses on, but at least I wasn’t constantly being overloaded with information. With my path taking me out of town, I reveled in the moment I finally got those fuckin’ shades off and let the environment hit me in the face like I liked. I swear, the air smelled sweeter, and everything, of course, seemed so much more vivid when I had my glasses off. It was just a nicer way to experience the world, to be honest.
With my Sight in full function I could see that Fate had a string that was guiding me along a certain path, and that was pretty interesting. I decided to delve through reality since I was where no one would see me to grab a couple of the prototype handcannon muhfuckas I managed to put together over the past few months. I still had my Glock 20 on my belt, but I ended up grabbing Bunker Buster and Filthy Jerry before switching my Glock to a shoulder-holster and wandering around my shop, seeing if I should bring more than two full reloads for each of my gun. I flipped Flitch out and asked Catherine about what I should do and she told me to take Bunker Buster and blow my entire head off, so I told her to go back to having freaky ghost sex.
With the .60 calibre Bunker Buster on my right hip, I felt like the dude from Blade Runner, and with the .44 calibre Filthy Jerry resting on the left, I kinda felt like a dirty ass cowboy with a bone to pick. Fall was in full swing, so my jacket covered my shit nicely, but I still took my mini-ATD with me just in case I needed a little rune somewhere fast. It’d been a bitch to make, but I’d already made the thing pay itself off in spades and the only bit of Blood Magic I’d needed for it was for charging the Conduce Crystal. Fusing it to the Grapht Wood wasn’t exactly easy, but I’ve picked up enough skill at transmutation through replication and repitition that putting the puzzle pieces together is only a matter of time. A small matter at that. It’s like a toddler throwing a tantrum in a soundproof room. Shit does not matter to anyone.
Damn, do I ramble. Fuck it, free information.
Getting back to my eventful night, I followed Fate’s little thread back to the Mulekick Woods and resisted the temptation to just jump through space and time and show up where I was supposed to be. Being Super-Sane makes it hard to give a shit about ‘reality’ sometimes, and it’s not because we see through it for what it really is. It’s because we kinda operate on the same level as Max in a way, but I’m getting sidetracked again and I was just bitching about getting sidetracked. I smoke too much grass, Dude. I’m prolly gonna be brain dead by forty, butt fuck it, if life’s handin’ you weed-shaped lemons, smoke Lemon Kush then.
Alright. One more try.
As I walked through the woods, I couldn’t help but notice that a lot of the four-legged deer were running away from me in all directions, circling around to stay behind, but keeping their distance. They could see better than I should have been able to, but Thrall power, Babe. Fuck yeah, sometimes. Anyway, I meandered through the forest at a leisurely pace, following the thread as it tugged me along, but then I stopped and took a whizz five minutes early because I didn’t wanna get my knob lopped off or some shit. Once the waterworks were finished, I got back to business and wondered just what it was that I was supposed to be dealing with. That was up until I saw a cabin through a fuck tonne of trees; the end of the string. Since it was in sight, meaning that it was in Sight, I just tepelorted a little closer, but it wasn’t because I’m lazy or anything. Definitely not. I’m energy efficient.
The thread was leading me to the front door of the mysterious cabin in the woods, so I knocked and waited for a reply. When the owner opened the door, they turned out to be a peachy-colory coated, platinum-blondeish maned Mare with a mild frown. “Mate, do you know what time it is?”
I checked my phone. “It’s six-six-six-six. I think I’m gonna go play the lotto with those numbers.”
“Do you even know where you are, Sweetheart?” She asked exhaustedly.
“You were in your livin’ room. If you weren’t asleep, why do you sound so tired?” I asked curiously.
She gave me a look. “How would you know that?”
“Do you know Pinkie Pie?” I asked pleasantly.
“Don’t tell me that you’re like her.” The still unnamed Mare said.
“Couldn’t do that to ya. Would you happen to have a glass of water? I’m terribly thirsty.” I said, thinking of how thirsty I was. I was very fucking thirsty. It was weird.
She rolled her eyes and waved me in. “Make sure to wipe your feet off real good, ‘kay Sweetheart?”
“Gotcha.” I replied casually, something clicking; gears and cogs grinding into motion inside of me.
‘Do it.’
I watched the woman walk away from me and followed at a sedate pace before wiping my feet off thoroughly on her welcome mat. I’d noticed that she was a Unicorn, so I decided to let her come back to me with the glass. Once I got my fill of the stuff that only made my throat that much drier, I handed the glass back to her. “Thank you, Miss…?”
“Amaretta. Amaretta Virgine.” She said pleasantly. Well, as pleasantly as one could for being bothered at midnight.
I offered her my hand. “It was a pleasure to meet you, but I don’t want to bother you any longer. Have a good, restful night, Miss Amaretta.”
She took my hand. “At lea-Ah!” Amaretta yelped as I sank my fangs into her neck. The constant doses of venom Shade had been feeding me on top of what Fluttershy gave me when she fed were more than enough for me to make Amaretta mine. I couldn’t actually make her a Bound Thrall since I wasn’t technically a Vampire, but I could still bind her to me by cutting the inside of my cheek while I fed from her with a tooth and forcing our co-mingled blood and venom back into her body. She didn’t struggle for long once the mixture hit her bloodstream, and she eventually fell limp to the floor once I’d gotten my fill.
I was horrified.
‘How does it feel?’ Shade asked mildly.
“... Good.” I answered softly.
‘Are we starting a Coven?’ She inquired, sounding rather passive about it.
“... You knew this was going to happen.” I murmured.
‘I had my suspicions that you were going to snap I just didn’t expect you to make a Fledgling so quickly.’
“Fuck off.” I grunted, picking up Amaretta and carrying her around her house until I found the place that was most likely her room. “What do I do now? I can’t just leave her like this.”
‘Wake her. Most would find this to be the obvious solution.’ Shade sassed sassily.
“Is that sass, young lady? I’ll whip that sass right out your ass, keep playin’ wit me.” I grunted before sticking my pinkie in my mouth.
‘I’ll sass you as I please, you glorified cow.’ She shot back.
I jammed my finger into Amaretta’s nose and wiggled it around a bit. “You’re saying that right now, but wait until I only give dick to Fluttershy.”
‘You cannot withhold what does not exist.’
‘Burn!’ Max chimed in.
“First of all, fuck both of you multi-lifetime livin’ asshats. Second, Max, fuck you. Third, Shade, yo’ granny a tranny, ya granpap a trap, and ya whole damn family tree is LGBT, so suck my D till I skeet skeet and swallow my seed, do as I please.” I answered.
‘Weak bars.’ Max scoffed.
“You’re God. You do gospel. Fuck off.”
Amaretta’s eyes shot open when I finally removed my finger after giving up and she immediately scrunched her face up, but she was honestly kinda hot, so it was cute. “Whoa.”
“Hi.” I said pleasantly, giving her a little wave.
She rubbed her nose vigorously and asked, “Did you put something in my nose?”
“My finger.”
She stopped rubbing her nose and sniffed. “Why’d you do that, Love? Seems perfectly unreasonable. I wouldn’t have minded a little kiss... Or summa like that.”
“Kinda have a girlfriend at the moment, but you are pretty cute. I guess I could slang some wang atcha and we be frosty.” I replied blandly, my tone as flat possible for the latter half.
“I know you sound like you’re not interested, but can we buck? I won’t tell your girlfriend or whatever if that’s what you’re worried about.” Amaretta sat up on her bed and swivel her hips so that she was facing me. She bit her lip and waited for my judgement.
I wasn’t down for cheating on Fluttershy, but before I could just up and turn the Mare down, Shade said, ‘I sense a valuable ally in her, Jameson. Hold thy chastity for the time being and use thy loins as a bartering chip as you have with Fluttershy.’
I took a lot of offense to that last bit, but Shade’s gameplan and mine were starting at the same point anyway, which was keeping it in my pants. “Sorry, Sweets, gonna have to turn you down until the girlfriend says I can do something. Makes me sound like her bitch, but I just don’t wanna disrespect her like that, y’know?”
Amaretta tried putting her hands on my hips, but I stopped her, making her pout. “At least let me do you a little favour before you leave. I don’t know how we got in here, but I need you.”
I could practically feel Shade smirk as we lined up, making me inwardly sigh because I knew the shit was about to blow up in my face at any second. My old ways and her… Well, her ways in general, but either way, we both wanted me to say something along the lines of, “You want this a lot more than I do, Amaretta. What are you willing to give me for it?”
She licked her lips, seeing the opportunity for what it was. Again, I was feeling like a bit of a piece of shit because I knew I had her hooked on me like Arcadia’s Fluttershy had gotten me hooked on her, but I wasn’t willing to be with Amaretta just out of the blue. “I only have one thing I want from you.”
“Name it.” She breathed.
“I want your loyalty. Above Celestia and the other Princesses, I want you-”
“Agreed. Yes. I swear my bow and my blades to you.” She spat rapidly. “Can we start? Do I sound desperate? I sound desperate, but I don't care. Let’s get started, yeah?” She asked happily licking her lips.
I smirked because as bad as it felt to be the Dopeman’s doppelganger at the moment, having that kind of power over someone is brutal. It’s a slap in the dick and it’s pure euphoria, Bruh. As I undid my belt, I said, “A few more seconds won’t kill you, Pet. Patience is a valuable virtue, you know.”
Amaretta hopped off of her bed and knelt in front of me, but I don’t really want to say what went on until morning came. I ended up working in my shop all night after a stroke of dark genius with Shade, and after a hefty meal of fried mustard greens and potatoes, I was ready to face a whole new day thanks to the energy I gained from it. Being a Thrall meant that sleep was technically optional, although I’d have to spend a week in Hell to get used to it. However, Vampires in general normally have to have decent Mana Pools if they want to use Magic consistently without having to either get a dose of a stronger Vampire’s venom or feed too often. The problem with that was most Medeis and Unicorns aren’t above a D-Rank on an S to F (And sometimes G) scale. There are three tiers within each Rank except for S and A, but that’s neither here nor there at the moment. What is important is how Spellcasters in general regenerate Mana, which all depends on where their Mana Pool happens to be.
Most people have to sleep to get Mana back. A little less than a quarter of the total can just wait for it to come back or draw it from either the environment if the Aetherial density is rich enough or from an Artifact. A select luck-fucked few can wait for it to come back, or they can eat high-calorie food and burn it off into pure Mana. However, the last part is a bit of conjecture at the moment since the Heart Mana Residue Pool isn’t terribly well researched. However, I do know that I get Mana when it’s munch time, which would not happen if I were a Vampire. Shade said that the custom when faced with a Vampire that needed to feed constantly to keep up a steady supply of Mana was to kill them outright before they caused suspicion in the world at large.
I ain’t a Vampire. Life sucks sometimes, but then you get a shining little gem like that one when you could have got a piece of shit-covered coal. Luck spikes are fuckin’ great.
Since my little project was done and my stomach was full, I didn’t have anything keeping me away from Fluttershy for the time being other than the desire to test my new ring out. I’d made it from the same rune I’d made the Pentacular-Mana-Sapper, or PMS for sh- fuck. I can’t believe I’ve done this. No fucking wonder Max laughed at it when I actually showed it to him. Mother fucker. Anyway, the ring had a similar design as the talisman I’d made into a pendant, so I assumed that it had similar properties, but I wouldn’t know for sure until I could actually have someone experienced in either Alchemy or Blood Magic look the items over for me. I mean, I could actually read the ring since the thing had C-RAN’s, or Conventional Runic-Alpha-Numerics, but I couldn’t decipher what was on the pendant since I recognized the RC but couldn’t read it, which was all odd in and of itself since I’d written the original Transmutation Circle in a more advanced Rune Cipher called Equivicotia, the language (And alphabet) of Alchemy, and added a few pieces of Phulcore and Fraust to the mix.
While the ring was written in Fraust, the Vampiric Blood Runes, the Pendant was written in Ultima Umbra, which I knew of, but couldn’t actually read. Hell, I didn’t even know what the Pentacle even meant in Equestria, so there wasn’t really that much I could do as far as testing my ring out, meaning that I’d either have to find some kind of test for it or check my use item stat and hope I roll my d20 and hit a critical success.
Or I could just make up my own test with blackjack and hookers and send Fluttershy a note telling her that I was stroking genius again and that I’d like to see her later, just not at the moment.
I did that one.
Now, making your own Rune Circles is a fucking bitch. Period. End of Maxdamn discussion right there. To make a Rune Circle rather than to just copy one means that you have to have an adept understanding of the language you’re working with at the very least, full control of your Mana so that it doesn’t spike at any time while you’re crafting the circle, and if it’s a literal circle instead of a polygon, it’s that much harder since your first ‘word’ has to match up exactly to your last, and if the circle is wonky at all, you can expect that shit to explode. The last and biggest thing you need is the right language. When I used Fulcore and Fraust to augment Equivicotia, it was all well and good because Fulcore is mortal Blood Magic while Fraust is Vampiric Blood Magic, and Equivicotia is practically neutral. However, if I would have tried to mix say, Ædar and Fraust, shit would probably kill everything in a hundred yard radius because Ædar is White Magic and Fraust is Black Magic. If I didn’t want to get fucked up, then I needed to make a Rune Circle that was completely and utterly neutral, but there was a problem with that.
The two most common Rune Ciphers are technically the two most neutral because Equivicotia will take everything you have and then some, depending on what you’re trying to do. Sola-Phestus and Lutorah are both younger Rune Ciphers that base their magical consumption and allocation on either a personal Mana Residue Pool or Aetherial Magic, wherein lies the fuckin’ problem: They use Aetherial Magic, so they’re White Magic, and while Equivicotia is ‘neutral’, it’s for Transmutation. It can’t be used for appraisal, which I learned back on Arkaid by fucking around with a lot of wooden plaques and brass plates, trying different syntax and diction with each Rune Circle, altering the shape accordingly, though I didn’t change more than a single variable at a time. It was just a bitch in a blizzard to try and run that many tests, so I gave up on it.
Now, I realized that Ultima Umbra meant something along the lines of ‘Ultimate slash Final Shadow’ or some shit, meaning that it was most likely a Black Magic, but I couldn’t be sure since it could’ve been Dark Magic, which is fuckin’ complexitycomplicated even fuckin’ further. To explain, Dark Magic isn’t actually ‘Dark’. I’ve talked to Max at length about it because I like Magic and I like learning about it, but there isn’t a Twilight I’ve met that’s willing to give me much on the stuff, and I don’t know any experts besides Max, so I take his word at face value since the guy speaks from experience. And from being God, but whatevs, Bruh. Getting back on track, Max told me that ‘Dark’ Magic originally got its name by being gray as fuck; not by being a ‘Black’ Magic. The shit could be and is used for evil, but the Magic in and of itself isn’t inherently evil. No, while shit like Necromancy, Hex Magic, Nihilmancy, Curse Magic (Different from Hex Magic), and Blood Magic are all attributed to Dark Magic, it’s all different shit. Dark Magic itself is dangerous, but that’s not because it’s evil or anything. I mean, shit; Aetherial Magic will poison someone who’s Magically sensitive and kill them depending on how much Aetherial Magic is around, which is why a lot of Ponies, being as Magically sensitive and reactive as most of them are, avoid the Everfree like predators avoid fire. Dark Magic, on the other hand, makes a person apathetic and blends their instinct with logic to form them into what is usually considered ‘evil’, but as Max explained it to me, that’s base. Fucking. Nature.
People? People weren’t meant to care. Souls? Souls weren’t meant to hold personalities. All that shit was an accident. Max knows why the shit popped off and intelligent life learned how to be alive, but that’s not something even The Council of All That is Pink is supposed to know, so I’ll be fucked before I find out, which is fine by me. In any case, ‘Dark’ Magic is supposed to be the most neutral Magic there is by technicality, but even then it was still technically dingy White Magic, and that’s because Dark Magic operates on intense emotions; not necessarily just negative ones. For a little elaboration by example, let’s say you have a Blood Mage and a Cryomancer facing off. The Blood Mage, using Black Magic since the Mana is based off of Soul Force, would focus on pain and hatred to cast spells due to the nature of the Magic. The Cryomancer on the other hand, would need to focus on pretty much anything other than those two things to maintain decent control over their spells. Dark Magic negates ‘emotion’ entirely and makes someone operate on what they used to be, what they are at the core of their being, and who they are with power, which means that most people consider Dark Magic to be evil because it’s power corrupts people. The thing about that is that Twilight Sparkle, one of the most harmless Ponies, let alone people in general because Humans suck and so do most other races, has a propensity for Dark Magic and she’s just awkward. With the biggest magical conundrum on my hands I’d had since I was beginning to learn about Magic in the first place, I decided to do something both brilliant and incredibly stupid.
If I couldn’t use an established Rune Cipher, not even the most neutral one around, then I was going to make my own language out of the others.
Most people would call me suicidal for even thinking about blending Runic Alphabets since they’re Magic as the Fuck, but that’s not what I was doing. No, I was planning on merging the symbols, and for that, I needed complete and utter darkness. Why? So I could take my shades off and see exactly how the fuck I was supposed to go about combining all the shit with Super-Sane Sight. Instead of just looking into my future to figure out how I put the shit together, I got started on making a whole new Rune Cipher so I’d know exactly what everything meant and how to bend the phrasing as I pleased. As I started with molding Fraust with Lutorah, the amalgam I’d crafted burst into a shower of sparkles and the words ‘Tweeke-Speeke’ appeared before they blew away.
I grinned to myself. I already had a name for my RC. Now I just needed to make it.
✧❖☬❖✧
“You fucking. Suck the. Biggest of. Cocks.” I gasped from the floor of Dissida’s cave.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go again, Master?” Dissida teased mercilessly. “I’m sure you’ve improved over the last four hundred and ninety eight years.”
I flipped her off before letting my hand drop. “Isn’t it about time for another hundred-year nap?”
“You went insane seventy years ago, so no.” She said lightly. I shot her in the leg with Pamaus, the wind telling me where she was and she chuckled. “Your aim is certainly a lot better.”
“Fuck off, Dissy.” I grunted, sitting up.
Dissida gave me a cocky smile and extended a hand. “Are you sure you don’t want to just have sex?”
“Fuck. Off.” I growled, still remembering the time she’d put chili sauce in her honeypot and made me think my cock was actually in the Hell I’d thought of before I came to The Grey.
“You know I only tease you out of irritation and admiration.”
“Yeah, but it’s a lot less pleasant when you kick my arse for centuries and beat me with a stick until I bleed.” I said irritably.
“Hey, I’m not the one who asked to be trained by the Goddess of War and Chaos.” Dissida said smugly.
“I fucking hate you and your smarmy arse so much right now.” I muttered.
“You couldn’t care less.” She huffed.
“True.” I shrugged, dropping the act. “Still, I’m going to have to have practice mimicking emotion for when I go back to Equis.”
Dissida shrugged before her eyes shot open. “W-Wait! H-How did you know you weren’t staying!?”
I gave her a dull look. “Mark told me.”
“Sieg didn’t know about it!”
“Mark is smarter than you think, Dissy. What, you assume the fellow doesn’t pay attention to who he’s eating and how many times he sees them? Mark notices when souls disappear from the forest.”
Dissida pouted, and I have to say that after spending about six hundred years with her, I found it a little endearing. “Damn mutt, paying attention to unimportant stuff.” She muttered.
“Damn mutt is still the best right hand you’ll ever get.” I said amusedly.
The Crimson Queen sighed like she’d messed up a stitch while knitting or something of the sort. “True… You’ll still take me up on my offer, right?”
That actually got me to smile. About three hundred years into my training with Dissida, she’d asked me to replace Mark/Sieg as her right hand man, or rather, to become her ‘presentable’ Harbinger rather than be the face of her strength as Mark was. Dissida’s Seal was called ‘Cerberus’, though Mark no longer had three heads, nor was he taller than a castle these days. He still had the ability to grow by a few stories, but the other two heads had been cut off by Stelor and kept as Hounds of War as a gift from Dissida for bringing her some Demi-God that had never been named in the old tales. Dissida refused to tell me that guys name, but I assumed that he fucked with her.
“As long as our Covenant stays intact, I’d be happy to be your left hand. Mark should continue being your right hand, go-to fellow, Lover.”
Dissida gave me a frustrated look. “The other Gods make fun of me for having a Hellhound as a Harbinger though! I don’t want to keep looking ridiculous!”
“I’ll still be your Harbinger, I just don’t wanna be your errand-boy.” I said flatly.
“Damn. I was hoping that I could convince you to go buy me clothes.” She sighed.
“You easily could, just tell me what you’d like to wear and why you haven’t been wearing any since I’ve met you.”
Dissida smiled. “That’s easy! Furladra stole all of my clothes and keeps stealing them whenever I put them in my wardrobe. I like to have my clothes enchanted, so she takes them and gives them to my followers to worship. It’s really annoying, Gary.”
“Don't call me Gary, and I’ll see about getting you some nice things to wear that Furladra won’t steal.”
“Oh, she won’t steal anything else from me, I’m just cursed in a way that won’t let me wear clothes that a man hasn’t bought for me. It’s a pain in the ass since I can’t exactly keep a man with the whole psychaotic thing I have going on.”
“The only reason you even like me is because you get to beat me and I started stopping when you tell me to stop.” I grunted back.
“We have something that works, don’t we?” She asked sweetly, her demonic alto making it sound like a serial killer was asking if I had some cereals for sale after murdering multiple people in front of me.
“I don’t rape you, you don’t torture me. Yeah, that sounds incredibly fucked, but it does work.” I commented idly because I didn’t really give a fuck.
Dissida gave me a smile. “I love the way you sound when you don’t want to be bothered! It just makes me want to bother you even more!”
“Remember when I stuck your tail in your arse?” I shot back.
“... I’ll be good.” She said weakly.
“That’s what I thought.” I grumbled. “So how long do we have left? I don’t think either of us tell time too well these days.”
“Well, you have less than a decade left, but I can’t tell you how long you’ve been gone on Equis. I don’t really go there since it’s on the other side of the galaxy and traffic over there is terrible, but I’ll probably start checking up on you a week or so after you go back.” She gave me a sweet smile.
I nodded. “So how do you want to spend the time we have left? I’ve already said my goodbyes to Mark, Dole, Dairy the Moo, Cluck, Yellow-Belly, and the rest of the pack.”
Dissida gave me a little smile. “Could we wrestle? You’ve had me teach you how to use your legs, but now you need to learn how to grapple properly.”
“Foreplay?” I asked pointlessly.
“It’ll be fun~!”
I shrugged. “Fuck it, I’m in.”
