//------------------------------//
// Alternative Title: How a Real Dragon Gets Laid. 
// Story: How To Romance Your Dragon 
// by Jaycren 
//------------------------------//

Garble glowered across the table, his minions cringing.  Snarling he glanced around, this was the only restaurant in Ponyville that served actual dragonfood, not that crap Spike prefered.  It was no wonder the purple pipsqueak was such a pussy, the Ponies had made sure he was malnourished.  The waitress threw the food on the table, then stomped off.  Garble growled at the offending mare, but the smell of food, brought his attention back to the table.  Emeralds, layered in Beef gravy, with mashed potatoes and a hunk of raw steak.  His mouth drooled, in this moment he'd forgive anything for what was in front of him.  Grabbing the fork and knife, he was a dragon, not a beast, he began to descend on the luscious morsels before him.

"Wow you're Hot!" a bluish white mare, with wings sparkling dull silver sat next to the Red Dragon.

Turning to Clump, she grabbed the much larger dragon's meal, saying, "Do you mind? I haven't eaten all day and this smells absolutely yummy."  Turning back to Garble, she began to eat quickly, devouring the chicken and diamond dust stew.

Garble smiled as Clump made a grab for his meal and was not surprised when one of the mare's wings grabbed the fatso by the back of the head, slamming Clump into the heavy wooden table.  As Clump recovered the Pegasai spun and drove her fork deep into his eye.  Clump thudded as he hit the ground.  The mare glanced down to the bleeding dragon.

"Stay down, leave the fork in, when I leave, you can take it out."

A grunting, "Yes ma'am" was heard from the floor.

"Good Boy."  Turning back to Garble, she stole Fume's fork, and resumed eating. 

Garble snorted, then turned to his compatriots.  "Let that be a lesson to you guys, never come between a female and food.  It is never good for the health."

"Aww, I knew you where smarter then you looked."  The mare said. "It's why you're my new Special Somedragon."

Garble blinked, did this pony just.... "What was that?"

Crackle and Fume immediately shot their chairs away from that table, Garble set whole towns on fire when he used that tone.

Pausing in her meal, the mare leaned forward, showing teeth of matte grey, her Red eyes daring Garble to disagree, she reiterated. Speaking slowly, as if to a hatchling she said.  "Did I mutter?  You are my new Special SomeDragon.  I own you now."

Garble rose, squareing off against this PONY that thought she could own a DRAGON, "Yours! I don't know who you think you are, bu if you believe a weak, little PONY could ever own m......."  A movement, and the sound of scraping metal quickly cooled Garble's temper.

Forced to look upward, by a pressure at his throat, he could feel the soft fur of the mare rubbing against his scales.  He sniffed the air.

"My name is Aurora Moon." Came the low husky voice of the mare. "And I won't take no for an answer."

Again Garble sniffed the air. A certain metallic tang entered his nostrils.  Along with various other smells.  Garble stayed silent another moment, putting several things together he asked.

"Are those by any chance Mythril Tanged, Adamantine Edged, folding straight razors, with Pearl handles and......"  Garble took another sniff, "ivory inlay."

Again Aurora's husky voice filled his world. "They are handsome, I had no idea you where so gifted, my what a wondrous surprise.  Have any other questions?  I do like to be straightforward with my intentions, it saves such confusion later."

"Just a couple more, is one of the razors pressed against my throat, while the other is.... well......"  here Garble's words faded to a mumble, he felt, rather then saw Aurora's cheshire smile.

"In a lower place that shows an absoulutely shocking knowledge of dragon anatomy and physiology?"  She finished, "Why, yes, both my razors are indeed in those exact locations, my sweetmeat."  Garble felt a slight pressure against his crouch and then a delighted purr. "Gifted indeed, I can't wait til these are ready to come out and play."

For the first time ever Garble blushed, his skin turning completely scarlet, "and if I tell you that I'm uninterested in being yours, those intentions are?"

"Well, then you go from being my sweatmeat to merely longpig and I have meat for my larder."

"Ah, and if I say yes, then run for the horizon, you'll......?"

"I'll retrieve you, then have meat for my larder."

"Huh, so, every answer is you get to eat me, it's just there's only one option that allows for my enjoyment."

"Indeed, I do so want to taste you.  I can't help myself, you just look so yummy."

Garble the gave Aurora her answer, grabbing her in his claws he pulled her tight, leaning in to her, his mouth met hers.  The lower razor clattered to the floor as her hand placed itself against his chest, her sharp fingernails scratching at his chest.  Garble felt the razor at his throat slip past his scales, as his blood pooled on the blade and began to drip unto Aurora.  

Pulling away, he smiled.  "I may be yours, but You are know mine." he growled, sending shivers through the pale Mare.

Seeing her beloved's blood Aurora smiled back, "Why Darling, you appear to have gotten yourself a boo boo, let me kiss it and make it all better."

Aurora's other blade fell to the floor, as she grasped unto Garble, yanking his head back to gain access to the wound.  Pressing her lips to his throat, she lapped at the blood, eliciting a hum from her Dragon boy toy as she cleaned the wound, allowing his healing to begin to take effect.

Releasing him as she felt his scales reseal, she gave a hum herself, "You are indeed Yummy."

A male voice echoed through the now silent pub.  "Aurora! Drop your new toy and c'mon we need to get to work!"

Garble's eyes narrowed and a growl rose in his throat, Aurora silenced him, "Oh, stop, that's my brother Dis.  Apparently, yesterday morning he had to put down an Adult dragon and he has been in a sour mood ever since."  She smiled up at her paramour. "Although it is nice to now that you'll defend me."

"You're mine, I keep that which is mine."

"Good answer, but I have to go to work, the Manticores won't thin themselves out, after all.  But don't worry, I'll make sure that I talk to Dis about you."

Again her Brother called out. "Aurora!  Let's GO!!!!!"

She gave Garble one last smile, then was gone from his arms, all that was left was her smell in his nostrils and her taste on his lips.  Smiling he touched his throat, she had marked him.  This was going to be fun.

Sniffling was heard from Fume.  "Romance is so beautiful"

An agreement from the floor echoed forth, "Yeah, you're so lucky boss."

Crackle lunged forward and hugged Garble, "That was the most beautiful moment of True Love that I've ever seen!" He cried into Garble's shoulder.  The Red Dragon chuckled as he patted Crackle on the back.

"Guys, its to be expected that such a thing should happen to me, after all, I'm great."

A chorus of "Lucky!" was heard from the other Dragons.

"Ok, uh, what the actual fuck?" came a voice to the side.

Garble's eyes narrowed to look upon the newcomer.

"What do you want, Pipsqueak?"

Spike grimaced for a moment, then held up his hand. "I promise not to be antagonistic, if you promise to be polite.  I will not ask you to be nice, only polite.  Whatever else our problems are, I think we can do that, fair enough."

Garble disengaged from Crackle and thought a moment, then snorted, an amused look upon his face. "Alright, but this doesn't mean that we're friends or anything."

"Perish the thought, I hate you."

Garble laughed, "I hate you too.  But seriously, what'ya wanna to know?"

Spike pointed to the newly scarring wound upon the bigger dragon's neck. "Romance? Really?"

Gargle looked at Spike Quizically. "Yeah it hit all the major points of proper dragon courtship.  One dragon becomes interested in another, then makes it clear that they will not be taking no for an answer, nor is there any escape.  Afterwards they both are a mated pair, bound until one can escape the other or one kills the other.  Never thought it'd happen to me.  Such a beautiful thing.  Such a perfect mare."

Spike looked worryingly at Garble. "I feel I have to inform you as a fellow guy that Aurora Moon is completely and utterly batshit insane."

Garble looked at spike, confusion in his eyes. "Why is that a bad thing?  Makes for an interesting realtionship."

Spuike sighed, then tried again.  "Garble, her last two Special SomePonies may have been a unreformed changeling and an Umbrum that had somehow gotten freed."

"May have Been?"

"Everyone met them once, then they disappeared.  Everyone thinks she ate them, since after each disappearance she told us not to worry and that they'd always be with her.  Really dude, the mare eats dragonfood, minerals and all.  She has Iron teeth and finger nails, hunts manticores and Hydras as a subcontractor for her brother Dis, and kills Timberwolves to provide her kindling."

"Really, wow she just got a whole lot hotter. Why does she use Timberwolves as kindling, that seems like a whole lot of work for not a lot of payoff."

Spike's eyes got a Haunted look.  "She claims that the wood retains sentience, so feels pain as it burns, which infuses the meat that she cooks over it, making it taste better.  The wood screams, Garble, and if you look into the smoke you can see faces.  Strange faces that bear resemblance to no species on this planet.  Afterwards you get the sensation that something has gone out of the world, never to return, something both horrible and beautiful in it's brutality."  Spike once more looked Garble in the eye. "She also heats her house with it, the low moaning that's produce from the low temperature burn echoes through her house.  She claims it lulls her to sleep."

"Well Does it?"

"Does it what?

"Does it make the meat taste better and Lull her to sleep?"

"Yes, on both accounts."

"Huh, you sure know a lot about Aurora, how is that?"\

"She's a friend."

"Oh?"

"Only because I can't run fast enough or far enough."

"Ah, that makes sense.  Well thanks for this conversation.  I really like that my new mate even scares an Alpha dragon like you.  Makes my dicks hard."

Spike's face dropped it's haunted look as his brain caught up with what Garble said. "Wait, Alpha Dragon?  Garble, what the Fuck are you talking about now?"

"What do ya mean?  You're an Alpha.  You run this town.  You've overcome every damn thing I've thrown at you.  Got made the Dragon lord, then gave it to Ember when you realizied it would cut into your being a boss.  And have six mares that follow you around, attending to you.  Sounds like an Alpha to me.  I mean the main reason I always gave you a hard time was so that you wouldn't take what's mine."

Spike's eye started to twitch, he smiled, more teeth then smile. "Do you mean to tell me that the whole reason you have been an absolute jerk is because you tought I was a threat?  Me?  A threat?  To You?"

Garble looked baffled.  Despite not being friends, the look on Spike's face was concerning. "Uh, yeah, Dude, Did I get that Wrong?"

Spike started to laugh, then cackle.  Falling to the floor, he pounded it with his fist, laughing till tears streamed down his face.  Calming himself, he stood, got back in his chair and looked garble square in the eye.

"Garble, Do I have a story for you."