To start over

by Midnight_Song95


Chapter 14

Someone who loves you.

The words repeated themselves in her mind, reminding her of how alone she truly was. Who could love something like me? She wondered bitterly as she sat on the bed late that night. She was exhausted but she couldn't get her brain to shut down. I’m a monster. Maybe that's why everyone turned their backs to me once I got too close.

She remembered all too vividly the times she had stood in her window, watching Cadence and The Princess play around during their lessons when Sunset knew that if she had tried to instigate anything like that she would end up getting lectured. I was just a kid...One whose family never visited. Surely she had to realize how lonely that was? How alone I felt? Sunset thought, glancing over at the book she had tossed into the hall earlier that evening.
I couldn't even drop the formalities on paper...I had so much I wanted to talk to her about but...it wasn't a teacher’s place. Let alone a princess’s. Yet Cadence was never formal…


She felt the familiar bitterness and envy fill her as she got up, walking into the bathroom that connected to her room, slamming the door shut behind her. “Calm down this is what got you in trouble in the first place!” she told herself, feeling her chest tightening at the thought.


What if I become that demon again? What if I really end up hurting someone this time?
She thought, glancing up though she stumbled backward and fell back onto the cold tile as she saw black and teal eyes reflected back at her.

“No. It can't be. I can't...

She could hear her own voice though it seemed miles away as she struggled to remain in control, though it was becoming increasingly harder to breathe. Am I dying? Is the demon taking back over? Is it killing me?  Her thoughts were spiraling out of control as she glanced up, though her vision blurred as if she was looking through a lens.


She could hear a strange sound, though she had no idea what it was that she was hearing as she struggled to gain control over whatever it was that had come over her. Am I going crazy?  She couldn't help but think as she struggled to control herself. She wasn't sure how long she had sat there on the bathroom floor, however, she suddenly became aware of a voice calling to her.

“What is wrong with me?” Sunset managed to whimper as she became aware of someone stroking a hand through her hair. “Am I...Am I becoming that thing again?”

“No, of course not. Besides, I doubt it would just be content to let you sit on the floor.” The voice said again, though this time she could recognize the speaker as Celestia.

“I...I guess you’re right.” she mumbled, “I'm sorry I woke you.”


She felt an arm wrap around her then, pulling her back into a loose hug. “don't worry about that.” Celestia said softly “Don’t feel like you have to face everything alone. If you need me, no matter what time you come get me.”


I have to be dreaming. Sunset thought as she leaned back into the embrace. why would she be willing to help me after I made her job so much harder? She wanted to ask but couldn't bring herself to get the words out. Instead, she focused on the feeling of warmth she was getting from being so close to the woman.

“You don't have to do this you know. I can handle this myself.” Sunset said after a while, though she only felt the grip tighten around her as Celestia responded

“I know you can but that doesn't mean you should. But if you feel up to it, why don't we go downstairs for a while?”


Sunset didn't really want to move, though even she would admit that the floor was uncomfortable so she nodded as she stood, staggering to her feet. What was I thinking? Leaning into her like that? She only put her arm around me like that because I was upset. She does stuff like that all the time with her other students.

“You must think I'm pathetic. Acting like some overgrown foal.” Sunset muttered as Celestia reach out to help steady her. She didn't dare meet the woman’s eyes, afraid to know what would be reflected there.

“Why do you say that? You aren’t pathetic, you’re just upset.”

Celestia heard Sunset mumble something as she headed toward the door but couldn't quite make it out.


Luna groaned as she heard her cell phone go off on her bedside table, prompting her to glance at the clock before answering. “This better be important. It’s three in the frickin morning.”

“Luna, I need to ask you to do me a favor.” Celestia’s voice caught her off guard by saying

“Tia? What the hell are you doing up this late? We both have work tomorrow.” Luna questioned as she sat up.

“That's kind of the reason I called you. I need you to call in sick today...I don't think Sunset will feel up to facing the other students and I really don't trust her to stay here by herself.”

Luna let out a sigh of relief as she heard this “alright, I’ll play over glorified babysitter again. But what’s wrong with Sunset? Something had to happen because you sound worried.”

Luna knew from the silence that she was right and that this was something that Celestia didn't want to talk about, rather because the girl in question was in hearing range or because she was unsure how to breach the topic.

“I found Sunset sitting on the bathroom floor earlier tonight. I haven't seen anyone look so frightened since….” Celestia’s words hung in the air though Luna understood the unspoken comment all too well.

“Since I blamed myself for the crash?” the younger of the two sisters guessed before her voice dropped lower “is she really that bad?”

“bad enough that she admitted she felt pathetic. I'm not sure if it was over what obvious was a panic attack or whatever it was that even triggered the attack.”


Luna suppressed the urge to groan at that. “I’ll see if Discord can hang out. Maybe he can get her to open up outside of a traditional doctor’s office.” she stated before glancing at the clock “if I wake up before dusk that is.”

Celestia chuckled a bit at that “You better get all the rest you can because I bet you ten bucks that Sunset will end up punching Discord!”

Luna couldn't help but snicker at that thought “Tell you what Celestia, If she does I will record it. Though you will probably hear me laughing my ass off in the background. How that asshole became a psychologist and can actually keep a job is beyond me.”