Chapter 1: You’ve gotta be kitten me!
So as it stands right now, I’ve either been kidnapped and sold to someone, or I’ve really gone to Equestria. In any case, I don’t think that I want to stand up for a while. It’s not that I’m hurting or anything, but this ray of sunshine is very comfy on my stomach right now.
My body feels weird though… wait, he never said that I’d keep my human body, did he? I’ve read some of that fanfiction about humans going to Equestria and become ponies. Wonder if I’m a pony?
But to figure that out means that I’d have to get up, doesn’t it? OK, opening eyes in Three… Two… One… Action… Eyelids, that was your cue. Ah, there we go, slow and steady.
Blue sky, low-hanging clouds, oh look, a pegasus just flew by me, I think. Yep, it’s Equestria. Excuse me while a take a moment to hold back my squee of joy.
Right, next cause of action: Stand up!
Let me see, I’m on my back so I should probably roll over first and then- I fell about fifteen feet down from the roof I was laying on, straight down in a pile of trash.
“Son of a bi-“ I stopped mid sentence. This is one huge pile of thrash isn’t it? As a matter of fact, that house looks pretty big as well. Who lives there? A duke? No, not ‘fruh-fruh’ enough. It looks pretty normal, as a matter of fact. Perhaps I should just stop thinking about that until I’ve figured out my new body.
Oh hey, I have paws! I think Morpheus said something about ‘cat-people’. Maybe I’m something like a Khajiit? That could be kinda cool! I wonder how I look?
What happened next came as one of the biggest surprises in my entire life. I tried to stand up, I really did, only to fall down again. “I’m… I’m a quadruped…”
- Quadruped.
- Feline.
- Everything around me is huge.
*loading*
*loading*
*Ding*
I let out the loudest shout of frustration I could, which came out as a loud “MMMEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWW!”
No, I’m totally not sulking, why’d you ask? I could have been a freaking Khajiit or something like that, but nooooo, I had to become a regular cat! I know I’m not a real ‘player’ or ‘piece’ in this game, but couldn’t I at least have a different form than a kitty?! There’s no way I can look badass as a cat, you all know this. Cats are either caught looking either funny or cute. I believe that’s universally accepted. Granted, I have nothing against ‘cute’, but a Diamond Dog could have been nice, or perhaps Gryphon.
“Sigh. I’ll take what I can get I guess. Lemme see; black fur, a little white dot on the end of my tail (god that’ll take some getting used to) and white fur on my stomach.” At the very least I can bring bad luck to other people.
Walking on four legs takes some getting used to, but it’s not at all as hard as the fanfic-writers makes it out to be. Yeah, I’m not going to outrun anyone until I get a bit more used to having another set of legs, but I can at least walk at a normal pace.
It seems like I’m in a small town. I can’t see any houses or places I recognize from the show, so I don’t think this is Ponyville. This is somewhat of a problem, as I’m not familiar with the geography of Equestria. Hell, now that I think about it, I might not even be in Equestria. I may be in another country or something. I don’t think Equestria involves the entire world here. If so, the first thing to do would be getting a map.
But first! I can smell fish! Oh my god, I never realized how good fish smells! I think I’ve got some cat-instincts as well as the body of one. Sniff-sniff. I think the prize of the hunt is just around the corner!
I begin to run (which is more of a slow jog, or the cat-equivalent of a jog) down the street. Surprisingly, the street wasn’t just filled with ponies, but I believe I saw a few D-Dogs as well as a couple gryphons.
Diversity is the spice of life I guess, but I’m definitively not in Equestria right now. Perhaps- HELLO! Fish ahead! My slow jog gets a tad quicker at the sight of this magnificent cold table. I climb up a few conveniently stacked boxes and step onto the table of fish.
There she is, the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. A big nice mackerel! I slowly slid closer to it, and can you guess what I did? Can you possibly fathom what I did? I hugged the shit out of that mackerel! I swear, these instincts are too strong.
After a little while of rubbing my cheek against the mackerel (don’t judge me) I looked up to find a cream-colored mare standing with an amused smile on her face. At least she found this funny, because the owner of the stand didn’t.
The owner (I think I’ll call him ‘Fishy’) leaned his face close to mine and said in the gruffest voice I’ve ever heard, “What do you think you’re doing?”
Now here’s the thing. I’m a cat. People don’t expect cats to talk back at them, and Fishy was no different (viva la revolution!). “Could you go away please? This is kinda an intimate moment between me and the lady.” Fishy and the mare’s eyebrows went sky-high at my speech.
Fishy finally got a sentence together. “But… but… You give me back that fish!”
I gasped. The audacity of this guy! “How dare you my good sir?! How DARE YOU?! I will never let you have her! NEVER!” I put the mackerel in my mouth and started running as fast as my little legs could, down the street. It seems it was a three-way drama, as Fishy started to run after me, intent on getting his product back.
Fun fact: Running comes natural when you’re fleeing from someone, and boy was I fleeing. For a fisherman (fisherpony?) Fishy was FAST! “YOU GET BACK HERE YOU DAMN CAT!” Holy crap, do I spot fire in his eyes? Cartoony escape, I need you!
I rounded a corner and stuck close to the wall. “Oh please let the physics work like in cartoons!”
I stuck out a backleg.
Stupid I know, but I’m not known for being smart. But here’s where it gets interesting. Fishy, somehow, got tripped by my leg, flew forwards into a banana-stand, which then started rolling down the street.
…I’ll be honest with you; I did NOT expect that to work.
“But for now!” I held the mackerel with a leg behind it, leaning my face close to the fish. With my best French accent, I whispered, “Now, mon aimé, let me… Devour you~”