//------------------------------// // Down the Rabbit Hole // Story: Unexpected Adventure // by WhooshieWoosh //------------------------------// I sat, or rather, lay there trying to make sense of what was going on. I was in bed... with a griffin lady... and a pony lady.... Why was I in bed with them? What happened? Why is my head in agony? Everything is fuzzy. Last thing I remember is the story Gerhman told and then it all goes to crap. What day even is it? Is it still today or tomorrow or is tomorrow today or— “Ehh... you doin’ alright, love? You’re lookin a bit peaky. Are you super hungover?” The griffin spoke in a chipper English accent that sent my head into throbs of pain. Also why does my tongue feel like I chugged a bottle of glue before licking a dog? “Earth to Cain. You in there, chap?” I winced and grumbled. “Yeah... and I think I’m hungover. Never have been before. Too poor to afford it and too,” I stifled a belch as my stomach lurched painfully before I groaned.” Scratch that, just no like the effects. My head feels...” I trailed off as my stomach churned before letting out a sickly *erp*. The griffin chuckled. “Oh yeah, you were sloshed. Threw up all in me bathroom. Cried for a spell after that while you apologized. Took me like ten minutes to stop your blubbering. Now, sit tight and I’ll get you some tea and ice water... and maybe some eggs. You like omelettes?” I nodded before carefully relaxing back into bed. It was then that I remembered the pony as she yawned and said, “Brauchen Sie Hilfe?” The griffin huffed. “You know I don’t speak much Nebelwaldian so you have to speak Common language.” There was a groan before a heavily German accented voice sleepily droned, “I said, do you need any help.” “Nah, I’ll be fine. You can stay and cuddle with mister hangover.” A hoof wrapped around my chest and a soft, furry body snuggled against my back and yawned, “Dann gehe ich wieder schlafen.” The griffin paused and replied, “What?” “I’m going bach to schleep! Lerne mal etwas Nebelwaldian, du Dummkopf.” “Now I know that last bit was an insult. I swear, you are a real pain in my arse.” Footsteps headed down the hallway and the pony sighed. I figured it was time for some answers so I began to move so I was lying on my back. German pony huffed and reposition herself to have her head on my chest, giving me a face full of her mane. I spat a bit of it out and croaked, “What... exactly happened?” “Hmm?” I coughed and rephrased my question. “What happened last night?” “Vut do you think, you schlept vith us.” I let my brain process that for a bit before coming to a conclusion. Last night... I got laid. Not just by one, but by two chicks! I just had sex with a cute griffin lady and a German pony! Wait... I just screwed a mythological cat-bird and a pony... a pony.... I... did the nasty... with a horse. I sniffed and grabbed my face. “Oh my gravy... ohhhhhhhh man. No.... No! Dang it! Gyuhhhhh.” “Vat is wrong vith you? You have tummy ache?” I looked down at her and finally put a face to the voice. She was a brilliantly white pony with a wine-red mane and green eyes. No wings, no horn. “It’s just... I... I slept with you! We’re not the same species! It... it... why are you laughing?” Her face was pent up with laughter and she soon let it out in a snorting burst. “Süße Freya, du denkst wir ... I mean... ve did, ve had... you think zat ve did the horizontal tango?” I just stared at her she laughed. After a bit she calmed down and pat my head. “Aaw, it is sweet of you to be concerned, especially if it’s because you remember vut it vas that Alice told you.” I blinked a few times and coughed, “Uh... who?” “Alice! You know! The griffin you vere spooning! Do you not remember anysching!” I winced and held my aching head at the sudden loud noise. “Gah, keep it down. My head’s killing me. And no, I unfortunately don’t remember anything about last night. I swear I am never drinking again.” She sighed and rolled off me. “Gute Trauer, du bist erbärmlich.” “Eh... what.” She yawned and said, “To jog your memory, the griffin, that’s Alice. I’m her sister-in-law , Rose. Now... vy are you making that face?” I had tried to hide my “weirded-out” expression but obviously failed. “You slept in the same bed as you sister-in-law?” “Ja. I mean, it’s not like ve did anysching vierd last night. I mean, ve practically didn’t touch at all.” I shook my head and regretted it. I waited for the pain to stop before saying, “I’m sorry, I’m still just confused as to how I got here. What even happened last night.” Rose rolled her eyes and turned her back to me as she got comfortable again. “Ask Rose ven you’re eating, I’m sure she vill be happy to help you recall your night. In the meantime, gute nacht.” She adjusted her blanket a bit and was soon snoring again. I tried to whistle but my lips were too dry... dang I was thirsty. “Dang... she drops off fast.” “Yeaaaah, she really does. Better name for her would be Violet because she’s so good at sleeping. I mean, I was just as impressed as you are now when I first saw it.” I started and shifted to face the doorway where Alice was standing holding a tray of food. She set it down and motioned for me to watch. Within seconds Rose sniffed a few times before dragging the tray under the covers with her. Alice laughed, “Anyway, I’ve got some breakfast made downstairs. Up ya pop!” I blearily sat up and immediately flopped back down as my head swam. “Nope. Head hurts.” “Well it won’t get better if you don’t get your bum out of bed and let me help you. Now, come on!” She grabbed my arm and practically dragged me down to the kitchen. She sat me down and busied herself making something before setting a cup of hot tea down in front of me. “Here you go. My Dad always said that the best cure for a hangover was drinking lots of hot tea and ice water before having some breakfast. Well, that’s what he said after my eighteenth birthday cause I went out and got so slammed I could barely walk. Go on, drink up.” I didn’t need to be told twice. Not only was I very thirsty, but I also really like tea. I gulped the entire cup down, despite how hot it was, and sighed. Immediately a tall glass of ice water was set in front of me and Alice set about readying a fresh cup ‘o tea. I finished the water almost as fast as I did the tea. By then my host had brought two plates over as well as more tea and some coffee for her. She blushed and gave me an embarrassed grin. “So... I said omelettes, but I accidentally kinda scrambled the eggs. But I figure, ‘hey! It’s pretty much the same thing only all mixed up! Should actually be better now!’ Except it’s not cause I love omelettes. Oh! I forgot the toast! I hope you like marmalade! What am I saying, of course you like marmalade. Who doesn’t? Oh dear I’m running my mouth again.” I had frozen, a forkful of eggs partway to my mouth, and stared in awe at the speed she was talking. She blushed an turned an even deeper red before hiding her beak in her coffee mug. I took a bite of the eggs and set my fork down, preparing to say something. She immediately pounced, “Oh no, do you not like them? I thought I added too much cheese. Dang it Alice! This is so easy and yet I somehow messes it up! I can’t believe it I—“ “No! No, I was going to say thank you and that it was very good. Also, this tea is amazing. Where on earth did you get it?” She ran a claw through her hai— feathers and smiled. “Well I didn’t get it per-say but I did get the ingredients. I’m an apothecary, see? You know, making medicine and salves out of plants, herbs, and junk. Real fun work, also makes a good bit of money. Not that I overcharge people or somethin’ like that. Anyway, a while back I thought, ‘hey! I work with herbs and curatives so much as is, I can probably blend my own tea!’ And I do and I like it so... yeah... fun.” She shrugged and took a massive gulp of coffee before pulling a face. “Crap, forgot the sugar.” I watched, fascinated, as she picked up the container of sugar and poured a truly horrifying amount into her mug before stirring it with a soft crunching noise. She took another drink and sighed, “So much better. Now, where were we?” “Please tell me that is decaf.” She glanced down at the coffee before grinning. “Oh, don’t worry. Coffee really has no effect on me. It just makes me have to pee and I like the taste... of the coffee that is. Not the pee. That would be weird. I should probably have worded that a bit differently so it sounded a bit more normal and didn’t need to be explained after. Okay, I need to shut up now.” I just stared, glassy eyed, as I ate my breakfast. She was right that the drinks and food would help. I was feeling better already. Once I’d finish I waited for her before asking the question I’d been dying to ask. “So... what exactly happened last night?” “Hmm? You mean you don’t remember anything?” “Well... not really. Last thing I remember is talking to Gerhman and getting a drink and going to do... something.” “Oh, you were looking for doughnuts. You told me that expressly. I helped you find one.” I scrunched my face up and thunk real hard. “Uh... wait, something’s coming back to me.” (Last night) I wove my way through the crowd, occasionally calling out. “HEEEEY! DOES ANYB-*urp*BODY KNOW WHERE A DUDE CAN GET A FREAKING DONUT!” I stopped when I ran straight into a griffin with red feathers tipped with gold. She backed up a bit and grinned, her features flushed with alcohol. “Sorry, love! Didn’t mean to bump inta ya!” I swayed a bit and put a hand on her shoulder. “That’s super okay. You’re really cute and I want donuts. Do you wanna... wanna get some and we can cuddle and talk about our *hic* emoshiems?” She whooped in delight and cried, “Heck yeah! Donuts here we come!” I reeled as she tugged me away by my coat before raising my hand in the universal sign for “hardcore” and yelling, “YEAH! RESSHPECT WOMEN! DONUTS!” (Back to present) I nodded my head slightly. “Yeah, that seems right. Did I eat an entire box of donuts myself or am I imagining things?” Alice laughed, “Ooooh yeah. It was absolutely horrifying. Then we came back here....” (Yesterday, later) We both staggered through the door laughing and wiping crumbs off our faces. I brushed some glaze off my coat and said, “You jusht can’t beat a sour cream donut. They’re the bestest in da world!” Alice giggled and licked some jelly off her face. “Nah, jelly-filled are the best. Especially wiv sprinkles on ‘em.” I nodded. “Yeah. They’re my second favorite. You really get the... the depth of flavor with the soft donut, sweet fruity fruit... stuff, and the crunchy sprinkles.” She nodded astutely before dragging me towards the stairs. “C’mon! Let’s go snuggle and talk.” I nodded and followed her, setting my coat on a chair in her room as she hopped onto the bed. Although said bed gave a disgruntled shout and shifted to reveal a pony. She blinked at Alice and grumbled. “Vut are you doing. You know I called the bed to— is that a boy?” We both giggled and nodded. The pony glared at Alice. “Alice, vut are you doing? You better not be—“ “Dang it, *hic* Rose. This is not a hookup. We wanna cuddle and talk, that’s ‘vut ve vant’ Dracula.” “Oh, haha laugh it up. I’m not going to help you if you’re going to treat me like this. Now go, you can cuddle on the couch.” Alice groaned, “But that’s not nearly as comfy! C’mon, be a sport! You are my guest after all.” “Fine! You take half and I take half! No canoodling!” She fluffed her pillow before flopping back down. Alice giggled and patted the bed beside her. “C’mon! I wanna feel what it feels like to hug a dragon! It’s... probably like huggin a big... uh... snake thing.” I staggered over before flopping face first and immediately groaning. “Bathroom... bathroom!” (Back to the Future!) “Aaaaaand then ya threw up all over my toilet. After that we passed out.” “Sounds about right. I’m just relieved we didn’t... you know.” Alice nodded. “Same. I’m not one for casual sex... well not anymore. See, I kinda went through an experimental phase in college. Not pretty. I’m pretty sure parents used me as a cautionary tale. Anyway, I looked way different too. I dyed my feathers on me noggin bright pink, had one side close-cut and the other covering my face, got a tatoo... the whole shabang.” I nodded awkwardly. “That’s... cool.” She grimaced. “Yeah, I remember looking at myself in the mirror after having just finished... uh... let’s just say some adult exercise, and said to meself, ‘Alice, look at you. You came to uni to become an apothecary and instead you became a tramp. Well no more.’ So I cleaned up and got my degree. Never had sex since for fear of relapsing.” I nodded politely. “So... what happened to the tatoo?” She twisted in her chair to reveal a large pattern of twisted roses and thorns below her wings. “It’s right there. I’m just glad it’s not a tramp stamp. At least I can cover this up with my wings. Anyway, I’ve gotta go to work, so maybe you should go check in with the Jarl. You did say you were kinda on probation.” “Oh... that’s right... crap.” She smiled. “Well, I’ll be headin’ off if’n ya need a guide. You can also feel free to pop in here anytime you like. So long as I’m home.” “But what about....” I pointed up in the vague direction of her room. “Rose? Oh, she’s heading back to Nebelwald today or tomorrow. No need to worry about inconveniencing her. She’ll probably sleep till noon at least.” I nodded. “Right, well I guess we had better go.” She grinned. “You got it! Just let me finish my coffee. Also, I’d recommend hitting the gym later if you can.” I looked at her, scandalized. “Is that a comment about my physique?” “Huh, well I can see how that could sound like that. But no, I was more referring to the showers and laundromat. But you could definitely hit the weights while you’re at it! You are a bit scrawny.” I shrugged. “I guess. I’ll see about that... more the shower than the weights. I hate working out. Did it once and never again.” Alice let out a sarcastic huff. “Nobody enjoys it, dummy. Now let’s go before I’m late to work. I’ll probably have a bunch of people coming to me for nausea and hangover medicine.” I checked myself to be sure I had everything and followed her out the door in the direction of town hall.