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// Excerpts from a Review of "We Must Have Forgotten History" (EqG -- Twilight Sparkle & Others) 
// Story: Stories for Good Little Fillies and Colts Who Love Their Lives and Do Not Wish to Die 
// by Fiddlebottoms 
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Slandered by supportive critics, lionized by public disapproval, blamed for teen suicides, and briefly utilized as a tool for Enhanced Detention, We Must Have Forgotten History; How Else Could We Be Surprised? is perhaps the least understood and most rarely sought out album in the phlegmatic ocean of teen pop to come out of what is now known as The Quarantine, but was once Canterlot High.

Twilight Sparkle, who has written multiple papers on the use of music and ominous chanting to enforce group cohesion, referred to We Must Have Forgotten as, “the equivalent of a pack of monkeys who have been surgically modified so that their hoots resemble screams encouraging the listener to commit suicide as they bang against the bars of their cage … a verbal assault carried out on accident by the immediate perpetrators as those who orchestrate the plan fly away with clean hands … maliciousness redoubled by the distance of whatever force set these creatures loose upon our unsuspecting world.”

It is uncertain whether she was referring to the album as a whole, or if she is literally describing the first track in which the entire band screams illegibly and urges the listener to kill themselves in semi-simian hoots and grunts. Some scholars have in this sentence hypothesized that the band may have been literally caged during recording. A drug called Memesis--which was big upon the streets at the time--was responsible for their ignorance of the words spilling from their mouths.

This dedication to effect through affect should be given its full due.





We Must Have Forgotten History; How Else Could We be Surprised? is a scathing attack on the High School-Industrial complex that currently rules our every step. “80% of the population live in a perpetual adolescence … working part time jobs associated with the eternal High School, and the other 20% have been permitted only to work as administrators, teachers or other professions that require leaving the High School grounds.” This, Twilight has repeatedly argued, is a clear example of the 80/20 rule in action, a rule which states that 80% of the people who mention the 80/20 rule are cliche spouting idiots with no real idea what they're talking about, and the other 20% are writing about land ownership in 19th century Italy.

The never named band were inspired in their work by the philosopher Lint, who argued that nothing True needs to be stated or believed, since being True it can exist without comment. Citing Bakunin, he reminded everyone of what they already knew by imagining a legal office dedicated to proclaiming the laws of physics. He further went on to apply this example to music, stating if that music wanted to express the True, it would do so by not existing and being ignored. Like all of Lint’s followers, they applied his advice by ignoring it and proceeding to make hideous, idiotic noise for as long and loud as their lungs would carry them.

“Sunrise over the Gas Station” is a song about still being awake at 8 AM after a three day bender and still incomprehensibly drunk and realizing there are some things that it is worth going blind to stare directly into. The bass riffs are reminiscent of purple cloud rising out of a crack in the forest while the drum beat evokes the feeling of being in a grimy hotel and walking up the stairs and seeing doors you didn't know you'd passed close out of the corner of your eye.

The album has, of course, never been heard in its completeness due to the absence of the thirteenth track, titled “Homage to Cybernetics.” The third part of a trilogy called “Black Hole of Autism,” this song could not be recorded and is represented by a gap between the twelfth and fourteenth track. When the gap between tracks was reached, the band would bombard listeners with antiaircraft shells until their message had gotten through.

Though this track has never been experienced as intended due to the difficulty experienced by high school students attempting to acquire artillery, it has nevertheless been hugely influential. The band Celestia’s Richtus routinely carried rifles on stage which they would fire over the crowd while the crowd fired back, with both sides deliberately missing. At some point, a member of the audience who had not gotten the message about the message he was supposed to receive fired directly at the band, resulting in a three-hour firefight that killed four, left seventeen injured, and seriously jeopardized Celestia’s Richtus’ touring cycle.

The court eventually found that analytical philosophy was not legally binding, confirming what many had long-feared: that the judicial system was a hive of postmodernist, out-of-touch intellectuals that just don't understand the world from outside of their ivory towers. The law carried on, however, just as bacteria and life do in the face of outrage from all corners.





We will take our final words from the group's lyricist, who agreed to be interviewed once and only once. Descending from the ceiling on a cartilage rope with a bundle of papers in one hand and an air horn in the other, he agreed to be asked just one question. Three reporters and an equal number of Rod Serling impersonators were present for this singular event.

After a great deal of debate and squabbling and other words just as valueless and meaning the same thing, one reporter clambered on top of the heads of the others to cry out, “is this for real?”

He looked up from the text and said, “of course it is not for real. It is a collection of shapes which are interpreted according to pre-existing patterns within your head. If it were real I’d crack that head open with a damn hammer and show you the patterns myself.” He then proceeded to make threatening gestures while blasting his air horn, and two months later he died.