//------------------------------// // Horse Play // Story: Unpleasant Correspondence // by StormLuna //------------------------------// Dear Kaita Mpambara, Thank you, thank you, thank you! Finally, I got an episode of my own and I have you to thank. You have no idea how long I have waited for this and all these writers that have been around for so long and are allegedly "so great" never gave me my own but you, a new writer, gave me what I deserve. I do hope that you will be writing more episodes because I am the primary princess and I should always be the star. The other writers could learn a lot from you, you are the best! Loving You As A Writer, Princess Celestia (aka Nicole Oliver) Dear Princess Celesta (aka Nicole Oliver), Well I do have another episode I have written but I am not allowed to share with anypony what it is about. The big brass threatened to fire me if I ever shared that information with anypony, especially you. I am glad that you enjoyed the episode I put you in, even if Twilight was being unpleasant towards you and bashed your acting abilities. Glad You're Happy, Kaita Mpambara Dear Princess Celestia, I want to let you know something, YOU ARE THE WORST ACTRESS IN THE HISTORY OF EQUESTRIA! Seriously, you couldn't even get charades right with the Method Mares! Hell I honestly think I should have just got Starlight to be the lead actress because I know that if she read over your sun raising spell once or twice she would probably be able to get it right since she seems to be Miss Perfect at everything else. What really pisses me off though is that you let Flutterbitch have the lead role. Now there are ponies that think she can raise the sun and are worshiping her the way they should be worshiping me! You know what, you can forget me ever trying to do something to glorify you again. Next time, I'll do a play that glorifies Luna because chances are she can actually act and would never spit in my face the way you did. Upset, Princess Twilight Sparkle Dear Princess Twilight, Look, it isn't my fault I'm a lousy actress. When I was a filly, Starswirl made me study all the time and once I had to take over handling the sun and put up with horrible shit like foreign dignitaries and court, I didn't have time to do anything else. I am so sorry that I upset you but I am downright pissed that you have the audacity to think that Starlight could raise my sun. Yes she is incredibly talented and could probably handle raising the moon with no problems but only I can raise my sun! Ok, I'll admit that Fluttershy was a poor choice for a lead actress and I am not happy with ponies worshiping her either so we'll have to figure something out. Maybe you should work overtime in that dungeon of yours and torture anypony who worships Fluttershy. Sincerely, Princess Celestia Dear Twibitch, It must really suck to be you, huh? Here you think you are so great yet ponies are worshiping ME because they think I can raise the sun! Be sure to tell Celestia thanks because now ponies think she is worthless, Luna is worthless, Cadence is worthless and most of all, they think you are worthless! They think that Queen Fluttershy is the only one they need to take care of them. After all, everypony knows I am sweet, nice and caring and they would pick me over a couple of trolls, a disloyal wife and a grade A bitch. So Much Better than You, Queen Fluttershy Dear Flutterbitch, Just wait you little vet screwing skank, the second they learn that you really can't raise the sun, they will throw your pathetic flank back into the wastes of worthlessness where it belongs. You can think you are all that but it must bother you so much that I torture the bitches you care about the most on a daily basis and there isn't a thing you can do about it! Even better, Princess Celestia loves it that I torture them all the time! Now shut up or I'll do a whole lot more than make you watch me torture them, I'll whip you like a rented mule if you don't shut up. Ready to Torture You, Princess Twilight Sparkle Dear Big Sister, How dare thee raise thy sun during the middle of the night! We are most unhappy with thee and we are also most surprised that thou didst not turn into Daybreaker like we did Nightmare Moon for raising our celestial body at the wrong time! Now we demand an apology from thee and a hundred fritters! Hungry for Fritters, Little Sister Dear Little Sister, Fine, I'm sorry. I only did this for Twilight's play so it would be a success and don't worry about the fritters. I'll simply summon Applejack to come up to Canterlot and bring you all the fritters you desire, ok? Sincerely, Big Sister P.S. Don't let those little bitches you oversaw cleaning the castle find out about your fritter obsession. They constantly bash me over my cake cravings and I know they'd happily expose you to Equestria and claim you are digging yourself an early grave. Dear Fluttershy, I know you must feel proud that you were able to play the role of the hottest, sexiest pony in existence, right? Now since you did such a good job and looked so elegant out there, I am going to make a dream of yours come true. I know what you dream about, Luna shares them with me all the time and apparently you are wanting to get it on with the pony you played. Now come with me Flutters, fulfill your fantasies, come get a taste of the sun! Ready to Make Your Fantasies a Reality, Princess Celestia Dear Princess Celestia, Really, Luna told you about my fantasies involving you? Well, well I will join you but just this once, I don't want Dr. Fauna to get mad at me. Ready to Fulfill My Fantasies Once, Fluttershy Oh My Sexy Fluttershy, I don't believe just once was an option! Now come join me every Saturday night and maybe I will get Twilight to free Dr. Fauna and Tree Hugger, maybe! Not Giving You a Choice, Princess Celestia Dear Princess Celestia, Uhm, ok. Since your not giving me a choice I will join you. I hope I don't disappoint you. Your New Lover, Fluttershy