//------------------------------// // A Health of Information // Story: Unpleasant Correspondence // by StormLuna //------------------------------// Dear Princess Celestia, Can you believe it? I found a cure for Swamp Fever and was able to cure Zecora after she got it. You know something, I have to be the most awesome pony in Equestria. Now I am upset that I missed my special appointment with Dr. Fauna but what matters is that I found the cure, I'm more awesome than I was before and now I can start charging ponies for that cure. Just wait until I amass more wealth than even you, everypony will be worshiping me, as they should. Oh and I am upset though. I used Twilight's library in this endeavor and even took her out to the bayou but she wouldn't put out for me! I groped her multiple times and asked her if she would let me re-initiate her but she hit me and called me a whore! She should know that if it weren't for me, you still wouldn't give a shit about her. Give her time though and she will be begging me to give her a bit of Shy and forget about those loser "friends" of hers up in Canterlot. Upset Twilight Wouldn't Put Out, Fluttershy Dear Flutterbitch, Wait a minute, you groped Twilight? Oh now you are going to pay for that you little whore. For so long you whined and complained every time Twilight wanted to initiate you but now here you are the one molesting her and you are mad because she won't let you re-initiate her? You know what Flutters, I'm glad she hit you. Want to know what would make me even happier, her running you through her torture devices alongside that worthless junkie friend of yours and that slutty vet you screw all the time. Also, it is YOUR fault Zecora got sick in the first place and I am not only fining you 10,000 bits but come the off-season, I am sentencing you to three months in MY dungeon. I don't want you to be constantly begging Twilight for another chance or any kind of shit like that. She's got her groove back and is being the mare I raised her to be, not a pathetic doormat like you want her to be. Oh and regarding you getting rich off of that cure, ain't going to happen. If you were to start collecting more of that honey and curing ponies unfortunate enough to encounter those swamp plants, any money you would make from it I would seize. Want to know what I would do with it? I would give it all to Twilight and suggest that she bulldoze that animal sanctuary and put a gold statue of herself there, or perhaps even two or three! Best Regards, Princess Celestia Dear Fluttershy, Had I known that in my efforts to help you with those animals that I would get sick, I would have said "the hell with those animals" and told you it is their asses you should lick. From this point forward you are on your own you little slut, when you come begging for help again I shall stay inside my hut. Hoping You'll Leave Me Alone, Zecora Dear Zecora, Nopony ever said you had to help me. The only reason I came to you is because none of the unicorns would help me, no other pegasus would help me and I certainly couldn't risk getting all icky because I had a date with Dr. Fauna. One that thanks to your clumsiness, I had to miss. I only pretended to be upset when you were sick so I could try and lure Twilight back into my horn seeking, needy hooves! Guess what, I won't come begging you for help anymore. After you causing me to miss my date, I'll throw myself out to some needy unicorn and convince her to help me, even if it means her giving it to me rough. No Longer Needing You, Fluttershy Dear Princess Celestia, You know what, I am not thrilled right now. I was having a nice cook-off with Spike, one I was certain to win when I had an unwelcome TRESPASSER come barging into my castle freaking out about how she made Zecora sick after having her get slime for that fucking animal sanctuary of hers. Now normally I would have told the bitch to go fuck herself since the vet was in my dungeon but Zecora never wronged me in any way. Now after she found out what she needed to know, thanks to MY help, she drug me out to this swamp where she proceeded to grope me multiple times and tried to get in my coat! Does that little bitch not know that I am not interested? Does that little bitch not get it that only the raunchy fun my old friends provide me will do? Whatever the hell is running through her mind, it ain't going to happen. I do think you should punish her for groping a princess though. How about this, how about we both punish her via torture! Hoping to Torture Fluttershy, Princess Twilight Sparkle Dear Princess Twilight, I know about her molesting you and I think us both torturing her would be fun. You could torture her down there in Ponyville and I could torture her up there. Oh and just so you know, she is planning on acquiring more of that flash bee honey and making a profit off of it. I told her that if she was to, I'd seize all her money and give it to you. If that does indeed happen, I would advise you bulldoze that animal sanctuary and have a couple gold statues of yourself put up over there. Hoping to See Gold Statues of You, Princess Celestia