Dear Princess Celestia,
Well I learned that almost all of the ponies in this country are complete morons. My friends and I decided to release our "friendship" journal from season four, back from when we were still acquaintances that barely tolerated one another. Now yeah, I can understand why they wouldn't get anypony else's lessons but seriously, they didn't get my lessons right? What a bunch of stupid fucking idiots and the thing is, we have changed a lot since then. I have my own castle, Crash is a Wonderbolt, Pinkie has fallen in love with a yak prince, Applejack's is more popular than she used to be, Rarity is in a much higher tax bracket and Fluttershy is no longer a shy little thing I wanted to initiate, she is a fucking whore who screws the vet all the damn time.
I honestly think that having Starlight make multiple copies of the thing was a huge mistake. From now on, I'm keeping as much as I possibly can to myself.
Upset With this Miserable Country,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
I have decided that I am going to start my own business, GlimGlam Publishing but first I need to get a business permit from you. I want to know how much starting this up would be and what kind of taxes I would have to pay.
Sincerely,
Starlight Glimmer
P.S. I found an old journal of Twilight's from long ago, a complete, very graphic journal of the activities that Twilight used to engage with in with her old friends. Some even include Lyra before she ran off and hooked up with that bitch with the candy on her ass! If you would be interested, I would gladly make a copy of it and bring it up to you. Hey, Twilight leaves me alone in here enough as it is so doing this will be beyond easy!
Dear Princess Twilight,
I don't know if you know this or not but are Applejack and Pinkie Pie related or what?"
Sincerely,
Some Random Hack off the Street
To the Random Hack,
Hell if I know. Why don't you write God-Emperor Brian Goldner and ask him? I know he knows!
Sincerely,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Starlight,
Starting up a business is relatively cheap but the tax rates can be rather high, especially the more of them you own. If you don't believe me, just ask Rarity. However, if GlimGlam Publishing becomes a reality, I will make it tax exempt because I like you the most. Oh and given that a large amount of money was made off of that friendship journal, I will simply tax everypony who sold them and give you the revenue from said taxes AS LONG as you do not create anymore of those manifestos that advocated destroying our economy, alright?"
Ready to Make GlimGlam Publishing a Reality,
Princess Celestia
P.S. Regarding Twilight's sex journal, could you please create a copy for me? You have no idea how badly I have wanted to know what my girls were up to back in the day. If you do, what I might do is troll Lyra big time, I'll pay Bon Bon a visit and let her read everything her marefriend used to do. I am STILL pissed over her running off and if I can crush that relationship, I will do it and get a great amount of joy in doing so.
Dear Princess Twilight,
From the moment I saw copies of that thing up here in Canterlot I knew it was going to wind up being nothing short of a disaster. I do commend Starlight on trying to help all of you get through the stress you all went through. Now that right there is why she is my favorite. She is a true friend of you six, well maybe five since she dumped Fluttershy for Trixie but who cares about that disloyal little bitch anyway, right?
Now in the future, I would advise you six keep everything you have done and what you have learned to yourselves. However, I am certain if Starlight were to write an auto-biography about all the struggles she went through in life and how she redeemed herself and became the one who helps guide all of you through your shitty times, it would be an automatic best seller.
Liking Starlight the Most,
Princess Celestia
Dear God-Emperor Goldner,
Do you think you could be nice and put us in more episodes? We are much better than some of the fillies and since Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have become 100% irrelevant now, we could replace them. Yes we wouldn't be bullying bitches like them but we'd still make life much more interesting. Let us know what you think.
Hoping to Be in More Episodes,
Toolaroola and Coconut Cream
P.S. Starlight even said she would adopt us if you say yes!
Dear Toolaroola and Coconut Cream,
First off I would like to know how you got to the G4 Ponyville. Now I know some people like the design of you two, especially Toolaroola's mismatched mane and tail but I am sorry, you can't be in any more of them. Now go back to generation 3 where you belong.
Sincerely,
God-Emperor Brian Goldner, CEO of Hasbro, Inc.
P.S. I know Starlight likes you two since you are unloved by almost everypony else but I can not allow that to happen. If you two were allowed to stay and she adopted you, then I would have to have somepony adopt Scootaloo as well to be fair and I honestly don't feel like dealing with that.