//------------------------------//
// Hard to Say Anything 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
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Dear Sugar Belle, 

You better be nice to my brother or else.  It was hard enough getting him to even approach you over this.  If you mistreat him, we understand that there is a blue unicorn up in Canterlot who would make you pay dearly.

Sincerely, 

Apple Bloom 





Dear Apple Bloom, 

Look, you won't have to worry about that.  Big Mac is a good stallion, he is caring, he is loyal and best of all, he won't talk back. 

Sincerely, 

Sugar Belle 





To the Three Mares Who Constantly Stalk Me, 

Could you three just quit it already?  The reason I'm so shy is that I'm really gay but am afraid to come out of the closet.  I was talking with those three fillies and there is a lavender Alicorn in Ponyville who would love you! 

Hoping You'll Leave Me Alone, 

Feather Bangs





To Feather Bangs, 

So what if you're gay?  We're secretly lesbians and Hasbro just wouldn't let us be ourselves.  Regarding that Alicorn, those fillies talked to us about her and we're considering moving into her sleeping chambers. 

Gay Just Like You, 

The Three Mares 





Dear Princess Celestia, 

I swear, those fucking writers are being idiots again.  They exclude me so they can focus on the little hellions, Applejack's non-talkative brother and that hot unicorn baker out in Starlight's old village.  You know, I would have hid with the cutie mark cult, went out there and wowed Sugar Belle enough that she would forget all about Big Mac but I wanted to prove that my magic is better than Starlight's but I failed, again!  You have no idea how embarrassing that is.  I was taught by you and Starlight simply learned on her own.  Maybe you aren't such a good teacher after all. 

Wishing I Could Beat Starlight, 

Princess Twilight Sparkle 





Dear Twilight, 

You know something, you are so damn adorable when you get agitated like this.  Ok, I can understand you being pissed about those hellions getting airtime when you didn't but you want to go get it on with Sugar Belle?  Why her when you have four hotties much closer to home, hotties who care nothing about commitment?

Look, if you're going to go out there, make sure those three ditzes who like Feather Bangs so much finally realize that mares are where it is at.  I personally think they would look really nice in your bedroom but if you don't want them, I'm sure your old friends would LOVE the unicorn.  Regarding the other two, just find some nice caring mares for them, alright?

Sincerely, 

Princess Celestia 

P.S.  Knowledge is just part of what makes a great unicorn.  Some are born with the focus needed to be great at magic.  Just imagine if Starlight studied as much as you did, she'd probably be able to overthrow me and Luna.....maybe it is best that she doesn't study too much then. 





Dear Princess Twilight, 

We are three mares from Starlight's old village and we are looking to get out of town.  One of us is a unicorn, one of us is a pegasus and one of us is an earth pony.  From what we understand, you are in need of a little TLC after a recent breakup you went through.  Let us know if you want some loving from three of the hottest mares in the land. 

Hoping to Have Fun With You, 

Our Town's Hottest Mares 

P.S.  Is Starlight available?  We ask because we remember how good she was back in the day, much better than any of the other mares. 





To Our Town's Hottest Mares, 

Sure, come to my castle!  I'm really frustrated right now and I could use a good release.  Just one favor, tell me your names once you get here so I'm not just calling you hottie # 1, hottie # 2 and hottie # 3.

Oh and regarding Starlight, she has a marefriend so if you want some time with her, you'll have to spend it with Trixie too.  Those two have bonded way too much for Starlight to not include her. 

Sincerely, 

Princess Twilight "Equestria's Hottest Mare" Sparkle