Dear Princess Celestia,
Can you believe it, I was finally able to meet Rainbow's parents and they are so nice. Even though Rainbow was a bitch there for a while they STILL supported her. Why couldn't my parents be like them? To be honest, I wish they would adopt me and support me in everything I do. Even if I am never able to fly, I know they'd love me and support me because they are truly caring parents.
Sincerely,
Scootaloo
Dear Scootaloo,
Either you wrote this to troll me or you don't realize that I wouldn't give a shit. Guess what, I don't give a shit. Ok so your parents are horrible and you are a latchkey filly but hey, you do have good friends and I'm sure somepony must be looking out for you. Hey it could be worse, I could have forced you to move in with Twilight when you poisoned Big Mac and Cheerilee. So a little word of advice, don't go wishing for things that will never happen.
Not Caring About You AT ALL,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
Damn that Scootaloo anyway. I hate to say this but she had to be a little bitch and tell my annoying, overly supportive parents that I am a Wonderbolt. Seriously, they show up, embarrass me over how great I am and then say I'm the best towel hanger of all time.
Seriously, how the fuck can you even compare who is the best at hanging a fucking towel. Scootaloo better be happy that she helped me see the light or she wouldn't have had anypony outside of those troublemaker friends of her who gives a shit about her.
Mad at Scootaloo,
Rainbow "The Best Wonderbolt Ever" Dash
Dear Rainbow,
Alright bitch, I am not thrilled that you are so upset over Scootaloo telling your parents about you being a Wonderbolt. You know what, I saw how you treated your parents and I heard some of the things you said to Scootaloo. You claim that nopony would want supportive parents? Think again bitch, Scootaloo would give anything to have parents like yours, parents who would actually give a flying fuck about her. Now I would advise you shape up or I'll make you live with Twilight for a week.
Always the Best,
Princess Celestia
P.S. You know what, fuck it, I'm going to make you move in with Twilight for a week and since she is back to her lovable self, I'll convince her to be an even bigger bitch than normal. Have fun watching Starlight prove how awesome she is and have fun being miserable with Twilight's non-stop bitching and complaining!
Dear Princess Celestia,
Ugh, what the fuck are those writers thinking? Those fucking writers have excluded me again! You know something, what I wouldn't give to be able to crawl out of the TV, go strangle them and warn them that if they don't make me the star every single time that I will make them wish they were never born.
Mad I Was Excluded,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight,
That's my girl! You go and show them who's boss. I highly doubt they will care and I'm sure the Almighty Brian Goldner will be there to protect them but you can try! Hey, I have some news to break with you that you may not find so pleasant. You see, Crash was bitching about Scootaloo so I have decided to force her to move in with you for a week. Yes I know she'll drive you up the wall but if Starlight can crush her spirits proving her superiority and you can drive her to the point where she will be begging for death, I'll be happy.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
P.S. Oh and if she gets on your nerves too much, feel free to torture her in any way your heart desires.