Dear Princess Celestia,
Can you believe the shit that my sister pulled? I wanted an old-fashioned cart like they used in the old days but Rarity just had to build some gigantic swan cart to make up for her getting beat out by Derpy for the most creative cart when she was a filly. She can claim to be the Element of Generosity but in the end she is nothing short of an attention whore!
I think I now know why Twilight always wanted you to replace her with Twinkleshine. I don't know her but if she is anything like what Twilight told me she was once, she would have helped me build an old-fashioned cart, not some hideous abomination that should have been in the dump!
Angry With My Sister,
Sweetie Belle
Dear Princess Celestia,
What the fuck was up with my sister? She knew that I wanted the fastest cart yet she builds some piece of shit that was ready for the scrap yard before it was even finished. Doesn't she know that I'm not stuck in the dirt age like she is? You know, I'm surprised Twilight doesn't bitch about her more. I would think that a pony who has such outdated views would be bitched about a whole lot more.
Your Apple Picking Subject,
Apple Bloom
Dear Princess Celestia,
I can not believe that Rainbow didn't pick up on the hints I was dropping. I was doing things to try and make my cart creative yet all she wanted was the fastest cart. Damn it, it was supposed to be my cart and I already know all about speed and wanted to try something fun for a change. I think I know why Twilight used to bitch about her so much before she became Fluttershy's doormat, it was shit like this. I just hope she will not be so damn stubborn and selfish come the next derby.
Sincerely,
Scootaloo
Dear Cutie Mark Cult,
Look, in the end you got the carts you wanted so I don't know why you are bitching about this. Yes I know your sisters were being bitches and wanted things their way but that is no reason to bitch to me about it. Just be grateful that you have ponies who actually give a shit about you because I sure the hell don't.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
I know you were probably going to expect to hear from Twilight bitching about being excluded from this episode but I told her that it was unnecessary and luckily she paid attention to me for once. You see, I threatened her that if she continued bitching about episodes she was not in, I would leave her and there would be nopony left who would give a shit about her. Yes my friends still care about her but if I left her over her bitching, I could get them to stop caring and as far as Starlight goes, she is lost enough in Trixie that she doesn't need Twilight.
Sincerely,
Fluttershy
P.S. Oh and you're welcome.
Dear Fluttershy,
My my, aren't you the controlling type. I never once imagined that you would be able to control her like this. I thought I raised her better than to become somepony's doormat but I suppose when a pony is desperate for love, she will do anything to keep it. Remember though, she does have royal duties so you can't make her into too much of a doormat.
Nopony's Doormat,
Princess Celestia
P.S. Don't go expecting a thank you from me Flutters. You know, if I think you are too much of a negative influence on Twilight, I could take her away from you so I would advise that you don't make her too weak to torture dissidents and law-breakers.