Dear Princess Celestia,
Well my sexy student and I got that map back up and running after she broke it when she traveled through time but the damn thing had the audacity to call Rarity and Pinkie up to Canterlot to take care of something? Why couldn't it have called me and Fluttershy up there, back to my study tower for a friendship lesson that would never end? It should have because then I could have got away from this place and took my sweetie with me.
Upset With the Map,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight,
Look, even if the map would have "permanently" called you home and said to take Fluttershy with you, it would not have worked. For starters, those animals of hers are more important to her than you are and I know for a fact that if one of your old friends were to suggest a special study session, you'd jump on the opportunity and forget Fluttershy exists. I know how much you like horn sex and I'm surprised you committed to her like this, I thought such a thing would have been saved for Rarity.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
P.S. You better not let Fluttershy hear you call Starlight sexy because I know if she was to, she'd do who knows what to you. I do know one thing, it would likely be in your dungeon and be horribly painful.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Can you believe how negative my father is? He was ready to give up and close down just like that. I knew things would improve and thanks to Pinkie and Rarity, they did. Now we are the most popular restaurant in all of Canterlot but I am wondering, could you change the restaurant rating system up here or at least abolish it. I think it is unfair to restaurants that snobby old hag, I forget her name, doesn't like.
Sincerely,
Saffron Masala
Dear Saffron,
Well I have a new plan for the restaurant rating system and instead of hooves, it will involve crowns. I will come to all the restaurants myself and try out the food and I will give it a rating between a trash can and then one to four crowns. Now the place Zesty Gourmand operates, it is automatically getting a trash can. I don't like that bitch and I plan on running her not just out of business, but out of town. Now be ready, I'll be visiting your restaurant tomorrow and I do hope that whatever you serve will be worthy of a four crown rating.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
P.S. I'll give you a hint on what I like to get those four crowns. Serve me some delicious cake and I'll make it worth your while....perhaps even five crowns and guaranteed success!
Dear Rarity,
I told you The Tasty Treat was the best place in town but oh no, at first you had to go to all those yucky places on Restaurant Row. I am glad that that meany-mean hooves old hag won't be deciding what ponies in Canterlot eat anymore because I like variety and food that actually tastes good!
Your Friend,
Pinkie Pie
P.S. How could you have ever been friends with Zesty to start with? She is so mean and I would think that you would not associate with such rude ponies.
Dear Pinkie,
Look, I just went with the flow up in Canterlot but I suppose I have to admit you were right, the food that Saffron and her father cooked was delicious and those other places aren't all that good. As far as why I was friends with Zesty, we are both high society ponies and we tend to stick together, well until now that is.
Sincerely,
Rarity