Dear God-Emperor Goldner,
Why are you allowing this? This is the second straight episode that I've been excluded from and it seems like since my ascension, I'm being excluded more and more! Could you please force the writers to include me in every single episode? It would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
Now that we have our cutie marks, we initially had no idea on what we were supposed to do until we remembered how we got them when we helped Diamond Tiara to realize what her purpose in this world was. Luckily Apple Bloom found this pony who needed help overcoming his stage fright and we were able to help him get his cutie mark.
Now that we have helped a pony get his cutie mark, we are ready to help anypony and everypony in need of our services. We have come a long way since we exposed you and your gluttony when it comes to cake, haven't we?
Sincerely,
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo
Dear CMC,
Thank you so much for helping me get my cutie mark! I always knew that my destiny was to be a performer but thanks to you, now it is my destiny. Oh and Apple Bloom, I do hope you keep on dancing because I'm sure you can only get better.
Thanks,
Tender Taps
Princess Twilight,
Look, the writers are simply going off of what ponies are the most popular and obviously you aren't that popular anymore. Yes you were big early on, but I do know that when Celestia cursed you your popularity plunged and just wait, I'm sure a day will come when Starlight Glimmer will be more popular than you, and that she will be the one to save your flank when villains attack Equestria.
Sincerely,
Brian Goldner, CEO of Hasbro
To the Cutie Mark Cult,
You honestly think that I care abut you and your success in helping a pony get his cutie mark? Look, I am STILL pissed over not just your libelous claims about me but also your crimes involving that love poison. You three are irredeemable little villains. Granted you are still nothing compared to villains such as Tirek, your crimes are evil in their own ways.
Now let me tell you this, if you start making profits off of this shit you are pulling, I will tax you at the same rate I do everypony else. Just because you are children does not mean you are immune to taxes, got it?
Planning on Taxing You,
Princess Celestia
Dear Tender Taps,
We were glad to be able to help you out with your cutie mark. Now we are certain that you are happy but perhaps you could help other ponies that have trouble dancing.
Sincerely,
The CMC