“I said, lady, are youse gonna explain why you’re smashin’ up my shop?”
The second angry growl seemed to awaken the part of Luna that had frozen up. She shook her head slightly, trying to clear it, and looked over the stallion for what she was sure was the second time. Tan body, brown mane, green eyes, a strange hat and a shirt. Birth designation - ugh, what was the new name? Cutie Mark, that was it - was a pink-frosted donut. A unicorn, and a fairly large, heavyset one, from what she could see.
“Toots? I ain’t got all day here.” A sharp accent, as well; strong, and not of Canterlot.
“I - ah - that is to say -”
“Lady, why don’t I call a guard, I’m sure they’ll know what to do with ya.” he said, and began to turn away from her.
“You will do no such thing!” she barked, rising onto her hooves to her full height, a sudden desperate, powerful energy seeming to fill her.
“I won’t, ey?” he growled suspiciously, turning back to face her.
“You mustn’t! I am Lu - Lulu, and I have just escaped from - the royal castle’s dungeons.” she spoke as resolutely as she could, her pounding heart threatening to escape her throat with every moment. “I have been falsely imprisoned, and the only way I can escape banishment is - by banishing myself. To the outlands, to somewhere outside of Equestria. If I can make it to the Griffonlands, then - I will escape whatever fate awaits me here.”
The donut pony eyed her suspiciously, and inwardly, Luna wondered whatever foolish pony had told her that fat ponies were jolly; this one appeared neither jolly nor holiday-inclined. “Alright. Say I believe you, toots. What crime did you commit that’s so awful?”
“I didn’t commit a crime! I - was framed! For the loss of the royal crown!” Luna ad-libbed as quickly as she could, heart racing all the more desperately when the stallion didn’t immediately run for the guard.
“Royal crown, eh? Seems to me that I haven’t heard about no princesses losin’ no crown - “
“A lesser crown! Belonging to - some long-lost line of the family, more of an heirloom than anything.” “Lulu” added in a rush, eyes wide, heart fit to burst. “It must have been lost, but - but when it went missing, I was the last person to see it, and - and they thought I must have taken it.”
“Hmm.” the donut pony frowned, listening to “Lulu” build lie upon lie, certain to doom her to a speedy return to the castle. So much for your brilliant escape, you foolish filly!, Luna thought in a panic. Escaping into a pastry shop, and that’s as far as you get? How unbecoming of a princess, how -
“Alright then. So you need help gettin’ to the border, that’s whatcha sayin’?”
Luna was so startled that she couldn’t answer him for a moment, and merely gaped at him in wonder. “I … you... you’re going to help me?”
“Well, I’ve been meanin’ to take a vacation for awhile, anyhow. And I got family over in th’ Griffonlands, some kook on my mom’s side married one, and I’ve been owin’ her a visit anyway.” He sniffed, using his hind leg to scratch the other one as he spoke. “So I’ll go along with ya, toots.”
“It’s Lulu.” Lulu nee Luna corrected softly, but without any real malice. “Do you need to pack? We should be leaving immediately, who knows when the princess might realize I’ve gone? We should keep moving as fast as we can, Mare only knows how much of a lead we have on her -”
“Woah woah woah, lady - Lulu. You’re goin’ about this all wrong.” The donut-pony corrected her, gently guiding her aside to close the passage door and begin cleaning up the display case she’d knocked over. “Celestia’s strongest when the sun is up. If that sun is out, ain’t nobody doin’ nothin’ that she ain’t gettin’ a good look at.”
“... pardon?” Lulu asked, brows crinkling in confusion. How many negatives could one sentence have?
“I’m sayin’ - move yer hoof - Celestia’s gonna see any escape plans we make if we’re outside in the daylight, see? So we gotta wait til nighttime, when she’s asleep, when her sister’s at the wheel. Seems to me, she don’t expect much to be goin’ on, and she ain’t payin’ too much attention to what the Little Ponies’re up to.”
Luna’s face burned, but she kept her mouth shut, aiding the shopkeep in cleaning up his spilled wares. Asleep at the wheel, was she? Despite how it galled her, it seemed to her that the plan could work - Celestia could raise the sun and the moon, but the moon was not her servant, as it was for Luna. She could not see the goings-on of every pony with its aid, as she could with the sun.
“Stop stackin’ the floor-donuts with the clean ones; we can’t sell those.” The stallion’s gruff voice interrupted her, pushing her hoof out of the way as he cleaned. “You wouldn’t want ta eat a donut that’s been on the floor, right?” he asked, popping several into his mouth and chewing enthusiastically.
“No, that would be disgusting.” she agreed, expression souring as he wolfed a few more down.
“Want one?” he asked, holding a few out to her, sprinkles ringing his mouth.
Luna’s heart said No!, and her mind said Mare, No!, but her starving stomach said, “Yes, please!” So, while the stallion cleaned, ate, and swept up the rest of the mess, Luna filled her belly with the delicious assortment of baked delights. Jelly-filled, fruit-filled, creme-filled, double-fried, extra-frosted, extra wide, extra small - such a dazzling display of donutty delight she had never laid her eyes on before!
She felt she must be more donut than pony by the time she’d finished, but somehow managed to pull herself over to a seat behind the counter, sighing softly. “Those were incredible.”
“Thanks, Lulu.” the donut pony grinned, setting his broom aside, only to pull out a pair of heavy saddlebags and begin loading up donuts.
“I never got your name, sir.”
“Awful fancy, aintcha?” he asked in his usual gruff voice, but when he turned around, Luna saw he was grinning. “Joe’s the name, donuts are my game. I go by Donut Joe most times, seein’ as it’s the name out front. But jus’ Joe’s fine.”
“Thank you for helping me, Joe.” Luna said quietly, smiling up at him from where she sat.
Joe glanced over at her and rolled his eyes, wiping a bit of powdered sugar from his foreleg. “Naw, ain’t helpin’, I’m just takin’ you along on my vacation. I’d been meanin’ ta visit for years, anyhow.” He whuffed, turning away, but when he’d turned back he had a mug of hot cocoa for her. “Y’gotta be thirsty.” he said swiftly when she opened her mouth to thank him, cutting her off.
The pair passed most of the early evening in silence like that, Joe working and Luna sitting quietly, occasionally taking another donut. They didn’t talk much, and Luna thought that was for the best; if she said anything else, she’d probably snap her fragile web of lies within the first sentence. She just wasn’t used to lying - but she’d need to learn, and fast, if she wanted this to work.
Finally, heart in her throat, she turned her eyes to the sky as the sun set, darkening the small donut shop - and watched in silent, awestruck wonder as the moon rose, all on its own. Or, rather, under Celestia’s power, instead of her own. She hadn’t seen the moon rise since her mother and father had done it, and that had been so, so long ago, she had almost forgotten how beautiful it looked...
“Alright, Lulu, looks like it’s Luna’s turn to take over, which means we gotta skedaddle.” Joe said briskly, putting the final touches on his ‘Out for Vacation, Back Whenever’ sign. He taped it to the door, then hefted his saddlebags over his haunches, along with a backpack, and some kind of wrapped-up tarp.
“You certainly have a lot to bring.” Lulu murmured, brows lifting as she watched him struggle to get through the door.
“Yeah, well, one of us needs to.” He grumbled, and that was the last Lulu said on the subject.
He leaned out of the glass-fronted door, peering around the darkened streets, and waved Lulu on. “C’mon. Coast is clear, time to fly this pigeon coop.”
“Time to what?”
“Time to blow this popsicle stand, toots.”
“Pardon?”
“Wouldja just follow me already?”
The pair darted from darkened street to street, through a quiet Canterlot that Luna had never seen up-close before. None of these buildings had been here, a thousand years ago; it was like wandering into an alien landscape. But Joe knew his way around this area like the back of his hoof, and every time they saw an approaching pony, Joe knew just which alleyway to dart into, which awning folded down to provide cover.
Finally, after a seemingly-endless dash from one shadowed spot to the next, they emerged on the side of the mountain, staring out over a long, winding stretch of railroad track. “Isn’t this dangerous?” Lulu asked, hesitating near the gates as Joe walked on.
“Unless you wanna hop a train and risk someone recognizin’ ya, this is the only way down the mountain.” he called over his shoulder, continuing down the winding path. Luna hesitated for a moment, then darted after him, her long legs carrying her to him within moments.
They walked all through the night, waiting and listening for trains whenever Joe directed them to. Sometimes, it was a false alarm, and sometimes they had to hug the furthest edge of the path, and do their best to hang on to the railing as the train went screaming past. Joe ran them through every tunnel, and although Luna did it without much effort, Joe tended to start huffing and puffing about halfway through. But he had shorter legs than her, she mused; she shouldn’t judge him for something he couldn’t help.
By the third or fourth tunnel, Joe was panting, and having to take brief breaks to re-adjust the heavy packs he carried. So when they approached the last tunnel, when Joe panted that they should ‘just walk this one,’ Lulu didn’t dare contradict him.
“Haven’t - walked this path since - since I went fishin’ with my - great grandpappy.” Joe wheezed, walking behind Lulu, his head down in the darkened tunnel. “Down by the - lake that the - Great Waterfall drains to.”
“It’s a beautiful lake.” Lulu agreed softly, and before she could open her mouth again, something caught her ear. Something off in the distance. Rats? She hated rats!
“Yeah, haven’t - been there in years, since I was - younger.” he coughed, wheezing all the harder. “Remembered - having -”
“Joe, it’s the train! I hear the train!” Lulu cried out in a sudden panic, taking off at a gallop. “We have to run for it!” she gasped, turning back to watch him catch up with her - but he didn’t. He continued plodding along behind her, attempting to trot for a few steps, before he fell back into a long-gaited walk.
“You - go - can’t - keep up -” he choked out, wheezing desperately as he tried to lift his knees, fighting for a trot, in vain. “Get up and go - got up and went -”
“I’m not leaving you!” she whinnied, the panicked sound intermingling with the distant sound of a train whistle. She galloped back and planted both forelegs on his back end, shoving him forward. “Come - on!”
“Giving - her - all she’s - got -” Joe gasped, managing to break into a trot for a few steps before his legs faltered and gave out, crumpling under him in a sweaty, exhausted heap.
Luna lifted her head, and before she could give another sharp, pleading demand, a whistle blew - much closer than last time, rounding the last bend before it came to the tunnel they stood in. “We’re not dying tonight!” she barked, and reared onto her hind legs, horn glowing under the invisibility ring. Donut Joe’s entire body lit up with the outline of her power, and slowly, his body began to rise. There was no time for delicacy, and so as she ran, his body burst into motion as well, provoking a sharp, panicked cry from the stallion.
“What’re you - flying -?”
“Keep your legs tucked to your body, this is going to be close!” she roared, and this time, it was an effort to keep the train whistle from drowning her out - it was almost upon them! With a panicked whumph, Joe jerked all of his legs to himself, and as Lulu raced to the end of the tunnel, he could do nothing but watch the headlamp of the train get bigger and bigger in the darkness. The whistle screamed and screamed, and with each scream, the light seemed to get brighter and brighter, as if it meant to swallow them up whole.
Suddenly, they were out of the tunnel, mere moments before the train went screaming past them and through it, the whistle echoing into nothingness as the pair darted to safety - and into thin air.
“PRINCESS!” Joe howled, as his magic-imbued body went flying past the guardrail, soaring into the darkness. Luna leapt into the air after him, her magnificent wings spreading from under her cloak as she dove to save him. The pair spiraled through darkness for a few, heart-stopping moments, but gradually, Joe felt the falling sensation begin to lessen, until they began slowly coasting to a stop, landing on the gravelly base of the mountain.
Joe rolled onto his belly and began to kiss the ground, whispering praises for whatever Mare or Goddess had brought him through that death-defying leap untouched. This time, he swore, he would never leave the safety of the ground again - although he added in much more colorful language to properly explain his exuberant thankfulness, much to Luna’s distaste.
“I’m safe, I’m safe,” he gasped, gravel in his mane as he rolled around on the ground, panic being gradually replaced with relief. He was quiet for a moment, simply taking in the silence, before he bellowed, in a loud, triumphant roar, “I’M ALIIIIVE!”
Despite herself, Luna laughed.