The ritual went off with a bang and ended with me now having shadow legs. On the bright side? I can now actually survive any fall so long as I land on my feet. Downside? I can no longer drop kick the prick who pushed us into the mirror without killing him. I wonder what happened to him?
(sinker)
... Ok then I guess Clyde knows something I don't.
Anyway in the other hole was a bright blue pony who really needed a snickers. She would be in a coma for the next few days so we put her in the closet left a note and went to bed. I woke up to spike calling out my name so stumbled into the entryway only to be met with a stern looking mare who in every sense of the word was "too old for this shit"
"Hello mister...Noah?"
"Hello random stranger, tell me, why are you here"
"We have DNA evidence suggesting that one of the local orphans is actually related to you!"
"WHAT?! IN WHAT WAY?!"
"Um daughter...sir."
"Name?"
"It was Scootaloo, look sir I-"
It was too late. I was gone. I ran faster then the speed of plaid to the orphanage and practically smashed into the side so hard I left a crater. I heard voices from the inside:
"YOU FOUND HIM?! What's his name? What's he-"
I ran around to the front and dug into the emergency bit supply hidden in my back pocket and gave the receptionist a thick wad of coins
"For the damage"
The little pony behind the reception was terrified and shuddered as I kicked open the door to the room I heard scootaloo's voice a small bit away.
"when is he coming?!"
"Easy scootaloo. It will be a bit and I don't know how to say this but he is not exactly a...pony."
"...then what is he?"
The wood door that separated me and my daughter was annihilated as I made my entrance
An very tense silence followed and was broken by the head of the orphanage.
"Uh I believe that's him."
"ITS YOU?!"
I nodded slowly still with a shocked expression on my face
"how?!"
"I don't know?! Did someone screw up the test because if so I am going ram my fist so far up their-"
"NO SWEARING IN MY ORPHANAGE!"
"...frick"
She deadpanned.
"(Sigh) look scootaloo, let's go to twilights and just do the test ourselves. Twilight probably was the one who sent my DNA anyway."
I left though the shatterd door and set a course to the treehouse.
I entered the house and made my way into the basement where twilight was looking for something.
"Twilight I need a DNA test on me and scootaloo stat!"
"but-"
"No buts we need results. This... Is important to me twilight. We need to know."
"know what?"
"If me and scootaloo are related"
She looked at me and scootaloo then sighed and plucked a feather off of scootaloo and she then grabbed my "sample"... that was the only DNA I willing provided.
"Twilight never mind (sigh) if was a fluke. The only thing that had my DNA is the jar of-"
DING
"... You are the father."
Clyde who was sitting at his own device did a spit take
"WHAT!?"
"...where were you?"
"I was being lied to and blamed by a doctor who said the baby died...then saw death take her away."
"wait I think I remember something like this..."
"Was it something like If I ever see you again I am going to literally going to-"
"-give you a lobotomy with your own leg and then Shit fury?"
"LANGUAGE!"
"sorry miss twilight"
"...Beth?"
"what's a Beth?... And why is it so...strange?"
"It is- was supposed to be your name."
"dude. You might need this"
"... Did you just print out a Wiki how article?"
"yes"
"How? This world doesn't even have printers?"
Clyde shrugged and whipped out a bottle of hard liquor and downed the bottle before returning to work on whatever it was he was doing.
"... Wanna get a pizza?"
"YOU HAVE PIZZA HERE?!"
And so we went off for some father daughter bonding at the local pizza chain
"Would you like any parmesan with that?"
"Yes"
"Ok sir just say when."
I never said when. The room was flooded with cheese and eventually the entirety of equestria was covered in a thick layer of gourmet cheese.
Fine. I lied
"Sir we are out of Parmesan"
"..."
"No we don't have anymore"
"DAMMIT"
"...so scootaloo. Did anyone else know about you being a orphan?"
"... No"
"Might be a shock when they find out I'm your...dad huh?"
It was very weird to say the word. A good weird but still strange nonetheless.
"yeah I suppose-"
SLAM
"Hey it's the blank flank and her pet monkey!"
"Scootaloo?"
"yeah dad?"
"Could you tell her politely to bugger off? Last time I tried to do this I ended up punting the basterd into a tree"
"Hey chicken!"
I stood up as tall as I could manage without turning around
"I'm sorry but exactly what did you say to my daughter?"
"Oh so the monkey thinks he's-"
"Ok I'm going to stop you there. Now listen up you little prick. I don't care if you are a child if you want to fight meet me behind the school in one hour."
"Y-you can't be serious-"
"No I'm deadly serious. You. Me. One hour. I don't care. these hands rated E for everyone."
"Pff I don't have time for this a-and you aren't tha-"
I smeard the pizza sauce on my face in a fashion similar to a deranged clown and gave scootaloo a wink
"You wanna know how I got these scars? My father was, a drinker and a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn’t like that not.. one.. bit.. So, me watching he takes the knife to her laughing while he does it. He turns to me, eh, and he says,“Why so serious?!” He comes at me with the knife, “Why so serious?!” He sticks the blade in my mouth, “Let’s put a smile on that face!” And….."
I moved my hand in a slashing movement then turned towards her with a big grin.
“Why so serious?”
"Aaaaaaaaaa!"
She ran screaming and I wiped the sauce off my face with the entire pizzeria laughing with me.
"nice."
"If she tries anything involving you or your friends just let me know."
"really?"
"Yep! And if she calls you a chicken again we could pull out ye olde prank kit"
"what?"
"Tar and feather"
"ooh! Yes!"
We left the pizzeria and wandered around town while talking about the past.
"So how did you end up in that orphanage anyway?"
"well I actually don't remember how I got there. All I know is that apparently some unknown pony named Alex took care of me and eventually left me there with a note"
"Uh could you excuse me for a moment?"
"...ok?"
I walked a fair distance away
"FOR FUCKS SAKE! IS EVERYONE FROM MY PAST GOING TO SHOW UP?! WHATS NEXT?! IS SMOKING JOE GOING TO CRAWL OUT OF THE SEWER RIDE HIS SHITTY TINY MOTERCYCLE OVER TO ME AND TRY TO EXPLORE THE FUCKING CREVICE OF MY ANUS AGAIN JUST FOR THE LULZ?!?! FUCK!"
I walked back to scootaloo
"Sorry bout that. Ok now I need to go back to the orphanage for the note."
"why?"
"Because I believe that if he was the same he was when he vanished from the face of the earth. then chances are he defied death, rescued you and then eventually realized he couldn't take care of a child."
Knowing Alex he probably just walked up to death and just took scootaloo.
"All I know is this entire situation has left me as usual-"
"-bamboozled again?"
no tears. just liquid pride