Once again the defenders of Equestria gathered around the Cutie map, pointedly ignoring the profanity and vulgar vandalism scribbled on the map. Both Twilight and Starlight looked significantly worse for wear as the other five mares watched as Twilight wheeled herself back an forth. "I've already contacted Celestia and my brother. Luna won't be able to make it due to injuries and many of the guard who experienced the last rampage either are not willing to come or incapable of making the trip. Still Shiny says that he can have two hundred crystal guards here by the end of the day and two thousand more by the end of the week. Celestia says she'll be bringing nearly a thousand guards of her own, but won't be here for another four hours, hopefully he won't have arrived by then." Twilight whirled to gaze desperately at her friends, "Can anypony else here dig up more forces on short notice? Rainbow, can you get the Wonderbolts here ASAP? Fluttershy, maybe Discord?"
"Uh, I guess?" Rainbow Dash said hesitantly, "What exactly is going on here Twi? All we know is that you were rolling through the streets of Ponyvillie shrieking about how you need us all to gather here immediately."
"Isn't it obviously?" Twilight giggled madly, "It's already happening! Everypony's biggest problem is breaking free of Danse's influence and that means that if we don't stop him, everypony's going to die horribly!" She flashed a wide terrified smile across the table, "So Fluttershy, Discord?"
"Sorry Twilight," Fluttershy quietly mumbled, "I've already talked to Discord about Mr. Jac'ass and he told me that he has a non-interference clause with someone big and important that prevents him from simply poofing Mr. Jac'ass away or reducing him to only being a couple inches tall." She perked up slightly saying, "He did promise to save us if things got too terribly lethal," her ears fell, "well the seven of us anyways."
For nearly a solid six second Twilight didn't move, not even blinking or breathing, just smiling with horrible dead eyes in Fluttershy's general direction before finally emitting a cheerful, "Great! Pinkie, any chance that you might be able to talk Fubar out of murdering our planet? He seems to actually like you and Spike somewhat."
Pinkie just giggled happily back at Twilight, "No way José! He's told me to my face that if it came down to it he'd murder me and all I loved, but he did say that he'd at least try to be sure it was mostly painless."
"Wonderful," Twilight cheered, smiling despite the tears building at the corner of her eyes, "Does anypony have any ideas about how to stop an unstopabble monster without letting him kill the planet, preferably without killing him or the poor soul slowly being crushed inside his head?"
"We could take as many ponies as we could and hide them underground," Starlight offered, "Maybe hide down there with the diamond dogs for a few thousand years until he's gone?"
"We are not going to hide the entire population underground and hope that he goes away Starlight," Twilight scowled.
"No really, it seems to work," Starlight insisted, "Sure you start to miss the sun after a few days and quickly lose track of time but,"
"I've already done the math on it and frankly we wouldn't survive, even if we only hid away enough ponies to have a breeding population it just wouldn't work for long enough, a couple centuries at most. And to get it that long we'd have to do horribly immoral things like use the mirror pool to mass produce ponies to eat. And this is assuming that Captain Killcrazy doesn't find us and kill everypony while they're trapped underground!"
Starlight noticibly wilted while both Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy looked a bit green at the idea. Pinkie just laughed, "Silly Twilight, Killcrazy is just a Sergent."
"The Elements of Harmony?" Applejack suggested after a moment, "Ah mean, if all of Equestria is doomed, taking the elements again can't possibly make anything worse can it?"
"Great idea Applejack!" Twilight said, all but pouncing on the idea, "Sure there's still the slight chance that doing so will kill the Tree of Harmony which could have completely unknown effects on the world including but not limited to the return of the Windegos, the freeing of all creatures of Tartarus, and a thousand years of darkness. But hey there's only a chance of that happening right?"
"Alright ya made yer point," Applejack huffed.
"What?" Twilight blinked, "No, I'm serious Applejack, that is a great idea, probably our best option seeing as four alicorns and hundreds of guards couldn't stop him when he was being actively restrained. We probably have more than enough time for myself and Starlight to run over to the tree, reclaim the elements, and have everypony else marshal an army while the town's being evacuated! This might just work!" Twilight smiled brightly, hoof held high, and wings spread.
It was at that point that Spike flew through the nearby window with a clatter of breaking glass, slid across the Cutie Map with the sound of someone sliding cinder blocks across a tile floor, and impacted the far wall with a crash. Twilight, resolutely maintained her stance, though her smile became noticeably strained, perhaps praying that if she continued to ignore the incident, then the likely implications of said incident would simply cease to be.
"Spike? Are you all right darling?" Rarity asked trotting over to the dazed dragon and helping him upright with her magic.
"Yeah, for the most part, the brick took the brunt of the impact," Spike said tossing aside the red brick he was holding and brushing bits of glass off his scales, "Was actually kind of fun."
"I hope you don't mind me asking, but why exactly did you just fly through a window holding a brick?"
"Oh right, Fubar wanted me to deliver a message and said it would be much more impactful in person." Spike said with a smile, "He gave me the brick to help get through the window."
Everypony in the room flinched, except for Twilight who still seemed to be doing her damnedest to try and pretend that nothing was currently happening, though the single tear that was currently rolling down her face spoke volumes as to how well she was doing. Fluttershy was the first to gather her courage and ask, "What exactly was his message?"
"And how the hay are you two back already?" Rainbow Dash asked, "I thought that you two were going down to Thorax's hive, which is way out in the Badlands or something."
"Oh we took a train back. Fubar's currently arguing with the station manager about why he doesn't have to pay. As for the message, he just wanted me to tell everypony not to go anywhere because he has some very important questions he wants answers to." Spike paused, "Though he might have included a lot more threats and vulgarities in his message, I summarized to save time."
"And how long do you think it will be before he manages to make his way here?" Starlight asked nervously, eyes rapidly darting around to the various entrances into the room.
Before Spike could answer, a light blue pony in dressed in a conductor uniform flew through another window, skidded across the table and narrowly missed slamming into Rarity as he collided face first with the wall. Everypony noticed that the poor stallion lacked a brick, was bleeding from several cuts full of glass and that someone had written "PAY THIS FAGGOT" across his butt in what looked like permanent marker. "Well judging from that I'd say a couple minutes, maybe less if decides to run here."
Starlight's horn lit up as she began to sweat bullets, only for Twilight to zap the glow away with her own horn. Twilight seized hold of Starlight and shook her violently while glaring into the panicked mare's eyes and snarling, "Oh no you don't, you are staying here this time and helping me solve this!"
"But I want to live!" Starlight wailed, trying to push Twilight away.
"Then help me solve this here and now!" Twilight demanded, "We are two of the best magic users in Equestria and have been thinking on this problem for over a week! We should be able to think of something that might work!"
Rainbow and Applejack, meanwhile had wandered over to the broken windows to look down on the streets below. "Hot dang," Applejack whistled, "I fergot how fast that boy is."
"I know right, something that big shouldn't be able to move like that!" Rainbow complained.
"Is it just me or is he looking a mite more ornery than usual?"
"Yeah... Hey Twilight I think I'm going to go try and get the Wonderbolts real quick."
Twilight simply cast a glare at the two mares, her horn lighting up as she held Rainbow Dash back from fleeing. Starlight had proceeded to sobbing uncontrolably while bemoaning all the things she hadn't done yet. "I don' wanna die a virgin!"
Twilight slapped Starlight across the face, drawing a shocked gasp from everypony, and dragon, present with the notable exception of the unconscious train conductor. "Focus dang it!" she shouted, "We need ideas! Now!"
"Uh, uh, Siege's Unbreachable Door?" Starlight suggested.
Twilight nodded as the two mares turned to the entrance and cast the spell, causing the usually open and inviting doors of the council of friendship to slam shut with resounding finality and encasing them in a brilliant glow. "Well that should hopefully buy us the time needed for Celestia and Shining to arrive."
There was a resounding THOOM as something slammed against the door hard enough to make the magic surrounding it ripple alarmingly. "OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR YOU DAMNED COWARDS! I'VE GOT SOME DAMNEDABLY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS FOR YOU COCKSUCKING HORSE WHORES!" The pounding on the door resumed with alarming ferocity.
Twilight took a quick look around the room. Fluttershy was currently somewhere between trying to hide behind the conductor and attempting to gently wake him up. Applejack, had tied her lasso around one of the thrones and was looking out the window as if considering going out it, Rainbow Dash and Rarity showed a worrying interest in joining her. Starlight had already formed a modest sized puddle of sweat, and other fluids, around herself as she looked at the door in absolute terror. Spike was looking around worriedly, seeming to realize that nopony seemed ready for this. Pinkie had walked up to the door and happily asked, "Who's there?" which seemed to only cause the raging demon outside to attack with greater ferocity and more hair raising profanity.
"Everypony calm down!" Twilight shouted loud enough to be heard over the thunderous attack, "Rainbow, go get the Wonderbolts, and if you see the crystal train, let my brother know to hurry! Spike, send a letter to Celestia asking her to do the same! Fluttershy, get that pony out of here! Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie barricade that door!" Twilight wheeled herself over next to Starlight and hissed, "Starlight, if you have any ideas I need to know them now!"
"I don't!" Starlight cried, tears and snot starting to run down her face, "I've been mulling this over constantly and nothing I've come up with has any guarnatee of working or not making things substantially worse!"
"Well then at least give me your best ideas, it's better than-" Twilight was interupted by a horrible crunch that caused her heart to drop into her guts. Whirling about Twilight was horrified to see a fist the size of an adolescent yak wreathing in crackling white energy sticking out of a massive hole in the wall. The fist withdrew and an even more massive boot wreathed in the same energy forced its way through the wall of the castle. Twilight tore her gaze away from the rapid deconstruction of her wall, "Starlight, idea's now!"
"Well I was thinking that maybe he wouldn't hurt us if he was turned into a fellow pony, but it might not work or only make him a hundred times angrier." Starlight offered weakly, her eyes still locked on the spot where Fubar was tearing through the wall with horrific efficiency and skill.
"What about saving Danse? Anything for that?"
"Maybe Crazy Talk's External Debate?" Starlight offered over an ominous crumbling sound, "but that might simply give us two giant unstoppable rage monsters to deal with."
Finally the living monolith of bloody murder and destruction finished working its way through the wall with a shoulder tackle that left his yellow armor clad in crystal dust. "ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE COCKSLEEVES, WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOU LOCKING THE DAMNED DOOR ON ME? WHATEVER THE EMPERAH FORSAKEN REASON YOU LITTLE SHITS BETTER HAVE SUM DAMN GOOD ANSWERS TO MY FUCKING QUESTIONS OR SO HELP ME I-" he jerked violent as his gaze locked onto Starlight's terrified form and, somehow, the angry glare that had been crafted onto his helmet seemed to become angrier, "YOU."
A massive beam of magic flew from Twilight's horn and slammed into the giant astarte, causing him to rock back a step before raising his equally massive fist weapon to block the beam and slowly forcing his way closer to the two mares. Applejack threw a lasso around the monster's neck and dug in her hooves, she was dragged along without slowing his advance. Rarity tried to wrap him in her magic to drag him away but her efforts seemed just as ineffective. Pinkie Pie leapt onto his back and tugged, but if he even noticed the pink mare's presence he did not show it. He simply continued to march forward against the constant stream of magic that was splashing against him like a firehose, his burning gaze resolutely set on the two magical creatures before him.
"Starlight! Help us!" Twilight cried. Starlight jerked as if slapped again and lowered her own horn, adding her own magic to Twilight's. This finally seemed to overwhelm the warrior's resistance as magic completely consumed his form making him nothing more than a dark silhouette in a brilliant river of light. Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie were flung around the room as Fubar began to violently thrash, roaring like all the rage in the universe was being channeled through his form and was attempting to free itself as pure sound.
Soon a second scream began to fill the room, this one a cry of agony, much higher than the astarte's mountainous rumble. Even as the Princess of friendship and her faithful student continued their spells, they couldn't help but feel a bit of deep horror settle deep in their guts as the shadowy figure of the angry marine began to shift and twist in a disturbing manner. Digits began to vanish and reappear almost at random, sometimes entire limbs would seem to burst free of the figure or vanish into the tangled mess of twisting flesh and metal. He fell to his knees inside the spell, still screaming with two voices echoing two emotions as a second head emerged from the mass, something hardly recognizable as a wing appeared and a third arm tore itself free from the wing. A thick clubbed tail burst free from the mess of limbs, seemingly to blindly lash out and smash repeatedly into one of the two heads of the twisted abomination that had been Fubar Jac'ass.
Just as the horrified audience watching the transformation began to seriously consider ending the spells, there was a massive explosion of magic from the abomination that blinded all within the room and caused the crystal dust to fill the room in a choking cloud. Twilight and Starlight drew back, coughing and disoriented, trying to see what they had actually ended up doing to the terrifying monster that had sought to end their lives. They desperately hoped that what they had witnessed was not the final result of their attempts to incapacitate the terrifying and troublesome thing they somewhat tenaciously considered an erstwhile frienemy.
Then a massive metal fist shot out of the cloud of dust and wrapped around Twilight, crushing her wheel chair and causing the mare no shortage of pain as it lifted her into the air. "WHAT THE EMPERAH LOVING FUCK HAVE YOU DAMNED CUNTS DONE TO ME!?"
Twilight managed to catch the outline of Fubar in the dust now, his armor seemed to have reshaped itself to be an equine form expanded to fill the man turned stallion's usual titanic proportions, aside from his left arm and right hind-leg which appeared to have both maintained their original shape. He was sprawled out on the floor, seemly unable to right himself, his entire body spasming and twitching as he shook Twilight. She finally noticed a desperate edge that had slipped into his deep furious voice. "WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU'VE DONE YOU WILL UNDO IT NOW OR I SWEAR TO THE EMPEROR THAT I WILL MURDER EVERYTHING ON THIS FORSAKEN PLANET AND MAKE YOU FUCKING WATCH AS I DO SO!"
"You will do no such thing!" A familiar voice full of authority declared. Twilight felt herself teleported and was grateful to be freed of the former astarte's crushing grasp. She smiled up at the towering Sun princess glaring down at Fubar. Celestia might still have a black eye, her horn might still be heavily bandaged, and she might still be favoring her right foreleg heavily. But at the moment she seemed an unstoppable divine juggernaut comparable to the twisted stallion across the room from her.
"GIVE HER BACK YOU WHORE!" Fubar roared, digging into the floor with his remaining hand, "SHE STILL NEEDS TO FIX THIS SHIT!" He flung himself across the room with a horrible roar using his arm to propel himself, reaching out for either Celestia or Twilight, it was difficult to be sure. Celestia reacted by launching another beam of magic at the titan, the thick orange beam radiating fire as it drove the giant backwards. Countless blue beams began to dance out from behind the princess and slam into the downed ex-astarte as a thick crowd of white stallions in golden armor advanced to stand along side the princess. Even under the concentrated fire Fubar managed to half rise up under the barrage, blindly reaching out and grabbing one of the thrones which he hurled across the room. The crystal seat was blown to pieces under a hail of fire from the royal guard and Celestia, yet it seemed to give the monster the half second he needed.
Twisting with inequine speed, he placed his still humanoid leg against the wall and kicked off, with the force of a cannonball. Celestia's eyes widened as she reflexively fired into his face, but the beam of power was not enough to drive him back again, simply slow the multi-ton monster. His hand wrapped around Celestia's throat and with a roar he drove the sun goddess to the ground, balancing awkwardly on his hind legs and the fist still clutching Celestia's throat, he raised his new forehoof high, ready to try and shatter the princess' skull with it as the desperate spells of the guard impacted his armor with little effect.
In a desperate moment of panic, Celestia fired another spell into the giant's face, as did Twilight, and from across the room, Starlight. In an almost unbelieveable fluke of absolute luck, all three spells impacted the stallion's head at the exact same time and had been the exact same spell. The three powerful simultaneous spells managed to overpower the former angel of the Emperor's resistance and stick.
For a moment Fubar didn't move, simply wobbled in place as the guard's spells pinged harmlessly off him. Then he shifted ever so slightly to the right and toppled over, completely limp. Spells stopped firing as everypony in to room looked at the massive form of the not quiet pony. Celestia slowly and carefully unwrapped the fingers from around her neck and shifted away from him before rising to her hooves as everypony drew around to look down at the massive sleeping form of Fubar Jac'ass. Everything was silent for nearly a full minute, almost as if everypony gathered couldn't believe that they had actually overcome this living disaster, or terrified that the slightest noise could wake him.
Finally Spike managed to voice a question over the deafening silence, "Hey, has anypony seen Pinkie?"