//------------------------------// // The Birthday Bat // Story: Just a Little Batty // by I Thought I Was Toast //------------------------------// I swept through the smokey air of the battlefield as I looked for survivors. The battle had been hot, intense, and even painful in the light of the hungry sun, but at the end of the day both sides let the other respectfully claim their wounded. We’d been going at it for… weeks? Months? Years? I didn’t know. It was all so hazy. After a while, all I could ever focus on was the fighting and the smell of death and decay. It was… it was… Son of a sun witch! Who was trumpeting the reveille at this time of day?! I blearily opened my eyes to find my head buried in cloud. The smell of smoke, sewage, and rotting flesh persisted into the waking world, burying itself into my bedding. My nose crinkled at the pungent scent even as my mouth watered, and I slammed a hoof into my alarm to silence it. Lying beneath my blankets for a moment, I curled into a ball and contemplated going back into battle. Images of honor and glory flitted past my eyelids as I tried to let my cloud bed carry me away, but still, the smell of breakfast called to me. Rolling off the bed and onto my hooves, I trotted over to the wall and crossed out today’s date on the calendar. Mom had circled it three times for me, and dotted it with moons and stars. A warm fuzzy feeling filled me at the sight, and I dashed to the bathroom to get ready as quickly as I could. “Screeheeheeheeheeheehee!” “Woah there, Nightingale!” Dad had to jump to the side as I threw open the door and bowled past him. “I know you’re excited for your birthday, but you don’t have to stampede through the house.” “Hi, Dad! Bye, Dad!” I pounced on him. “Thanks for helping Mom with breakfast!” “I don’t have to go quite yet,” he hummed, squeezing me back far tighter than I squeezed him. “Do I look like I’m in armor? At the very least, I can have breakfast with you and your mom.” “You just want the pancakes,” I giggled. “Maybe,” Dad chuckled, kissing me on the forehead. “Now, go wash up. You still smell like tree sap from yesterday.” “Sir, yes, Sir!” I squeezed him one more time before he left the bathroom. Whirlwinding through my daily routine, I burst back through the door in record time and shot down the hall for the kitchen. The stink was even worse here—little bits of air wavering with the powerful odor—and the room was an absolute mess. Mom and Dad must have had a food fight or something, because there was whipped cream and rose petals everywhere. There was no sign of my pancakes, however. “In—” Mom poked her head in and immediately began to choke on the air. “In here, Night.” Quickly pulling back through the door, she used several words-that-must-never-be-said, and then almost said one or two more after I accidentally bucked the door down to reach my special birthday breakfast. A massive, spotted flower rested on top of four fluffy pancakes that were chock full of crunchy bugbits. The petals curled downwards, drizzled in a creamy-white fruit sauce, while a few thorns decorated the sides of the plate. “Durian-rafflesia pancakes! Screehee!” I was in my seat in a flash, tail wagging as I looked back at Mom with a pout. “W-wait for your father, Night.” Mom was holding her breath as she glanced between the stack of pancakes made for me and Dad. Her own were smothered in rose petals and whipped cream, lacking the stench of triumph and glory. “Morning, Morning.” Dad sauntered in, breathing deeply once or twice before kissing Mom on the cheek. “Morning, Night.” He ruffled my mane. “Ah, that sure smells good. I bet it tastes even better.” “So do I!” I vibrated in my seat, eyes and mouth both watering from the aroma. “Morning, dear.” Mom moved behind Dad to hug him as he took his seat next to me. She flinched as she pulled away and put a hoof on her somewhat pudgy stomach. “Ooof…. The twins say, ‘Hi,’ too.” “I know! I felt it!” Dad laughed, nuzzling Mom. “They’ve got quite the set of legs on them!” “Oh! Oh! Oh! They kicked?!” I pranced in my seat, torn between my pancakes and Mom. “Yes, Night. Yes, they did.” Mom came over, and I put a hoof on her gurgling stomach. A few seconds later, I giggled as my brothers hoofbumped me. “They say, ‘Happy Birthday.’” Mom grinned, hugging me before she took her seat. With everypony seated, I didn’t even wait, shoving my head face first into the pancakes before they could burn my nose off. So sweet. So meaty. So fluffy and soft and crunchy. It was truly indescribable. The taste of it was so strong that every word I could use paled in comparison. “I also got your birthday dinner.” Mom smiled weakly as she continued to eye our plates. Her cheeks flushed dark as she took small bites of her own, and her stomach moaned like a sick dog. “You did?!” My ears perked. “Mhmm.” Mom nodded. “You got lucky this year. It’s fresh. One of the sows at Sweet Apple Acres just—” She gagged as Dad kissed her. “Oh, Celestia. Tempered! Don’t do that right now! Your breath is just— just— Hrrrk! Tempered!” Dad roared with laughter as Mom buried herself in the floor to get away. After a minute or two of playing ostrich, she popped back up and glared at him. “The smell won’t leave my nostrils now.” Her feathers bristled. “You know how careful I was not to contaminate myself?!” “Embrace the stink, Morning.” Dad waggled his brow, sliding his plate towards Mom. “You know what happens every year.” Mom’s stomach gurgled like smooze. “Come on, Mom!” I squeaked. “You know you like it!” Mom bit her lip, glancing between Dad and the plate. “I really shouldn’t. You know how long it takes to get rid of the smell.” “I already told you I’ll aerate the house.” Dad thumped a hoof against his chest. “You just focus on getting yourself and Night ready.” “Well…” Mom inched closer to Dad’s plate. “Do it! Do it! Do it!” Dad and I pounded our hooves into the table as we chanted, making soft flumping sounds as pieces of it dissipated. Picking up a fork, Mom stabbed a tiny bit of pancake and quickly shoved them in her mouth before her nose could protest. Her face scrunched as she chewed, tears streaming from her eyes, and when she finished, she jabbed the fork back in for even larger and larger pieces. “Holy freaking—” Mom muffled her bad words with more pancakes in her mouth. “It’s like eating hot, heavenly garbage!” She exhaled, and immediately started gagging from the scent. “Sweet Celestia, I always forget how good these taste.” “Dealing with the smell, it’s like our penance for eating something so tasty.” I nodded sagely. “You’re both crazy. They smell great.” Dad booped me on the snoot. “Guess you just got your mom’s cute button nose.” I giggled and nipped at his hoof as it darted in for another strike. In and out. In and out. Our game continued until Mom burped and all but blacked out from the smell. “Ha! Good one, Morning!” “You’re such an idiot sometimes, Tempered.” Mom rolled her eyes and pulled Dad in for a kiss. “Eww!” I squirmed. “No mushy stuff on my birthday!” Dad’s wings rustled wildly as Mom pulled away. “Mmmm… pancakes….” He bemusedly blinked a few times. “Ah, yeah, you should… go…. Go and have your fun with Night. I’m going to start aerating the house so I can take a long, cold shower.” “Make sure you get rid of the smell.” Mom frowned, nudging me towards the bathroom. “I always do,” Dad chuckled. “The last thing we need is another petition to move the house.” “I know, dear! I know!” “And make sure to apologize to the princess again!” “She already said I could be late!” “Just do it, lunkhead!” Mom’s scowl turned back into a smile. “Also, I love you.” “I love you, too.” “Me three!” I hopped up and down before cantering for the bathroom. “Come on, Mom! We’re wasting daylight!” “Isn’t that a good thing?!” Dad hollered after me, roaring with laughter. “Not today it isn’t!” I bowled into the bathroom and began furiously brushing my teeth again. My fangs soon sparkled, but the smell wouldn’t die, and Mom and I brushed again and again as we tried to exorcise the stink from ourselves. “There. That should do it.” Mom sounded unconvinced, holding up a hoof and coughing into it. She sniffed, sniffed again, and then sniffed one more time for good measure. Only then was she satisfied enough, and we headed for the door, bumping into dad on his way towards the bathroom. “Back! Back I say!” Mom waved Dad away with a wing as he came in for a kiss. “We just got clean! Go freshen up and I’ll kiss you all you want later tonight.” “As you wish, milady.” Dad bowed, waggling his brows at Mom. “I’ll see you this evening for the—” He bit his lip. “I’ll see you at dinner.” “Bye Dad!” I ran for the door. “Bye, dear.” Mom blew Dad a kiss. We leaped from the front door, soaring high in the sky, and I fell in Mom’s skein to let her lead. She banked to the left, and I followed, grinning as Princess Twilight’s castle loomed larger and larger before us. As we landed before the door, the two guards stationed there lazily saluted Mom. “Morning, Morning.” The left one sniggered, breaking the cardinal rule of not talking on duty. “You here to petition for casual fridays?” “I’m off duty, you dolt.” Mom huffed, nudging me forward as I squirmed behind her. “Night and I always spend her birthday together.” She ruffled my mane. “Say hello, Night.” “Hi….” I shuffled forward a few steps, avoiding their eyes. “Go on.” Mom nudged me again, and nodded a little more firmly. “You know you want to.” “H-hi!” I squeaked, saluting as best I could. They were Dawn Guard, though, so— “Aww… she’s just so adorable!” The right one hopped from hoof to hoof, her eyes sparkling with stars. “Woah there, soldier.” Mom held out a wing to stop her from charging me. “Remember, you’ve got a post to keep.” “As dull as always, Morning.” The left one gave another lazy salute. “Even on your day off, you’re wound tighter than a—” “I’d watch your language around my daughter, lieutenant,” Mom growled, eyeing his rank as if itching to tear it off. “My husband and I may cut you and the other Dawn Guard a lot of slack at the Princess’ request, but we are still your commanding officers.” “Pfft! Like you’d actually carry through with that threat!” He waved a hoof. “You and Tempered are way too old school to break the rules. What could you possibly punish me for if I say the word ‘bi—’” He squawked as Mom’s hoof was suddenly at his throat. “First lesson of the day, Night!” Mom looked at me. “What was his mistake?” “Insubordination!” I stomped a hoof, glowering at him as best I could. “So adorable!” The guard to the right squealed. “She’s like a mini you!” Mom grinned at me. “Night, you know I’m not on duty.” “But he was just so— so—” I vibrated in place for a few moments before sighing. “Fine…. He let his guard down too much?” “It was three on one,” her victim groused, and she leaned into him a little more until he let out a strangled yelp. “Was that a joke about my weight, lieutenant? Don’t make me order the twins to kick you while you’re down.” Mom glanced back at me when the jerk whimpered. “No, Night…. Well, yes, but that’s not the lesson I want you to learn from this.” Mom shook her head. “His biggest mistake was abusing the leeway that being in the Dawn Guard affords him. Just because we can get away with more, doesn’t mean we should.” She wobbled back from the guard with a groan, rubbing her stomach as she looked towards home. “Case in point, I should have just let your father handle this when he got in.” She looked to the right guard. “Make sure my husband properly disciplines the lieutenant here. I’ll be in the training room with Night if anypony needs me, alright?” “Ma’am, yes, Ma’am!” The unicorn saluted. “Come on, Night.” Mom nudged me forward into the castle, and we walked in silence down the halls. Every so often a guard would pass by and greet us with a smile. It made me squirm and flatten my ears against my skull. “Mom?” “Yes, Night?” “Why are the Dawn Guard so crazy?” “I don’t know, sweetie.” Mom chuckled. “I ask myself that just about everyday.” A quick kick to the dummy sent it spinning to the left. The right limb swung towards me in response to the left limb giving way before my hoof, so I leaned against the spin, ducking under the oncoming attack and pivoting to buck the lower limb that followed. The sound of splinters filled the air as the dummy violently reversed direction again, and I leaped backwards with a flap of my wings, raising a forehoof to block the returning right limb. Merely deflecting it to the side this time, I instead used my momentum to reposition myself, kicking off of the chest piece of the dummy and leaping back to take stock of everything. Eventually, my foe grinded to a stop with a splintery groan, and I squinted at it. Licking my lips, I waited. Three…. Two…. One…. Another groan filled the air as the dummy collapsed in a pile of wood and hay. A small glowing stone crackled and fizzled in the center of the debris, sparking every few seconds as it tried to restore it to its original form. “Excellent work, my little star.” Mom was watching from off to the side. “You used just enough force to subdue, but not enough to truly harm anypony. Again!” “Mom!” I whined. “I know how to do this already! Aren’t we gonna do anything exciting today?” “Well, I was going to teach you some more advanced techniques this year, but—” Mom bit her lip and looked down at herself. “—I’m not exactly able to teach you like this.” “Well, there’s got to be something!” I went up to her and hugged her, nuzzling into the crook of her neck. “We could go to the spa a little early…” Mom hummed. “Nuh-uh! Something super cool that only big fillies do! I’m the big one-three this year!” “We could talk about colts?” “Eww! I’m not that big!” “I’m sorry, Night…. I just can’t—” “Well, well, well! If it ain’t two of my favorite playthings! Dark Horse and Glory Hog! What are you doing here?!” “Training, Ma’am! Nothing more, Ma’am!” Both Mom and I scrambled to our hooves to salute Sergeant Smiles. “Training on your day off?!” The sergeant’s holler echoed down the halls. “Ma’am, yes, Ma’am!” “Think you’re too good for relaxation?!” “Ma’am, no, Ma’am!” “Then what in the name of Celestia’s sun-roasted rump are you training for?!” “Mother-daughter bonding, Ma’am!” “You’re here for what?! I can’t hear you?!” “Mother-daughter bonding, Ma’am!” Our voices literally shook the walls. “That’s what I like to hear, soldiers.” Sergeant Smiles face broke into a wrinkly grin. “A little bat told me you might need help, though.” “Oh, did he?” Mom’s eyes grew sharp. “I’ll have to remember to thank Tempered for that later.” “Don’t get your knickers in a knot, cadet.” Sergeant Smiles snorted, stalking around Mom and me like we were nothing but delicious fleas. “He’s right. You’ve let yourself go.” “Excuse me!” Mom’s wings flared. “He said wha— Oooof!” “Flab. Flab. More flab.” Sergeant Smiles poked Mom in a few of her more pudgy spots. “You better be ready to work extra hard to get back in shape after you pop out the pups.” “Yes, Ma’am. I’ll get right on that, Ma’am. I’m planning on husband hunting, Ma’am.” Mom gritted her teeth. “Ha!” Sergeant Smiles slapped Mom on the back. “I’m just messing with you, Glory! You’re looking good for a set of twins. You got any names in mind yet?” “Right now, I’m thinking of naming them after their father.” Mom scowled. “Major Inconvenience and General Pain.” Her eyes narrowed to slits as she gazed towards the door. “Call me fat, will he? I’ll show him fat.” “Going to make Squeaks cry, are you?” Sergeant Smiles grinned the grin of pure concentrated evil all drill sergeants were known for. “I could help with that.” “Oh, he’s gonna do so much more than cry,” Mom purred. “Uhh… Mom?” I squirmed, and she blinked. “Right, right, training.” Mom shook her head. “Would you mind helping out, Sunny? I’m not exactly… fit to be sparring with Night right now.” “It’s what I’m here for!” There was a loud thud as the sergeant’s bags hit the floor. “Are those the weights?!” I did a flip. “I haven’t tried sparring with weights yet!” “Completely different from running, Dark Horse, but no, these aren’t just weights.” She grinned, opening the bag to pull out a set of four dark metal greaves with claw-like spikes protruding from their ends. “They’re so much more than that.” “I told Mettle no to those….” Mom massaged her forehead with her frog. “Squeaks said you’d say that,” Sergeant Smiles chuckled. “They’re not from him, though.” “You didn’t.” Mom peeked an eye open. “Ha! No! I wish I had the kinds of bits that made these!” Sergeant Smiles pulled an envelope from the bags and tossed it to me. “Auntie Mercy?” I glanced at the name on the back before ripping it open to find the usually overelaborate birthday card. It had pop-out pieces, and sang, and cast little illusory fireworks every time I opened it. It even had three smooch marks in it for me, Mom, and Dad. “I want to get mad here, but Mercy could have sent something worse.” Mom wobbled over to inspect the greaves and whistled as she scrutinized them. “I have to wonder how much of this is her bits versus her urge to spoil you, though. I think this might be the most expensive gift yet.” “I miss L’il Vlad…” I sighed. “There was no way you were keeping a giant, bloodhound-sized bat.” “…and Mister Wrigglesworth…” “The venom-spitting snake was an even worse idea.” “…and Sir Goosifer Quackasalot….” “It wasn’t a goose, Night. It had teeth. Thank Celestia, she learned her lesson after that.” Mom clicked her tongue as she picked up one of the greaves to look at it. “Still, I don’t know why she bought you these when you’ll just outgrow— Oh, you sneaky son of a—“ She glanced at me before turning to Sergeant Smiles. “Are those what I think they are?” “Aye. They’re magic runes that’ll resize the things to fit her. Like I said, I wish I had the bits that made these.” “I’m going to have to have another talk with her…” Mom sighed. “Can I still keep the greaves, though?” I turned the puppy dog eyes on full blast. “Yes, Night, you can still have the greaves.” Mom trundled back to her seat and tossed me the greave she’d been holding. “Let’s see what you’ve got, soldier.” “Yay!” I jumped up and down. “You just better hope Celestia will have mercy on your soul, Dark Horse.” Sergeant Smiles grinned. “‘Cause I sure won’t.” I tumbled to the ground and gulped, suddenly glad to be donning armor for an entirely different reason. Casting a mournful glance back at the castle as we left it, I raised a hoof for the greaves I’d had to leave behind. Mom had locked them up safe and sound in her office, but safe and sound meant nothing when I’d rather be showing them off. “We can go back and practice with them later.” Mom ruffled my mane. “You don’t want to be late for our spa appointment, do you?” “No….” I sulked. “My little star~” Mom bent her head down and crooned in my ear. “Turn that frown upside down. You should be proud; I think I actually saw a bead of sweat on Smiles.” “I am proud!” I couldn’t help but giggle as she chuffed some air across my ear, puffing out my chest. “I lasted two whole minutes that last match!” “That’s longer than your father’s first time. He went down in less than ten seconds.” “Only because I got cocky trying to impress a certain somepony.” There was a rumbling laugh as Dad swooped in to catch me and Mom in a hug. “You both enjoying your day so far?” “There were a few… complications….” Mom rubbed her stomach. “But we got some decent training done in the end.” “You’re welcome.” Dad bared his fangs in a wolfish grin. “I figured the sergeant would— Ow! What was that for?!” “For calling me fat, lunkhead.” “But I never called you fat!” “Oh, didn’t you?” “No!” Mom narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t! I swear!” Dad’s wings flared as she took a step forward. “Hrmm… do you swear on—” Mom bit her lip and glanced at me before standing on the tips of her frogs to whisper something in Dad’s ear. “Umm….” Dad blushed darker than the new moon. “Yes.” “Say it to me, Tempered.” Mom was half-grinning, half-frowning. “Say it to me and I’ll make it up to you later.” Dad squeaked as Mom pecked him on the cheek. “You play dirty, you know that?” “You know exactly how dirty I like to play, dear.” Mom smiled and patted Dad on the back. “Screep!” Dad’s wings twitched violently. “Fine! Fine! I swear on Luna’s— Ooof!” Dad winced as Mom’s hoof met his shin. “Right. Night. I swear on—” He whispered the rest to Mom and nipped her ear. “There. That’s for not believing me.” “And I thought thestrals didn’t eat ponies.” Mom giggled, flicking her ear. “In all seriousness, though—” She put a hoof on Dad’s chest. “—I have to get to the spa with Night, and you have a lieutenant to discipline.” “We would never eat you, Mom!” I ran up to nuzzle her. “No matter how delicious you are.” Dad licked his lips. “Bad Dad!” I kicked his shin and flinched back at the wall of solid muscle. “That was a stupid joke.” “It’s every father’s job to tell tasteless jokes, my little light in the night.” He chuckled as I kicked him again. “You see the lieutenant over there?” He pointed to an enormous pile of rocks and the pegasus carting giant boulders through the air. The jerk was furiously flapping his wings just to get a few inches of lift, and he slowly carried the rocks to a long circle of stones he was forming around the castle. “What’s he doing?” I squinted at him. “Forming a rock band.” Dad grinned. “Really?!” Mom laughed, kissing Dad on the nose. “You’re just awful, dear.” “He’s just lucky I stuck with manual labor.” Dad growled. “I was this close to having him model Rarity’s dresses for a week after hearing about that little three versus one joke.” “You tell Rarity about that joke and she’d do it.” Mom grinned evilly. “He’d probably come home a pin cushion too.” “Now, now, dear. As much as I’d love to, you know that’d be cruel and unusual punishment.” Dad chuckled. “Now off with you before you’re late!” He pecked Mom one more time. “I’ve distracted you from your day long enough!” “Bye, Dad!” I ran up for a quick hug and darted off towards the spa. “See you later, dear.” Mom gave Dad a nuzzle that lasted way too long before following me. She passed me with long, measured gaits and pushed off into the air, playfully flicking me with her tail as she did so. I leapt after her, ponies getting pushed back from the force of all the air I displaced. Mom had slowed into a steady glide to let me catch up, but as I did she winked at me, swooping to the left and picking up speed. I pumped my wings and gamely followed her as she danced about the clouds, but I was still a little tired from training and couldn’t quite play like she could. “Oof!” Mom suddenly faltered for a moment. “Careful now, boys. I don’t think your wings are ready for that.” She slowed to a more reasonable pace and I caught up once again. The spa was at the end of the street now, and we landed a couple buildings away to walk in at our pace. “Ah, Miss Glory! So nice to see you!” The earth pony behind the counter bowed her head as we walked in. Mom glanced at the clock and winced. “We’re a little late, Aloe, but—” “Oh, it’s no problem at all!” The spa pony waved a hoof. “It’s been a slow day today, and you so rarely seek the pampering you deserve. Let go of your worries and let us spoil you for a bit.” Mom shook her head. “I don’t want to impose.” “I already told you it’s not a problem~” “But there must be something I can do to make up for being late.” Aloe giggled. “Well, if you’re dead set on doing something, may I suggest visiting us more? You always have so many knots in your shoulders, and Princess Twilight just gushes about how hard you and your husband work. You deserve a little more in your life, darling.” “I suppose I can’t say no when you put it like that.” Mom smiled. “I’m sure Night wouldn’t mind spending some more time with me here.” “Really?!” I did a flip. “That would be great! No, wait!” I screeched to a halt in the middle of a second flip and squinted at Mom while upside-down. “What about training? Half the fun is getting to train first.” “Of course. I’d never even dream of leaving out your training.” Mom ruffled my mane. “I’ll need to talk with Sergeant Smiles about it, though.” “Screehee!” More flips abounded. “I’ll be looking forward to it.” Aloe giggled, waving us toward the back. “For now, though, you have your Super Deluxe Package to enjoy. Lotus is already preparing your steam bath for you. Take the third right going in, and it’ll be the first door on your left.” “Thank you.” With a nod to Aloe, Mom ushered me down the hall. “So nice to see you could make it, ladies.” Lotus was standing outside the steam bath, bowing her head in a curtsey as we walked up. “I’ve kept the coals nice and hot for you.” “Thank you, Lotus.” Mom smiled. “Oh, it’s no problem at all.” She hoofed us a couple of bathrobes and helped us wrap our manes in towels. “Please, don’t be afraid to ask for anything if you need it.” Trotting into the steam room, Mom and I settled onto the wooden benches surrounding the pit of coals in the center. A bucket of water and a ladle sat next to the pit, and Mom promptly scooped up a healthy helping of water from it, pouring it over the coals to have steam hiss and sputter into the room. “Ahhh…” Mom leaned back in her seat as we let the heat wash over us. Several more servings of steam were quickly added to the room, and the air around us grew hazy. My coat dampened, all the salty sweat crusting it from earlier working itself back into a lather. Moments later, my muscles sang in relief as the heat sunk into them. Letting it all just carry me away, I drifted off, eventually waking to find Mom nudging me with a smile. “Having fun, sleepyhead?” “Mhmm.” I yawned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and booping my snoot into hers. “Took me a bit to realize you’d fallen asleep.” Mom booped me back with a smile. “I’ve been talking to myself like a loon under moon.” “Sorry….” My ears splayed back. “It’s alright, Night.” Mom swept me into a hug. “I’m just happy to be spending time with you. The fact that we can do this kind of thing more regularly now? It’s just…” Mom squeezed me tighter and nuzzled me. “Back in Canterlot, the only two days I could guarantee seeing you every year was today and Mother’s Day. I had to fight hoof and wing to make any more time for you in my schedule.” “I still saw you, Mom.” I squirmed a little in the hot steam. “Not anywhere as near as much as you should have,” Mom hummed. “I’m glad we made the choice to move out here.” Her grip tightened momentarily. “Are… are you glad we moved? I know I’ve asked you a few times before, but you left a couple friends behind, and…” “Well… I still miss Echo and Fang sometimes….” I closed my eyes for a second to drift in my memories of Canterlot and the Undercity. “But I did make new friends like you said I would! I wouldn’t trade anything for getting to spend more time with you and Dad, so, yeah! I’m glad we moved out here!” “Good….” Mom let out a sigh that tickled my ear before pulling away from me to look at the door. “Come on, then. I think it’s almost time for the next part of our package.” “The waterfall?!” I bounced to my hooves. “I believe so.” Mom smiled and made her way towards the door. “Screehee! I love the waterfall!” “I know, sweetie. That’s why I picked it.” “It’s all like, ‘fwoosh!’” “Yes, it is.” “All heavy and intense and awesome! Like flying in a thunderstorm!” “Night, we haven’t let you go flying in any thunderstorms.” “Not yet! But Dad’s told me stories, and that’s what I always imagined them being like!” “Oh, my little light in the night. Never change, you hear me?” Mom ruffled my mane as we exited the steam bath, completely ruining the towel wrapping it up. “We’re ready.” She nodded to Aloe, who had replaced her sister by the door. “Good! Good!” She winked at me. “Did somepony have a nice nap?” “Umm… yes?” I poked at the floor. “Excellent! Your waterfall is right this way, then. You’ll have to excuse us, though. There’s been an issue with the piping for a few days now, and the water is coming down a little more forceful than most customers prefer. We are, of course, perfectly happy to substitute another treatment if you wish.” “What?! No! That sounds great!” I beamed, hopping a little at the news. “I like it rough!” “Really?” Aloe tilted her at us. “Both of us do.” Mom nodded, a little grin crossing her muzzle. “There’s something special about having the water hammer away at you.” “Maybe we should make it a permanent option then?” Aloe looked towards a door in the distance, the rumble and thunder of falling water carrying out and down the hall. “It may not appeal to too many customers, but that’s never stopped us before.” “I know I certainly appreciate Bulk Biceps massages.” Rustling her wings, Mom smirked. “They’re almost as good as my husband’s.” “Oh?” Our host held a hoof to her mouth and giggled. “I didn’t realize you had your own personal masseuse.” “Ha! More like my own personal jackhammer! With the way that lunk pounds away, he’d probably end up hurting anypony else.” “Dad hugs are like hungry anacondas.” I nodded sagely. “You’re very lucky, then.” Aloe’s eyes gleamed as we reached the door to the waterfall. “It sounds as if he’ll never let you go.” “Very lucky indeed.” Mom’s smirk softened into a smile. “Feel free to pull us out when the masseuse’s are ready for us.” “Nonsense! You can take as long as you need to!” “You underestimate me and Night.” Mom pulled off her robe and hoofed it to Aloe, stepping in the threshold of the door. “Trust me, you might need to drag us out.” Legs crossed. Hooves pressed together. Head tilted upwards. Let it all crash down. Feel the weight of the world. You are the water, and the water is you. All is now one. Hours later, I stepped out the door with Mom and basked in the light of the dying sun. My coat was fluffy. My mane was silky smooth. And I smelled like apples and cinnamon. My fur sang as the wind slipped through it, and I smiled, fangs gleaming in the sunset. “Best. Day. Ever.” “Oh, it’s not done yet.” Mom pulled me closer with one wing for a quick hug. “There’s still the matter of your present from me. I had to put a lot of thought into how to beat your father this year after he let you go on your first pilgrimage alone.” “What is it?! What is it?!” I hopped up and down. “You’ll find out when we get back to the castle.” “But I wanna know now!” “That would ruin the surprise, Night.” “So! You and Dad always say it’s bad to walk into an ambush!” Mom just smiled. “Aww….” The flight back to the castle took forever. Unlike on our way to the spa, Mom seemed content to take it slow and smell the roses. Every. Freaking. Rose. The sun was almost gone by the time we made it back, but still, there was a smiling princess waiting for us. Princess Twilight Sparkle was talking to Dad as we flew in, however, she quickly turned to greet my mom with a wave. “And how was your day off, Morning? Relaxing, I hope?” “It was perfect, Princess. Thank you for understanding.” Mom bowed. “Forgive me if you’re still busy, but it’s time for that other little favor I asked you for.” “No, no.” Princess Twilight beamed like the rising moon. “We already finished up all my duties for the day. Tempered and I were just discussing… pancakes. Are you two ready?” “Ready for what?” I squirmed beneath the princess’ smile. “For your present, of course! Your Mom asked me to take you to—” “Princess.” Mom coughed. “Oh, right! Sorry!” Princess Twilight blushed, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head. “I’ll, umm… just…” She trotted up to me and Mom. “Hold on tight, please. Teleportation can be a bit disorienting if you’re not used to it.” “Huh?” I looked up, eyes widening even as Mom wrapped a wing around me and put a hoof on Princess Twilight’s withers. “Where are you taking—” There a crackle and a pop as the princess’ horn lit up, and we suddenly turned sideways into a swirling mix of thousands of indescribable colors—plus Pink. As we were thrust back into reality, I barely had time to feel sick to my stomach before the princess and I had to catch Mom as she fell to her knees and heaved. “Oh, sweet mother of Celestia….” Mom moaned, biting off a few extra bad Dad words. “The twins did not like that at all.” “I warned you when you asked to come along, but you insisted on— Burn me a book, what is that smell?” Princess Twilight coughed as she helped me get Mom to her feet. “Durian and rafflesia pancakes.” Mom gave a strangled laugh. “Say hello to breakfast.” “How did you even manage to eat that?!” “Hay if I know, Princess. It smelled even worse going down, yet it’s somehow good? It’s hot, heavenly garbage. Don’t ask me how it works.” “Wha— Huh— How—” “Also, Princess, no disrespect, but I would have been coming even if I was two weeks late and round as a blimp with septuplets.” Mom smiled, panting only slightly as she nuzzled me to let me know everything was all right. “The only thing that could have kept me back was a chance of miscarriage. I want to see her face when she finally realizes where we are.” “Huh?” I blinked as Mom pulled back, finally looking around the room now that she seemed alright. “What are you—” Worn banners fluttered in the breeze, stars twinkling down through a cracked and hole-filled ceiling. The sounds of a certain forest with a certain castle called out from all around us—somehow muted in this holy place—and two ruined and shattered thrones sat in regal mourning by the wall. “Is this?” I raised my hoof, trotting forward to rest a hoof on the throne bearing a half-destroyed crescent moon. “Yes, Night, it is.” Mom managed to stand a little taller and puff out her chest. “Tell me this doesn’t beat your father’s gift.” “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” In a flash, I was back by her side and trying to cut Mom in half. “How long can we stay?!” “Not too much longer, unfortunately.” Mom ran a hoof through my mane as I squeezed her tight. “We can’t keep Princess Twilight for too long.” “Awww….” “I told you it wouldn’t be a problem.” Princess Twilight smiled. “We can stay longer if you want. I’m sure there’s still some books in here I haven’t read.” “Really?!” I squeaked, looking at Mom with puppy dog eyes. “Sorry, Night….” Mom rubbed her stomach. “But it really is best we go back now. I— Heurrk! I think I need my medicine.” “Oh… okay….” I nuzzled into the crook of her neck as she wrapped me in a hug. “I warned you, Morning.” “Shut up, your highness.” There was a flash of light with more of those unspeakable colors, and we were home before I could blink. “Surprise!” All I got a chance to see was the cannon sitting point blank in my face before I pulled Mom and Princess Twilight into the soft, fluffy floor. KA-BLAM! “Huh? Where’d they go?” “Pinkie! You blasted them into smithereens! Pinkie?! Where is she?!” “Psst! Hey, Night?!” The voice of parties and doom spoke from my left, and I turned to find two soulless, blue eyes staring at me from inside the cloud floor. “Why are you hiding from your surprise party? Isn’t it like, our job to surprise you?” There was an unholy gasp, and my vision turned Pink as the cloud was inhaled. “Unless you planned on turning the surprise party for you into a surprise party for all of us! Oh! I like that idea! I’m gonna do that next year on my birthday.” “I told you it was a bad idea to ambush her with artillery.” Mom groaned, heaving me out of the cloud with a rather disoriented princess. Then, she heaved in a whole different way, emptying her stomach of the last few flecks of pancakes from this morning. “Pinkie Pie? What did I tell you about firing your cannon at point blank range?” Princess Twilight patted Mom on the back and wobbled woozily beside me. “Don’t worry, Twilight! I filled out all the insurance paperwork!” “Oh, alright then…” Princess Twilight sighed. “Still, be a bit more careful?” “Okie-Doki-Loki! Now, come on everypony!” “Surprise!” Almost the entire class was there to greet me. “How— How did you all get up here?” I looked around, jaw hanging loose. “The magic of friendship!” they all chorused with a wave at the party pony. “Were ya surprised? Were ya? Were ya? Were ya?!” “Yes?” I fidgeted. “I, uhh… I don’t know what to say.” “Just enjoy the party, Night.” Mom nudged me forward. “Go on.” And so I did just that, celebrating the perfect end to truly the best day ever.