It was certainly a marvellous day for a Ponyville wedding, Princess Celestia had made very sure of that.
In the large tent, all of the fold-out seats were packed with equines from all trots of life. There were no favourites here based on status or wealth: just friends, family and ponies lucky enough to be invited as plus-ones.
The white sponge cake had to be at least ten, no fifteen tiers high, complete with two carefully carved figurines of the future happy couple hoof-in-hoof. A nearby sign sensibly told the guests to pay close attention while loitering nearby, lest it all came a-tumbling down like a stack of dominoes.
The huge and varied orchestra was just setting up, with something to suit all eclectic tastes. There was DJ Pon3 and her rocking beats for groovy youngsters, Octavia with her violin for those who veered more towards the classical genre and Cranky Doodle on his harmonica for oldsters who might fancy just sleeping throughout the entire ceremony.
Yes, it was safe to say that local tycoon Filthy Rich, now entering the enclosed area with a classic tux and clip-on tie combination, had spared no expense for his precious jewel Diamond Tiara on her special day. All thoughts of the gender or background of his daughter's rather less refined chosen mate couldn't be further from his mind, all he wanted was for her to be happy, healthy and to take over the family business someday.
After all, he wasn't getting any younger, and all those stairways at Barnyard Bargains were playing havoc on his back.
One thing at a time though, and before he would raise the thorny issue of his legacy with his soon-to-be-wed child, he had the distinct privilege of leading her up the aisle. His new marefriend Rarity would be in attendance too, but obviously it was too soon for the unicorn to have a larger role in the ceremony.
She and Diamond were starting to bond very well over fashion and style though, and with the stallion's eager encouragement, had been spending more and more time in each other's company. Filthy wasn't exactly expecting his daughter to start referring to Rarity as 'mum' just yet, and if she ever did it would be on her terms. But early signs were promising, and it was to be hoped that soon if things kept going well, Rarity would be seen as just another member of the family.
Speaking of that very subject, here comes Apple Bloom in a fine Granny Smith patched wedding dress, stitched together with many different emblems based on each chapter of the extended Apple clan. Braeburn, Goldie Delicious, Pinkie Pie... each one had contributed their own unique haberdashery to the final product, with a special pear/apple motif on the front in loving memory of the blushing bride's much-missed parents, who'd never get the chance to witness in the flesh their little Apple take a big step into what is known commonly as 'married life'.
At least they'd have a great view though, sitting up on a fluffy cloud in the sky watching her get hitched! Maybe she'd say a prayer later on, to thank them for guiding her this far and their continued support. She owed them so much, she wanted to express her thanks in anyway she could...
Meanwhile, here approaches the lucky mare that captured Apple Bloom's wandering heart, trying to remain as stoic as possible, but those intense blushes causing her usual pink coat to turn a distinct shade of scarlet didn't lie. The cameras are flashing frantically for the front pages, the crowds are screaming over her fabulous Coco Pommel veiled gown... but Miss Tiara (Soon to be Mrs ) only has eyes for one 'dumb hillbilly blank flank'.
(These insulting slurs, used by Diamond in her former role as an irrepressible bully, had somehow been transformed into weird terms of endearment, in the same manner Apple Bloom often called her beloved a 'stuck-up snooty snob'. These fake bouts of antagonistic arguing soon diminished into heavy doses of kissing, sucking and... other associated stuff.)
In any case, with the two loved-up mares now firmly linking hooves, and Diamond flanked by her proud father on one side, with Apple Bloom accompanied by a sniffling Applejack on the other, it was time for the big walk to the central pulpit to begin. The young couple had mapped this blessed milestone out in their heads for literally years, until the set date finally arrived, and it was going even better than expected.
Twilight, with the aid of her princess privileges and a book or dozen on the subject, was ready to conduct the service...
Silver Spoon was prepared to dispense her self made silver wedding rings, as soon as vows and smooches had been exchanged...
Even the head bridesmaids, Scootaloo (reluctantly wearing a frilly frock) and Sweetie (much more enthusiastic) hadn't messed anything up yet.
Yes, nothing could possibly go wrong on this most glorious of occasions...
Naturally, this is when something did.
"Hold everything!" Even before Twilight had cleared her throat, let alone gotten to the part where she'd ask 'if anyone has any objections to these mares' etc, some unruly late guest had seen fit to burst in at the last possible second, to share with the world their reasoning as to why this match was such a terrible idea.
Diamond's ears pricked up on hearing that dreadful familiar pompous tremor she'd hoped to never listen to again. Oh no...
Filthy Rich hoofpalmed, as unseemly an act as it was for a stallion of his grandiose stature. How on Equestria did she find us?
Apple Bloom gnashed her teeth aggressively, ready for a fight. She is not ruining our special day!
Rarity simply rolled her eyes, and slunk back in her seat. Not her again. I've heard of obsessed exes before, but this is simply intolerable.
The music was stopped, conversations were halted, and the only reigning emotions in the air which'd once been full of joy and gaiety, were now sadness and despair...
...For everyone's favourite pony had finally made her long-awaited appearance, in her own mind, at least. The truth was the exact opposite of that fictitious scenario, but reality had never stopped Spoiled Rich from extolling her fake virtues before, so why should it start now?
"Don't mind me, everypony..." The somewhat smirking pony went to squeeze herself in between an irritated Rainbow Dash and a shivering Fluttershy in the front row. "I'm only here to bear witness to the fruit of my loins make the worst mistake of her young life. Well, aside from choosing to stay with Mr Good-For-Nothing over there after the divorce was finalised instead of the welcoming bosom of my love, but I guess that's water under the bridge now, wouldn't you say?"
"What do you want, Spoiled? Even though my lawyer advised I didn't have to do it, I gave you a huge settlement after negotiations were concluded, under the precise condition that you'd leave us all alone." No one under the canvas that day was exactly an expert at dealing with Spoiled's usual candour, but Filthy was perhaps better equipped than most, so inevitably it was him who had first say. "And when did you figure out where this ceremony was taking place?! I never sent you an invitation, and all visitors were carefully screened before entering the tent's vicinity."
"Oh, pish posh, darling. You wouldn't deny a caring mother the chance to see her baby get married, would you? Why don't we just let bygones be bygones, and try to get on with each other?" Spoiled's worlds might have been laudable, but they were somewhat overshadowed by the smug sneer that continued to decorate her face. "And I'm sure that 'missing' invite will turn up, you just accidentally dropped it on the way to the post office, didn't you sweetheart?"
"Spoiled, you of all ponies should have been able to figure out for yourself why your presence was not required or requested today!!" Filthy was now beginning to get rather hot under the collar, to the extent that careful overseers might've seen his tie begin to smoulder. "Now either leave this instant, or I shall summon security to have you thrown out! Isn't it enough that you ruined our marriage, you have to try and wreck our daughter's, too?"
"Oh, yes. A 'marriage'. Well that's one way you could classify this... abomination, I suppose." Spoiled seem to relish the spotlight that was suddenly thrust on her, as she glanced around the room with barely disguised contempt, with a special look of disgust reserved for the working class ponies gathered by Apple Bloom's side. "A better way of describing it might be: a disgrace, a detestation, a dereliction of duty... are you getting all this, dear? I know sometimes you have trouble with the 'big words' one learns whilst presiding under stewardship of the local school board."
"Pfff, don't make me laugh, Miss Rich!" Apple Bloom knew that her future spouse would discourage her from rising to the vile old harridan's bait, but she couldn't keep from biting her tongue any longer. "I know for a fact that yer didn't spend a lick 'o time studying anythin' while I was at Ponyville Elementary, you were too busy tryin' to put down ponies you thought were 'unworthy' or 'unsuitable' to be at your perfect school. Well we ain't in class no more, and everypony else in Diamond's family seems to like me jus' fine. If you can't accept me, then it ain't gonna be something I'll lose too much sleep over, yer get me?"
"Sorry, what was that?" Spoiled put her well manicured hoof to her ear, in a mock gesture of ignorance. "I'm afraid I've never really understood the guttural tones of dirt ponies who live and breathe muck. My best summation though is that you don't care for me very much, a perspective I can assure you is multiplied a thousandfold on my end. Now, if you've quite finished rambling on, I'd like a little word with My Diamond, if you please."
"What do you want, Spoiled Milk?" Diamond's initial amazement at seeing her birth mother burst in unexpectedly had quickly given way to feelings of bitter anger, and now she felt brave enough to address the gatecrasher with the maiden name she loathed so much. "Me and Apple Bloom spent many hours agonising over the guest list. We checked, and double checked it fifty times over. If your name was on there, I think we would've remembered. It wasn't, which kind of begs the question: what are you doing here?"
"Oh don't be like that, my little gem!" Seemingly undaunted by the harshness of her daughter's words, Spoiled continued to stare at her first and only born in a condescending way, as she fished out a small gift-wrapped item from a velvet saddlebag she'd been carrying. "See, I've even bought along a present, to remind you of happier times! Not that you can exactly call it a wedding present, since I do not wish to acknowledge this farcical coupling in any way, other than with the most vehement of protests."
"Oh, I see! And what 'happier times' would they be, hmm?!" Diamond was now, like her seething father nearby, very much on the verge of losing her cool. With a little tap on Apple Bloom's back to indicate she'd return in a moment, she advanced stealthily towards her estranged female parent, all the while holding up the long train of her lacy dress to make sure there were no unfortunate stumbles.
"The 'happier times' you nearly tore the entire mansion apart, upon discovering me and Apple Bloom were dating? The 'happier times' you arranged for me to get touched-up by the most perverted stallion in all of Equestria, because you thought it would 'cure' my lesbianism? Or the 'happier times' I had as a filly, left confused and abused in your so-called care while Dad was away on business, when thanks to your teachings I almost lost my soulmare by bullying her relentlessly? Pardon me for disagreeing with you, 'mother', but they sound more like the makings of a living nightmare than wonderful moments worth preserving!"
Each sentence felt like a knife in the heart of Spoiled, as her own child rejected her and everything she stood for in front of a captive audience of hundreds. A less hardy individual (or a more sensible one) might've seen this as the perfect cue to get the heck out of there, recognising that their presence was only causing embarrassment for themselves, and palpable discomfort for everypony else.
Never let it be said thought that Spoiled, despite her numerous other faults, was anything but a trooper. "I-I see." the defiant mare sounded somewhat shaken by Diamond's public dressing-down, but wasn't about to quit her ambitions just yet. "Well, if that's how you really feel, then I guess there's nothing I can do about it. Most of what you just told me I suspect is your buffoonish father speaking through you, instead of your own independent thoughts. But in any case, if you no longer want me around, then I can respect that... even if I could never understand it. Before you make any hasty decisions though, I want you to take a look at something very precious, something that I suggest might change your mind completely."
Realising that this truly was the moment for a last resort, Spoiled wasted no more time and unravelled the package she'd bought along with her, all the way from her new home in Canterlot. A slight shimmer within temporarily blinded the unwittingly curious Diamond, but upon opening her eyes once again there was no mistaking the glittering crown-shaped object that now sparkled freely in her mother's hoof.
"It's your old tiara." Spoiled announced quite unnecessarily, about the greyish item which'd been a formality on Diamond's head almost throughout her entire fillyhood. "Remember when we first bought it together? You were so excited, it was either this or getting your ears pierced. Of course that was never going to be an option, so we picked the tiara instead, and didn't you just adore it? You wouldn't even take it off in the bath, as I recall! It was a perfect representation for your cutie mark too, almost as if it was designed with you in mind! Don't you remember who you were when you wore it? A strong, dominant personality, who knew instinctively she was better than everypony around her, destined for greatness? That pony would never have settled for the fifth-rate life choices she's setting herself up for now. I want that filly I nurtured and raised so carefully to my high standards way back then to return, as selfish as it sounds. And I have a feeling she wants to appear again, too."
This was it. The big speech Spoiled had been repeating over and over to herself, in the mirror amidst her five hour morning beauty regime for weeks, was finally complete. In her humble opinion, her delivery couldn't have been any better, she even had the whole cute 'puppy dog' pout thing down to a tee. It was a tragedy that a lady of fine stock should have to debase herself in such a humiliating way, but if it would help her daughter to finally see sense and stop harbouring any lingering notions of becoming Mrs Redneck, then it was an ordeal she was prepared to endure.
The initial signs were promising. With a slight amount of hesitancy, Diamond gingerly took the undersized tiara from the outstretched hoof of Spoiled, to the accompaniment of the older mare's eagerly nodding. As her daughter slowly went to place the item of jewellery upon her now much larger head, Spoiled couldn't resist celebrating somewhat prematurely, and even cast a triumphant look in Filthy's general direction.
I knew she'd see things my way in the end. You don't condition somepony for more than a decade, and then expect all trace of your teachings to completely disappear. You should know by now, oh former husband of mine, that I will not bend, yield or give up until I get what I want, and I always wi...
Smash! Tinkle.
Spoiled's gloating internal monologue was unexpectedly cut short by two meaningful sounds, each one having a major effect in how she was about to perceive the success of her mission, or lack thereof.
The first noise was generated by the crashing impact of a fragile tiara being dashed to the ground, at full strength too.
The second one, a much lighter sound, was simply the aftermath of said act, as scattered shards of thin metal began to travel haphazardly across the floor.
Upon witnessing this blatant act of vandalism and now altogether left speechless, Spoiled's gaze was also hypnotically transversed to her daughter's own uncompromising stare, and right now she had a few things to say to her aghast mother.
"Are you totally nuts?!" Diamond sighed, shaking her head in utter disbelief. "After gradating from university with top grades in business management, and discovering the mare of my dreams, what would possess you into thinking I would ever want to return to being under your control again? I don't know what you thought was going to happen here today, but let me set the record straight once and for all: I have no interest in being your puppet anymore, and by the looks of things, your 'love' for me was as cheap and artificial as that fake tin tiara you purchased from the thrift store all those years ago. You think I don't remember now, how you used it as a convenient bribe to get me to do what you wanted, always telling me you'd take it away unless I complied with everything you asked for? Well, now that motivating factor is gone for good, as soon you'll be."
By this point, as hinted in Diamond's own words, security had finally got off their lazy butts to stand either side of Spoiled Rich in preparation to drag her out... but not before her daughter had the chance to aim some parting shots at her stunned female parent.
"Don't worry, though. Unlike you, me and Apple Bloom aren't completely heartless. We'll pack you a doggie bag, for you to take on your way back home on the train. I recommend the olives that we've grown ourselves, very sour with a pungent aftertaste. Sound familiar? Do watch your step on the way out, too. There's an awful lot of jagged bits of cheap metal on the floor. It would absolutely kill me to see you end up with a nasty splinter, honest..."
That was it. A now shellshocked Spoiled was firmly escorted outside, as the crowd finally woke from it's lengthy stupor to celebrate her exit. Meanwhile, Filthy Rich and Rarity hugged each other in relief, and Diamond finally returned to her true love's side... giving her a special peck on the muzzle for being such a patient and understanding mare.
"Gee Diamond, I don't mind sayin', yer had me goin' for a split second there, when you had yer old tiara danglin' a few inches from yer head."
"What, Apple Bloom? And leave behind everything we've built together these past eight years? Do you think I'm as crazy as Spoiled now? Those genes aren't hereditary. At least, I hope not..."
"Jus' kidding, I knew you were pullin' a fast one all along, Diamond. Now how's 'bout you accompany this 'ere prize mare down the aisle, with no further interruptions? I see Big Mac has bought the tissues, and Spike is ready to take our photo after he cleans up the mess. We don't wanna leave everypony hangin', do we?"
"No we don't, Apple Bloom, no we don't. So let's stop the fussin' and the feudin', and get down to the lovin'."
"Um Diamond, you know I love you an' all. But your impressions of my accent are gettin' worse and worse. Please stop."
"Only if you let me carry you through the door of our new home this evening, you do enough heavy lifting already at the farm. Also, on our honeymoon... whisper whisper"
"giggles 'Kay Diamond, deal. Now let's go out there and make this thing official."
"Gladly!"