//------------------------------//
// Mirror Dorkly 
// Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) 
// by Barrobroadcaster 
//------------------------------//

Captain America charged, using his shield to block the phasers. The charging guard made things too easy; he lunged at Cap with his lance, the tip of it sparkling and blue. Cap easily blocked the lance and then grabbed the guard, using the guard's own body as a shield to absorb phaser shots. The guard's own armor worked perfectly to soak up the phasers while Cap lifted him off his legs and threw him at the other guard.

"Graagh!"

"We need to move," Cap said. He took the weapons off the guards, but they seemed to have shut themselves off. They'd still work as melee weapons, however, so he tossed them to Phoenix and Khan.

"Get us back to our universe. Now," Dan ordered Discord.

"I can't! It's this castle, it works kind of like the mirrors in the Crystal Empire," Discord said. "And my powers are still on the fritz."

"So why did you pick just NOW to join us?!"

"Because! I have information for you! I know where some of our friends are! And they're here!" Discord said. "Vice Grip and the Director split them up, because they knew they'd eventually find a way out of they were kept together. That's what I did- divide and conquer, and Vice seems to be taking lessons right out of my own playbook, the cad."

"Yeah, he claims to be a genius but he's about as creative as Hollywood is these days."

"Aren't you from Hollywood?" Discord asked.

"Yes. I was speaking from experience."

"Ah."

"More of them are coming! Get ready!"

The pounding of armor-plated hooves rumbled from down the corridor. Just as the first group of storm pony troopers rounded the corner, the windows shattered as another group came crashing through. Finally, a third group teleported through the walls to appear behind them.

"For the Empire!"

"Squee your Empire!" Dan grabbed Discord and lunged at one of the troopers that came through the window. He tackled him, using the draconequus' stretchy body like shield, and smashed through the same window he came through.

Captain America wasted no time engaging the group that rounded the corner. The first one that charged at him, he jumped on top of, and then down, slamming his shield into the helmeted head of another. This put his shield arm in the perfect position to block the shots fired at him by the ones behind the first two, rush them and bring his shield into both their faces. The first one he jumped over finally spun around and was hit by Cap's shield as it came spinning down the hall at him. In true Captain America style, four enemies defeated in nearly the blink of an eye.

The last one looked up as Cap walked back over him. "For the... Empi-"

"Yeah, yeah, 'For the Empire,' we heard you the first time."

At the same time, Phoenix was dealing with the other two troopers that came through the windows. The two with lances thrusted at him, but jabbed the wall instead when the lawyer dodged. So sharp were their points that they penetrated and stuck. Armed with his own lance, Phoenix swept the legs out from under the first one and then cracked into the helmet of the second.

"These guys aren't that coordinated. Lucky us."

"Their tactics are similar to that of the foreign legions of ancient Rome or Greece," Khan mused. He held up one of the soldiers' broken helmets. "The first line charges in, supported by the second. Equal flanking numbers, multiple offensive vectors, even their armor is... reminiscent of that period. Curious."

"Yeah, probably because- woah." Phoenix turned to see the squad of soldiers that had teleported in behind them all beaten. The plates on their armor were shattered in places, broken by either their force of Khan's bare hands or him swinging them into each other. One of the soldier's had their horn penetrating the back of another, as if he'd been grabbed by his head and used like a crude spiked mace.

Khan was an augment- faster, stronger, smarter, genetically superior to average man in every way. In fact, curiously, he was very similar to Captain America, only with a massive ego to match his intellect. But his ego hadn't surfaced, not to them, not yet.

"They're, uh... you didn't..."

"They're alive," Khan said, smiling. "Worse for wear, perhaps but I know how to restrain myself, Mr. Wright."

"Ah. Umm... great."

Dan jumped back in through the window clutching two broken helmets and a Discord slung over his back. Speaking of restraint. "J-Team, we gotta go. They got more of these knockoff Roman robocops coming."

"Knockoff Roman robocops?" Khan asked. "Ah, you mean the legionaries."

"That sounds like a tongue twister," Phoenix said. "Knockoff Roman Robocops, knockoff Roman Robocops, Knockoff Roba- dammit."

"Discord!" Dan lifted Discord off him. "How do we get out? Where's that guy you were with?"

"Yabba-gabba-blurrrrrrggghhhaaa." His eyes swirled around his head, then somehow turned into coins and fell out through his mouth. "Exact change only, no refunds."

"Crap. Guys, I broke the Discord."

"Did you try contacting the GM?" Phoenix asked.

"No," Dan shook his head, working Discord's mouth. "Now, it won't even open when I want it to."

"You may need to reinstall."

"What are you both talking about?" Khan asked. He looked at the two of them, they shrugged.

"I wouldn't know. I still use AIM," Cap said. "Let's get out of here."

The four men walked over the horses of the apocalypse(symbolism yay!) and over to the door.

"Disco said something about the castle being the reason why we're here," Dan said. "Maybe if we try the other side, we can find something."

"They're hunting for us. And they know where we are," Cap said, reaching the door first. "We could go through the jungle and around the castle to lose them. I think that gives us the best advantage."

"If it's a mirror universe, doesn't that mean everything on the island is reversed?" Phoenix asked. "So, that would mean we're on the east side now?"

"We'll find out when we get outside," Dan said. "We stick together, keep moving, and I'm sure we can outwit these imperial idiots easily." Cap opened the door and they stepped outside together.

"Or not." And outside was a legion of Solar Empire legionaries. Their glowing blue phaser-lances were all aimed at the five of them. They didn't fire, but the smell of electricity from their glowing weapons was evident. High in the sky, oddly enough, was a solar eclipse, a few pegasi and griffons flying in formation and even a mirror Flutterbird. Dan thought that even in the mirror universe, it was a creepy vehicle.

There was silence for a few moments. Finally, seemingly undaunted, Dan stepped forward. "Okay Nicky, just like with the sea ponies. You take that side, I'll take-" They fired.





Dan woke up on the floor of some other room. It was still the castle, he thought at least, because the floor was the same hard-packed slightly cool and damp sand that had been in the rest of the castle... and mirror castle. He stood up and was immediately shocked by something so painful, he could only describe it as "AAAAUUUGGH!"

"Don't try to move too quickly," Cap said.

"We're in some kind of... field-thing," Phoenix said.

"Moving? Moving triggers-AAARRRRRRRG!!" jolted again.

"Moving QUICKLY," Cap said. "And that might not be the only thing." They were in a small corridor, all four of them in the same space. A red cube of some kind of energy surrounded them, save for a barred wall directly facing them. They were in a cage.

"Y'all will have to forgive us, salt-licks," a familiar voice said. "We only got enough power for just one Agony Stall so... y'all 'll have to share."

"Applejack?" Phoenix asked. But then he thought, "Wait... no."

"Mirror Applejack," Dan corrected.

Mirror AJ grinned. "Shoot, y'all are smarter than ya look," she said, tipping up her black stetson. She wore a matching black jumpsuit, oddly like Future Twilight's outfit, but with an orange harness around it inlaid with gold. "Fancy seein' you again, Dan. O'course, we ain't exactly met, have we now?"

"No, a-course not," Dan said, mocking her. Real Applejack's accent was charming, but Mirror AJ's was grating. And most likely intentional.

Captain America folded his arms slowly. "I know an interrogation when I see one. So why not just kill us?"

M-AJ pulled up a stool at sat casually on it. "Well, it is mah job to wrangle information outta prisoners of the Solar Empire. When I'm not rustlin' cattle, that is."

"And what information is that?" Dan asked. "I can tell you a lot of things. Like, where you can stick that attitude. What you can do with that stupid hat. And where you can put any hope of us cooperating. It's all the same answer- up yours, pumpkin."

But Mirror Applejack just grinned. "Mighty feisty indeed, Dan. But even the orneriest cus tires eventually."

"Guys, don't tell these punks anything," Dan said. "This is a mirror universe. That means there's like, different versions of us but they're evil and ruthless and junk."

"And junk indeed," Mirror AJ said. "But y'all ever thought that maybe it ain't a difference between good'n evil? Maybe... we're all just a might bit more pragmatic than y'all are on the other side-a the mirr. Ya ever think that?"

"No," Phoenix said. "And if you're a mirror of AJ... I have to bet you're all about deception." (I don't even need the magatama to see through this act. She makes Flim and Flam look like ponies from the Mormon dimension.)

She got off her stool. "Awww, salt lick, be nice. We can help each other out. I take it y'all are in somethin' of a jam as well, right?"

The door slammed open. "Aaaaaaaaayyyy-jaaaayyyyyyyyyy," another, somehow even more grating voice rang, "like, what is taking so long? You should've, like, had what we needed from these bozos like hours ago."

"Oh gawd." (Gulp!)

Mirror Rarity sashayed in like she was expecting applause. The difference between Prime Rarity and Mirror Rarity were obvious- Mirror Rarity made Blueblood seem modest. Her mane was frayed collection of twisted purple with artificial glitter. Her makeup was all black and she used far too much of it, and her earrings were so large and gold they almost touched the floor, and so many were on her ears that they jingled when she walked. She turned to face them, shaking them all in a jingling motion.

"O. My gawsh. It's Dan."

"Please don't talk to me."

"Like, Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn."

"Can you make the thing shock me again? I'd like to go back to the physical torture now, thanks."

"Like, Daaaaaaan," she said again, different emphasis on his name. "Like, what are you like, doing in that cage with like, the other criminaaalls?" She put her hoof over her black lipsticked lips. "Oh-em-gee. Are you, like... a like... a... like-"

He looked at Phoenix. "If she says like again, just please, shoot me."

"With what?"

"Are you, like, a ghost?" Mirror Rarity asked.

"Naw," Mirror AJ answered for her. "He's from that... other universe. They all are, I reckon."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Mirror Rarity said, longer than necessary for extra annoyance. It's even kind of annoying to read... and write. And narrate. "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww." See what I mean? Yeah, you do.

"See, our Dan is uh, no longer with us in the 'mortal' sense, salt licks."

"Stop calling us 'salt licks.'"

"Pfffft, that's like, her thing."

"STOP SAYING LIKE!" Dan yelled. "NO ONE EVEN DOES THAT IN MY UNIVERSE ANY MORE!"

"Like, it IS nice to see Dan again. Our Dan, like, diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeddddddduh," Mirror Rarity said, emphasizing an underbite for no squeeing reason at all.

The door slammed open again. "What's taking so long? Are you dolts messing things up again?"

"Another one. It's another one!" Dan grabbed Phoenix. "HIT ME WITH SOMETHING REALLY REALLY HARD!"

"Dan, I can't- AAARRRGGH"

"GAAAAAAAAAHHH!" They were both shocked by the field and fell.

Another almost-familiar face walked in just as they got up. Well, walked is kind of a strong word- she staggered.

"Hittin' the bottle kinda hard, ain't ya?"

"Shut up, Applejack," Mirror Twilight said, steadying herself. "It's a squeeing vacation. What am I supposed to do?"

"Like, save some for the rest of usssssssssssssssssssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-*zip*. MMm. MMM! Mmmm-mmm!" Mirror Rarity's lips were literally zipped courtesy of Mirror Twilight's magic.

"Thank you," Dan said. "I hate you. But thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Still hate you."

"Awesome," she turned to her 'friends.' "You two, get lost. I'm still the inquisitor so I'll be the one interrogating the prisoners."

"Fffft," Mirror AJ said. "Drunk or sober, yer no fun, 'light." She waved at the humans. "Adios, migos."

"Mmmmmmm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmm-pleh," Mirror Rarity said, spitting out the zipper. "Like, byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" The door slammed again behind them.

Mirror Twilight rolled her eyes. "Well. It's good to see you again. Dan. I guess."

"The feeling isn't mutual," Dan said back.

"Wait," Phoenix said. "Do you two actually know each other? I mean... you've both met?"

"Back when we were in the Crystal Empire," Dan said, "I found a mirror in this room of the palace when we were removing all of Vice Grip's machine junk. I was able to visit the Mirror Universe briefly. That's when I met her."

"Mmm-hmm," Twilight said. "And the first thing you did after setting foot in my house was deck your counterpart for his choice in shoes."

"And I'd do it again if that greasy croc-wearing punk shows his face near me," Dan declared.

"Well, that's not going to be that easy- he's dead. As you might've heard." And then there was quiet. As if they were all waiting for Dan's reaction to the death of his mirror counterpart. Dan shrugged, and barely shrugged at that, hardly moving his shoulders at all. The words "Big whoop" came to mind but Dan didn't say anything. Or care.

"So Mirror Dan is dead?" Phoenix asked.

"I bet someone killed him because of his stupid shoes."

"More like a knife in his chest. That he threw, then it came back to him," Twilight said. Her half-lid eyes lazily focused on the group.

Phoenix stepped closer to her. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"I'm not."

"Dan, please." He knelt down a bit, slowly. "I'm... assuming there's a mirror version of me. I'm guessing you've met?"

"Mm-hmm. He's the worst prosecutor in the multiverse, but he's a good blackmailer. Unless Writhe N. Payne figures him out," Twilight said. "That's the way it is, though. Equestria... my Equestria, anyway, gets all the worst stuff. Including me," she said, grimacing a little.

"Well, uh, you can probably deduce I'm a pretty good defense attorney," Phoenix said. "Some might even say an... ace attorney, heheh." Absolute crickets.

"I'll bet. Yeah, so, I need to know a few things and I'm gonna need you all to tell me," Mirror Twilight said. "You can figure out what happens if you don't."

"You don't seem to like it here," Phoenix said, continuing.

She raised an eyelid at him. "What do you mean? I'm actually on vacation."

"Here. I mean, here in this... universe," Phoenix said.

"Our Twilight has wings," Dan said, beaming. "And she can fly. And she's awesome and powerful and pretty much rules the whole kingdom and we're her best friends."

Mirror Twilight scowled at him. "And I'm sure EVERYPONY loooves her."

"Pretty much."

"Dan, not helping."

"It's not MY fault, okay?" Mirror Twilight said. "I had the SAME spell, the SAME test but squeeing Starswirl the squeeing Balding sabotaged it! I lost HALF my magical power in a single instance. Has your- your Twilight even gone a day without her powers? Or friends?"

"Yes, and-" Cap and Khan covered Dan's mouth, zipping his own lips.

"Like I said, it doesn't seem like you like it here," Phoenix said.

"And what of it?"

"Well uh, I'm saying... you don't have to stay here." Her other eyebrow raised as he said it. "Help us out of here. You can come with us."

"NICKY!" Dan grabbed his arm, another jolt hit them but smaller this time. "GAHRR. Nicky, what are you doing?"

"OW, I mean, I'm trying to be diplomatic."

"She's EVIL. She's an evil Twilight. Everything in this universe is evil. She's just using us."

"I..." Phoenix thought about it for a moment. "I don't think so."

"Nicky-"

"Dan, if there's any..." he turned back at her. Then he turned between the both of them. "If there's any part of you... anything like our Twilight. No, not even, if there's any part of YOU that's good... please, you have to understand this isn't right."

Mirror Twilight rolled her eyes again and hopped off the stool. "I think our versions of right are mirrored. But have it your way- no more torture. The Empress wants to speak to you anyway. You can tell her yourselves."

"The Empress?" Whether it was Celestia or Luna, or somepony else, none of them knew.

"Yep. And by the way, you might want to be a bit more cooperative- you left something in this universe when you were here last, Dan," Mirror Twilight said, opening the door.

"Twilight! Please! Think about it!" Phoenix yelled, gripping the bars. And she stopped in the door way to look back at him. "Listen to me... you don't have to stay here. I know you failed but... but we can help!"

Mirror Twilight looked down at the floor for a moment. "Is... in your universe..." the words were hard for her. "In your universe, am I an alicorn princess?"

"Yes," Phoenix said. A single nod, nothing more. "And I'm sure she could help you."

Mirror Twilight continued staring at the floor. Then, she finally looked up. "Sounds like a fantasy to me." She closed the door in more ways than one.

"OBJECTION!!" Phoenix yelled. But she was gone, as were their hopes of getting out.

"Nicky," Dan said.

"Dan, why did you have to do that?"

"Nicky,"

"We were SO CLOSE to getting her to help us out? Do you honestly have to be so... absolute with absolutely everything at every time?!"

"Nicky,"

"What?!"

Dan pointed. In the cell across from them were two ponies lying on the floor, unconscious. The real Applejack... and the real Pinkie Pie.