To A Lazy, Disorganized Monarch,
Guess what, I decided to take part in a book sortation, 3 straight days of sorting books in my library. Now that right there is proof that I'm better than you because you never sort the books up there, ever! You just sit up there, stuff your face with cake and the most you do with the libraries up there is have the peons you hired reshelve them. Never once did you engage in a sortation or rotate the books like I do.
Now I would be downright pissed when I got done because apparently Discord is suddenly good friends with my acquaintances and they are acting like they have been best friends forever. Seriously, Crash and Discord suddenly had inside jokes, what the fuck was up with that? Rarity actually found something he did genuinely funny and that has never happened before! Applejack and ADHD Girl were having plenty of fun with him as well and of course Discord was protecting Fluttershy from me like always, dumb bastard anyway.
Now I knew something was not right and I was going to find out what was going on and apparently they had a fun weekend without me. The nerve of them, having a fun weekend with an annoying draconeqqus when they all could have been begging Fluttershy to let me initiate her. To make matters worse, I think they trolled me. They were being so damn secretive claiming that I would never get what happened.
Now like I said, I was going to find out what the fuck was going on and apparently they find Discord's magic funny because of everything that had happened but I knew this was all a sham. I headed to Zecora's to get a potion that would make them admit that they were simply being a bunch of bitches who trolled me because of a spell cast by Discord. Now I was even more pissed when that wasn't the case, they trolled me upon their own free will.
Now you see why I will never think of them as friends? For Faust's sake, they are suddenly besties with Discord but won't even help me with anything. They refused to help me with the book sortation, they laughed at me over my having them drink a potion and worst of all, they won't even try to talk to Fluttershy about an initiation ceremony.
You know what? I decided fuck it and while I will never see them as friends, I did befriend Discord and we are already making plans on how to troll you. Now it won't be anytime soon because you will be expecting it but just wait, it will happen and it will be hilarious.
Discord's Newest Friend,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
To My Once Again Bitchy Little Princess,
Before I continue on I must say I am shocked. You actually decided to offer your friendship to Discord? You offered your friendship to someone who has trolled you on multiple occasions? Wow, I am impressed, I never imagined this would happen! Maybe there is still a tiny bit of hope for you after all. Hell it even took me a while to finally trust him but here he goes and trolls you and then you decide to be friends?
Let me say this though, your whole book sortation thing was ridiculous. Why the hell would you continue to rotate your books around when you could leave them all in the same place and know exactly where they are all the time? There is a reason we don't rotate the books up here ever, we don't feel like being inconvenienced by all the hard work involved and we always know where our books are.
It does serve you right though, wasting your time on shit like that and missing out on what could have been the bonding experience that may have finally turned those acquaintances into friends. What a shame you missed out on it. I was spying from my balcony and from what I saw, Discord really provided a lot of fun for those five and I will admit, had there been cake I would have went down there.
I have also come to the conclusion that you are completely delusional. If you honestly think Discord would go casting spells on his friends like that you don't know him all that well. His days of being like that are over. Yes he turned Fluttershy into an orange but she was ok with it and found it hilarious.
All I can say is one down, five to go when it comes to making friends. Keep going at this pace and you may eventually accomplish what I sent you down there for.
Discord's Friend As Well,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
I had an absolutely hilarious weekend with Twilight's acquaintances. I know I have had fun with them in the past when I was trolling them but this time was even better because we were all on the same page and we trolled Twilight! Seeing her get all pissy after she learned that we encouraged her to stay in her castle and sort books. I do hope that this will be a learning lesson for her, that even she can be jealous!
Oh and now that Twilight and I are friends, we are already contemplating on who we should troll and she is suggesting you but I'm thinking of somepony else. I'm thinking the spa twins because I know of a spell that will make them find Alicorns unattractive and then Twilight can't have them anymore! Let me know what you think.
Twilight's New Friend,
Discord
Dear Discord,
I am glad to see that you have befriended all six of them now but I do want to warn you about Twilight and her bitching. Given that you will likely be the only one who is a true friend of hers, she'll likely bitch to you about anything and everything. If she bitches too much about me, just let me know because if you don't, I'll see to it that you are turned back into stone, got it?
Also, thanks for giving me a heads up about Twilight and her desire to troll me. I do think that we should get together sometime and discuss how to troll her next. I don't know if you have any odd spells but if you have anything to turn her castle into cake, invite me and cast it. I'm sure she would just love to see her home being eaten by the best princess in all the land.
Looking Forward to Trolling Twilight with You,
Princess Celestia