Dear Princess Celestia,
I am not exactly thrilled with Rarity right now. She invited me to come up to Canterlot to open this new boutique of hers and here I thought that maybe I would get some time with my old friends but they turned me down! They told me that because I lied about my encounter with them that they were going to punish me by not putting out. Can you believe that? I know they can't get enough of me but just because I lied once they refused to put out for me.
To make matters worse, I tried seducing several other mares while I was at the boutique opening but none of them wanted to go to my old study tower with me. Come on, I am a princess and every single one of them shot me down. What the hell is up with that? Did my old friends talk to every single mare in Canterlot and tell them to troll me or did YOU do that? I could honestly see you doing it too because you are jealous of how sexy I am so you drag my name through the mud to deny me when I was so needy.
Upset I didn't Get Any,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Rarity,
I am not thrilled that you would make a dress inspired by the stained glass window of me and not pay me any kind of royalties off of those sales. The least you could do is put out every now and then. You are the Element of Generosity after all and the least you could do is be generous enough to share your body with me. I suppose this is what I should expect from a lousy acquaintance who only loves herself.
Upset You Aren't Generous With Me,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Rarity,
While I am happy that you will continue to have me as your manager, I do expect a couple things in return. You are well enough off that I demand 1,500 bits a month payment AND action anytime I want it. Seriously, all the prior boutique owners never put out so I wound up running them into the ground. Either pay up and put out or I'll run yours into the ground too.
Demanding Proper Pay,
Sassy Saddles
Dear Rarity,
I am happy to see that you have opened a second boutique BUT realize this. Now that you have two businesses, your taxes are going to be going up and if you are unable to pay up, I will seize both of those businesses and order Twilight to punish you in more ways than one, which is something I know she will gladly do.
Excited to Collect Tax Money from You,
Princess Celestia
To My Whiny Little Subordinate,
It is no surprise that you didn't get any. Here is the thing, I knew you were coming so not only did I order your old friends to not put out but I had them advertise to every hot mare in town that they are not to put out for you because you are a total bitch who is simply lousy in the bedroom.
Also, the very fact that you think you are sexy is a joke. If you were sexy, PETA Girl would have put out for you a long time ago, as would every other hot mare not only in Ponyville, but up here as well. Keep on trying Twily but outside of the spa twins and your easy sister-in-law, you won't be getting any.
Glad I'm Not You,
Princess Celestia
P.S. There is hope though, if Rarity can't pay her taxes I will allow you to punish her any way you see fit, whether it be in that dungeon of yours, your bedroom or both if you wish. However, if you do anything to try and prevent her from paying her taxes, I'll see to it that she can punish you in your own dungeon.
Dear Twilight,
I have some news for you, since I never put your name on that dress I don't have to pay you any kind of royalties. The name "Princess Dress" is very generic and could apply to any princess, both foreign and domestic so you have nothing on me. Now regarding me being generous and sharing my body with you, unless I am so needy that I will throw my standards out the window, it ain't happening! You can keep on crying all you want but hey, you still have the spa twins and Cadence, right?
Equestria's Hottest Unicorn,
Rarity
Dear Sassy,
I am going to admit, what you are demanding in pay seems incredibly high but since you do live in Canterlot where the cost of living is higher, I suppose I can pay you that BUT you don't have to worry about the other part. Your horn is nice and long so I'm certain it will give me pleasure that I could never dream of! I know you are wanting action whenever you want it but watch out, I may be unavailable at times and if I'm not there, I will send this blue unicorn Twilight knows over to visit you and she will most likely be more than you can handle.
Your Sexy Boss,
Rarity
To the Greediest Princess Ever,
Good grief you are greedy. You are constantly fining Twilight's parents over anything and everything so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that you would steal from me if I don't pay you your precious taxes. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised over this but just to spite you, I'll find ways to troll Twilight and make her bitch to you even more.
An Overly Taxed Pony,
Rarity