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// Slice of Life 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
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Dear Princess Celestia, 

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm actually glad that the bug bear came into town today.  Yes I'm certain you turned it loose to troll me and this town but you know what, it beat the shit out of preparing things for a wedding for a couple of donkeys.  So how about that Tia?  You tried to troll me but it didn't work!  

Glad You Turned the Bug Bear Loose, 

Princess Twilight Sparkle 





Dear Princess Twilight, 

What?  I try to troll you and I actually make you happy?  I never once imagined that you would be happy I turned some monster loose to inconvenience you.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised though since it nearly prevented that boring as hell wedding that Luna forgot the gift for. 

Don't worry though, I have other ways to inconvenience you, ways that won't actually make you happy. 

Surprised I Made You Happy, 

Princess Celestia 





Dear Lyra, 

Let me say that I am both disappointed and disgusted with you.  First for why I am disappointed in you.  I am disappointed because you dropped out of my school and ran off to Ponyville.  Seriously, if you wanted to leave so much why didn't you just tell me and I could have banished you somewhere, somewhere like Appaloosa, the moon or some place else where you would not discover something that would prove to me that you are beyond a lost cause. 

Now for why I am disgusted by you.  Not only did you run off to Ponyville, but you proved to me that you have even lower standards than the spa twins.  As you probably know, they whore themselves out to Twilight constantly but you wind up hooking up with that bitch candy maker who ALWAYS has a scowl on her face?  Seriously, what the hell do you see in her?

Now I know that you claim that you two are only friends but the security cameras in the town hall say otherwise.  I saw the tape, I saw those looks you two were giving one another.  Had it not been for the bug bear I turned loose, I'm certain you would have defiled the place and the wedding would have been delayed because it would have had to be cleaned. 

Disappointed in You, 

Princess Celestia 

P.S.  Maybe as a form of punishment I should turn Twilight loose on you.  Hey you have no standards so I'm sure you'd welcome her back into your life! 





Dear Princess Celestia, 

Look, I left your school because it got to the point where all of them, including Twilight, wanted nothing but horn sex every day and it got really old.  Yes Bon Bon may seem rather cold to some but at least she wants something real with me, she sees me as more than just a friend with benefits.  Please though your Majesty, please don't turn Twilight loose on me.  I know how she is and if she thinks she can get some action, well assuming I meet her standards, she would gladly take it. 

You don't have to like my taste in mares but it shouldn't matter to you anyway.  I am no longer in your school and I am no longer a subordinate of yours so you can't go telling me who I can hook up with and who I can't so just leave me alone. 

Hoping You'll Leave Me Alone, 

Lyra Heartstrings





Dear Bon Bon, 

You're fired!  I pay you the big bucks to handle monsters like the bug bear but instead my subordinates have to defeat it for you?  Oh well, I never liked you anyway and I certainly don't like you seducing one of my former students with your poison laced candy or whatever the hell you did to seduce her. 

Princess Celestia 





Dear Bitchlestia, 

Oh well, it's not like I enjoyed working for your gluttonous flank to start with and regarding Lyra, I did not seduce her.  I gave her love and a real relationship which is something her former schoolmates never did or ever would.  You have to understand, we aren't like your students and your subordinate princess, commitment is important to us.

Glad I Got Fired, 

Bon Bon 





Dear Cranky and Matilda, 

Sorry that we forgot the gift but don't worry, we will send you a VIP pass to Twilight's bedroom. 

Sincerely, 

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna 





Dear Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, 

Not just no but hell no!   You really think we want to do anything with that little bitch?  Just forget it and consider attending the wedding sufficient. 

Sincerely, 

Cranky and Matilda