To Equestria's Lousiest Monarch,
Here we go again, this dump is shutting down shop once again for another dumb event. What was it this time? These stupid critters that PETA girl cares about way too much are passing through town. I think she called them buzzers, buzzies, breezers or some dumb shit like that. The fact that she would throw a whole festival for these things is proof that she either has too much time on her hooves or needs to find a hobby, such as letting me initiate her over and over again.
Now something pathetic about these things, they need pegasi to create a breeze so their magic will fire up and their pollen won't go bad. Seriously, they need the help of us ponies just for that. That right there is proof that like so many other things in this world, they are undeserving of life and we would all be much better off if they were exterminated. If you're looking for somepony to eradicate these pests, I'll gladly do it!
Now something happened that caused me to wonder if she had been dropped on her head as a filly a few too many times. She took the damn things into her home when she knew they needed to get their asses going home before this portal into their homeland closed. Now that right there is bad, very bad. We do not need portals opening up here in Equestria that inferior creatures can pass through and cause us problems. I'm all for one of us draining that portal of its energy and leaving those dumb things to die in their own territory.
After hours of her putting up with them, she finally got it through her thick, Rarity screwing skull that they needed to get going but just so they could, I got a chance to show off my vastly superior magic and turned us into mosquito-pony hybrids so we could take them home since they're obviously too stupid to do it themselves. Odd thing is, once I transformed us, she started screaming "Maifo flai batendud!" or something that the rest of us didn't understand. Maybe we need to keep an eye on her, she may be making plans with those things for them to use some disease from their country to exterminate a good part of the population.
Finally we got those dumb things home, got out of there but I'm certain Fluttershy was making sinister plans with them since it took her the longest to get back into Equestria. Perhaps I should use torture as a method to make her reveal what plans she is making with those things. I know that portal will open again sometime and I really don't want those things bringing a virus from their homeland to kill me. I could see her wanting to do that too since she constantly rejects my offerings of friendship.
Maybe I should threaten her. Maybe I should threaten that I will kill those things the next time they come to Equestria if she continues to reject my friendship offerings. I'm certain that will make her want to be my friend in nothing flat!
Wanting to Initiate Fluttershy and Eradicate PETA Girl's Bugs,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
You have got to do something! I heard Twilight talking about how she vowed to exterminate the breezies if they ever came back to Equestria! Could yo please just let her return to Canterlot so she won't go through with this horrible plan?
Hoping You'll Take Twilight Home,
Fluttershy
To My Glorified Bug Hating Inferior Monarch,
I have a question Twilight, did you take part in that festival for those little pests solely so you could bitch to me about it? I honestly think you only do half the crap you do just so you can cause me undue stress. Look, if you hate things like this so much, just either go hole yourself up in the spa, go to that old castle of mine or hide in that torture chamber of yours. Nopony ever said you had to give those glorified mosquitoes the time of day.
Now it doesn't surprise me that PETA girl would put those things ahead of you but outside of the spa twins, I think that pretty much everypony would put getting beheaded ahead of you. That is how undesirable you really are, most ponies would choose death over having to put up with you. How those acquaintances have put up with you for so long is beyond me. The only thing that kept me from killing you from the moment you matured onwards is because I couldn't make you miserable if you were dead....nor could I punish you with banishment to a shitty town that throws parties over bugs.
Now Twilight, you know you're not going to get PETA girl in bed by exterminating those pests she loves so much, don't you? It is just like with wanting to exterminate the rabbits, frogs and parasprites, she isn't going to want to let you initiate her over it.
Laughing PETA Girl Put Bugs Ahead of You,
Princess Celestia
P.S. Oh about what PETA girl said that nopony understood, I have no idea what the hell it means but yeah, we better keep an eye on her in the event she is scheming with those bugs to do something bad to one of us.
Oh and on a final note, if you choose to torture her, write to me and tell me what you did. I'm certain it will be full of juicy details!
Dear PETA Girl,
So what if she wants to exterminate those breezie things? You're not going to believe this but I actually hope she does so just to spite you because you won't let her initiate you. Now if you'll just let her make you her friend so she'll quit bitching about it all the time, I might do something to protect those pests. Key word though, might!
Not Caring About the Breezies,
Princess Celestia
P.S. If you don't let her initiate you, I will HELP her exterminate those things solely to spite you. I'm sick and tired of her bitching and it is in your hooves to shut her up so please, get her to shut up.
Oh and one more thing, don't lose that flower that the bitchy buzzer, buzzie or whatever the hell they are called gave you, you may need it someday.