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// Bats! 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
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Dear Princess Sunbutt, 

You want to know what irritates me about one of my acquaintances?  The one who is by far the sexiest, the one who won't let me initiate her, seems to care more about some stupid bats than she does her alleged friend's livelihood.  Seriously, she initially refused to use her stare on these fruit vampire bats to send them packing.  Oh no she said, I just can't take away what makes them vampire fruit bats. 

Eventually we were able to get the little bitch to use her stare but then she turns into one of those damn things.  I suppose if she couldn't use those bats to destroy Applejack's livelihood, she'd do it herself.  That is a crying shame if you ask me, all that hard work and that huge apple.....wait a minute, why am I giving a shit about this?  The worst thing that happened was that PETA girl lost her sex appeal for a while and Applejack wound up having to surrender more orchard to some bats. 

I do have a suggestion for you.  You see, I really need Fluttershy to require my initiation services and I doubt ponies want higher cider prices so could you come and exterminate those bats?  That should devastate her enough that she would need a better friend and only I could make her feel better. 

Hating Vampire Fruit Bats, 

Twilight Sparkle 





Dear Princess Celestia, 

Could you do me a favor and come wipe out these vampire fruit bats?  They're cutting into my profits and I really don't want to have to charge more for cider nor do I want to have to listen to Crash bitch about us running out come next cider season. 

Your Apple Growing Subject, 

Applejack 





Dear Princess Bitchlestia, 

*HISS!*  I will come and suck every last drop of blood out of your body unless you make Twilight go home. 

Thirsty for your Blood, 

Flutterbat





To My Bat Hating Inferior Monarch, 

Oh my, I never thought I would see this happen.  Here you are always claiming to despise those acquaintances of yours and talking smack about them but here you are caring about the vampire fruit bat infestation.  Perhaps there is hope for you after all.  I'm honestly thinking the first one you are going to befriend is Applejack.  I will be honest though, I doubt she'd want to befriend a dishonest bitch like you.  I know she only sought your help because you might have had a book that would provide answers on how to rid herself of those bats. 

Who knows though, I may be wrong about Applejack, she may feel a tad bit sorry for you and in exchange for your friendship, she'll make you help her out on the farm on a daily basis.  That wouldn't be a bad thing though because then you could know what real work is.   

Having Hope in You, 

The Best Princess, Princess Celestia 





Dear Applejack, 

You know I'll have all the animal rights groups bitching at me if I was to come and exterminate those vampire fruit bats but just to spite PETA girl, I'll do it.  I'll be there tomorrow morning at 0900.  Meet me by your barn so I can rid you of those little vermin. 

Sincerely, 

Princess Celestia 





Dear Flutterbat, 

Try and suck my blood bitch!  I'm going to let you in on something, if you suck any of my blood it will make you incredibly lustful for Twilight.  It will make you so lustful for her that you will not only let her initiate you, you will want to move in with her and become her sex slave. 

Sincerely, 

Princess Celestia