//------------------------------// // Castle Mane-ia // Story: Unpleasant Correspondence // by StormLuna //------------------------------// To My Inferior Fellow Monarch, Well I decided to try and find something about that chest in the library but nothing. Now you see, this is exactly why you need to let me come home. There, I would have more than enough resources at my disposal to find something about that thing but instead, you decide to send me out to that dump that you used to call home, that place where Luna should have killed you. What I would like to know though is why is all this knowledge being exposed to the elements? I'm actually surprised that those books haven't fallen apart yet but luckily, I did manage to find a secret chamber where all the books were in pristine condition. My immediate thought was, "Sweet, hopefully I can find something I needed, find the keys, unlock that chest and unveil some sort of super-weapon I could kill you and Luna with. Now some strange things happened while I was out there. Somehow PETA girl's stupid rabbit got out there, all my acquaintances went back to their stalking ways but you know what pissed me off? I heard the squeals of Rarity and Fluttershy coming from under the floor! I almost immediately realized that those two were in a chamber screwing one another! Damn it, damn it, damn it! I wanted to be the one to take PETA girl's virginity, not allow the slutty fashionista to take it first. I do vow this, BOTH OF THEM are going to pay for this. Ultimately I discovered all those idiots unintentionally scaring one another and using my superior magic, I froze them so I could interrogate them over their stalking behavior. Get this, Crash and Applejack claimed something about some pony of shadows haunting the place. What a crock of shit, we all know that is nothing more than an old pony's tale meant to scare mindless foals senseless. Now we heard organ music and while my chickenshit acquaintances and equally as chickenshit dragon followed me, I headed towards the music to disprove this stupid legend they were talking about. Now get this, Pinkie along with her ADHD headed out there to play the damn organ. What a moron, I guess banging her head inside the school bell wasn't enough stupid for her to display. I ultimately led them to that concealed chamber where I showed them that dumb journal of yours and we decided to start our own journal. My thought was that we could keep a log of how much we despise one another or in the instance of myself, how much I despise all of you and want to butcher everypony and feast on their flesh. Another thing I did though was interrogate Rarity and Fluttershy and they did do what I thought. Now I may not be able to take PETA girl's virginity but I will still initiate her one of these days and I will do it with Rarity at the same time and I will be rough, extremely rough. That will teach those two to deny me what I feel should have been rightfully mine. Pissed I Won't Get Fluttershy's Virginity, Princess Twilight Sparkle To My Pissed Inferior, Oh wah-wah-wah! So you won't get Fluttershy's virginity, big fucking deal. I have dealt with much bigger problems in my life and you expect me to give a shit because you won't get to pop PETA girl's cherry? I swear, you really need to focus on bigger things, like unlocking that chest. Now about the secret chamber and the journal my sister and I kept, I am not thrilled that you would read it but I do think the six of you keeping a journal is a good idea. Who knows, maybe that will eventually cause you to think of them as friends instead of mere acquaintances. Also, I am looking very forward to reading the shared entries by Fluttershy and Rarity. I do hope they share every single little detail about their encounters and their laughs about how you will be excluded. Now be sure and tell Rarity that it is good she didn't steal that banner from the old castle. The penalty for theft of such artifacts is death and I would have had no problems burning her alive in the town square, and then cursing Upper Crust upon you. Happy Rarity was Fluttershy's First, Princess Celestia P.S. Now the fact that you want to kill both Luna and I is a problem. Now I'm sure had Luna read this, you'd be dead within an hour but I have a much better punishment for you. Perhaps an extra millennium of being stuck in that dump could be in your future! Dear Princess Celestia, Finally, I lost my virginity and Rarity took it! Woo-hoo! Now maybe Twilight will leave me alone and not want to initiate me anymore. I am looking forward to Rarity and I doing this quite often and just to spite her, we'll exclude Twilight. She has the spa twins she can screw, she is undeserving of both Rarity and me. Sincerely, Fluttershy Dear Fluttershy, Don't count on Twilight leaving you alone. She may not be able to take your virginity anymore but she still does want to initiate you, well you and Rarity both now. I do have one favor, could you please just let her join in on your trysts so I don't have to listen to her bitch about it?, pleeeeeeease! Sincerely, Princess Celestia