The one thing about the double doors to Twilight’s office is that the upper half of which was made out of glass. Not only could the six students peer into what was going on, but it made it all the easier to hear what was happening as well. In that office had not only their substitute teacher and Starlight with Headmare Twilight but their teacher as well, Professor Forethought. Their original philosophy teacher, while restored to his full health, wearing a rather crossed look that was firmly on his face.
“Where do I begin? Hm?” Twilight questioned as she stared directly at Discord.
“Simple.” Their substitute replied. “Begin at the beginning, go on until you get to the end, then stop.”
“That was a rhetorical question.” She deadpanned. “I mean, based off of what I’ve heard this morning, it has given me plenty of concern to call you here… again. For starters, you do know that it’s against the rules to teach a class outside of school hours, right?”
“My students agreed to take it early so that they can get out early.”
“That you’ve damaged the wall from the west side of the girls’ dormitory by creating a large hole in it.”
“I put it back together again, didn’t I?”
“While jumbling up the mural that was painted on the back while setting the clock practically on the floor.”
Discord paused. “Well, I was in a hurry. You can’t blame me for not getting it right when you’re in a rush.”
“And the biggest, if not most serious offense,” she pointed at the teacher, “finding out that you’re the one responsible for getting Professor Forethought sick in the first place.”
While the students couldn’t see it, Discord seemed surprised by this. “What! How did you know?”
“You left me the receipt.” Professor Forethought said as he held up a strip of paper.
The Draconequus facepalmed. “I knew I was forgetting the renewal something.”
“Frankly Discord,” Twilight continued, “I for one am shocked. Shocked! That you would do something like this. I mean, I guess it would have fitted when you were terrorizing Equestria. But you’re reformed now! I wouldn’t ever expect you to do something so… underhoofed.”
“She’s going to fire him.” Ocellus said before the students had to duck before Starlight could spot them.
“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Twilight questioned.
“Now that you’ve mentioned it. Yes, there is a thing or two I’d like to say on my part.” Discord said. “Firstly, I didn’t do this out of spite or for a paycheck if that’s what you’re thinking. I know my reason to make him sick might come as a shock, but I didn’t do it for me.”
“You didn’t?” Starlight asked.
“I did it for the students to salvage what interest in philosophy they had.”
The students at this point peaked their heads up to see the original philosophy teacher having a look of disgust on his face. “Excuse me!” He adjected. “Are you saying that I’m not a good teacher? I’ll have you know that I earned my master’s degree through Canterlot University, taught my students for forty years with a very good passing rate with my classes.”
Discord slithered his neck down to his eye level. “That might be true all those years ago, but what’s the rate now for students falling asleep in your classes now? Besides that, I do have a major personal problem with the way you teach it.” Taking a white chef’s coat out of hyperspace, he quickly puts it on while turning his black Mohawk a messy blond. “In fact,” he said, “I have proof to back up what I’m going to say. Class, I know you’re there. Come in, I’ll need all of you for this part.”
Now caught, the six students raised their heads and pushed past the door. They walked in together and stood before the Headmare’s desk. Their substitute asked which one of them is the smartest and Ocellus stepped forward.
“You consider yourself as a good teacher.” Discord said, “But if you really think so, then you might want to listen to what this school’s genius has to say. Go ahead Ocellus, in your own words, what were his classes like?”
All eyes now turned to the Changeling as she said meekly. “Well… To be honest… I preferred if Mr. Discord taught it.” Starlight asked her why. “I mean, don’t get me wrong Professor Forethought, you seem to know quite a lot about philosophy, but when I look back on the things you did teach… I don’t think I can remember anything you did.”
Now it was Forethought’s turn to be surprised. “Nothing? What about the Pre-Socratic? The explanation of ontology or epistemology? My introduction to metaphysics? Or… Or what about Thales? Anaximenes? Heraclitus?” But Ocellus only gave a blank stare.
“Yeah… No offense Professor.” Sandbar said. “But personally, I was struggling to stay awake in your class.”
“Not to mention that I had no idea why any of the stuff you taught is important,” Smolder added.
“Discord best teacher.” Yona bluntly said. “He skips complicated words and talks directly to us.”
“At least he asks us directly what we needed.” Gallus folded his arms. “And gave us lessons that we could actually use in our lives. I don’t recall you ever doing that.”
Now it was Discord’s turn as he turned on Forethought. “Bland, no passion, nothing memorable, talked down at the students instead of talking with. Now, before I had to make you sick, I had taken a look at what was cooking up in your class, and frankly, I’m appalled. It was so uninspired, so flavorless, so unseasoned that even I wouldn’t give it away as lunch to a retirement home. It was so dull that you were able to put me to sleep, and I don’t sleep that often! But do you want to know my biggest problem with you is? You made it too complicated.”
Professor Forethought couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Excuse me? Too complicated? This is philosophy we’re talking about. A field of study that has been developing for thousands of years, across cultures and past politics. Do you honestly think that it’s easy to simplify a complex field of study?”
After he conjured up a large, broken clay pot, Discord reclined in it. “Not only that it’s possible, but you seemed to be conveniently forgetting a lesson from a philosopher that has indeed proved that wisdom doesn’t have to be complicated. Have you ever heard of Diogenes?”
“What does he have anything to do with this?” Twilight questioned.
“I’m about to make a point Princess Bookworm.” He turned to the Professor. “Well?”
“Well… Diogenes had subsisted at the time of Plato, who, while he didn’t initiate cynicism, had perfected the art of it by living it through example. He was homeless, lived modestly with very few material goods, and influenced centuries of nasalism, cynicism and–”
“I only asked if you heard of the guy, not for his biography.” Discord pointed out. “It’s only a simple yes or no question.” There was a pause before Discord in a jar said, “Just so you know, I for one agree with Diogenes with the fact that you ponies tend to make life so complicated, just like how you did with philosophy for these kids.”
“I do not!”
With a knowing smirk, he said, “If you care to dare, I’d like to make a bet with you. In that, if you win, I’ll willingly quit teaching altogether.”
He raised an eyebrow, “And if you win?”
Looking over to his students, many were in shock of hearing him possibly quitting, he said, “Then… if I win, I’ll take up teaching philosophy in your place. Full time.”
“Wait! Really!” Gallus said as a bunch of his friends started talking at once, but the Headmare shushed them.
As this was happening, Starlight raised an eyebrow. “Discord, what are you up to?”
“Oh relax, Comrade. As far as you and Twilight are concerned, it’s a win-win. If I lose, then you wouldn’t have to worry about my teaching anymore. But if I win, not only will these students get the teacher they deserve, but I’ll fix that wall properly too.” Starlight asks what exactly he is planning on doing. “Oh, it’s very simple. All we have to do is to that each of us will have about… at least a few minutes to present a philosophical argument. In the simplest of terms possible. Whoever can make their argument the most convincing to these students, wins. And to be fair, I’ll let you choose the topic.”
Agreeing to this, Forethought smirked. “Very well. At least I’ll prove I’m the more qualified teacher by discussing the idea of movement. That I would argue that all movement is impossible.”
“That stupid.” Yona immediately said. “How can things not move when Yona sees things move?”
“Well, I would argue from the point of view of the Pre-Socratics philosophers Parmenides and Zeno in which they argue that everything, including time and space, is all made up of a solid substance that, as a result, change itself is impossible. In which for the former, introduced the concept of the block universe known as Eternalism.” Forethought was briefly interrupted by Discord trying to suppress a guffaw before moving on. “In layman’s terms, he thought that everything we know as stuff is all made out of one solid thing, that transformation is nothing more than an illusion. That the universe as we know it is nothing more than a series of blocks that set both the past and future that if anyone were to step outside of it, then it would seem to him that nothing changed at all.
“In fact, his student Zeno had put forth an argument to defend his teacher’s position. Thus creating a series of paradoxes. Take for example: That if somepony were to walk to a garden that says is a mile away, then he’ll need to walk or fly halfway there. But to get to it, then he needs to get another halfway there. And another half way. And another and another, then so on and so forth. That no matter how much you divide it, then it would seem as if that pony would never be able to reach it as the distance keeps dividing into an infinite amount of distance. Thus, proving that movement is not only ridiculous but impossible. Now you might say that is absurd, but it’s very hard to argue that either of them is entirely wrong.” Turning to Discord, still in the pot, said to him with a confident smirk, “Let’s see if you could do any better.”
Discord shrugged. “Very well. Not only will I make a counter-argument, but I’m going to use the exact same one that Diogenes used.”
The professor raised an eyebrow. “Oh? And what is that?”
“This.” With a snap of his fingers, the clay pot sprouted wings and began to be flown out of the room, taking the Draconequus with it.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Forethought demanded.
“Whatever are you talking about?” Discord called out sarcastically. “I’m not moving at all. Mine leaving this room is an illusion.” He said as the doors flung open before he left the room.
Starlight galloped after him, calling out. “Discord! You come back here!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He called from the hallway.
Igniting her horn, she catches the large clay pot to be dragged back into Twilight’s office. But even when Discord was pulled in, he had a smirk on his face. “Your honors,” he said to his students, “I rest my case.”
The six students looked at one another. “Well…” Silverstream admitted. “You’ve gotta admit, Mr. Discord has a point.”
“What!” Professor Forethought spoke in stunned surprise. “What point is there to be made? He hasn’t done anything except leaving the room.”
Smolder folded her arms, “Exactly. Unlike you, he proved it to us to show us why what you’ve just said was ridiculous. In fact, you just proved that you’re all talk but no show. I mean, while you were talking to us, did you ever stop to ask us anything. Like, at all?”
“I have to agree with Smolder here.” Ocellus said, “Yes, Mr. Discord is crazy, but at least he does ask us questions, he does talk to us. And during the time he was here, at the end of class, he would ask us what we wanted to learn. Why, just today, he gave us a lesson on Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations that gave us the advice that we needed to hear. Things that we’re concerned about in our lives.”
Yona agreed. “Yeah! How does proving that nothing moves have anything to do with us? Even if nothing moves, how it useful to Yona and friends?”
“Besides,” Silverstream added, “Mr. Discord makes Philosophy fun and in a way that isn’t super hard to understand. So much so, we don’t need books or assignments all that much to know how to be wise.”
“What they said,” Sandbar and Gallus said unanimously.
Forethought was completely shocked. “I don’t believe this.” He turned to Twilight. “You can’t fire me! I’ve earned my degrees-”
“Oh, can it!” Discord said as he stepped out of the pot. “If really were anywhere near as good of a teacher as you are, then you don’t need to flatter yourself with your degrees in college, would you? That little argument you gave, while interesting, had almost nothing to do with real life. Your words were unseasoned, you didn’t ask for feedback or if they got what you were saying, and that example you gave with your paradox has a serious flaw: that yes, all those infinite divisions can be made, but in reality, eventually that pony would still be able to make it regardless of how many times you try to divide the distance.
“But even if you had made that argument flawless, how does that help with what these students are going through? Like doubting if they’ll pass this school? Or wondering why evil ponies exist? Or how to deal with hardships? And do you know how I know to tailor my lessons? I asked them. If you’ve done just that, I wouldn’t have a problem with you. But as it stands, I would stand on the side of Diogenes, and give them wisdom through my words and actions. That I teach them that life will be cruel, but I’m providing them with the tools of how to deal with it. How to confront the absurd, the tragic, and the chaotic by practical means. This is because you sir, have become so prideful with your teaching degrees, that you’ve forgotten what the purpose of philosophy is.”
“I have not!” Forethought objected. “It’s about thinking about things that are bigger than ourselves. Of how to use reason by learning the guidelines of the past. And to help others ascend to a higher realm of wisdom.”
If there was ever a time that either student (or Twilight) have ever seen Discord truly angry, it was from that moment right there. “No.” He said sternly. “Everything you’ve said, you’ve got it backward! By thinking things that are ‘bigger than ourselves,’ you’ve overlooked the smaller but important things in life. By using reason by ‘learning the guidelines of the past’ you not only blind yourself from the present but skim over why those ideas were thought up, to begin with. And by helping ‘others ascend to a higher realm of wisdom’ you forget to teach them how to deal with things down to earth. You, sir, have spent so much time in the clouds that you’ve disconnected with those that are living down here with the harshness of life.”
“But… But that’s madness!”
“I am not mad; it is only that my head is different from yours. Yes, I admit that my methods of teaching aren’t the norm, but they shouldn’t be the standard for educating students like these.” He said as he pointed at the six students. “I speak in simple terms, because by the simplicity that my students can learn without misunderstanding! Without boredom or falling asleep! If you won’t do your job as a teacher to teach your students directly, then I will!”
The office went quiet for a full minute after Discord’s rant. After taking off the blond wig and tossing the chef’s coat aside, he walked out of the room saying. “Now if you all don’t mind, I have a class to teach.”
Hours later, when the school called for a lunch break, Twilight knocked on the door that Discord was teaching. She wasn’t alone as Smolder stood next to her. The door opened in which Discord bid them enter.
“Before I say anything,” Twilight began, “I want you to know that Professor Forethought has officially quit his job here, so that pretty much makes you the official Philosophy teacher.”
The Ex-Spirit of Chaos leaned up against the chalkboard. “I can sense that you didn’t come here just to say that.”
She shook her head. “I have thought over what you’ve and our students have said. Between the two, you do in fact make the better teacher as you can masterfully relate to them easily what Forethought couldn’t. Grant it, I don’t exactly approve of everything you’ve done, but from what your students have told me, you’ve made an extra effort to help them out through your subject of study. For that, I came here to officially welcome you to our teaching staff. Although, I do have to ask why now that you’ve decided to teach full time.”
“Isn’t it obvious? It’s because of them,” he waved over to Smolder, “of my students. I agree that if someone told me a week ago that I would commit myself to teach full time, I would have thrown a shaving cream pie in your face. But now…? What can I say? These kids are growing on me. But at the same time, I hope that I still get to do what I love too.”
“We can talk about scheduling after school. But for now, I just came by to say welcome to the School of Friendship, as an official teacher on campus.”
After thanking her, Discord said that he’d like to have a quick word with the Dragoness. Once she was out of the classroom, he said. “Thank you for standing up for me back there.”
“Hey, none of us don’t want to see you go already. But now, we’re just really glad that you’re staying. We like you and you’ve helped us out.”
“I do what I can.” Her teacher shrugged. “So, I’m going to keep this short, is there anything from me that you’ve wanted to learn about for tomorrow?”
“Oh, my turn huh?” She said as she put a claw to her chin in thought. “Now that I think of it, there is. Can you expand on how to be happy? I noticed that you’ve kinda rushed through it this morning. While I get how to deal with hardship, but can you explain a little more of how to be happy even when you’re going through the worst time in your life?”
Discord went through the index in his brain to see if there was any other philosopher who tackled on such a subject realistically. “There is one that comes to my mind. Only I’m gonna have to be extra careful.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because the one I have in mind is the most misunderstood philosopher of all time. So much so, that if I get this wrong, Twilight and the readers would have me crucified if I get a sentence of it wrong.”
“The who?”
Her teacher waved. “Never mind, it means that I have some homework to do tonight. In the meantime, go back to your friends, that’s all I need from you for now.”
After dismissing his dragon student, Discord turned his attention towards the ceiling in which he levitated up there, punch a hole in time to yell, “PEEK-A-BOO!”
“Ah great, my hallucinations are starting up again!” said the voice from the ceiling.
“First of all,” Discord continued, “nice mustache. And secondly, mind if I ask you something?”