Dear Princess Celestia,
I want to know something, why the hell did you give me twelve books to read when you knew that I had a special, 48-hour pampering appointment scheduled at the spa? I know you are jealous as hell that the spa twins give me pleasure on demand but still, that is no reason to troll me.
Thanks to you, I was going to have to hole myself up in the library and so I wouldn't be disturbed, I decided to cast Spike out so maybe, just maybe I could finish these damn books and at least get a few hours in at the spa on Sunday but thanks to an incident involving a runaway hot air balloon, some timberwolves and Applejack, my hopes of that were reduced to zero.
I am honestly thinking of seeing if I can trade Spike in on a more rational thinking model. Spike thought that just because Applejack saved his life that he owned her a life's debt of servitude to her when he knows damn good and well that the only master he has is ME! I'm thinking of maybe locking him up in my torture chamber and depriving him of being around Rarity for a while. That would teach him not to betray his true master.
If there was one thing I learned about this, Spike tried taking his dragon code a bit too far and couldn't even tell that he was not helping Applejack, he only made matters worse. From what Applejack told me though, Rarity seems to want a full time slave to do anything that she asks of them. Maybe if I'm lucky Rarity will find a way to save his life in the future and then I can get a newer model.
Could you do me a favor in the future, could you please check with me to see if I have anything scheduled before you send me a bunch of books and expect me to read them in nothing flat?
Your Spa Deprived Student,
Twilight Sparkle
To My Spa Deprived Student,
You honestly think I care if you had spa time scheduled or not? Look, you are my student, albeit my worst student, but if I send you books to read or ask you to engage in some other pointless, menial task you will do so. I must say though, Spike ain't the brightest bulb in the box trying to enslave himself to Applejack but hey, at least he didn't go and try to score with Rarity, right?
Now I have told you this before and I will tell you this again, you can not trade Spike in on a newer model like you would a stagecoach. I know he irritates you a lot but remember, he has saved your ass on more occasions that I can count. Most importantly, he helped prevent your weekend bootie-call from becoming one of Sombra's slaves. So remember, while he is an idiot 95% of the time, he can be somewhat useful once in a while so quit your damn bitching, ok?
Your Overlord,
Princess Celestia
Dear Spike,
I know Applejack saved your life and shit but that does not give you the right to abandon your master and cause her to bitch to me about it and wish she could trade you in. Do me a favor and forget your damn dragon code. I don't care who saves your life, you are Twilight's slave, got it?
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Princess Celestia,
You know my dragon code is part of me and unlike Twilight, Applejack is not an overly demanding bitch all the time, she actually cares about others. I suppose after this, all I can hope for is for Twilight to die in some sort of accident, she will get sick of your trolling and run off or you will do Ponyville a favor and drop her as your protege.
Following My Dragon Code,
Spike