Maud Pie: With the right stone, you could rule all of Equestria if you wanted to.
Starlight: ...You're messing with me.
Maud Pie: Am I?
S7E4: Rock Solid Friendship
A harmless trip to the southeast, that’s all it was supposed to be. Maud had invited Trixie and Starlight along with her. While they both expected the trip to largely revolve around rocks, Maud assured them that it would be an exciting adventure for everyone. Starlight was game; she needed a vacation. Trixie was eager to spend time with her closest friend, and to get to know her former employer a little better—there’s no time for chit-chat on a rock farm.
The three had visited Appleloosa the day before. Now they were walking south towards a notable landmark that Maud had mentioned. As Maud led them along, the apple orchards gave way to vast, flat stretches of desert with a few cacti and bushes dotting the arid landscape. A couple vultures soared above, looking for a carcass.
“Appleloosa was interesting, I guess,” said Starlight to Trixie. “I didn’t expect for it to be so…exaggerated.”
Trixie grinned. “I forgot, you like your towns simple and boring,” she quipped.
Starlight rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t that… and thanks for reminding me. No, by exaggerated, I mean that everypony was wearing giant cowboy hats and speaking with forced accents like they were putting on a play or something. They even had a banner up that said, ‘Welcome to Historic Appleloosa.’ The town’s been around for three years.”
Maud said, “It was quaint.”
Trixie said, “Take it from an expert in marketing, Starlight. ‘Historic’ just sounds good on towns. Just like ‘old-fashioned’ sounds good on food, and ‘Great and Powerful’ sounds good on Trixie!”
Starlight gazed up at the blinding sun. It was assaulting her eyes with daggers of light. Sweat was getting in Starlight eyes, her mane, her mouth, everywhere.. Trixie at least had a wide-brimmed hat, though she too was drenched. And Maud… was still wearing her frock as usual. Even then, she didn’t appear to be sweating or exhausted. Earth pony endurance, perhaps.
Trixie said, “As a showmare, Trixie appreciated Appleloosa’s high noon gunfight reenactment. It was brilliantly choreographed, and even for a fearless pony like me it was terrifying. It felt like an actual gunfight.”
“That’s because Maud didn’t tell us that it was staged,” Starlight said.
Maud shrugged. “It’s no fun if you know it’s fake.”
Starlight smiled. “Got any more surprises for us, Maud?”
“Yes.”
She pointed. With their eyes, they followed her hoof to the far side of a butte. It was red, hundreds of feet tall, and flat-topped: a decapitated mountain. Almost anything would look tiny by comparison. Almost.
Next to it, a giant, pony-shaped rock construct towered high over the desert. The rock pony stood thirty feet tall, casting a long shadow. Its body, limbs, and joints were all blocks of chiseled sandstone, piled atop one another. The bulk of its mass was its barrel and back, the hooves a close second. The maneless head was flat and big enough for multiple ponies to stand atop it. As they approached, they could appreciate the construct’s great size.
“Is that an ancient statue?” asked Trixie.
“Is it a mirage?” asked Starlight.
Maud shook her head. “It’s a golem.”
Starlight blinked a few times. "Aren't golems illegal?"
“Yes,” Maud said. “I built it. If you want to ride it—”
“Let’s do it! Finally we don’t have to walk anymore,” Trixie said, breathing a sigh of relief.
Starlight hesitated as Maud and Trixie looked at her.
“Lighten up, Starlight. Plenty of cool things are illegal,” said Trixie, ribbing Starlight with her hoof.
Starlight contemplated this. She’d done plenty of illegal things in her life and hadn’t spent even a single day in jail. Besides, it was Maud who was risking legal trouble, not her. This was a vacation. She told herself that she shouldn’t worry about what could go wrong, but instead focus on having fun.
“Sure. Where are we going?” she asked.
“The town of Last Prance,” Maud replied.
Trixie’s eyebrows raised. “I’ve done shows all around Equestria, and I’ve never heard of Last Prance.
“It’s been a secret for 1,000 years,” said Maud.
She climbed the golem’s front left hoof, up to the leg, and up the neck. She ascended so rapidly, that it was like watching a spider climb a wall. Not just any spider, but one of Fluttershy’s trained spider acrobats.
Maud now stood atop the head, and beckoned for Starlight and Trixie to come up.
“Let’s both float on, okay?” Starlight suggested. She doused herself in blue-hued magical energy, levitating up slowly through the scorching air.
“Wait, take me with you!” Trixie implored, reaching up to Starlight with her hoof.
Starlight rolled her eyes. “Do it yourself. I’m not made of mana.”
Trixie’s horn sputtered as she only lifted a few feet off the ground and fell down again.
“I’m too heavy! I must’ve drank too many fruit smoothies back in Appleloosa,” she whined.
“Then teleport up there like I taught you!” Starlight yelled, now about ten feet in the air. She grinned. “For somepony who’s great and powerful, you sure don’t act like it!”
Trixie wouldn’t take that lying down. She concentrated, clearing all from her mind except the flat top of the golem’s head.
Concentrating… concentrating… keeping the image in mind… just clearing out everything else… I wonder what Snips and Snails are up to right now… dammit!… clearing everything again… focusing on the top… alright… here goes…
Poof! Trixie appeared right where she wanted, next to her friends. She grinned from ear to ear.
“I did it!” she shouted.
“That’s wonderful, Trixie, but Maud and I have been up here for five minutes waiting,” said Starlight.
“It was boring,” said Maud.
Trixie lowered her head, gazing at the rock.
“We’re messing with you, Trixie. I just got here,” Starlight laughed.
Maud chuckled.
Trixie frowned. “That wasn’t a very nice trick to play! I’ll get both of you back with a prank.”
“Just make sure the prank doesn’t involve teleportation,” Starlight quipped.
“Let’s cool off,” said Maud.
Maud pushed a hoof-sized stone button. With a whoosh, a dark tinted glass dome enveloped the golem’s head, covering it like a snowglobe. The sunlight dimmed in the shade. Starlight’s eyes unwinced, and she felt quick relief from the muscular strain of narrowing her eyes for hours.
“Smoky quartz is my seventeenth-most favorite mineral. It dims everything, except my passion for geology,” said Maud in a quite dispassionate way.
Maud gave another button a tap with her hoof, and the golem started walking forward. It moved at quite a fast pace, each hoofstep covering about ten feet. The ground thudded beneath. Vultures scattered and snakes slithered away from the massive vibrations.
“So you really built this giant golem by yourself?” asked Starlight.
“Yes. My special talent, knowledge of rock, lets me make them.”
Starlight and Trixie gazed at Maud’s flank, but could not see her cutie mark. Her cobalt blue frock was covering it up. She briefly flashed it… it was a diamond-shaped, greyish green rock. Or maybe gemstone, they couldn’t tell.
“The world doesn’t get to see my cutie mark. Why should they? They refuse to see my creations,” Maud scoffed, frowning just a bit. It was the first time Starlight had seen an expression of emotion from her on this whole trip.
Trixie mused, “If this golem were smaller, it could be a form of mass transit in cities. Just put seats on top of its back; it could carry dozens of ponies at once. It’d be like a little mini-train. Can you do wheels instead of legs?”
Maud nodded.
“A good business idea, but you’d have to legalize golems first,” said Starlight.
Trixie adopted a devilish grin. “Trixie was thinking we could paint it, disguise it, and make it look like it’s not a golem. Or, you know what? We could make golems to harvest apple trees, or wheatfields. They’d be really efficient, and out in the country where nopony would see...”
Maud responded, “Your entrepreneurial eye is only matched by your rock-breaking skill, Trixie. But I’m not looking for business ventures now. That comes later.”
Starlight smiled. “I’m not really into doing politics on my vacation. Maybe afterwards, Twilight and I could talk to Princess Celestia about making golems legal. That way ponies everywhere could realize their benefit.”
“Good luck,” said Maud sarcastically.
Trixie laughed. “Starlight Glimmer, you’re really, really, really idealistic. You think that nopony has ever gone to Celestia and asked her to legalize golems? She’s been princess for over a thousand years, so if one pony asked her every ten years, that’s one hundred times she’s said no. What makes you different?”
“I’m a student of friendship,” said Starlight.
“So all of those other ponies who asked her were, what? Unfriendly dirtbags? Every one of them?” Trixie pushed the point, “That were all worse at logic and persuasion than you and Twilight, who would never argue with the Princess?”
Starlight pondered that for a second. “...I’m sure the Princess has a good reason for banning golems. As I recall from history, killer golems were a dangerous force during Equestria’s Dark Days. They have potential for abuse.”
“Your horn has potential for abuse,” Trixie joked.
“Listen, you both are preaching to the choir,” said Starlight. “I’m entirely for personal freedom, after I realized first-hoof how terrible it is when freedom is taken away from ponies. All I’m asking is, please try to give Princess Celestia the benefit of the doubt and quit making her out to be a tyrant.”
“Down with Celestia,” Maud said in her usual emotionless way.
Trixie sighed. “This is why you never talk politics with friends. The three of us are in an argument when we actually agree, mostly.”
“It didn’t feel like an argument to me—hey, is the wind blowing?” asked Starlight, gazing through the dome. Tumbleweeds were bouncing across the ground, and the wind was kicking the dust around. Nopony had even noticed.
“Roll down the dome, Maud!” Trixie ordered.
Maud retracted the dome. There was a slight, cooling breeze passing over them as the golem walked.
Starlight smiled. “You know what it’s the perfect time for, Trixie?”
“Breakfast?”
“Lunchtime,” Maud said. She removed a picnic blanket from her saddlebag, and spread it over the rock. The three ate a lunch of dandelion sandwiches that Maud had picked up from a deli in Appleloosa. A bit more lion than dandy, Starlight thought. What it needed was mayonnaise, possibly mustard. Then again, this was something that Maud had packed.
They soon reached a massive canyon cutting right through their path. Even at its narrowest, it was about a thousand feet wide. The golem stopped in its tracks.
“The Southern Divide,” said Starlight, who’d been studying the atlas on the train ride. “There’s a train bridge a few hundred miles away…”
“No,” said Maud.
She pressed another of the many buttons on the golem’s head. It backed up about two hundred feet, got a running start, and leaped across the canyon. Trixie and Starlight, both terrified, gazed down into the canyon as they passed over. A small river cut through it, and the sides were red sandstone. Very gorgeous. With a giant thud, the golem landed on the other side of the canyon. It caused their bodies to bump ten feet into the air. They all landed safely back on the golem.
“Don’t ever do that again without warning us!” Trixie demanded.
Maud lowered her head. “Sorry. I’ve made this trip a dozen times. I forgot how scary the first time is. Anyway...”
There were two hoof-shaped indents on the golem’s head. Maud placed her hooves into them. Her muscles bulged, and she gritted her teeth. A whirring sound accompanied this process. It lasted about five minutes.
“It’s recharged,” she said.
Even camels need water, Starlight thought. The golem resumed its walk across the desert.
“You’ve been on this trip dozens of times, huh?” asked Starlight. “Why have you been coming here so often?”
“Partly for political reasons, but mostly for research. The rocks and gems within the Macintosh Hills are unique in all of Equestria, and it’s easier to mine them with golems. Of particular noteworthiness are the pink diamonds, which are only known to occur in the southernmost regions of the planet…”
Starlight and Trixie decided they’d take a nap. Maud’s rambling about rocks put them right to sleep.
Several hours passed, and the sun began to set over the western horizon.
Maud prodded Starlight and Trixie with her hoof.
“Uh… dancing penguins, we’ll sell a million tickets…” Trixie muttered. She opened her eyes, for once not having to squint.
“We’re right at the foot of the mountains. Are we at Last Prance? I don’t see a town,” Starlight observed.
“Just wait,” said Maud. She pressed one final button and the golem bent down on its knees. Then, she slid down the side, now only about ten feet from the ground. Trixie and Starlight followed.
“Well, there’s plenty of parking here, at least,” said Trixie.
Amidst the red sandstone and rock of the Macintosh Hills--more properly termed mountains--there was a small door-shaped indent which Maud pointed to. It was almost invisible to the naked eye; if Trixie and Starlight didn’t know what they were looking for, they wouldn’t have found it.
“I guess they don’t like company,” said Starlight.
“You’re my guests,” said Maud.
“Ah, then we’ll be treated like royalty!” Trixie proclaimed.
“You’re well known in this town, then?” asked Starlight.
“Very,” said Maud.
They approached the concealed entrance. It stood about ten feet tall and five feet wide. Maud tapped it with her hooves.
Tap-tap-tappity-tap-tappity-tap-tap-tap. It was some sort of code. The stone door slid down with the grinding sound of rock on rock.
An earth pony with a pitch-black coat and a silver mane emerged. He was wearing sunglasses and a cowl with a silver and black checkered pattern matching his coloring. A scimitar hung from his side. Behind him stood two golem sentries which looked like minotaurs, both holding steel battleaxes.
This place is a fortress, thought Starlight. She didn’t want to end up on their bad side.
“You’ve crossed into the Republic of Petra. State your name and business, outsiders,” he said gruffly.
“Maud Pie. You know me, Anthracite. These are my guests.”
Anthracite smiled. “I know who you are, Maud. They just tell me to ask the question every time. You never know if somepony is a changeling.”
Starlight sheepishly said, “Uh, most of the changelings are good now--or at least, non-evil. Some of them even work for Equestria. I played no small part in that.”
“Exactly,” said Anthracite. He leered at Starlight. “None of the Alicorns’ agents are allowed on Petran soil.”
“Starlight Glimmer is no agent of the princess. She actually stood up to Celestia and cast a spell to prevent her from turning into Daybreaker,” said Trixie, recalling the story that Starlight had told her. Well, Trixie’s version at least.
“And you are?” the stallion demanded.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie! I specialize in stage magic, amazement, bewilderment, and screams of delighted fans,” she boasted.
“Hmm, I’ve heard the name,” he said. “We have magic shows in Last Prance. It’s only two earth ponies who do it, though. We’re kinda tired of their act week after week, year after year… most of their shows have an audience of ten or less. Maybe you can entertain us, especially since you’re an actual unicorn. There aren’t many non-earth Petrans.”
“So are we in?” asked Starlight Glimmer.
“Maud Pie is. This Trixie gal is. You? I’m not sure. You seem like a wildcard, a spoiler. What is it that you do?”
“I’m a student of friendship, and a guidance counsellor at Princess Twilight Sparkle’s school.”
“Hmmm…” he narrowed his eyes. “I mean, what are you doing here? Not snooping on Sparkle’s behalf, I hope… and believe me, we have ways of detecting spooks.”
“She’s agreed to help the Republic in its talks with the Alicorns,” said Maud. “She knows the right ponies. Perhaps she can pull some strings and Celestia will ease the golem ban.”
Starlight said, “I’ll say what I can to my contacts. The more I see of your town, the better case I can make to Equestrian royalty that you aren’t just some warlords-in-waiting.”
Anthracite nodded. “I’m a living lie detector, and you seem to legitimately believe that. Alright, you’re allowed in… but don’t think that your magic will protect you if you’re found to be an agent of the Alicorn Regime.”
Alicorn Regime? Is that what they call Celestia and Luna? Starlight thought.
Anthracite gestured with his hoof through the door. Starlight, Trixie, and Maud followed him, heading down a wide tunnel. The golems lumbered in behind them, eerily staring at Starlight and Trixie with blank stone faces.
Can they see? Can they think? Maud’s camel-like golem only needed a few buttons pressed, but it did the walking on its own…
Before Starlight could think about it further, they arrived in the antechamber. It was a massive cavern, lit by torches flickering in the blackness and giving off a smoky odor. The cavern had five tunnels that branched off in different directions. The whirring and clanking of mining drills and the rock-pounding of golem automatons echoed from somewhere deep within the tunnels. The group came to a standstill.
“Awaken,” Anthracite ordered.
Trixie and Starlight were blinded as a beam of white light erupted from the cavern center. Anthracite and Maud had already closed their eyes in anticipation. After wincing, Starlight’s eyes adjusted and she could see the lightsource. A pumpkin-sized crystal ball stood on a pedestal, its glow annihilating the darkness. It wasn’t as searing as it had first been; it dimmed until it was fine to look at.
Anthracite pointed at the crystal ball, gesturing for Starlight. She walked right up to it. It was gorgeous. Silvery threads swam in a dance through a milky white ocean. Thin cloudy forms floated across the globe like an overcast planet. Starlight was mesmerized. She’d seen all sorts of magic, but nothing like this. Maybe it was an artifact from the Unknown Before, maybe it was a device carefully crafted by a mechanical tinkerer, maybe it was enchanted by a sorcerer more powerful than Starlight herself. Whatever it was, she thought, it was surely one of a kind!
“It’s called a scry-orb and we have them everywhere,” said Anthracite. “Ponies use them to communicate, entertain, and do business. And you two will use it to record your presence and your agreement to follow our laws.”
The scry-orb gave a slight hum.
“Touch it.”
Starlight tepidly placed her hoof onto the orb, anxious for what might happen, and careful that she not tip it over and break such a work of art. Ripples flowed across its surface. It emitted words in a strange, monotone voice.
Welcome.
The ‘voice’ was not audible, Starlight realized. It was being directly channeled into her mind.
Outsider will provide a name, sex, kind, and age.
“Starlight Glimmer, female, unicorn, and don’t you know it’s rude to ask a mare’s age?” she said sarcastically.
Verbal responses are not accepted. Mental response only.
Wait, like this? she thought.
Mental response detected. Outsider will provide a name, sex, kind, and age.
Starlight did so.
Starlight Glimmer will provide a magical imprint.
What is a magical imprint?
A magical imprint is a magical signature which is unique to each unicorn. This allows a spell to be traced back to a unicorn in the event of a crime or mishap. Is further information required?
No, that’s fine.
Starlight hadn’t even known about magical imprints. Or scry-orbs for that matter. So how did the Petrans? They seemed really advanced for an isolated group who lived behind an impenetrable barrier, and who hadn’t seen the outside in many years. Maybe they had some great natural resources fueling them, Starlight thought... no, that was stupid. Otherwise the Diamond Dogs would be a shining beacon of progress.
Starlight Glimmer will provide a magical imprint.
In all of Starlight’s musings about societal development, she’d almost forgotten! She had no idea how to provide a magical imprint. So she just put the teensiest bit of magical telekinetic pressure on the globe. A little poke.
Magical imprint accepted. Starlight Glimmer will understand our laws.
Good lord. What, do I need to get a law degree or--
In the span of about five seconds, the scy-orb shoved a vast litany of laws, rules, regulations, mandates, orders, and legalese into her head. Her mind was stretched like a rubber band. She felt like she had just spent nineteen hours cramming for the bar exam. Cramming, because it would all fall out of her head quickly. Ten seconds later and she only recalled vague fragments… the prime command was for her to cause no trouble, and to never speak of what she saw in Petra.
I understand as well as I can, I suppose.
Welcome to the Federal Republic of Petra. We hope that you find your relief from the Alicorn Regime’s tyranny to be enjoyable.
Way to overstate a political dispute, Starlight thought to herself.
She walked back to her friends and said, “The scry-orb was… strange. I’ve messed with ponies’ minds before--nothing that I’m proud of. I didn’t know what it was like to have something probing thoughts of my own.”
Trixie said, “Trixie isn’t worried. She confronts the unknown with valor!”
Trixie walked up to the scry-orb and was done with it quickly.
“Easy,” she said, walking back with a smile on her face. “Just like the standard paperwork that all of my assistants sign.”
“All right, you’re done,” said Anthracite. He handed Trixie and Starlight blindfolds. “Put them on. The exact path to Last Prance is only known by a few. Take the wrong path and a sentry lies in wait to decapitate you on the spot.”
The unicorns put on their blindfolds, and Anthracite spun them around several times. Starlight felt queasy. He and Maud took them by the hoof and guided them through some tunnels. They walked for a good ten minutes, taking twists and turns through paths which branched off into more paths. They were entirely disoriented by the time that they reached their destination.
“Welcome to Last Prance, the capital of Petra,” said Anthracite as he removed their blindfolds.
They stood in a large cavern, a bit chilly. The ceiling was one hundred feet tall, well lit with lanterns and torches so even the stalactites were visible. Various shops and carved-out buildings ringed the cavern perimeter. At various sides of the cavern, golem minotaur sentries stood guard, battleaxes strapped to their backs. A giant cyan lake sat in the center, measuring fifty feet in diameter. Bubbling warm springs pushed froth up from the bottom. Dozens of ponies sat in the lake, some floating in inner tubes. At the lakeside, ponies lounged around on towels and sat at wooden tables. A golem resembling a tray in appearance walked along on spindly stalactite legs, carrying drinks and food out to ponies. Apple salads. Appletinis. Tantalizingly sweet apple pies straight out of the oven.
Maud was right, Starlight thought. This place wasn’t a den of rogues. It resembled a resort. But something was off… like fool’s gold.
“Is today a holiday in Petra? Why is almost everypony sitting in the lake?” asked Starlight.
“It’s no holiday,” said Anthracite, smiling. “This is how it always is. We’ve lived this way since a thousand years ago, when our ancestors lost the Regal War and made their home here. Our Republic is prosperous enough to provide a life of luxury to its citizens.”
“A life of stagnancy,” Maud countered. “Don’t try your Entrenchment talking points on my friends, Anthracite. We grew up in Equestria. This place is a fake paradise.”
“Don’t be a downer, Maud,” said Trixie. “I’d like to just lounge around all the time, too; it sounds like the greatest… well, maybe not. Nopony would appreciate Trixie’s greatness and powerfulness if she didn’t perform!”
Starlight said, “I need vacations; I need one now… but to sit around all the time? I’d eventually want to be off studying magic, helping ponies live a better life everywhere in Equestria.”
“You couldn’t, underground,” said Maud.
Anthracite looked at Maud. “Equestria belongs to Petra, you and I both agree. We are its government-in-exile. Would that we ruled it all, would that our people be free to do whatever they wanted on the outside. But we are few in number, and they are large. The Entrenchment is the only way to provide security, to make us unattackable. It’s lasted us a thousand years.”
Starlight said, “Things in this world tend to get shaken up around the thousand year mark. Nightmare Moon’s imprisonment. King Sombra’s banishment. A millennium is about as long as the status quo ever holds. ‘Tyranny’ is a strong word, and I don’t think it applies to the Princesses. The issue with golems aside, your society still deserves access to the outside world. It’s a shame, and I get the sense that something’s about to change.”
Anthracite nodded. "Yeah, the Entrenchment is becoming unpopular. Most of us want peace, but increasingly, some voters want to attack Equestria so we can emerge from underground. Bad idea. The Alicorns and their armies would make quick work of us."
Maud said, “Diplomacy first, but we’ll be free no matter what the Princesses do. My discovery will change everything.”
She reached into her saddlebag for an item, holding it out for Anthracite, Trixie, and Starlight to see. It was a diamond-shaped rock, greenish-black, about the size of a pony’s head. It looked exactly like Maud’s cutie mark, and it had a glossy finish.
Maud smiled wide.