//------------------------------//
// GAK Attack Special 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
//------------------------------//

Dear Princess Celestia, 

Remember that GAK shit I was telling you that got more airtime than poor King Sombra.  I don't know how it happened but it managed to get into Equestria and was wiping out the Everfree Forest!  As it approached, we could all hear it saying, "Gak, gak, gak!  Gak, gak, gak!"  

Given that it was leveling the forest as it was approaching the town, I knew something had to be done because I didn't want to see the spa twins lose their business nor did I want to fall prey to this crap.  As far as everypony else went, I didn't care.  I truly wanted it to destroy their homes and kill them but to save the spa twins, I knew I had only one option, use my magic on it. 

But then I remembered one thing, the spa twins were out of town so I figured that perhaps this would be my chance to finally be free.  Now all of these acquaintances must be dumber than I thought.  As it got closer and closer to town, the chant of "Gak, gak, gak.  Gak, gak, gak!" continued to get louder.  

To get them to come see this ooze, I lied to them.  I told PETA girl it was an endangered animal, I told ADHD girl it was a party ooze, I told Applejack it was apple fertilizer, I told both Rarity and Spike it spewed out gems and I told Crash it was a steroid that would increase her speed.  Being the idiots they were, they jumped right in front of it and almost immediately, it consumed them.

Once they were drowned in this ooze, it began to flow faster and I had to haul ass to get away from it.  I finally got on the top of a hill and heard it's chant get louder, "Gak, gak, gak!  Gak, gak, gak!"  After fifteen minutes it had finally consumed Ponyville and its serfs.  My immediate thought was, "I'm free!  At long last, I'm free!  Now I can go home and get some action from my friends!"  I had never been more elated in my whole life. 

It would not be long though until that elation turned into disgust.  I saw energy of your color destroying the stuff, liberating Ponyville and freeing those inferiors from what would have been untimely yet appropriate deaths.  Curse you Bitchlestia, curse you!  I had one chance, I had one chance to finally be free from these losers but you just had to go and ruin things.  

Why the hell couldn't you have just left well enough alone?  Why couldn't you have let that ooze claim its victims and survive?  Why couldn't you have just let me come home?  Once again you have proven yourself to be nothing more than a trolling bitch, a trolling bitch who delights in making me be miserable. 





To My Glory Deprived Student, 

You know what?  You should be happy that I saved Ponyville and its inhabitants.  You should be happy because had I not intervened, you would have had nothing to bitch about anymore and your sex toys would have had no home to return home to and thus, you would have had nopony to screw. 

I am going to let you in on another thing, let's say you had got away but that town got destroyed and your acquaintances had died, I would have banished you to Appaloosa and forced you to live in a place that is hundreds of times worse than Ponyville ever was.  If you honestly think I'll ever let you come home you must be dumber than ADHD girl and Crash combined.  Sometimes I wonder why I ever kept an idiot like you around anyway when Moondancer would have been a far better protege. 

Also, I will demand that Ponyville throw me the most lavish party ever and YOU will be the one who sets it up and makes sure it goes off without a hitch.  Also, if you even think about skipping town, those spa twins will be relocating to the palace up here and operate a private spa for me and only me.  

I am also assuming that you failed to get Rarity into bed despite her obviously showing interest in you.  You truly are pathetic since you couldn't get her in bed after her display of affection.  Damn it sucks to be you.  You better be glad the spa twins have absolutely no standards or you would have nopony to screw down there. 

Disappointed in you AGAIN, 

Princess Celestia