I woke up to a slight warmth on my stomach. ‘Did I get my skin back?’ I thought and leaned up a bit to see Pinkie had, during the night, crawled onto my stomach and wrapped herself up in my robe. ‘Aww.’ I silently chuckled and shook her shoulder a bit. “Pinks, come on get up, we’re burning daylight.” After a few moments and ‘five more minutes.’ she got up with a yawn and smiled at me.
“Hiya Jon, what are we going to do today?” She asked with a hint of excitement. To be honest I don’t know what to do today, I could go burn down a town, kill some ponies, mass robbery, the works.
“Let’s go see if I have a wanted poster yet.” Perfect! I pushed myself up and noticed Pinkie had somehow gotten onto my shoulder. “You're not pikachu and I’m not Ash, why the hell are you up there?” She giggled and did a pony shrug.
“It’s got an awesome view up here!” I sighed and began walking.
“You're something else Pinks, you know that?” She nodded rapidly while grinning. “Alright, I suppose we just keep walking until we find something, do you happen to have a map?” She nodded and pulled a rather large map out of her mane.
“I drew this one!” I looked at the map for a while before looking back at her.
“Not bad, better than I could have done. Hell I can’t even bake!” I laughed and looked back at the map. “Now, where are we...” Pinkie shook her head a bit then we got into a funny argument on where we were.
“-and we left ponyville through the west entrance! So we have to be going towards Trottingham!” She concluded the argument with actual logic.
“Whoa, nice.” I made a fist with my hand and held it out, where she bumped her hoof agents it. “Right, so we keep heading west to Trottingham, cause mass property damage, kill some ponies, then split.” I closed up the map and put it right next to the hidden blade in my ribs, kind of tickled. “Alrighty then! Let’s-ah go!” I began to walk again with Pinkie still on my shoulder.
The walk lasted a few hours, time added cause Pinkie got hungry and needed to use the bathroom. He finally got to to the (Outside) city of Trottingham, looks kind of nice but the guards standing by the entrance did NOT look happy. “So Pinks, what’s the plan for getting me inside without getting yelled at and/or arrested?” I saw she got a ‘thinking’ face. While she thought I let my mind wander for a bit.
Unfortunately when I do that, I think about my kills like a normal person.
If I had skin I would be in a cold sweat, my arms started to shake and my spine felt tingly. If I had eyes they would be the size of pin pricks and I would be tearing up.
Innocent life,
Innocent blood,
Families torn apart because of me. My chest pounded, how could it? There is no heart there. Pinkie gave me a mix of a strange and worried look. “Jonny? You ok?” I didn’t answer her.
After all those people I killed, I was only worried about running out of ammo, lossing sight of the target, and having clean shoes.
What kind of monster am I?
Suddenly a very hard object connected with my boney face and I snapped out of it. “What? Did we get found out? Who did I kill? Was it funny?!” Pinkie slapped me again. “Sorry, got anything?” She gave me a curios look before continuing.
“I don’t know how we are going to get you in without getting caught.” She got a sad look. I thought about it a moment when a cart began going towards the gate. It stopped at the gate and a guard walked up to it.
“Pass?”
“Merchant pass, here you go my fellow.” The earth pony gave the guard a paper with some legal shit on it.
“You may enter.” The cart puller go a happy look and entered as soon as the gates opened.
“That’s it!” I almost shouted and began to sprint down the road the cart had come from. “Pinks.” I turned and looked at the pink mare following me. “We are going t steal a wagon and their pass so we can get in.” She grinned. “Are you secretly evil?” I put on a questioning face.
“No, it just sounds like fun!”
“Ya, evil.”
“No!”
“Mhmm,”
“Nope, not evil.”
“Totally evil.”
“Argh!” I laughed, weather this girl likes it or not she has a evil side and it fuels most of her fun! As soon as we got to a crossroads we hid in a tree and waited.
“So Pinks, what else don’t I know about you?”
“A lot of stuff I can’t tell you.” She winked at me and I just gave her a bored look.
“You know where other humans are, don’t you.” She made a ‘pifft’ sound and kept watching. “Why you little-” Just then a cart showed up being pulled by a rather large green earth pony with a golden apple as one of those butt marks, it has a bite out of it to! “Big guy isn’t he?” I chuckled.
“Yea! Thats Gold-Bite! His apples almost rivals Applejack’s!” She chuckled. “To her he doesn't even come close!” I waved my hand at her to make her quiet down. As the stallion passed below our tree I jumped down and onto his back.
“Sup bro?”
“Sup?” I bashed him over the head with the handle of my scythe.
Fucking nothing.
“Um.....?”
“Let me guess, you just want the cart and I won't get hurt?” I nodded. Pinkie fell out of the tree and landed on my shoulder. “Hi Pinkie.” She waved at him as he began to unhook himself from the wagon. “This makes us even, ok?” Pinkie nodded as he stepped away from. “Later Pinks, have fun with your game.”
“You can join any time! Just ask Celestia!” Gold-Bite nodded and mumbled something before walking off.
“Think he left his pass on the cart?”
“Yup! He left it on purpose! Come on!” I nodded and helped her get hooked into the cart before jumping in the back.
----A few minutes later!----
We finally got to the front gates. Pinkie stopped and smiled at the guard. “Pass?” Pinkie nodded and held out the pass. “You may enter.” Pinkie’s grin grew as the gate opened and she brought us in.
“Now what? Ditch the cart somewhere?” I asked sticking my head out of the curtain in the front.
“No, Gold-Bite would not be happy.” I groaned and fell back into the cart, the place was stocked with apple products that I will not get into explaining for the sake of my sanity.
…....The fuck you lookin at?
When the cart came to a stop I sat up and jumped out. By the looks of it the place was getting ready for some kind of concert, there was a large stage all set up and waiting for something to host. “Cool, we should stay here a while and see who's singing.” I chuckled while looking around. This place was getting all ‘concert’-ed up, it might be worth it.
Might even find someone to kill.
I laughed at the thought, sounds good to me, oh yes. I unhooked Pinkie from the cart and we began to explore the town, for Pinks to find something to eat that was sweet, me? I was looking for places to set on fire that no one would find fast.
Evil, aren't I?
We continued for a while before a guard FINALLY recognized me and said I had to go with him. I went to get my scythe but Pinkie stopped me. “Come on Jonny, just meet the captain.” The guard got a confused look.
“how did she-”
“Don’t ask, you WILL go crazy trying to find out how.” I mumbled. “Lead zie way.” I growled and he began walking with a scared look. After a few minutes we came to a fort like thing on the very edge, I hate being cornered.
‘budum-ch’ (I think.)
We walked up to the front door, at least I thought it was, and the guard pony pushed the door open. It took about 10 seconds for everyone there to see me, recognise me, and draw weapons. “I AM famous!” I laughed.
“Wait! Everypony just hold on!” The guard waved one of his hooves rapidly. “Before we kill him we need to take him to see the captain!” Oh I feel loved. Some of them put their weapons away and some just glared at me while still pointing.
“Calm your male hormone for fighting! And if there is a female in here, hey.” I chuckled a bit, Pinkie did also. “You count to Pinks!” I patted her head. “Now then.” I turned back to the guard who had been leading us. “On with this little mission of yours.” I almost hissed. He jumped and lead us through the outpost, passing tons of pissed of guards and sharp weapons.
I felt like a kid in a factory that makes knives, and I LOVED IT!
We finally got to a door painted with a sun like symbol on it. The guard pushed the door open and allowed us to enter before closing it behind him. The pony sitting at the desk glared at me a moment before seeing Pinkie. “Pinkie? What the hell are you doing here?” Pinkie paused a moment before letting out a huge gasp and almost tackled the commander, she would have if I didn’t grab her.
“HI Echo-Beat!” Ok she knows this guy to. I set her down and she started hopping around his desk.
“Pinkie,” He chuckled. “Can you answer my question please?” She stopped in mid air- wait how the fuck did she do that?
“Just traveling around with Jo-” I lept over to her and covered her mouth.
“Name not important! Ignore the crazy mare!” I laughed nervously and spun around with Pinkie in in my arms. “Pinkie! Promise me never to tell anyone that could be a possible threat to me my name, got it?” She nodded and did a fancy dance thing where she pretended to stick something in her eye (Bad minds you all have.). “I’ll take your dance for it.” I spun around again and set her down. The commander, Echo-Beat, had a bemused look on his face. “So mister mayor.” I joked. “What’s with the stage in the middle of town?”
“I am allowing a concert to be held here, I will not let off anymore.” He crossed his front hooves and allowed himself to spin a bit in the chair. I think he likes that chair.......JEALOUSY! “Now, I believe in second chances, thats one of the reasons I almost NEVER became commanding guard in this town.” BACKSTORY! Well a bit. “Anyway you are going to stay in this town for a week unless I let you out for good behavior.” Wait.
“So, this is like prison?” He nodded and grinned, fucking unicorns. “Wonderful, so I can’t kill, rob, or brutally harm anyone?” He nodded again. “Can I hit on your wife?” This made both him and Pinkie break out laughing.
“If I had one! Well I did but not here.” He chuckled a bit.
“Alright, where will I be staying?” I asked clapping my boney hands together.
“I’ll have a apartment given to you, but you can not spend all day in it. Oh and I’m charging you with watching over Pinkie during her stay.” I shrugged, sure, I was doing that anyway. “AND,” Aw dammit. “Have a nice day.” He made a trollface and zapped me with a spell.
“MAGICZ! NUUUUUUU!” I shouted as I fell face first into couch. “Argh, magic.” I complained as I got up and looked around.......
It looked just like my apartment back home, and Pinkie was in the kitchen.
“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”