Pandemic: What you are Meant to Be

by Halira


Chapter 16: Presumptions

Mattie was a bit apprehensive about leaving her marefriend alone with her mother, and it didn't help that Haley looked even more apprehensive about it. Haley insisted that it was alright despite her obvious nervousness of dealing with whatever possible judgement Blessing might come to about her fitness to be Mattie's significant other. Mattie finally left them to talk together in private despite her uneasiness about it.

Tonya was easy enough to find. She was in the sanctuary as she said she would be. She looked at first like she was flipping through a Bible when Mattie approached her, which would have been surprising. On closer inspection it turned out to be an old hymnal, and Tonya could be heard humming along notes which Mattie recognized as music to various hymns.

"Hi Tonya, not the activity that I would have expected you to be found doing," Mattie said as she touched down next to the Pegasus.

"Some of the lyrics are not my style, they get a little too religious for me at times, but I do like the tunes for a lot of these. Some of the songs that can be taken outside if a strict religious context appeal to me as well," Tonya said as she studied another hymn.

"You can read music notes? I didn't know that," Mattie said as she cuddled close to her friend to look at the pages as well.

"I took music all through middle school and high school; band, chorus, everything I could. I loved music and wanted to study it in college too," Tonya said sadly as she continued to look over the various notes that were incomprehensible to Mattie.

"Why didn't you?" Mattie asked curiously.

"Came out in my sophomore year as transgender and everything kind of got real stressful for a long time after that. It really impacted my progress on my music and grades, and by the time I graduated high school there really wasn't any hope for a scholarship. A lot of the ones with chorus programs, which were my passion, were also religiously affiliated and being trans kind of blacklisted me with them," Tonya said with lowered ears.

"I vaguely remember you doing music back in high school, but didn't realize it was that important to you," Mattie said amazed to learn a side of Tonya that she hadn't realized was there despite knowing her for years.

"Yeah, it was a big part of my life for a long time. I had to make some hard choices and sacrifices when I came out. I don't regret it, but I get a little wistful every once and a while about might have beens," Tonya said as she closed the hymnal with a sigh. She looked at Mattie then and gave a little smile. "You wanted to talk to me about my cutie mark, right?"

"Yeah, I think I might have made some assumptions and Haley called me on it. So asking you what it means to you," Mattie said with an ashamed glance down at her forehooves.

"Okay, so what did you think it meant? I can guess. I hear ponies talk. Go ahead and say it. I won't get mad," Tonya said with a comforting smile.

"I don't think it would be right for me to say what I was thinking," Mattie half mumbled.

"I'll say it for you then. You thought that it just meant I am so hypersexual slut of a mare who was transgender, right?" Tonya said with a giggle.

"Um, yes," Mattie said with an embarrassed blush.

"I am very sexual, there is no denying that. But that has nothing to do with this," Tonya said as she pointed a hoof back at her flank. "Nor does it have to do with me being transgender..or was transgender..not sure if I count as cis or not now. At least not in any way you might be thinking."

"So what does it mean then? I apologize for saying it, but you have gotten really forward with ponies lately, and with the trans thing it all kind of just seemed to fit that way," Mattie said with some confusion but trying to sound apologetic too.

"It has to do with what that symbol means to me, not what it means to any other pony. You know how I just told you about I had to make hard choices and sacrifices when I transitioned? It is kind of tied to that. For me that symbol is representative of the fact I had to move on from some things that were very important to me for the sake of some things that were more important. If I had been too concerned about how transitioning would impact my ability to do music I would never have transitioned, and I would have been miserable as a result. It is about moving on and leaving things behind, even when it hurts, because we have to recognize what is most important to us and knowing what we need to leave behind, even when it hurts," Tonya said as she gazed at her cutie mark with a sad smile.

"I am still confused. How did you get that then after..," Mattie started to say but found she couldn't actually bring herself to finish saying it.

"After Blessing and I spent well over an hour kissing, rubbing, biting, caressing, and repeatedly giving each other the sixty-nine treatment?" Tonya said with a smirk.

"I really didn't need to hear details," Mattie said with her face going bright red. She tried desperately to banish the images that Tonya had just conjured up in her head, but it was to no avail.

"Oh, believe me that is not even close to going into detail," Tonya giggled. "But to answer your question. I was helping her move on and abandon those things that got in the way of what was really important to her. Maybe not all by myself, but I helped a lot. She needed to move on from your father, and that hurt. She also needed to move on from old prejudices that were holding her back. I helped her with all that. It wasn't all sex either, we did a lot of talking too, sex was just the final big release. When we were finally worn out and she told me thanks for helping her I knew what was important to me."

"So you help people move on..through having sex with them?" Mattie said with increased confusion.

"Urgh! No!" Tonya growled in frustration. "I helped your mother in that way, but that was just that time. I want to help however I can. The fact that I am an extremely horny mare is just me being a very horny mare. It is an aspect to me, not some defining feature, and one that will likely fade away eventually. What is important to me at the core is helping ponies realize what is most important to them and moving past the things are in the way of that."

"I guess I get it, sort of anyway," Mattie said, not feeling like she was getting the full picture. "But you still like music, doesn't that mean you didn't leave it behind?"

"I left behind in terms of it being the primary focus of my life. You're mom is always going to have some feelings for your dad, she invested decades in him after all, she can't let those feelings get in the way of the things that matter most to her though. She was in a position where she had to choose between satisfying him and being a good mother to you, as well as trying to let go completely of past old prejudices. She wasn't half as confident and resolved about all that as she was trying to show. She needed help moving on; I helped with that. Are you getting this at all?" Tonya tried to explain getting increasingly frustrated that she didn't seem to be clear.

"Alright, I understand that better now," Mattie said with a smile that she hoped eased her friend's frustrations. She really did get it.

"Good, because I was running out of ways to try to explain things," Tonya said with a laugh. "So moving on ourselves from that subject, tell me what is going on with you, Haley, and John."

"How did you know that something was going on with us?" Mattie asked, tensing up a little.

"You are gone through the full night leaving him here, then he takes off and you and Haley show up. When you two show up she is making for eyes at you even though she is hiding it. Plus we are cuddling close so just felt you go all tense when I brought it up. That is all kinds of interesting," Tonya said with a hearty laugh that made Mattie blush further.

"John and Haley broke up, and Haley and I are now together. There were some things that John was doing to Haley that just weren't right," Mattie said with a grumble towards the end.

"He was abusive to her wasn't he?" Tonya said with lowered ears.

"How did you know that?" Mattie asked. Not thinking she had given out enough information for that.

"I have eyes and I saw her eye. Even with that dark blue coat of hers I could tell that some pony had given her a black eye," Tonya said with a snort. "I'm not the only pony with eyes either. Other ponies will notice too."

"Maybe I should get her to see one of the doctors," Mattie said.

"Might be a good idea. We are comfortable in our own fur but that doesn't make us experts on our bodies. I am still figuring out proper preening. Not that preening is comparable to having an injury, but you get the idea," Tonya replied. She then reached her neck around a plucked a broken feather from her wing and spit it to the side. Mattie just noticed for the first time how many feathers from countless pegasi were actually on the floor of the sanctuary. Was Mattie supposed to be doing something to take care for her wings too? She felt uncomfortably ignorant on the subject. Perhaps she needed to consult with a doctor too, if they even knew if she should be doing something.

"I am getting pretty sleepy. It has been a very busy day around here. I know we never get to spend much time together, but I guess that just comes with the territory of being a night pony," Tonya said as she stifled a yawn. "Well, congratulations on getting a marefriend."

"Thanks Tonya," Mattie said as she rose back to her hooves. "I think I might need to go rescue her now. Left her alone with my mom."

"Blessing won't be too hard on her. Don't worry too much about it. I of course don't know your mom as well as you, but I have a sense about her. She is not the same as she was as a human. See ya soon, Mattie," Tonya said as she laid her head down on her forelegs.

"Get some sleep. See you soon too," Mattie said as she launched herself back into the air and flew out of the sanctuary.

Haley and her mom weren't hard to find. Both were sitting near the huge stacks of hay, munching away on the stuff.

"So is that as bad as I think it is?" Mattie asked as she landed.

"It is a little..bland, but not completely awful," Haley said with her mouth full. "Maybe we could add some spices or sauce of some type to it, something to give it more flavor. Maybe it can be cooked or something. Eating it straight like this is alright I suppose, but will get really old really fast. It is something to eat at least."

"The humans said they would be really pushing hay production until ponies could start feeding themselves en mass. They said some areas where ponies are they are already farming like we started here, and they can likely deal with their own food. Those of us where we didn't really get to start are going to need assistance for a while. We should be thankful for the help that we receive," Blessing said after she finished chewing what was in her mouth.

Mattie picked up a little bit in her mouth and had a taste. Bland was definitely the word for it. It wasn't flavorless, but the flavor felt muted. It was like chewing on gum that you had chewed on for well past the point that the gum had lost all its flavoring, though somehow grainy at the same time. It was tolerable, but it would definitely not go down under her top ten favorite foods.

"If we are stuck eating this indefinitely I really am going to find some way of flavoring this somehow. Even some salt would make this much more appealing, Haley said with a grunt as she stared at the hay. "Actually, I kind of have a salt craving for something salty now that I said that."

"Aren't salt licks supposed to be like some sort of treat for horses or something?" Mattie asked.

"Well, we aren't horses, we are copies of some other things that vaguely resemble horses from another universe. But who knows, they are feeding us hay after all and we are eating it," Haley said as she looked at the pile of hay.

"We need some of those Equestrians to show up so we can ask them basic questions; hygiene, diet, what our life expectancy is.." Mattie said as she too stared at the depressing foodstuff.

"Whether we get periods, whether we get estrus, or something else," Haley continued.

"Okay, not a subject that I had even begun to put thought into," Mattie said as she paled. How a pony could pale she had no idea, but it apparently worked just as well as blushing.

"That is not conversation to have while eating! Crap, now I've lost my appetite," Blessing said with disgust as she spit out some hay. Hopefully no pony would end up eating what she had been chewing on.

"Sorry, Blessing," Haley said with a blush.

"Sorry, Mom," Mattie echoed.

"It is alright, those are conversations worth having, just not while a mare is trying to eat," Blessing said with a sorrowful look at the hay she spit out. "Anyway, Haley here was telling me about her family and she had told me that she hadn't told you anything about them yet, Mattie. If you don't mind telling me more now that Mattie is here I think it will pass some time till I get too sleepy."

"Um okay, I might as well," Haley said, still looking a bit embarrassed. "I am pretty sure most of my direct family is still human. None of them were showing symptoms when I went into the shelter and none of them had gotten the flu. I think they did what a lot of the humans around here did and just locked themselves down when it started getting clear that things were getting serious. They don't live far from here, just over in Hannahan."

"Have you made any effort to contact them since becoming a pony?" Mattie asked with interest.

"Not a lot," Haley said with ears down. "I kept in contact while still transforming through the internet. I never went to see them much before this since I moved out with John..they really didn't like him..and just kind of lost track after getting distracted by my first day or two as a pony and then the internet went down."

"That shouldn't take too long to fly too if you want to see them. How big a family are we talking?" Mattie asked.

"My mama and papa, my little sister Catherine, my little brother Jose, my other little brother Miguel, and my abuelita..um that is the what we call my grandmother. We have a lot more family down in Florida near Miami, and I can only guess most of them are ponies too down there," Haley said.

"Well, let's make a plan to go visit them soon," Mattie said. Then she furrowed her brow as she thought of something. Debated with herself whether to ask the potentially offensive question. "Um, do they all speak English?"

"Yes, with me and my siblings it is our main language. I can't even keep up trying to speak Spanish most of the time, but can follow what is being said most of the time. My parents are completely bilingual, and my abuelita is fully fluent in English," Haley said, and then smiled. "Don't worry you didn't offend me. We get that a lot. Though I admit that one of the things I like being about a pony is ponies don't look at me and start calling me Mexican, that is really annoying; I'm Puerto Rican by the way..or at least I was. Not sure if that still counts or not now that I am a nocturnal magical pony."

"I think it counts if you want it to count," Mattie replied as she came over and nuzzled her marefriend.

Haley happily nuzzled back, then pulled back and gave a sad smile.

"We'll see after we find out if my family wants anything to do with their already distant before this daughter who now isn't even the same species," Haley said sadly.