This Can't Be Legal

by MareDoVVell

A New Challenger Approaches

Chuckling to herself as she enjoyed Sunset’s harried expression, Adagio finally released her arm and moved towards the end of the booth. “Excuse me for a moment, I need to go powder my nose.” She said simply as she stood and headed towards the back of the restaurant.

Sunset took a deep breath as she felt the blood start to drain away from her face, and she sagged forward in relief. “What was I thinking inviting her along, I should have seen this coming.” she grumbled.

“I don’t think you were thinking, at least not with your head.” Twilight quipped, flashing a smirk at Sunset.

“I just wanted to be friendly!” Sunset protested weakly.

“Sure, you wanted to be friendly to her all night long!” Twilight threw back, looking far too proud of herself for the childish retort.

“Ughhh, why do you have to be so uncool about this!” Sunset moaned.

“Because you’re clearly into her,” Twilight said matter-of-factly, “even if you don’t want to admit it.”


“Well hello girls, fancy seeing you here.”

Sunset and Twilight both nearly jumped at the friendly voice, having been far too engrossed in the ongoing conversation. Simultaneously they looked up to find their old High School Principal standing at the end of the booth, giving them a warm smile.

"Uh, hey Principal Celestia, what are you doing here?" Sunset asked, slightly dumbfounded.

"Oh, I live nearby and thought I'd stop in for a bite to eat, but I didn't expect to find two of my favorite former students here! And please, you can call me Celestia now, I'm not your Principal anymore." she said with an exaggerated wink.

"It's nice to see you, did you uh, want to join us?" Twilight asked awkwardly, noticing the woman was just sort of standing there expectantly.

Sunset shot Twilight a bemused look and received a subtle shrug as an answer.

"Why I'd love to! It'd be nice to catch up with you both." Celestia said happily, almost immediately moving to sit next to Sunset, but stopping short as she noticed the table setting and purse occupying the space. After a moment she turned and sat down next to Twilight instead.

"So what have you two been.." Celestia began to ask, only to be cut off as someone slid into the seat she had been eyeing.

Adagio reclaimed her seat, a curious look on her face as she appraised the new addition to the table. "Hello Principal Celestia, I didn't expect to see you here."

"Nor I, Ms. Dazzle, I didn't think this was the sort of company you tended to keep." Celestia responded in a clipped tone.

Twilight and Sunset both cringed slightly as they immediately noticed just how much less cheery the school administrator sounded.

"I've been...branching out." Adagio said coolly, giving Celestia a critical look.

"I'm sure." Celestia drawled, before turning to the other two, her warm tone returning as if someone had flipped a switch. "So what are you both planning now that you've graduated, I never got the chance to ask."

"Well, I'll be starting at Canterlot Institute of Technology in the fall." Twilight said with a glimmer of excitement in her eye. "I can't wait, they have the nicest lab facilities I've ever seen!"

"Good for you Twilight, I'm sure you'll do great there." Celestia said with an encouraging smile, genuinely proud of the girl. It was only so often a CHS graduate made it into a school like CIT. "And what about you Sunset?"

Sunset squirmed uncomfortably at the question, a slight frown on her face. “I, uh, i’m looking at maybe going to the Community College...”

“Really?” Celestia mused, trying to keep herself from looking disappointed. Sunset had been almost as gifted a student as Twilight, and it seemed odd for a girl with near perfect grades to be headed to a Community College.

Sensing her confusion, Sunset figured she could at least divulge a little of her and Twilight’s scheme. “Oh y’know, save some money by doing two years there then transferring to a four year school,” she explained, before looking a little downcast, “...provided I get accepeted...i’ve been having some issues with the paperwork.”

“Ah I see, well that makes more sense.” Celestia admitted, perking up and even giving Sunset a sly smile. “Maybe I could help you with that, I have a lot of connections that could help to...smooth things over.”

Suddenly Sunset jolted in her seat, sitting up straight stiffly as her face again started to redden, which Adagio noticed immediately, as for once she wasn’t the cause of such a reaction from her roommate.

“Perhaps we could discuss it over dinner sometime?” Celestia suggested airily, though her smile seemed to have gone from sly to almost predatory, another detail that sent alarms off in Adagio’s mind.

Noticing neither of the two were paying attention to her, Adagio leaned to the side to look under the table, and immediately had to stifle a gasp of surprise as she watched a long pale leg slowly rub up and down against Sunset’s.

”That hussy!” Adagio thought to herself without a hint of irony, her eyes narrowing as she sat back up and scooted closer to Sunset.

“Y’know Sunset I’ve been thinking on that very problem myself lately.” Adagio interjected, again leaning in to speak directly into Sunset’s ear as she slid a hand onto her thigh. “I’m sure I could help you in a few ways, you’ve seen how...persuasive...I can be.”

“I...uh...” Sunset murmured, feeling like she was stuck in a particularly foggy sauna.

Twilight just looked around the table with a puzzled expression, sure she was missing something.

Celestia favored Adagio with a scathing glare before reaching into a pocket and producing a business card, which she pressed into Sunset’s hand, making sure to hold it there for a little longer than necessary. “My cell is on the back, feel free to get in touch at any time.” she told her, offering another wink, though this one was far less casual.

As all this swirled in Sunset’s mind, it was all made infinitely worse by a hand that kept squeezing her thigh and a leg that kept sliding higher and higher, while her heart felt like it was going to shoot from her chest like a cannon. Finally one coherent thought made it through all the fog. Have to escape! Calmly, she placed the business card in her pocket, then extracted a few folded bills from the same pocket, and placed them on the table.

“IjustrememberedTwilightandIhavetodoathing,enjoylunchonmeyoutwo,okaygreattoseeyoubyyyyyyyyyyyyyye.” Came one unending stream of words from her mouth as she leapt out the opposite side of the booth, grabbing Twilight’s wrist and hoisting her along behind as she sprinted out the door and down the street.

"Rats..." Celestia grumbled, looking slightly downcast.

Adagio huffed and crossed her arms, favoring the woman with an annoyed leer. "Y'know I always assumed the rumors about you were exaggerated, but apparently I gave you too much credit."

Celestia rolled her eyes before looking at Adagio like she was a particularly unpleasant variety of insect. "Listen you little bitch, I have been waiting too long for that girl to come of age and graduate to let you come along and sink your claws into her at the last minute." she hissed through gritted teeth.

"...Gross, and that's hardly any way to speak to one of your former students." Adagio replied calmly, examining the nails of one hand casually.

"You dropped out, in case you forgot, I can treat you however I like." Celestia growled.

"Hmm, well then, as Sunset's roommate," Adagio grinned with satisfaction as she watched Celestia's eyes widen in surprise over that little revelation. "I'll have to let her know that I don't approve of having elderly sluts skulk around the apartment. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to return to my room." Adagio stood and threw the Principal a wink of her own, "...which is about five feet away from where our precious Sunset sleeps. Enjoy your free lunch, alone." and with that she strode off from the table and out the door.

For a moment Celestia looked like she was going to explode into a rage, but instead she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Well, I suppose it could have been worse, she did take the card after all." she said to herself with a hopeful sigh. Her musings were interrupted when the waitress came by and laid an assortment of tasty looking drinks on the table in front of her. "Oooooh, I'll certainly have to find a way to thank Sunset for this..." she said to herself brightly as she unwrapped a plastic straw.


Rarity was, well, bored really, as she stooped over the counter next to the register, sipping a rapidly cooling coffee and trying not to fall asleep standing up.

This problem was rendered moot as someone violently kicked in her front door, eliciting a shriek of confused terror as a red and gold blur dove into one of the dressing rooms of the small dress shop.

"RARITY YOU HAVE TO HIDE ME!" Came a panicked shout from said dressing room, and Rarity's distress began to subside as she recognized the voice of one of her best friends.

"Sunset? Dear, is that you?"

"It's her." Came another familiar voice between exhausted gasps for air.

Rarity turned to find Twilight Sparkle standing by the front door, doubled over and breathing heavily.

"Um, well hello girls, what, uh, brings you in today..." Rarity asked hesitantly, not really sure what to make of the bizarre spectacle occuring in her little shop.

"I'd like to know that too." Twilight grumbled, seeming to have recovered a bit as she stood back up and walked over to Rarity. "One minute we were having lunch with Adagio, and the next I'm being dragged for nearly 10 blocks."

Rarity arched a brow at that. "Adagio? As in brainwashed the school and nearly killed us Adagio?"

"That's the one, unless you girls have been attacked by multiple magical Adagios before I met you all." Twilight confirmed with a nod. "She's Sunset's new roommate."

"I'm sorry, what now?" Rarity gaped, before holding an open palm before her. "Wait, sorry darling, getting off topic, I'm sure I can get that story later, do go on, you were having lunch?"

Twilight shook her head briefly, having a bit of trouble following the conversation herself. "Right, we were just sitting down to eat, when Principal Celestia came by and joined us, and things seemed fine enough, even if there was some tension between Adagio and the Principal, when Sunset grabbed me out of nowhere and sprinted out of the restaurant, and now we're here."

"She was playing footsy!" Came a shellshocked shout from behind the dressing room curtain.

Rarity and Twilight gave each other a bemused look. "Sunset, I'm afraid you'll have to elaborate." Rarity prodded.

Sunset poked her head out of the curtain, giving them both a thousand yard stare. "Principal Celestia, she was playing footsy with me under the table almost immediately after she sat down, she just kept rubbing my leg, why didn't I wear pants today!?" she explained, looking nearly hysterical. "And then, Adagio started squeezing my thigh, and it was all too much, and now I need to hide, forever! Rarity I'm sorry but I'm gonna need this dressing room, forever!" With that, she dove back behind the curtain.

"Hmmmm." Rarity hummed, tapping a finger to her chin. "I should have seen this coming, really." she admitted with a small sigh.

"Seen what coming?" Twilight asked, genuinely curious as she pushed aside the revelation that her High School Prinicipal was apparently trying to seduce her best friend.

"Well, Sunset has always been rather upfront with her leanings since she broke up with Flash," Rarity mused, "and now that she's out of High School, in a town as progressive as Canterlot, you could say she's 'the belle of the ball', as it were." At that, Rarity's gaze turned distant as she adopted a wistful expression. "How very romantic, a city full of suitors and it's up to her to find true love among the clamoring masses!"

"Sounds more like an arena death match to me..." Twilight muttered, for once feeling relieved that she was a socially awkward shut-in.

"You guys have to help me!" Sunset wailed, sticking her head back out of her hiding place. "My roommate is a sex crazed deviant who treats me like a spider treats a fly, and my best shot at getting into College might be doing sexual favors for my MILFy former Principal!" She looked even more overwhelmed as she heard the words leaving her own mouth.

Rarity rolled her eyes. "As far as I know, Ms. Celestia has never been a mother, but you are in fact admitting you'd like to 'F' her, correct?"


"And what about Adagio?"

"...Also yes."

"I really don't see the problem here darling."