//------------------------------//
// Chapter 20 
// Story: Heart of Loyalty 
// by PonyAmorous 
//------------------------------//

Twilight didn't know how long she sat at the bottom of that dry creek bed as she tried to put together the pieces of her fragmented psyche. It could have been seconds, minutes, or hours as she struggled to wrangle emotions into some semblance of order, or at least get them to form a line for processing. It wasn't until she heard a familiar voice that she made any progress.

"Twilight?! Twilight, if you're out here somewhere, answer me! You better not be dead!"

The sound of Dash's voice cut through the storm in Twilight's skull, forming a mental focal point to rally her thoughts around. Familiar priorities reestablished themselves. The chaotic winds stilled as she took a breath and opened her eyes, herself once more.

"Twilight?!"

"I'm over here!" Twilight called out as she stood up and climbed out of the dusty creek bed.

Rainbow Dash crossed the distance to her side in an instant.

"There you are! I was starting to freak out. Started getting flashbacks to the last time I was teleported alone to the middle of nowhere. That day didn't exactly end well for me."

"Sorry about that. I got...sidetracked."

"What the hay does 'sidetracked' mean?"

"Just Discord...being Discord. I'd rather not talk about it at the moment. Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Me? I'm fine. You're the one who...is actually looking a lot better than when I last saw you a few minutes ago. At least it looks like most of your blood is on the inside now."

"Yeah, has to do with the sidetracking, and the less said about it the better."

"Whatever. As long as you're not about to keel over and force me to carry you, because I don't actually have any clue where we are."

Twilight closed her eyes and focused on recalling their position immediately prior to teleporting, and the panicked vector she had set.

"Can you show me where you arrived? I think I can work out our bearings from there."

Rainbow Dash led her a short distance to a long furrow carved into the ground. The result of her having been teleported to ground level mid-flight. Twilight winced apologetically.

"Yikes. Sorry about that."

Rainbow Dash merely shrugged. "Meh, I've had rougher landings."

"Well, at least it gives a clear sense of direction. It should be..." she raised an authoritative hoof, "...that way to camp".

"Great. Hop on and let's get back quick. I'm starving from all the excitement."

"Actually..."

"What?"

"Celestia might be searching the area, and until we know whether or not she found the campsite—"

"We need to stay below the tree tops or we'll be spotted immediately."

"Right. Same for teleporting or any significant magic use on my part. She'd detect that instantly."

Rainbow Dash let out a pained groan "We're going to have to walk, aren't we?"

"Afraid so."

"And it's a long walk, isn't it?"

"Kinda, yeah."

She gave one last sigh of resignation and turned to start on the path, Twilight following close beside her. "Fine. But somepony better make me some dinner as soon as we get back."

Twilight gave a quick snort. "As if anypony would allow the alternative of you cooking. I was already burned, shocked, blasted, choked, and generally beaten within an inch of my life today. I don't need to add being poisoned."

"Oh, like you're such a great cook yourself."

"Better than you at least."

"That's a low bar and you know it. I'm just saying there's a reason we let Spike do most of the cooking for us."

"I'm not the one who started that fire."

"Hey! It's not my fault that your tree is so much more flammable than clouds!"

"But the resulting explosion and fire from trying to light the gas stove with a storm cloud because, and I quote, 'it's cooler' certainly was."

"Come on! You make explosions all the time!"

"On purpose, and only in the properly designated section of the lab devoted to advanced stress testing and calorimetry."

"You mean the Explodatorium?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "That's not its name, no matter how many times you and Spike keep trying to make it a thing."

"I seem to recall there being a vote on the issue."

"You can't vote to change the name of part of my house to something that isn't even a word."

"You say that, but...I mean, we kinda did. So...clearly we can.

Lacking a convenient pillow to throw at Dash's head, Twilight instead opted to to give the annoying pegasus beside her a playful hip check. She braced for the retaliatory bump that soon followed. From there, the situation quickly escalated to tail whippings, and Twilight soon found herself laughing and yelping as she was buffeted about the head by a pair of wings.

"Ah! Alright! Stop! Stop!" The onslaught of feathers diminished. "You are so lucky I have to avoid using magic right now."

"Bah, like you even need it anymore."

"What?"

"I wasn't sure how to bring it up, but...you're looking a bit ripped for a bookworm."

Twilight looked herself over. "Really?"

"Yeah. Don't get me wrong, you've still got some of that signature librarian cush in the tush, but those swinging hips have a lot more force behind them." She briefly rubbed at a sore spot on her flank. "Also a lot less squishy on impact. I can tell there's some muscle under there."

Twilight was still transfixed by her own haunches. "Uh, thanks? I guess a few months of running, fighting, and living in the woods will do that." 

She turned her attention back to Dash, who was still nursing a sore spot. For the first time, she noticed that Dash's breathing was still just slightly heavier than normal. Was she still winded from that bit of roughhousing? Then it clicked into place. Of course! While she had been getting into the best shape of her life, Dash had spent that entire time confined to a bed, letting her muscles atrophy. No wonder she disliked the idea of walking. It wasn't just slower, it was probably a grueling ordeal for her legs. And here she was, battering her around like some oversized dog trying to play with a baby chick.

Her apology was cut off by Dash seeming to read her mind (probably through the look of dawning horror and guilt on her face).

"Hey, don't worry about it. I'm fine."

"But—"

"No, seriously. I'm fine. You're not gonna break me. I think you're forgetting just how awesomely fit I started out before this. You'd need to drop me in a coma for a lot longer than that before there was any real damage done. Gimme a week or two at most and I'll be back to winning Iron Pony competitions with ease."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. I did manage to fight my way out of that bunker you know. It left me about the third most sore I've ever been, and it felt like my legs were gonna fall off the next morning, but I still did it."

Twilight nodded. They continued in silence a few more minutes before she spoke up again.

"So, what was it like?"

"Hmm?" Rainbow Dash responded, drawn out of whatever daydream or deep thought she had been lost in.

" Your time in that bunker. And the escape and all that. I rambled on all about what I'd been doing, but...what about you? "

A frown crossed Dash's face. "It sucked."

Twilight paused, waiting to see if Dash would continue. The pause stretched on. "Umm...if you don't want to talk about it, that's—"

"When I first woke up and thought I was abducted by some insane conspiracy, I brained a doctor with an EKG machine, smashed through an observation room, and made it a good distance into the hall before being swarmed by guards. The next time I woke up, I was strapped to a table, and stayed there until the day I escaped using the handle of a spoon I snagged when nopony was looking. The princesses came in that first day and gave me some mad story about you casting a spell on me and my needing 'treatment'. That my loving you was an affliction that needed to be removed."

Twilight winced. "And how did you take that?"

"I told them to take their story and shove it so far up their plots that it shot out their horns." 

Twilight failed to suppress a gasp. 

"They just gave me those infuriating pitying looks. Like I was just some dog at the vet, barking up a storm in frightened confusion, and unable to understand actions taken for my own good. After that, I worked on being the most difficult patient possible. I was actually proud when they had to sedate me each night to bathe me and change sheets, because I'd bite and kick anypony I could. Day to day, it was mostly scans and test, nothing more invasive than the occasional blood work really. That is, until the end, obviously. Most of the time I was just bored out of my skull, with nothing to do but fantasize about kicking in the lead doctor's face, and wonder what crazy conspiracy had wrapped up all these ponies, and why breaking up our relationship was so important to their schemes. Eventually I loosened the bolts on the restraints with a stolen spoon, tore free during a power outage (which I guess was you), dispensed some beatings, blew the door with some anesthesia, took out the pony in charge, and bailed through the convenient giant hole in the roof. You know the rest from there."

"I'm...sorry you had to go through all that." Twilight replied with her eyes cast down at her hooves.

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "The funny thing is...I know now that they weren't making all that up. They were just trying to help. But even so...I still feel like....fuck 'em. I still want to repeatedly introduce my hooves to the faces of those doctors. I still want to burn that entire place to the ground. That condescending and pitying look the princesses gave me still makes my blood boil. The fact that their bullshit story turned out to be true just makes me angrier. Like I don't want to give any of them the satisfaction of proving right their claims of 'you'll thank us later'. Logically, I know that I should probably be directing this anger toward you."

Twilight flinched, ears lowered.

"But...you're not the one who kept me confined. You never insisted that I wasn't capable of making decisions for myself, or that I didn't even know the thoughts in my own head. You never gave me that pitying look, or else stared right through me like I was just some object not even worth considering listening to.  I guess you did do a bit of brain surgery, which, you know, isn't great, but that incident didn't come with vivid memories of trying to scream 'STOP' and being ignored."

Twilight, having no idea what one was supposed to say to something like that, decided not to say anything at all. Rainbow Dash gave an aggravated sigh and stared at the ground.

"I don't know, maybe this is all just me being stubborn. Like I'm so pissed that they were actually kinda right about the spell thing, that I'm trying to reverse things out of spite or something. Crap, that makes me sound like a petty foal throwing a tantrum. Look, all I know is that...that last time the world made sense was when we were together. That's the last time I felt free. Like control of my life was actually in my own hooves. Sure, it turns out I had some feelings that may not have been entirely my choice to have, but I don't think anypony has ever 'chosen' to have a feeling about something, and what I actually did with it was still up to me. And now. Now I actually do get to choose how to feel, and it's not a hard choice at all. In fact, it's so easy that it makes me wonder if it even counts as a real choice."

Twilight found herself studying the ground as heat rose to her cheeks. "When did you become all verbose and introspective?"

"I guess you've just been a corrupting influence on me. There is in fact a brain underneath all these stunning good looks, and it does occasionally handle more than flying and staring at your flanks, as fun as both those activities are."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "You know, for a pony who supposedly has a complete emotional dead zone around me, you certainly do seem to be quite the flirt."

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Basically a force of habit by this point. Like muscle memory I guess? I don't get the same...buzz out of it that I remember, but it's easy to just fall back into familiar patterns. Like flying. Even if it feels off and weird, my wings will still move without me even really thinking about it."

"So  what you're basically saying is, you could flirt and banter in your sleep?"

"Pssht! I always could. When you're this naturally suave and charming? It's just a good thing I don't sleepwalk, or I'd wake up covered in ponies."

Twilight gave a well practiced nod and eye roll before responding in a flat tone. "Truly, I am in awe. Your licentiousness stands as a beacon for all ponykind, topped only by your boundless humility."

"Bah! You know you love it."

"I never said I didn't" Twilight replied with a chuckle.

A few minutes passed in silence before Twilight voiced a question that had been sitting on her mind.

"So, when you attacked Celestia in that fight back there, was that also...?"

"Habit? Reflex? Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I can easily come up with some reasonable justifications. I want you to recast this spell, and you being captured puts a bit of a damper on that. Not to mention she'd probably want to send me back for some more medical tests and monitoring. They're perfectly valid reasons, but they weren't what was on my mind at the time. I saw you in trouble and just took action without stopping to think about it. Maybe it's just muscle memory from all those monsters we've fought together and with the rest of the girls, and I've just got your back in a fight by reflex. Maybe I've just needed to hit something for a while, and she was in sight when the adrenaline kicked in.  Maybe I'm just an impulsive, overly loyal idiot who will become best friends with a bunch of ponies that I've only known a day, and will attack royalty for somepony because I've been traveling with them for two."

"Well, whatever the reason, I appreciate it."

"Eh, not like I really accomplished much."

"No, I mean it. Any second I could get to think without being knocked around or desperately dodging was a blessing. Even if it was just a momentary distraction, it could have been the difference between taking another solid hit in the beginning that could have changed the entire outcome."

"I suppose so," Rainbow Dash replied, looking a bit more reassured. "I didn't have a great view, but judging by the sounds and the height of some of the dust clouds, it must have been pretty intense. And by the end you looked like somepony had thrown you down a mountain side. Twice."

"It certainly felt like that, only with a side of being lit on fire."

"Yeesh. So, how in the hay did you manage it anyway? Also, what was with that sonic boom and trail of fire? You trying to upstage me as the fastest thing alive?"

"Oh, you know, just warping the fabric of time with an untested spell made up on the spot. No big deal."

"Naturally."

"The thing is...it still would have been all over for me if not for..."

"What?"

"Well, things were looking pretty bad when...a pie came out of nowhere and hit Celestia right in the face?"

"Whoa, seriously?"

"Yeah. And the really crazy part is I'm pretty sure Fluttershy is the one who threw it."

Rainbow Dash, sparing her legs a bit by hovering a few feet off the ground now that the overhead brush had thinned a little, faltered and nearly fell to the ground.

"What?!"

"I know, it—"

Twilight's response was cut short by the sound of a familiar voice up ahead.

"Consarnit! We're as lost as an apple seed in a grain silo!"

Before Twilight could open her mouth, Rainbow Dash had already shot forward.

"Applejack! Hey Applejack, over here!"

"Dash?"

A section of brush parted to reveal the farm pony carrying a bulging pair of saddlebags bearing Twilight's cutie mark, followed closely by a sullen and red eyed Fluttershy. Applejack's eyes swelled with a mixture of surprise and relief.

"Dash!  Glad to see you're okay. Thing got a bit crazy back there and I didn't know if—" she faltered as she noticed the unicorn beside her. "Twilight?!"

"Hey there."

"How...? Last I saw of you, you looked three hooves in the grave, staring down the business end of a half-ton of divine wrath."

Twilight shrugged and grinned. "Just slippery I guess?"

"And all those injuries? You spontaneously invent a whole new type of healing magic or something?"

"Or something," Twilight replied eager to steer the conversation away from her 'sidetracking'. "What are you doing out here anyway? No offense, but I know you're not exactly an avid supporter of this little mission of ours, and I would have thought you might..."

"Go join Celestia, head back to civilization, and leave you to face your comeuppance for your criminal ways? Well, the thought did cross my mind, but then certain...complications arose."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning somepony temporarily took leave of their senses and did something jaw droppingly stupid, requiring me to step in and save them from the consequences of their own astounding idiocy." Behind her, Fluttershy attempted to shrink into a ball and hide behind her mane.  "Sweet and kind, and kinda brave and heroic in a sorta way, but...so damn foolish."

Applejack ground a hoof into her forehead as she let out an exasperated sigh.

"I swear, your damn foolishness is contagious Twilight. You've gone and infected Dash and Fluttershy. And here I am tagging along with you bunch of fools, so I guess I caught it now too. Anyway, I booked it back to camp, tore it down in record time and stuffed it all into these magic bags of yours. Then Fluttershy vanished for a while but won't tell me what that was all about. Then we got good and lost and ran into you."

Rainbow Dash cut in with clear impatience. "Great! The team's back together!" She quickly turned to Twilight. "Does this mean we can make camp and eat now?!"

Twilight took a break from pointedly avoiding eye contact with Fluttershy to respond.

"Yeah, there should be a good spot not far from here." She levitated her saddlebags off of Applejack's back and returned them to her own, moving up to the front while Fluttershy wordlessly slid to the back.  The two ponies in the center struck up a conversation regarding what should be on the menu that evening as the first rays of sunset spilled over the horizon.


***


"So you've noticed it too, right?" Rainbow Dash's question broke over the crackling of the campfire, jolting Applejack from her staring contest with the embers.

"What's that sugarcube?"

"You know, them." She briefly pointed a hoof to Fluttershy and Twilight. The former was washing the dishes in the nearby stream, having refused any help with surprising assertiveness. The latter had retreated to the far side of the tent, donning a headset and scanning the local frequencies for any guard chatter. All evening, the two had been avoiding each other with as much subtlety as one of Pinkie's party cannons. 

"Yeah." Applejack replied with a weary sigh. "I noticed."

"So what do you think is up with them?"

"Beats me. I haven't been able to get a word out of Fluttershy since her little vanishing act. One minute she disappears into thin air off my back, the next I find her crying in the woods, and ever since she's been clammed up like a seafood buffet."

"When Twilight teleported us away, I couldn't find her for a couple minutes. She mentioned something about Discord being Discord and now she just changes the subject if I try to bring it up. I don't wanna pry, but..."

"But you're worried."

"Yeah. Does that sound weird? I mean, a few days ago I went on about how I didn't feel anything for her at all, even though I wanted to."

"You've always had a good heart Dash, and you've always worn it right on your fetlock. I'm sure Fluttershy would tell you the same thing. Once you decide somepony is worth your attention, you don't waste any time. It's straight from stranger to best friend who has their back in a fight against the world."

Rainbow Dash frowned  "That makes me sound like an easily manipulated, hot headed idiot."

"Your words, not mine. Me and most other ponies I know actually consider it kinda endearing. Anyway I'll go try and talk to Fluttershy. You keep trying with Twilight." With a stretch and a satisfying pop, Applejack stood up from the fire and made her way through the surrounding darkness. 

Rainbow Dash gave a brief glance to the tent, then back to the fire. She picked up a stick and gave the coals a vigorous prodding, tossing it in when she finally decided that further procrastination was not likely to bless her with inspiration. She made her way to the far side of the tent where Twilight was tinkering with her headset while muttering a series of profanities under her breath.

"Any good tunes?"

Twilight removed the headset and casually tossed it aside. "Nothing. Either we're still far out of range and my calculations are off—"

"In which case Tartarus just hit a sudden cold snap."

"—or they've finally caught on to the fact that I might be tapping their communications and have taken some kind of countermeasures. Probably found my little gift back in the bunker and swept every relay station in Equestria from top to bottom looking for more. Not a whole lot I can do about it way out here at any rate."

"That sucks." Rainbow Dash offered sympathetically. 

"Yeah, but it had a good run. So what's up Dash? You need something? "

"Just wondering how you're doing over here."

"Me? Fine. Totally fine. Everything's fine. We're back on course, making good time, and have good cover from here to Ponyville. Everything's good."

"Uhh, great."

"Yeah."

"Soo...no problems then?"

"Nope."

"Cause it kinda seems like there's something going on with you and Fluttershy." She could see Twilight's body stiffen instantly.

"What?! No. Wh-Why would you say—?"

"Because the two of you have been acting like a couple of foals at their first school dance. Because you've been super evasive about where you were for those couple minutes when you disappeared and I was actually really worried. And because I heard from Applejack that Fluttershy also vanished about the same time and hasn't said a word since."

Twilight turned away, suddenly very interested in her hoof.

"It–It's not important."

"Oh come on Twilight! Of course it is! Now just tell me."

"I...I can't! I just can't okay!" She bit down on her lip as she struggled and failed to meet Dash's gaze.

"TWILIGHT!"

Jumping at the unexpected shout, Twilight caught sight of the fierce expression in Dash's eyes.

"Twilight." Dash repeated at a more controlled volume. "I know you're upset, but consider for a second that the events of recent months have left me with zero fucking tolerance for the keeping of secrets. In particular, secrets kept by you and from me. Now, I really want to move forward, but for this revived relationship thing to work out, the first, second, and third rule has got to be no more secrets. I don't care if it's embarrassing. I don't care if you think it's for my own good. No more secrets. No more hiding anything. Now. Tell. Me. What. Is. Wrong."


Twilight stiffened her back, clamped down on the growing nausea in her stomach, and attempted to force out the appropriate words.  "I...I...what you have to understand is..."

"Twilight!"

"I cheated on you!"

"Umm...what?" Dash's prior irritation gave way completely to dumbfounded confusion.

"Okay, so not like in the literal physical sense or anything, but emotionally! Which is way worse!"

Rainbow Dash sighed, massaging the space between her eyes with a hoof. "Twilight, I know you think that counts as some kind of sensible explanation, but you 're going to have to break that down for me a bit more. Now, what exactly happened?"

Twilight paused to take several deep breaths. When it seemed like the danger of her heart bursting out of her chest had subsided, she continued. "In the middle of our teleport I got...summoned by Discord. He healed me and then went on about needing help with a birthday gift for Fluttershy. And then...boop." She tapped a hoof against her horn. "Suddenly I'm in love with Fluttershy."

"Okay...that's...pretty messed up."

"Yeah. Of course, I could tell something was wrong because none of my memories made sense anymore. I could tell there was supposed to be somepony else, even if I couldn't remember who they were, and I fought it. It was hard and it hurt, but I fought it with everything I had. It was like trying to stay awake while lying down on the comfiest bed in the world after staying up for 3 days straight, but I kept fighting it."

Twilight's breathing began to quicken once again as she started pacing back and forth.

"Fluttershy appeared at some point. Most of my attention was focused on stopping myself from throwing myself at her, and trying to work through the distorted memories. Then...then my memory gets kinda hazy. I just know that when I woke up again there was no more conflict. All my memories were back in order the way they should be. I knew who I was with a sense of inner clarity I hadn't felt in a long time, and I knew without a doubt who I loved.  But..."

"But...?" Dash echoed.

Tears welled up in the corners of Twilight's eyes.

"It was Fluttershy! And it's not like my love for you was suppressed or overridden, it was just gone. And I knew what had happened. I knew that I had been altered. I just didn't care. I could perfectly recall that minutes prior I had been in the fight of my life, beaten and singed and exhausted, but pushing on because holding onto you was all that mattered, then suddenly...utter indifference. Not even worth thinking about. And I wasn't bothered by it at all. And I wasn't bothered by the fact that I wasn't bothered by it. All that mattered was finding some way to get Fluttershy to take me back. I wanted that so badly. I just..." She cringed, turning away from Dash. "I'm sorry."

"For what? Twilight, why are you acting like this is somehow your fault?"

"Because it is! Don't you get it? I was ME then. As me as I am now. I didn't just feel that way, I wanted to feel that way. I didn't care about you anymore and I liked it. I always told myself I'd fight for you no matter what, but when my feelings for you were gone I was relieved to be rid of them! I couldn't wait to start a new life with Fluttershy and forget all about you!"

"Twilight, that's not your fault!"

"I should have done something. I should have fought it."

"You did!"

"And then I stopped. I gave up on you!."

"Your brain was rewritten by an omnipotent chaos deity! What is anypony supposed to do in that situation?"

"I'm not supposed to be just anypony! I'm supposed to be more!"

Taken aback by the outburst, Rainbow Dash's mouth hung open in silence.  Twilight's hooves snapped up to cover her own mouth while a tinge of mortified shame crept across her face.

"Twilight..."

"I...I didn't mean it like...I know that sounds horribly self-absorbed, but I just mean..."

Rainbow Dash held up a hoof to stop her. "I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Twilight, I know you're crazy talented. I know you know it. I know very important ponies have been telling you how special you are since you were a tiny filly. Then add the quite frankly ridiculous amount of times the fate of the world has fallen onto our shoulders. Yeah, I know that was on all of us, but, you're kinda the defacto leader of our little group. Even if you wouldn't call yourself as such, that's definitely how the public sees you. Add in being personally groomed by Celestia as an apprentice on top of all that heroism and ponies start to look at you like...like you're some kind of demi-god or something, and even the most humble pony in the world is gonna start thinking they have to live up to that."

"But you never...you never looked at me like that."

"Are you kidding? There have been plenty of times I was super-intimidated by you. But then I'd just remember how terrible you are at cooking, or times you've walked right into a door frame because your nose was buried in a book, or that I know exactly how ticklish you are and where, and that reminds me that you're a mortal pony like the rest of us. And that's the thing Twilight. You ARE mortal. No matter how smart and talented, you're made of the same flesh and bone as the rest of us. No special immunity. A big enough rock dropped on you will squash you flat as anpony else. A spear through your heart is just as bad for you as it is for the rest of us. No matter how brilliant that brain in your head is, a large enough force to the casing will drop you as effectively as it will the stupidest pony in Equestria. And that's what makes you so brave when you charge into danger. So awesome when you decide to take on the princesses and all of Equestria just to come find me. It wouldn't be nearly so inspiring if you were invulnerable. So when it comes to reality warping chaos magic, something I'm not even certain the princesses themselves would be immune to, don't go expecting to shrug it off any easier than the rest of us."

Twilight opened her mouth, then closed it. She opened it once again to deliver a long winded rebuttal, and closed it once again as the words disintegrated on her tongue. Her impersonation of a fish pulled ashore continued for a good twenty seconds before she finally found the words.

"That...that actually does make me feel a little bit better somehow."

Rainbow Dash gave a snort of pride. "Of course it does, I'm Rainbow Dash, expert head shrinker."

"That has got to be the most ironic title I have ever heard," Twilight remarked with a small laugh. "But it's still not that simple."

"Of course it is."

"But...If I felt like me then just as much as I feel like me now, how do I know which one is the real me? The one that loves you or the one who's glad not to love you?"

"The one that's here now."

"But how do you decide that?!"

"Because the other one doesn't exist anymore."

"But–I...that's it? It's just that simple?"

"Yeah."

"But aren't you trying to...you know...change yourself back to a previous state?"

"Yeah, because I want to.  Do you want to go back to how you were then?"

"....No."

"Well there you go. And since alternate you didn't seem to feel any obligation to go back to being current you and seemed perfectly happy to let current you go on not existing, I wouldn't say you owe that bitch anything."

Twilight eventually managed to retrieve her jaw from the ground. "I...I can't for the life of me tell if you're some kind of master philosopher or just an idiot too thickheaded to even understand the problem."

"Pfft! Is there a difference? My initial impression of philosophers was that they're a bunch of ponies killing time by asking dumb questions then ignoring any answers so they can keep re-asking the same questions in slightly different and equally dumb ways. Your book recommendations, at least the parts I could make it through before my eyes glazed over, didn't do much to change that opinion besides making me think some of them had a vendetta against trees, and that Foucolt is actually just a form of torture."

"And that actually does not clear it up in the slightest." Twilight gave a quiet laugh followed by a deep sigh before leaning backwards and sprawling out on the grass. She stared up at the night sky and gave another exhausted sigh. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I am just overthinking all this."

"You definitely are," Rainbow Dash replied, staring down over her.

"I just don't know how to stop."

"How about this?" Rainbow Dash flopped down on the grass beside her. "Why don't you tell me about the stars." 

"The stars? What about them?"

"Everything."

"I must have told you nearly everything there is to know about them by this point."

Rainbow Dash grinned. That lovely mischievous grin that never failed to melt Twilight's heart.

"Let's say I forgot." 

Twilight smiled back and started into her lecture.



***


Applejack approached the stream where Fluttershy was preoccupied staring into the slow moving water, pile of cleaned cookware by her side. She sat beside the pensive pegasus and shared a few minutes of silence.

"So..."

"So..?"

"Something on your mind?"

Fluttershy continued to stare at the water, offering no reply.

"Looking for sage in a stream?"

"Hmph." Fluttershy suppressed an amused laugh. "Sounds like a pretty poor place to look, doesn't it?" 

"I've heard of worse. We could always go find a cloud."

Fluttershy deflated with a sigh, falling forward until her belly was flat on the grass. "You're not going to let this go are you?"

"You know I don't like being nosy, but I'm worried about ya. Dash is too. It's clear there's something under your skin, and while you don't hafta share it, I really think you'd feel better if you did.  But I ain't gonna force ya. If you really want me to screw off and mind my own damn business I will. If you'd rather tell Rainbow Dash, or Twilight, or nopony at all, that's your business." Applejack politely ignored the visible flinch Fluttershy gave at the mention of Twilight's name. After another minute of silence, Applejack moved to stand up, but paused as a faint word escaped from Fluttershy's throat.

"I..."

Applejack resumed her previous position.

"I..." Fluttershy repeated, lapsing into silence as she struggled to find the words.

"I think...something inside me...is dying."

Applejack said nothing, letting Fluttershy continue.

"Changing? Not the same as it was before. It's...scary. Discord, he...tried to do something nice for me. Something terrible but well meaning, because he still doesn't know any better, you know? Doesn't quite understand right from wrong the way ponies do."

Applejack silently nodded.

"He...made Twilight love me. Rewrote her mind so that she was head over hooves in love with me and willing, no, desperate to run off with me and make up for lost time. And he didn't explicitly mention it, but I knew the offer came with additional protection. Protection from any consequences. From the princesses or anypony else. Everything I ever wanted. And I said no."

Applejack repressed the urge to speak. Fluttershy clearly wasn't done yet.

"And it was so hard. I knew it was the right decision, but...ponies talk about feeling right and wrong in your heart, but it was exactly the opposite this time. Taking the offer felt right. I could have jumped right in and probably never regretted it. It was only mentally, intellectually that I still knew it was wrong. More a faint and irritating obligation to do the right thing, rather than let myself be happy. But that little voice in my head, that irritating little voice was fading so quickly. A little longer and it would have been gone, and I could see who I'd be on the other side of it. 

I saw my future laid on in front of me in a single instant. With no restraint and Discord at my beck and call, I could do anything. Me and Twilight would live happily ever after in a crystal castle. I could be the Princess of Kindness and make sure everypony in Equestria got along. All the meanies in Equestria could be made nice. Flim and Flam, Trixie, those bullies who used to tease me in flight camp, ponies who cut in line. Just a quick snap and they'd be reformed into kinder and gentler versions of themselves. And not out of any sense of retribution, no. There wouldn't be an ounce of malice. Just an earnest desire to make everypony happy and the power to do it. And me, with Twilight by my side, ruling over a land of eternal and mandatory happiness.

And in that moment I was terrified. Terrified that if I waited any longer, that would start to seem like a good idea. I told Discord to undo it all and send me back, which was when you found me."

Applejack stayed quiet, this time less out of restraint, and more out of having no idea what one was supposed to say to a story like that.

"What's worse is that it's not...it wasn't just over and done in that moment. There's still a part of me wondering if maybe I should have chosen differently. And I know that, even now, I could probably call up Discord, tell him I changed my mind, and still have all that. I have to keep making that choice every second, and while it's getting a bit easier with practice, it's still...hard. Draining."

Applejack finally found the words to speak. "And what you said before? About something changing in you?"

"That's the thing. It is getting easier with practice. But it's taking something else with it. Twilight was throwing herself at me and I rejected her. Right to her face. It was horrible and it...broke something? Knocked something loose? I look at her now and it doesn't feel the same. I wouldn't say I don't love her anymore, but...the flame definitely seems cooler. And every time I reject that offer in my head I turn her down again and it grows a little fainter. I guess that objectively that's probably a good thing in the long run, but it's...scary. Like an important part of me is fading away. Dying. Like without it, I'm less certain of who I am."

"You'll always be you Fluttershy. And trust me, that's a heck of a thing to be. There's a whole lot more to define you than just a broken heart."

A moment passed before she responded, filled only with the gentle trickle of the stream and the performance of an overzealous cricket in some distant vegetation.

"Thanks Applejack. Somehow that actually does make me feel better." 

"Glad to hear it. It ain't easy being this folksy and wise, I just make it look that way."

A smile cracked across Fluttershy's face, and for a moment one could be forgiven for thinking that dawn had come early. A demure giggle issued forth from it, growing in intensity to a chuckle and then a full blown laugh, incapable of being restrained by hooves pressed to her mouth in futility. Just as it seemed to be dying down, a single (and very non-demure) snort revived it to triple strength and brought Applejack crashing down with guffaws of her own.

Fluttershy wiped a tear from her eye with a wingtip as she finally managed to catch her breath. "That sounds so much like something Rainbow Dash would say," she remarked with a wistful sigh.  "I guess some parts of her really rubbed off on you, huh?"

The two stared at each other in silence for a solid ten seconds, as they struggled valiantly to retain their composure. To remind themselves that they were better than that. It was a struggle eventually lost as they both burst into shameful snickering.

"No. NO!" Applejack managed to choke out between laughs. "Landsakes! What are we, school colts?!"

"I know! We're terrible!" Her observation did nothing to halt the laughter continuing to tear its way free from deep inside her.

"The worst."  Applejack agreed, in no better shape.

As the duo recovered their breath for the second time, their tremors of laughter transformed into light shivers, the cold of the night so far from the fire slowly but steadily catching up with them. Neither had noticed the shrinking distance between them as their bodies automatically sought out the nearest source of warmth, nor how Fluttershy's wing had moved aside to make room, and was now half-stretched across Applejack's back.

"Applejack?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think...maybe we could...?"

"What?"

"Make some cobbler?"

"Heh. Sure. Grab one of them pans and go see what we got in the way of fruit."

Another smile bloomed on Fluttershy's face as she turned and made her way back to the warm glow of the campfire. Applejack lingered a while longer, fidgeting with her hat as she stared into the running water. An expression of careful thought spread over her face, as if scrutinizing an apple being considered for a premium batch of cider, or navigating a fork on a treacherous path. Eventually she rose and turned back toward the fire to help with the dessert, a faint and distant splash breaking the surface of the water behind her as a small amulet was carried away by the current.