//------------------------------// // Chapter 12: Pillow Talk // Story: Pandemic: What you are Meant to Be // by Halira //------------------------------// Considering she now had a stallion hit on her, and had a mare hit on her and only reacted to the mare with any sort of excitement Mattie was pretty confident she could put the question of her sexuality to rest, she was a lesbian, and she was happy with that. They hadn't gone back out on patrol, though Haley to her credit, had offered. It had been a slow night, and if humans were going to do anything they would have done it earlier, maybe it was the threat from the government of repercussions if they did, but it was nice. However, much as Haley didn't want her to sit and overthink things she had thoughts running through her head, ones that seemed to be pertinent. "So what are you going to do about John?" Mattie asked the midnight blue mare with the purple mane curled up next to her. "I thought that was obvious. I found somepony that will treat me with respect and I'm going to dump his sorry flank," Haley said as she laid her head down on Mattie's forelegs. "He's still going to be around and you're going to cross paths with him. I'm going to definitely cross paths with him since he's back at the church compound," Mattie explained, dreading running into the stallion and having to deal with the confrontation that would come when he heard Haley had dumped him for her. "Do we need to worry about this right now? I would rather just cuddle. I'm going to break you of all this overthinking things. Stuff is going to happen, it probably isn't going to be pleasant, and whether we worry about it or not it is still going to happen," Haley said as she snuggled her head closer. "You want to concern yourself about what to be afraid of? He might get violent, he might not, don't know. If he does there are two of us and one of him. If he just yells and screams and makes a scene, then he yelled and screamed and made a scene and that's that. You worry about how everypony else is not thinking straight due to fear, but don't apply the same things to yourself."  "So you're not stressing about it? This was your fiancée and I can't imagine you can just dump him as easy as that, not when you felt dependent on him for feeling secure for so long," Mattie asked, laying her head down on Haley's neck.  "It isn't that I'm not stressed about it, because I think I'm going to piss all over myself when it happens, and will likely be crying for a while after, but I don't want to worry about it right now if I know it is going to happen no matter what. He's going to try to make me feel guilty, because that is what he does, and it works most of the time. Just be with me when it's going on; if you're with me I don't think it will work. Please don't make me think about it too much otherwise I'll be freaking out about it. I'm doing a good job holding things together, and I don't want to start doubting myself," Haley said. "You seemed pretty confident when you walked up and kissed me. It really took me off guard," Mattie said with a smirk. "I've never done something like that before, but you're just so closed up. I wanted to get you to open up and felt I needed to do something crazy and bold. If you didn't end up liking mares I would have felt really stupid for doing that. I took a risk, it paid off, it felt awesome," Haley giggled. "I'm surprised that it worked too. I have a confession to make. I didn't really like you at all for a little while," Mattie said. Her body was tense as she worried about hurting Haley's feelings.  "Why?" Haley asked. Mattie could feel Haley tense up as well. "You were invading ponies dreams, making them not concerned about dangers. It's a part of being a night pony that I just don't feel okay with," Mattie explained.  "Invading dreams? You make it sound like I was trying to mind control ponies. We were just spreading the vision. We didn't tell ponies what to think. We didn't even make the vision, it came to us," Haley said as she pulled back and sat up. "You didn't make it?" Mattie said with confusion. "No, of course not. I have no idea how to do that. If somepony else knew how to do that they know way more than any night pony I know. I just took it as what it seemed to be, a vision, and spread it. Even after it changed," Haley said with mild offense. "It changed?" Mattie asked with confusion. "When? How?" "It changed right before Luna came knocking. It started including humans as part of the world to be helped in the vision. Most the ponies were already transformed all the way by the time it changed, but it did change. Did you really never learn about sharing the vision?" Haley asked with a tilt of her head. "No, I didn't learn. I kind of rejected it when it first came up," Mattie said as she sat and thought. "So it changed right before the cure happened?"  "Yeah, about then. Soon after Luna shows up and starts telling us to do stuff that would stop ETS from spreading further. At the time I was still kind of enraptured with the idea that everything was just going to be better once we were all ponies so I told her off," Haley said as she lowered her ears with shame. "Do you still feel we're better off as ponies or do you want to be human again?" Mattie asked. She wasn't sure how she would feel if Haley said she wanted to be human again. She wasn't sure that there would be any changing ponies back to humans, but now that they were stopping further transformations that seemed the next logical step. Mattie knew she had no real desire to be human again, she was definitely in the camp of you could take her wings over her cold dead body. That wasn't even taking into account she had no intention of having a male body again. "I still want to be a pony, but I'm not as sure the world as a whole is any better off as all ponies anymore. If it's going to still have the same cruddy people I'm not sure changing them to ponies makes much of a difference," Haley said while looking at her hooves. Then she looked up at Mattie. "I know with the whole gender thing you're likely not interested in being a human again, but what do you think about everypony else and the humans? Do you feel like ETS should have kept going?" "No," Mattie shook her head. "But not for the reasons you think. I think that the humans would have panicked and done something to destroy us all first. Plus there are just too many humans that are just not up to being ponies and forcing them to be was wrong. I do think we're all better off as ponies in the end, but not like that, not with so many scared and possibly lashing out as a result. Someday maybe, but that day isn't today, and won't be anytime soon. Plus the way so many were thinking right after transforming would have left society in the dark ages in no time at all. The Equestrians admire our achievements as humans, we shouldn't be quick to throw away the good things. Both ponies and humans need to find a way to live together and eventually we will transform the rest of the humans as they ask for it." "So you're one of those ones that say Sunset Shimmer was misguided but not completely wrong?" Haley asked with no accusation or suspicion. "Definitely misguided and definitely needed to be stopped. She should've made it our choice. She should have worked to make the world ready," Mattie said as she looked at her own hooves. "My mom is determined to start trying to do the things Sunset Shimmer should have done. I don't know how successful she will be, and I am not sure if it is good or not mixing religion into it like she is, but I think it shows we have hope of doing it right someday. All of that doesn't matter right now though. Right now I just want to be able to have ponies live in peace with the humans, the rest can come later." "Well, I think that is a nice sentiment. I'm not concerned with the big picture myself though. I just want to find what makes me happy," Haley said as she turned and gazed at her blank flank. "I wonder if I'll get one of those cutie marks. My big thing was ancient history. I don't think that is going to work as a pony." "Could be worse. Tonya seems to have gotten one that just makes her want to sleep around with everypony," Mattie snorted. "Really? What in the world does that kind of mark look like? Is just a silhouette of two ponies doing the deed?" Haley asked with bemusement. "It is that weird symbol for male and female sex classification," Mattie said running a hoof on the floor in imitation. "Are you sure that is what her mark means?" Haley said with a puzzled expression. "Um, she got it after having sex with somepony," Mattie said looking down at the ground, still not wanting to think about the fact her mother and Haley had done that. "Did she say that was what it meant?" Haley said, still clearly unwilling to accept that a pony's purpose in life could be sex. "Well, no, but it seems obvious," Mattie said with a shake of her wings. "Maybe you should ask her what she thinks it means. If I just had to go by looking at your cutie mark I'd assume the worst about you too. It might mean something very different to her. It's unfair to assume," Haley said and then ran a wing across the side of Mattie's face. "Maybe you're right, I'll ask. I might be asking soon too. It's almost sunrise," Mattie said as she looked outside at the light on the horizon. "Guess I'll have another day sleeping by myself then," Haley said with a pout. "You can come back with me. You'll have to deal with John along with me instead of putting it off though. I'm sure I'm not going to be having an easy time with him when I get back," Mattie said as she looked at her new marefriend. She was actually wondering if she was about to get into her first hooves on fight as a pony. John was bigger than her and she wasn't sure she would come out of it without breaking something.  Haley stared out the window for a long moment herself. She worked her muzzle like she was chewing and tasting words before she decided whether they were worth saying.  "Yeah, I'll come back with you. The longer I wait the more chance I have of second guessing myself and convincing myself that it was just one hit since we've been ponies, and that means it is alright. I need another pony to be with me to keep me from doing that to myself, so I need to be with you," Haley finally said. "It isn't a good thing for you to get dependent on me for that kind of thing," Mattie said with caution. "I know I'm using you as a psychological crutch right now, but right now I need a crutch. Maybe later I can stand on my own, but right now I need you," Haley said as she looked Mattie in her eyes. "Okay, just so we're clear on that. I'll be with you through this in the meantime," Mattie said as she gave Haley a nuzzle.