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// MMMystery on the Friendship Express 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
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Dear Princess Celestia, 

I do hope that you enjoyed the cake that was presented to you at the baked goods convention but one thing I did learn on the trip up here was that some of my acquaintances must not care if you punish them as they ate some of that cake was for you. 

I know you're probably wondering why the hell there were bites taken out of it and it had a moose head on it and was also part donut and eclair.  Well the bites came from some of my acquaintances being overwhelmed by ADHD girl's description of it and the moose head, donuts and eclairs were a result of sabotage on the parts of the other bakers.

I'm sure you're also wondering which of my acquaintances took bites out of your cake.  It was Rainbow, Rarity and Fluttershy.  I'm thinking I will let you handle Rainbow and Rarity but just let me handle Fluttershy.  I'll punish her by forcing her to let me initiate her.  After all, I would like more than just Aloe and Lotus as friends down in that Faust-forsaken place. 

Now since I was a good pony and showed I care about you, despite me being really hungry last night, I did not take a bite out of the cake.  Now if that isn't a sufficient reason to allow me to come home, I don't know what is.  After all, not stealing one's mentor's cake is much more important than friendship, right?

Hoping You'll Let Me Come Home, 

Twilight Sparkle 





Dear Princess Celestia, 

We are so sorry that we took bites out of your cake.  We will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, including making you an even better cake.  

Hoping You Won't Punish Us, 

Fluttershy, Rarity and Rainbow Dash 





Dear Princess Celestia, 

I am sorry that I fell asleep while guarding the cake last night but hey, at least you got to have some of it, right?

Your Loyal Subject, 

Pinkie Pie





Dear Twilight, 

Look, you can't come home!  I don't know how many times I have to tell you this but you have not done anything worthy of me releasing you from your banishment.  Also, I seriously do not want to deprive your acquaintances of having to put up with you.  They, along with that whole damn town, are unworthy of being freed from your presence.

The only thing that would free you from having to put up with them is your death, and if I have my way, that won't happen for quite some time.  Who knows, maybe some freak accident will cause you to live so long you'll drive everypony around you to suicide, which you would then be punished for severely.

I will admit though, I am glad that you didn't eat any of my cake but still, it will take more than that for me to release you from your punishment. 

Not Letting You Come Home, 

Princess Celestia 

P.S.  You can't even get Fluttershy to put out willingly and you honestly think that forcing yourself on her will make her want to be your friend?  Look, she simply doesn't find you attractive so get over it.  Besides, I have my own punishment in plan for her and your other acquaintances, one that will make them far more useful.





To Twilight's Hungry Acquaintances, 

For eating some of MY cake, I have no choice but to punish you.  I have decided that all of you will join some disobedient little brats during the off-season in cleaning the castle from top to bottom every day for six months straight.  I will warn you that Luna will be overseeing your work and she has extremely high standards when it comes to job performance.  

Long story short, if you don't want to wind up on the sun, you better do a good job. 

Sincerely, 

Princess Celestia 





To Pinkie Pie, 

First you ate my cupcake when I brought Philomena down to Ponyville and now you ate almost my entire cake.  What a little bitch you truly are.  I have decided that for this, an off-season in Tartarus should suffice.  

Angry You Ate My Cake, 

Princess Celestia 

P.S.  In your desire to eat MY cake, you ate the blue ribbon too.  If it kills you, I won't give a shit.  I'll find some other mental defect to curse upon Twilight, your pathetic friends and that miserable place you come from.